I was playing Bookworm the other day on my phone. It’s a game where you have to make words out of connected tiles with letters on them. Sometimes burning tiles come up and you have to get rid of them before they burn their way down to the bottom of the screen. It’s a fun game and I tell myself that it’s good for my brain. I’ve gotten up to 6 million points once before my ‘library’ burned up. And then I had to start over again. As I was playing it for the umpteenth time, after the umpteenth time my library burned up I was struck by a thought. No matter how high I went with my score, no matter how amazing my words were, I would never finish this game. The end result of this game will always be me losing. There is no finish line.
And then I thought that was the way with most of the computer games out there. You seldom play a game you win. You can get a high score and try to beat your own high score but that’s all you end up with. There’s no satisfaction. No sense of completion. You just keep playing and playing and getting pulled in.
I suppose that’s part of the mind-set behind computer games. Pulling us into a place where we forget time and keep trying to do better. Keep trying to do more but never coming to the end.
I know life is like that. Jobs that never really have an end. I’m thinking of laundry here! Or washing the floor of a house with toddlers living in it. But yet there are always those few moments where you can look back and feel a sense of satisfaction. This job is done.
And that’s where I am starting to see the dark side of independent publishing. I write for Harlequin Love Inspired as well and when I send the final edits to my editor I’m done. Finished. I can add nothing more or take anything more away.
But my indie books. Well, that’s another story.
I got some feedback on the covers my niece made for me. So now I’m going to follow through on that which means some small changes which means uploading the new covers to the various sales sites.
I am currently plotting out a fourth book in my Holmes Crossing series. I have a character in that book that I am thinking I could easily slip into the first book. And I’ve been mightily tempted to revisit the first book and change a scene in it so I can do precisely that. I know the people who bought the previous book will miss out but at the same time how much more satisfying wouldn’t it be if I could add this character. Create a stronger tie-in from the first book to the fourth. And because I can easily do it (I format and upload my books myself thanks to the magic of an awesome computer program called Vellum) I start thinking about how this could work. Which scene could I add her to? How could I slip her in?
So the book writing in the indie world is never done. I know I have to resist the urge but it’s still there because it’s my book, I am the publisher as well as the author and I have the power.
A bit scary in a way. The endless fiddling I can do. Even with my published books I never feel as if it is as good as it could have been. I never feel as if it’s done but with e-books the option to change the story is always there. I have the option to make it better (I think). To do more. To add some more layers. Some more depth. But I know that somewhere along the line I have to stop. I have to accept that it will never be complete and move on to the next story.
But the other reality is that even as I write The End on the story of my characters, their story is never really finished either. I am just bringing my characters to a certain place in their story where I have to quit. In the fiction world I have created for them they will move on to get married, have children or not, have other problems, fight and hopefully make up. But my job in their story is done.
Our lives are also a story that never really ends. And while that can be scary it’s also comforting. That even as we breathe our last breath, our story will carry on.
And it will be a lot more satisfying than any computer game or any story that we can write.
Carolyne Aarsen, originally a city girl, was transplanted to the country when she married her dear husband Richard. While raising four children, foster children, and various animals Carolyne’s résumé gained some unique entries. Growing a garden, sewing blue jeans, baking, pickling and preserving. She learned how to handle cows, drive tractors, snow machines, ride a horse, and train a colt. Somewhere in all this she learned to write. Her first novel sold in 1997 and since then has sold almost fifty novels to three different publishers. Her stories show a love of open spaces, the fellowship of her Christian community and the gift God has given us in Christ.
I admire writers who self-publish, Carolyne. Good luck with the plotting of book four!
Those chores that never end get to me. When I finish something, I like to be done with it lol. Great post! Congratulations on self-publishing!
Now I have The Song That Never Ends on loop in my head. Thanks for that. ;)
I love that your writing brings the characters to a certain place and that their story is not finished. You are right, our stories never finish. :-) I pray that my life continues to show God’s love and glory even after I have left this earth and gone home to be with Him.
Thanks Jill. I was fortunate in that I had to wait a couple of hours for my daughter while she was getting her wisdom teeth pulled. No internet and no distractions. (no computer games, no Facebook) so I got a lot of plotting done then!
I like being done too! But I am also a bit of a perfectionist. So I have a hard time declaring a lot of things ‘done’.
…..and it goes on and on my friend.
I had to listen to that song on the way back from Bible camp. My kids sang it for about thirty miles.
Thanks so much. I was once challenged on how I could write happy ever after stories when so many married couples deal with such difficulties. I tried to explain that I have chosen to end the story at this point. For one thing, the book would never be over and for another, that’s usually where romance stories end. But I am realistic – I know my characters have many challenges ahead of them yet.
I also appreciate your comment on showing God’s glory – that our story will resonate even after we are gone.
Carolyne, your post is very thought-provoking. I used to play tetris endlessly years ago. I even learned how to play while I was walking on our treadmill, but I haven’t played it in a long time. And your thought about adding a character to a book. I’m thinking I could do that, too, because I want to tie my books together. Thanks for the great idea.
This is so true, Carolyne! I’m considering doing a new cover for one of my books, but I caught myself thinking I needed to do a quick edit to catch a few typos that slipped through. Argh! It never ends. :D
HAHA….sounds like the endless cycle of Facebook, how you can scroll through the posts & enter an abyss of sorts!! What is so addicting about it or computer games we play, I guess maybe the mindlessness of them, something we don’t have to really think about. I know I need to be more diligent in not getting so caught up in it, there are other things I SHOULD be doing :-)
Oh dear. I’ve enabled you! And yes. Tetris. That and Solitaire was the cause of my getting spasms in my neck and shoulder so bad I couldn’t write for a month. Learned my lesson!
Hey Sally, I am getting REALLY good at reformatting and uploading my books to all the different vendors. The first time I did it with fear and trembling. Now it’s a regular occurrence. Sort of! That’s one of the reasons I got Vellum – a very cool e-book formatting program. So I could do it all myself on the fly. And covers. Yes. I got my niece to do them which is also dangerous. I periodically send her e-mails asking for a change here and a change there… she still loves me. Though I’m thinking of changing the colour of the font……..
Hey Trixi – yes. Facebook. Another nemesis. I don’t know why the games are so addicting. I guess there’s always one more level. One more step. One more chance to do better. And, like you said, it’s mindless. That’s why I play Bookworm. I can fool myself into thinking I am exercising my brain as opposed to playing Bejewelled Blitz for example….. Anyhow, I have found shutting off the internet from time to time and not having ANY games on my desktop has helped me stay focussed.
I enjoyed reading your post!
You’ve given me a new mantra, Carolyne. Whenever I’m tempted to spend hours browsing Pinterest or playing games (both things I love to do), I’m going to remember your words and remind myself: These are activities I can’t win; these are things that don’t benefit me; stay focused on what counts. (Repeat as often as necessary)
Hey Jenny, glad my words helped you out. I have often to acknowledge the balance between taking some time to relax and yet realizing that when I’m done this ‘game’, I don’t have anything to show for it. Sometimes that’s okay, but often it can make me realize what a time suck they are. And yes, repeat as often as necessary. Thanks for stopping by!
Thanks Linda! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Carolyne, great post! I totally relate to your experiences with your indie books. The temptation to tweak is always there, and is very different to the frustration of seeing a typo in your traditionally published book when it’s too late to fix it .