It’s Finally Summer!
In the Northern Hemisphere, that is.
For me, this is a bittersweet summer. I’m happy that the school year is over, but I’m sad that this is our final school year with our son staying at home with us. After fifteen years of homeschooling, I have finally graduated out of high school to my new life of empty nesting.
Wait. What?
Not so fast!
Well, it’s true that sending our only child off to university means a lot of things, including providing the funds, finding scholarships, teaching the kid to drive (Uber has spoiled millennials), giving up on teaching him to pick up his clothes and doing his own laundry…
Wait. What again?
Parental fail?
Not so fast!
I want to say it’s a generational thing, but then, every family is different. I didn’t know how to boil water until I went to college and had to make my own cup of tea. To be honest, I myself was a late bloomer in the Life Skills 101 department. But I made up for it by being a superfast learner.
I remember that one Thanksgiving when I was a newlywed (long ago), trying to roast a turkey. Let’s just jump to the moment of great rejoicing when we decided to save my cooking career and go out to eat instead.
Fast forward two decades and a few years later, my Thanksgiving turkey is the talk of the family. Ahem. After years of perfecting the skill, I am happy to report (thank God!) that I now know how to brine and roast a 12-pound turkey to the point of deliciousness (according to my son, who has been known to give me a zero on a scale of one to five when he judged my cooking).
Cooking aside, I’ve always been a bit uncoordinated. I rolled off the skateboard when I was a kid. I walked into pillars and walls. I sprained my knee crossing flat ground. I am glad none of that clumsiness has rubbed off on my son so far (I am still praying).
All that is to say that when my son was young, a number of veteran moms were giving me advice that they had heard or had put into practice that had worked for THEIR own children.
You know, God made each child unique with his or her own DNA.
What applies to one child, one family, one circumstance, may not necessarily apply to someone else.
That is why I rarely dish out parental advice. I think the best thing I can do is pray for my friends who are mothers with young children. All joking and oddball stories aside, I can say that if not for the grace and mercy of God, I wouldn’t have survived motherhood.
Speaking for myself, the house lessons I’ve learned included these:
- Spend time in God’s Word. Keep His word in my heart all day long. I’m going to need it ever hour. Start the day in the Word, and finish the day in the Word. Commit everything to the Lord and He will bring His perfect will to pass.
- Choose my battles. Not every issue needs to be a fire to put out. I need to seek God’s guidance regarding what to let go.
- Watch my mommy mouth. When I’m tired, especially, it’s best not to say anything at all than to say something I will regret later, such as griping or complaining and not trusting God.
- Delegate. It’s easier to delegate at work when adult people have the right skill sets to back up their resumes. But at home, sometimes I find myself doing all the work because nobody else is doing it or seems qualified to get it done right. Aha. Therein is the warning. I’ll only burn out. Seriously, there’s no shame in delegating.
- Finish well. They say it’s easy to start well but very hard to finish well. At every milestone, I have to ask myself if I am making real progress toward my God-given goals. Am I balancing my being an author and mom, or is something out of order? Am I pressing on or am I pressed down?
Above all, rejoice in the Lord always!
“Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (I Thessalonians 5:16-18).
So here I am, at another milestone in my life.
My son graduated from high school in May, but his college orientation is in June, and school starts all over again (for him!) in August. In between, we’re going to spend some family time together, teach him to drive (late blooming runs in the family), and just take it easy (you know, maybe replace the carpet and redo the kitchen).
Or really do nothing.
Our family cat knows what a summer vacation looks like. He does it year round! Nap, nap, nap!
Hope you have a fun summer with your family. If you’re a mother with children still at home, I hope you can get some rest as well and take it easy.
Nap, nap, nap!
Happy summer!
In Christ,
Jan Thompson
John 3:16
USA Today bestselling novelist Jan Thompson writes clean and wholesome multiethnic contemporary Christian romance with elements of women’s fiction, Christian romantic suspense with an air of mystery, and inspirational international thrillers with threads of sweet Christian romance. Join Jan's mailing list for her latest book news: JanThompson.com/newsletter
Hi Jan, I hope you enjoy your summer holiday- and this time with your son before Uni starts!! Number 3 and 4 on your list- when I get tired, oi, I need to just keep my mouth closed!! Number 4- I have (just turned) 8 year old and nearly 10 year old sons. I got so tired of hearing “I don’t know how” that the boys now have household jobs that are their responsibility. They complain- but hopefully their future wives will be thankful!!
Blessings:)
Hi Jan! Delightful and relatable blog as a mother of three sons and Oma to two grandsons ages 12 & 10 and two preschool granddaughters. I teased my oldest grandson that it took me 50 years to complete school. I am a retired school teacher. My oldest son is 40 and I taught all three sons how to cook and do the laundry.
Since my sons were PKs and TKs (preacher and teacher kids) #2 was important. I gave more slack at home, because being polite in public was important. Parents of my students often were amazed when I said their kids were great in my classroom, especially when they had problems at home. Having older kids, I chuckled and asked them “where would you like them to act up – in public or at home?” I can also relate with #3. I never wanted to be my mom, who often called me unflattering names. So I would bite my tongue and count to ten before replying to my husband, sons, or others. On occasions when I was exhausted in the sandwich years as pastor’s wife, mother, grandmother, full time teacher and daughter/ caregiver; people would ask how I was. I replied I have a “bloody stub in my mouth” because I bit my tongue so much holding in frustration. (Not really but often felt like it). #4 was difficult, because often I spent more time explaining what to do to boys and so it is easier just to do it. My four year old granddaughter (my mini me) picks things up naturally. The other day she said, “Oma let me fold the towels, I do it at home. (Her older brothers resist doing the chore.) She said I folded them like her mom (different than the way I do). Point: at four she wanted to do the chore and she knows the difference between our two homes. Her father (my son) and brothers are clueless. That is why # 4 can be difficult for women living in male dominate households.
Also happy to finally have summer in the north country. Of course it came with a vengeance from 50 degrees to the high 90s. Yesterday we tied a record at 95. Love being able to get some sun. Thanks again for a fun blog. Best wishes and Happy Writing.
I totally agree with you about parental advice…whrn someone asks me for “words of wisdom” or new parent advice all I say is “Don’t blink” it goes by so fast! Treasure every moment, even the frustrating ones, because like that song says, you’re gonna miss those days!!
We are entering a new season of all our kids are grown. School is almost out so our house will be quieter in some ways since our 2 year old grand daughter won’t come every day. But then all the grandkids can visit more often which is fun.
University is fun too. You’ll get to know your sons friends.
Enjoy your empty nesting. Well done! I’ve been an off and on empty nester. Last summer my youngest came home and this summer I expect my oldest to be home.
Fun post! Thanks for sharing your life with us. Your five house lessons ring true here as well. My children attend public schools and I have another four years before my oldest heads to college and twelve more until my youngest heads out….trying to make most of every opportunity while they’re still all with us under the same roof.
Loved your blog post.
Hi Jan, I told my husband God prepares parents for an empty nest with the teenage years. I’ve always tried to avoid book deadlines during the summer because I wanted to spend my time with our son. Last year, he was gone a lot. This year, he’s driving with a summer job, and hardly ever home. Our time with him is winding down. So far, I’m just sad about it all. I hope by the time he’s officially really gone, I’ll have a plan like you.
We have four children, all grown. Some times they come back! It is hard to get some of them out on their own . But eventually those late bloomers do learn to drive! Our daughter didn’t get her license till two of her four kids were born. She drove herself to the hospital with #3 and #4 (Her husband beat her to the hospital with #4.)Grandkids are great! We have 8. As other have said : cherish the time you have before they fly! They will thank you later!
I just love this post. So much fun and real stories. Thanks for sharing.
For a new mom who’s not ready for empty nesting just yet (I still remember it quite well–and sometimes already miss it, but don’t tell anyone that 1y4m babies make you want a break from life on one second and are the joy of my day in the next), I’m just not ready to think high school (or maybe school at all, though I just visited a kindergarten today to plan for next year) and even less college.
That being said (all that and the parentheses too), thanks for reminding me to *pray without ceasing*. I needed to hear that this week.
Thank you, Wemble! Me too re: mouth! Sometimes I don’t even know what I said LOL when I am tired.
I totally wished I’d done the chore schedule like my other friends (moms) suggested. I know of families whose kids can cook meals and do the dishes at 5 or 6 years old. And one even loves to wear a pretty apron while she’s making salad for the family! It was cute when I saw it but then it was practice too!
Thank you for your comment!
Thank you, Renate! Oh yes re: “50 years to complete school.” I hear you! Right now it feels like I’m preparing to go to college. I’m just waiting for the “mom will you do my laundry” request coming up… Sigh.
Thank you for that re: #2. Sometimes we’re in public and I had to cringe at what the next generation says. But after I sit on it for a while, I have to let it go. I remember chatting with some other homeschool moms a while back, and one of them said that someone in church asked her daughter what she did in homeschool and she said something like, “We just watch TV all day!” LOL. (They used distance learning online classes that can stream on a TV or PC.)
re: #3. What a great idea to count to 10. For me, I have to literally leave the place of conversation bc I might accidentally respond, and there is no erase button once the words go out. It’s almost like Twitter LOL!
Wow that’s amazing for your granddaughter to be mature enough to differentiate the two locations re: whose house it is. I remember when my son was in middle school (or even in early high school), we had to remind him that grandma has her own house rules and we have our own house rules, and they’re not the same house. E.g. in our own house, we require that everyone puts things back where they came from so that the next person can find them. :-)
I’m still hoping summer won’t be too hot over here. We’re in the southern USA so the humidity is already rising! Often, in the summer, we pray for rain and they do water curfews. I hope we don’t have to do that this time because the grass would be so dry. They’re just now starting to be green…
Thank you again for your comments!
I hear you re: “don’t blink” — indeed. I blinked and 5, 10, 15 years went by. I found an old photo of my son with his grandfather. My son was about 2-3 years old, wearing a bomber jacket. I tried to remember that fun vacation we had with Grandpa, but the memories are a bit vague. I remember that it was fun. My father-in-law has since passed away from cancer, so the memories… I wish we had recorded it on video. But at that time, no one thought he would pass away so soon. In fact, I had expected that both grandfathers (my father and my husband’s dad) would attend my son’s high school graduation. But it wasn’t meant to be.
God is still good, as He is always!
Thank you again for your comments, Paula Marie! Appreciate it!
Thank you, Diana! We only have one child, so when he goes to college at the end of summer, we’re bona fide empty nesters LOL!
That’s nice that your house will be quieter. Mine will be the same. My son is the quiet one… :-)
Looking forward to university. They’ve invited the parents to attend the summer orientation, which is a treat. I thought it’s unusual, but the college really wants parents to be aware and in the know. I appreciate that. After all, we’re paying for it LOL!
Thank you again and have a wonderful summer!
Thank you, Kimberly!
I think it’s nice to have kids come home too. Otherwise the house is going to be too empty (for me, anyway)!
Have a wonderful summer!
Hello! Thank you so much! Yes, time flies. I still remember when we brought our son home from the hospital… It has been so long ago, but motherhood stays in our hearts our entire life, doesn’t it!
Have a great summer with your kids!
Thank you, Linda! That means a lot to me! Appreciate it!
What a great perspective, Shannon, re: preparation. That’s a great way to look at it. I’ve also seen that as my teenager started to mature and grow up (he’s even taller than his dad now), that things have changed. He’s not my “baby” anymore…
I’m actually sad too re: empty nesting. Although his college campus is only 2 hours from us, it’s a 4-hour round trip.
I hear you re: book deadlines! I took several months off in the winter/spring to deal with his impending graduation (now all done!), applying for scholarships, getting whatever it is we needed to get done. They were time consuming and I was, frankly, too worn out to write a single word when I had my mommy hat on!
Hope you have a wonderful summer and thank you for your comments!
Wow! You’re a veteran mom to have raise four grown kids. I used to think one child was totally a handful to begin with, and that the reason God had not given us more than one child was that I could not handle more than one. So to have raised four kids makes you a super mom!
Yes, I’m glad to know that it’s OK not to have a learner’s permit at 15 years old. Whew. We sure missed that deadline. LOL!
Have a wonderful summer, and yes, I’m hoping to spend some time with my son (as a family) in a non-academic environment!
Thank you so much, Priscila! So appreciate your comments.
Glad you enjoyed hearing about my home life. Originally, I wasn’t going to share them at all. I’m not one to talk about stuff in my home on a public blog because I don’t know if I’ve learned anything. I’m still learning even now through my own failures. But God is always good. That much, I know. And if He has led me all the way, I should be thankful and share about what HE has done for us!
I do remember when my son was little and in preschool and kindergarten. Actually it was a unique situation we ended up in. I hadn’t planned on homeschooling my son since preschool. But when he was a toddler, he knew all his alphabet and could count to ten. So we tried to find a preschool that is more advanced than “play all day” since he already played all day at home. We could not find any “academic preschool.” He was ready for kindergarten at 4YO, but no kindergarten would take him. They wanted him to be 5YO. So we were like — oh well, we’ll just have to teach him ourselves. And so our adventure began that way. But it has been a year-by-year evaluation. Homeschooling is definitely not for everyone. I sacrificed 15 years of my career outside the home to stay at home with my son.
Yes, so important to “pray without ceasing.” I wouldn’t be smiling here today if the Lord hadn’t been merciful and gracious to us. By turning over everything to God, I have peace in Christ. When I don’t rely on God for my daily tasks, I have worries in my heart. And that in itself is a reminder to me that I have forgotten to pray!
Thank you again for your comments. Have fun with the joy of motherhood!