When we first joined our church, I jumped at the chance to participate in the class they offer to help you figure out where you’re best suited to serve. The class combines a spiritual gift inventory with an outline of the various ministries in the church and what specific needs are currently available. I’ve always enjoyed reading about and studying spiritual gifts, but it had been a while since I took an inventory. The results were about what I’d expected and I headed into the second part of the class (matching up with ministry opportunities) with a pretty solid idea of what I was looking for. And then, during the introduction the presentation, the pastor said something that made me blink. It wasn’t that I hadn’t heard it before, but that day, for whatever reason, the truth of it finally hit me. He said that regardless of your gifts, you needed to be prepared to exercise all the spiritual gifts when the opportunity arose.
What? Wasn’t the point of having my gifts identified at least partially to get me out of the things that made me uncomfortable? Those service opportunities that were so far outside my comfort zone that they might as well be in a different zip code?
The answer was no. Those without the gift of evangelism are still called to share Christ. Those without the gift of teaching may still find themselves in a position of instruction. And all of us are called to hospitality.
My heart sank. My mother has an amazing gift of hospitality. I grew up moving out of my bedroom to sleep on the floor in their room (or my sister’s room, or the basement) any time there was a traveling choir/youth group/missionary/etc. going through town who needed housing. As soon as I saw those needs in the bulletin, I would groan and start adding up the days that I’d spend helping clean, sleeping on the floor, changing sheets and towels, and making bag lunch after bag lunch. And sure enough, our house was always full. Inevitably at some point during that stay, Mom would ask me to play the piano for our guests and sing. And my little introverted soul would shrivel. I hated performing. Inevitably at some point, Mom would remind me of 1 Peter 4:9 and so, since it was the right thing to do, I did it. But maybe not quite without grumbling.
Even if it wasn’t out of town guests, our house was full with friends coming for dinner or over for tea. Some of my fondest memories as a young child are mixed with falling asleep listening to the rumble of daddy’s voice, mom’s laughter, clinking spoons on tea cups, and quiet conversation as whatever group of adults in the living room carried on after the kids had been sent to bed. But when I grew up, I knew that hospitality wasn’t going to be my thing. It worked for Mom, because it’s one of her gifts. But I did not have that gift.
And then I encountered God’s sense of humor. We’re leaders for our small group at church and in addition to teaching the Bible studies, it falls to us to encourage and foster community and connection in our group. Which means socializing. Now, my gift of administration can organize a party lickety split…but I can never find a volunteer to host. We have people volunteering to bring food and games and something for the kids to do, but open their home?
I get it. I do. You have to clean before they come, put on your best hostess smile while people are there, and then clean up again after they leave. Having people over when you lack that inherent joy in hosting is hard. It turns the prospect of a two or three hour pot luck with friends into an all day affair. It means you spend an hour scrubbing soda out of your carpet because someone wasn’t watching the three year old quite as carefully as they ought. It means dishes get dropped, and maybe broken. It means you can’t up and leave when your introverted person limit has been reached.
And yet we’re called to do it. Without grumbling.
In my February release, Operation Valentine, the heroine is so hesitant to partake in social interactions that she hasn’t bought a couch. There are some other reasons behind this lack of purchase, but getting out of hosting is definitely something she considers a perk. But she begins to realize that having social connections is worth the pain of getting out of her comfort zone.
This month has been full of hosting opportunities. I’ve dreaded them, staring down the anxiety that filled my chest as they grew nearer day by day. And yet now, looking at them from the other side, I’m glad I was willing to step up and say, “We can have it at our house.”
What about you? Do you enjoy hosting? Have there been times when you’ve stepped outside of your comfort zone and hosted anyway? How’d it go?
Elizabeth Maddrey is a semi-reformed computer geek and homeschooling mother of two who lives in the suburbs of Washington D.C. When she isn’t writing, Elizabeth is a voracious consumer of books. She loves to write about Christians who struggle through their lives, dealing with sin and receiving God’s grace on their way to their own romantic happily ever after.
Being the introvert that I am, I feel the same about entertaining, Elizabeth. Every now and than I’ll step outside my comfort zone. I too have similar memories of my parent’s hosting what they called “progressive dinners.”
I have been able to “luck out” in the hosting area. We live about 45 minutes away from our church, so I am never asked to be the host. However, if I were asked, I would most certainly do it even though I would be the one cleaning and tidying up for a week ahead. I would find myself worrying that my house won’t be perfect enough. I know better! People in our church are not like that at all, it’s just me! I have always been a perfectionist, and it’s something I am working on! :)
I can’t wait to read Operation Valentine! I already have it pre-ordered! I am sure it will be another great read!
Progressive dinners are fun! Of course on our area, the traffic from one place to the next would probably be prohibitive :)
I have finally gotten over worrying about my house. I clean and tidy til I’m happy and then…People can take me or leave me and my house. That’s up to them. I do have a set of friends who are judgey, but I know I’m never going to live in a showroom like they do, so…it’s all good.
Thanks for preordering Operation Valentine! I hope you love it :)
When I started playing the piano as a child, I decided I would never learn to play the organ because I didn’t want to have to play at church. You guessed it, many years later we moved to a church without a pianist or an organist. The Lord called me to serve. Then I wished I had learned when I had a teacher to instruct me. The congregation suffered through my learning and many mistakes.
Isn’t that always the way? :) but good for you for stepping out in obedience, even when it stretches you!
I enjoy having people to our house. For me the comfort zone issues come in the planning area, and the asking. Asking people over is scary. Once they’re there, everything is great. =)
My husband and I enjoy hosting, but, we haven’t hosted in a while. Two years ago, we moved to a small townhouse and there just isn’t much room. But, other family members are able to host and we all enjoy a wonderful time being together. My weekly Bible study groups often take turns bringing snacks to share. This is a nice way to help if you can’t host. :-)
“And then I encountered God’s sense of humor.” Oh, yes, He most certainly has one.
And my introverted self cheers your heroine for not having a sofa. We have a very small house, and it is bulging at the seams when our family is home. That’s nine people. Three of whom are preschoolers.
That doesn’t keep God’s sense of humor from showing, though. Last year my pastor asked me to cohost an Alpha group. At the church, so whew, I didn’t have to have people over. I cheerfully said no. But you guessed it. I did cohost, and was immensely blessed by the experience.
If I’d stuck to my ‘no,’ would the three lovely people who came to know Jesus in my group last year have done so? Probably, but I would have missed the huge blessing God had prepared for me to be part of their journey. And I’d have missed a key inspiration for the story I was currently writing, Plum Upside Down.
When God laughs, I try to pay attention.
Asking can definitely be intimidating!
Absolutely! Bringing food or a game is always good :) but I’d encourage you to have a small group of folks over even in a small townhouse – most people aren’t going to care about close quarters!
Yeah, a lot of my best growth experiences come from listening when God laughs. But it’s always good to pay attention! And your Alpha experience sounds a lot like why I head up Awana at our church. :)
I love this post! I cringed right along with you. Our church just did a series on the gifts. Yeah, hospitality is not one of my gifts! I found out it is a gift my son has lol. I can see that in him. Elizabeth, I laughed out loud at your heroine! She didn’t even buy a couch? I can so relate! No couch, no where to sit, please don’t stay long lol. I am going to have to read this book! Thanks for sharing! What did you find to be your spiritual gift?
I was shy and introverted as a child, but my folks were great at inviting people home from church for Sunday dinner. I actually didn’t mind that, because getting to know people one on one was a lot easier than in the crowd at church. I’ve tried to follow my mom’s example, but right now we live far enough away from our church that it’s easier to invite people out for a meal at a restaurant after church.
I’m the opposite of your heroine: last year, I bought a massive couch, one of those three-sided ones that fills a whole room. Three teenagers can comfortably sleep on it. Sure enough, because of that couch, I end up being the one who hosts a lot of gatherings. I’m that odd introvert who sort of enjoys planning and hosting a party, though, so it’s all good.
First off. I LOVE that your character didn’t buy a couch because she didn’t want house guests. That alone makes me want to read it. :)
To answer your question yes I enjoy hosting. Mostly because it’s the only way I will have a social life. I have so many allergies, it’s simply best and easiest for everyone to have people come to my house.
I’m not hospitable. I try though. After a few hours, my people patience has usually reached its limits, and I sort of shut down. I listen, but I don’t participate in the conversation much.
I’m also an anomaly–a woman who doesn’t like to talk much. I’m also an introvert surrounded by people ALL the time, so by the time guests come, I rarely have a word to spare. One of these days, I’ll learn to take an hour or something to be alone and then I’ll enjoy my guests more. :)
Sally – how cool for your son! :) mine are administration, discernment, teaching, and prophecy, in that order or strength.
I think inviting people out with you counts – you’re making an effort to be hospitable!
That’s awesome, Lee! I hope we become the house where the kids want to be when the boys are older. :)
Oh gosh, allergies are such a pain! Its good that you’re happy to have people over. My boys (including hubby) are all allergic to pet dander but can usually handle a couple of hours. Then they come home and I do the wash. :)
I feel you, Ginger. I don’t have quite as many people around all the time as you. But as a homeschooling introvert, it is hard to find a place away from the social interactions of daily life. :)
Hosting makes me uncomfortable too! I’m usually soft spoken unless I’m trying to be heard over the roar of my children. I’ve hosted a couple of small gatherings for girlfriends but that’s about the extent of it. I’d rather have one friend or family over at a time.
Smaller groups are absolutely more comfortable (or one set of friends at a time :) ) and I still think that counts as hospitality.
I remember our church progressive dinners, Lots of fun :) My favourite was the regressive dinner because we ate dessert first, lol.
I am not a “hosting” type person…..the thought of too many people wears me out. Even among my own set of church people, there comes a time when I feel drained & need to go home after fellowship time so I can re-group myself & feel normal again.
I do like serving people though & helping to set up or tear down after potluck or something like that. That’s a gift that comes naturally to me!
Trixi, that is much more my speed, too! But I’m learning to find some joy in hosting :)
I need to take your point of view on take it or leave it!! I like that idea! :)
What a great idea!
I am an introvert but many years ago I started direct selling for a cosmetics company that required me to socialize. That combined with a roommate that loved parties and to entertain, my get togethers became well known.
Needless to say when she left and I quit working for the cosmetic company, I reverted.