So I got a new desk. I didn’t mean to. It was supposed to be for my husband. I do most of my furniture shopping on Facebook Marketplace and flea markets. I’d found a white desk just like it a few months ago, but it was three hours away. So when I found this one an hour away, it was the wrong color for my beach office. But I thought it would be perfect for my pastor husband. He’s had several desks and there’s never enough surface to lay all his books out like he does when he works on a sermon. I showed it to him. He was game, but not as excited about it as I was. So I said, well if you don’t like it, I’ll take it. Once we saw it, he didn’t think the actual desk part had enough leg room and that he’d feel boxed in. But it was wood.
This is my old desk. I’ve always loved it, so beachy and pretty. But there was very little storage. As a result, my
desk and every surface in my office stayed cluttered. Receipts, bills, writing notes, life notes, and calendars had nowhere to land. Something had to be done. So the desk became mine and I think it will change my life. The way it was, my desk was on one side of the room and all my other stuff on the other. My printer would work for a month on wireless just fine, then lose its brain and refuse my commands, until I reinstalled it. Again. To use my Cricut, I had to move my laptop over and connect directly to it. With the new desk, I have storage, a file drawer, places to put my printer, my Cricut, and laptop. All on one wall, all directly connected. It’s still wood instead of white, but I think there’s enough beachy everywhere else to suffice.
The desk came right on time too. Last July, I took on partial ownership of a publishing company, along with the tasks of acquisitions and content editor. At first, I was overwhelmed. Eventually, I hit my stride, figured out a schedule, and enjoyed the ride. I kept up, even got ahead. Until. I. Couldn’t. In November, I had surgery to remove half my 
thyroid due to a nodule. It was cancer. But it was stage one and they got it all. Along with my energy. Since then I’ve struggled with having any oomph. Sometimes, I don’t want to do anything. Ever. In February, I went for a check-up and my doctor put me on thyroid medicine. He said it could take up to a month for it to kick in. In the meantime, I’ve had ocular migraines, where there’s no pain, but my vision blurs for twenty minutes or so. Not conducive to editing. Or writing. A symptom of the meds, so my doctor is adjusting things. It’s been five weeks and I’m still lethargic.
In the last few months, I’ve struggled to keep up with my editing workload and writing has
been a myth. I talked about it with my husband and my mom and God, not necessarily in that order. After lots of prayer, I decided I’d have to cut my workload. It was a tough decision. I didn’t want to let my friend/business partner down or dump everything on her. I didn’t want our friendship to suffer. Our authors had been sold the year before and I didn’t want to disconcert them again. But I couldn’t keep going like I was. I came up with a plan for me to keep part of my duties and to give her three months’ notice on everything else. And not to tell her until May, when I planned to be good and ahead on my work.
But God had another plan. During a typical phone conversation with my friend/business partner, we discussed a few things, agreed, and then out of the blue, she asked. “Do you want out?” I got 
teary-eyed. “Since you asked, I do.” For the next thirty minutes, we came up with a plan. I’ll still be acquisitions, which I love. Though I hate dashing hopeful writers’ dreams with rejections, I love making writers’ dreams come true with The Call. I also love doing the content edit on Contemporary Romance and Women’s Fiction, so I’ll continue with those genres. Since I don’t read Historicals, Romantic Suspense, or Mysteries, they tend to stress me out during the content edit. I’m so afraid I’ll miss something. And I have, but thankfully my business partner caught my oopses.
Overnight, I went from twenty-something books to edit for the year to six. And by the next day, my friend had other editors in place to handle the genres I won’t be editing. Our publishing schedule is intact with no delays and our friendship is intact as well. As if God orchestrated the whole thing. And with perfect timing, since I’m in the process of getting a new agent and need to whip some proposals of my own into shape. Now I have time and my new, organized desk will help with inspiration, since clutter messes with my OCD. My husband says the new desk looks like I finally grew up. He still needs a new desk, but my nonwriting friend took my old one, so I’ll still get to visit it. And my muse, Charcoal the 14 year old tom cat still has plenty of places to nap.
Have you ever made a tough decision, where you worried about letting others down? Tell us about it for a chance to win a print copy of my latest, A Texas Bond. Deadline: April 7th, 11:59 pm central time.
Award winning author, Shannon Taylor Vannatter writes contemporary Christian cowboy romance and has over a dozen published titles. A romance reader since her teens, she hopes to entertain Christian women and plant seeds in the non-believer’s heart as she demonstrates that love doesn’t conquer all—Jesus does. She gleans fodder for her fiction in rural Arkansas where she spent her teenage summers working the concession stand with her rodeo announcing dad and married a Texan who morphed into a pastor. In her spare time, she loves hanging out with her husband and son, flea marketing, and doing craft projects.
I appreciated that you shared your struggle. I think events of the past year have made it harder to deal with things that we would have taken in better stride otherwise. God is always in our future, and delights in answering our prayers before we even pray them. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to get used to your new normal.
Shannon I’m so sorry you have been struggling. Praise God you are doing better and congratulations on the lovely desk. I suggest using chalk paint if you decide to make it white. I also get ocular migraines and worry I will have one while driving as they come on so suddenly. Praying for you. Many blessings.
I made a tough decision last June to resign from a job I’d had for almost 18 years. It was no longer a place that brought joy to my life.
Aw, hugs!!!! So many trials and changes in a year that was already fraught with worldwide trauma. I’m glad you’ve found a place of peace, and I pray for you today, that Jehovah Rapha will give you health and strength.
That’s wonderful, I’m so glad it all worked out for you with your work! I too have problems with feeling like I’m letting people down, but I’m slowly learning that I don’t need to take on everything. That sometimes when I try to do everything I may actually be robbing others of things God maybe intended for them to do.
I made a sudden move a little over a year ago and despite family members not thinking it was not a good idea, I put it in God’s hands and it worked out wonderfully.
Thank you for sharing So glad everything worked out for you I am always struggling with letting others down I always ask the Lord to help me through this! Have a Blessed and wonderful Day Shannon!
I had thyroid cancer…know the feeling…it was and sometimes still is to find that balance in your hormones ;)
Praying for your full recovery!
Thanks Erin. I feel like a huge weight has lifted. Besides everything else, my parents are aging and I’m an only child, so I need to be able to drop everything if needed.
Thanks Lucy. The eye issue has stopped, thankfully. I think it was too much med, too soon. The wood is growing on me. So I may keep it. But yes, I love chalk paint.
I understand completley, Kelley. I hope you find something that you love. The last 9 to 5 job I had, I really enjoyed it. I left to be a stay at home mom and never regretted it. My only baby is 19 now.
Thanks Valerie. I’m slowly beginning to feel like myself again.
So true, Megan. One of the editors we found needed extra income. Everyone involved feels like God was involved and worked it all out for us.
I’m so glad, Jcp. God can work things out for us SO much better than we can.
I think it’s a female thing, Sarah. We always try to overdo and feel like we don’t do enough or we’re letting people down. Especially moms. You have a blessed day too.
I didn’t know how common it is in women, Natalya. My husband was invited to guest preach at another church not long ago. The wife of the pastor there had had thyroid cancer. She said, “What is it with Baptist pastor’s wives and thyroid cancer?” I felt blessed after talking to her. Her doctor knicked her vocal chord and she couldn’t talk. But with treatment, she’s find now. Sings like a bird. My singing voice is still off, but it’s not like I ever did solos or anything.
God took care of everything quickly and perfectly. As long as we can still meet from time to time for pie, all will be well. Love & hugs! :)
Definitely. We need pie. For everyone else, Linda is my friend/owner of Scrivenings Press.
Thank you for sharing your story. I volunteered teaching Catechism for over 25 yrs. and so at our church, so later on they suggested that parents teach their own children at home, I had no children at home, but I do have 2 grandchildren that live in our same town and so for the past 7 yrs I have been teaching only my 2 grandchildren Catechism, and they really love it. Our Church still has classes at the church for the ones that the parents don’t teach them, well when COVID came around everybody now has had to teach their own kiddos, and so I will just keep on teaching my grandchildren like I have been. I stopped teaching at the church because it was time for me to, and things weren’t going too well with the head lady that took care of the CCE, I did feel bad leaving all the kiddos behind. I finished off the year with my last class of students I had.
I guess change is always hard, Alicia. I HATE change. And giving up things at church is doubly hard because I aways feel like I’m letting God and people down. But every time I’ve had to step back, He’s put new people in place, so it all worked out.
Isn’t it amazing how God takes care of things before we even know we need it? Or at least before we’ve TOLD anyone we need it? I’m so glad you’re doing well. I haven’t had thyroid problems of any kind, but I’ve had ocular migraines. Once when I was driving home at night. I kept wondering why I was meeting so many motorcycles – until I turned my head and saw both headlights. OY. continuing to pray for you, my friend! (and don’t put my name in the drawing – I already have it!)
My last tough decision was whether to bring Mom home on hospice, and doing so was the absolute best decision I’ve ever made. It’s the decision Mom would have wanted me to make, as I always promised her she could be home when it was her time to go Home. My loss was definitely Heaven’s gain. I know I’ll be making tough decisions again, but none of them will be as clear to me as that one was, though it was the toughest I’ve done to this point. I like your new desk, especially compared to your old one! I love wood, and am looking for a solid wood bookcase. They’re hard to find!
God never ceases to amaze me. Oh wow, Regina. That would be bad to have blurred vision while driving. Aww, thanks for buying my book.
Oh, that would be tough, Trudy. But it does sound like you made the best decision and you’re mom was blessed to have you.
Thanks, I like wood too and will probably leave it as is. It’s hard to think of painting real wood. We found some wood bookcases for the living room on Facebook Marketplace. You should check it out. Of course you have to go get them. But some vendors will deliver for an extra fee.
This last year was so tough. The first terrible thing I had to do was to say no when our daughter wanted to bring her family to spend time with us during the height of Covid. My husband’s health condition forced that decision, but wow was it hard! After that, putting on my big girl panties got easier. When retirement happened earlier than I anticipated, I jumped at the chance to be a full time author. Hugs to you and your superstar business partner.
I’m ready for a normal world again, Jenny. My husband’s stepmom was set to vist last year when Covid hit. She didn’t. But she’s coming next month. We can’t wait. It’s been 3 years since we’ve seen her.
I am in that place right now. My Mom has been ill since Wednesday before Thanksgiving. She has been hospitalized twice. She has been in a rehab/assisted living facility otherwise. The insurance will stop or has stopped paying for her services. I have had to apply for Medicaid for her. In the process, we have had to plan/pay for her funeral. I am making decisions about the house we have all lived in for the last 8-10 years. She has lived in the house for 56 years. I am so afraid that the decisions that I am making will let her down. I have spent a lot of time in prayer asking the Lord to help me make the right decisions. It is a rough road.
Sometimes, you just have to say no, figure out the priorities, and then it all falls into place.
That’s so hard, Debra. Watching your loved one decline is never easy. I’m sure if you’re consulting God, you’re making the right decisions. And I know your mom appreciates you.
So true, Denise. I’m really glad I didn’t have to completely quit. I really believe in what we’re doing since we publish Christian or clean fiction.
Sorry you had a tough decision to make. I’ve had to make a tough one when I was 17 years old & decided to get brain surgery for my epilepsy. I then ended up fine without seizures for 5 years but was working & had a grand mal & ended up having to decide if I was better off staying home with my kids due to stress with a new boss who changed everything on how we were working. I now after 12 years on a lot of medicine seem to be only having little ones like auras but I like being home now.
I am glad it has worked out. It would be hard to edit a genre you are not fond of. I know when I have had to read a book and review in a genre I don’t really like I struggle. I didn’t request it very often but sometimes books are not categorized right. Happens more with Women’s fiction where the author makes it sound like a romance or a book labeled as Christian fiction but riddled with swearing (ok that one I stopped after the first couple of chapters and told the host of the tour I just couldn’t read it). You need to enjoy what you are reading or editoring.
I have had to make hard choices especially having constant head and migraine pain had to cut back on some cleaning work and at first I felt so guilty till one of the Ladies said if you need to go early do that health is more important that pushing it and suffering for several days after. I always felt guilty as I know this lady needed the help and I felt I was letting her down.
I am glad they removed all of the cancer and hope you have many years ahead being able to be joyful, despite the circumstances (I know how tough they can be and the relief afterwards) and continuing to graciously share that joy with others. I admire your courage and willingness to share and to lead by example.
I was told it’s due to the stress levels … all the worrying and compassion. The wives of the ministers have a lot of that. I start singing in worship group after surgery – blessings in disguise!
Oh my, Amy. Brain surgery wough be a tough decision. At least it got you relief for a while. Jobs, bosses, and coworkers can be so stressful. I’m glad you’re doing better.
I edited a romantic suspense with spies and a complicated plot. It was a really good book but I was so afraid I’d miss something. I told my business partner it was like watching Mission Impossible without my husband to explain it to me. Since she reads that type of book, she read it first to make sure there weren’t any plot holes. There weren’t.
Migraines are awful. I think having to quit something for health reasons is just difficult. It makes me feel wimpy.
I’m glad you shared this. I had a partial thyroidectomy 36 years ago and still remember the struggle to resume the simplest activities of daily living. No cancer, but the recovery was slow and hard. I can’t say it was a tough decision. Like you, the choice was made for me. The tough part was in admitting to myself that I couldn’t do and have it all. Letting my family and friends see me struggle was tough for me. Now, I can see how that circumstance helped make me a better caregiver, at home, in my career as a nurse and even as a friend. “Leaning on Jesus,” like the old song says, is one thing, but with people? Yep, that’s tough..
Thanks Dianne. I’m very grateful it turned out the way it did, with surgery and no further treatment. I definitely dodged a bullet.
It makes me feel good to know other people recovered fully, Rita. That means I’ll get there eventually.
Yes, I had to make the tough choice a couple of years ago to cut out almost all of my author review/launch teams. Like you, I took on too much and while it worked for a good long time, it got to the point where I was no longer feeling like reading & reviewing was fun anymore. I had promised myself if I ever got to the point where it felt more like a chore than a joy, it was time to give it up. It took much prayer on my part to know when to do it because I hated to let them down. I had to write several authors to let them know I needed to step away from their review groups. I really felt bad & like I was disappointing them big time….I hated that feeling! But I had to do it for me & for my great love of reading just for the pure pleasure of reading.
I still review books, but on MY time frame and I take on only what I realistically feel I can. I read more for pleasure anymore and it’s been a huge relief and great weight lifted off my shoulders.. Plus, looking back on it, it gave another reader an opportunity to take my spot on a team :-)
I’ve found that sometimes the tough decisions are blessings in disguise!
I totally understand that, Trixie. I haven’t read for pure enjoyment in a year. I’m looking forward to diving into my tbr pile. I’m glad you’re enjoying reading again and managed to find a balance. I’m certain the authors understood. We don’t want exhausted readers not enjoying books.
Thanks we all have our issues to deal with. I would love some free time without pain but wishing for something doesn’t really help you need to learn to deal with it.
Shannon, my book was the last that you edited and now that I read this, I will say I had absolutely no idea all you were dealing with during your content edit. You certainly didn’t let on at all and you still did a good edit that I know was challenging. Not because it was historical, but because I wrote a good chunk of the book with “covid brain.” Not that I had the nasty virus but was suffering under lockdown syndrome. I think we both came through it well despite our frailties.🥰
Thanks Pam. I had thyroid brain. It took me longer than usual, but I got er done. And it was a fun book.
Hi Shannon, I’m so sorry to hear about your health struggles. I’m glad they caught the cancer early, and that you could negotiate a win-win with your business partner. I’ve also struggled with migraines and the blurry vision, and empathise with your frustrations and not being unable to read. Hugs and prayers, take care. xo
Thanks Narelle. I guess the medication adjustment worked. I haven’t had any more blurred vision. At least the migraines were pain free which I didn’t even know was a thing. I’ve had real migraines. Ugh. I hope yours are under control.
I’m glad the meds are helping you. I’ve found having regular massages has made the biggest difference. The Covid lockdown this time last year was horrendous because I couldn’t have the massages. My massage therapist can do things with my feet and head/shoulders/neck that will get rid of migraine pain and clear the blurry vision and brain fog. The last six months have been mostly migraine-free, and I’m able to think more clearly and creatively and I’ve started writing again. I didn’t write any fiction for a couple of years when my migraines were frequent and debilitating.