by: Staci Stallings
Many years ago I wrote an article for a blog called “Be Do Have.” It was about an insight I had recently had about life. In the article, I explained that most people in life get this backward. They believe that they need to have before they can do and they need to do before they can be.
So they think that getting something—say a new car will allow them to do the things they want to do, which in turn, will allow them to be happy. And too often, people get so trapped in this thinking that they will go into deep debt—financially, physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally—to get what they think is going to make them happy.
The problem is, it doesn’t work this way. If you are not happy and fulfilled, nothing out there is ever going to cause you to be that for very long. I have known people who work, work, work, work, work trying to have so they can be happy. Then, after many years, they realize they are still not happy. They might blame the job or the marriage or any one of countless external things for their unhappiness. But the reality is, they are unhappy because fundamentally, they are not at peace with themselves, God and others. Nothing outside themselves will ever fix this.
That’s the exact trap that so many of my characters find themselves in. Their solutions for it vary. One is pouring herself into a job that is grinding her down to a pulp. One is lost in a material world trying to buy herself out of the trap. One is super-bossy and is trying to get-to-the-top to assuage this underlying fear that comes with not being happy.
One of my characters caught in this trap, Rebecca Avery in A Work in Progress, has simply given up trying. At the outset of the book, she ruminates about the “beautiful people” as she calls them. To her, it’s simple. They are lucky and she is not. End of story.
Enter Eric Barnett who pretty much feels the same way about himself although he is one of the members of the “beautiful people” Rebecca is pining (and whining) about. However, Eric does not consider himself beautiful, smart, talented, or lucky. When he compares himself with the others in his group of friends (many of whom grew up together), he finds himself very much the ugly duckling of the bunch.
He is struggling in college, adrift in a sea of ambitious people who know what they want and how they are getting there. Then he meets Rebecca’s “beautiful people” roommate Holly, and he falls madly in love with her. Of course, Rebecca’s secret crush on Eric begins to crush Rebecca even further because he’s so crazy about Holly which confirms to Rebecca that if she could only be Holly, that would fix everything.
It might seem like a typical plot, but this story has one very important twist because woven into it is the be, do, have lesson. At first, both Rebecca and Eric try to have their way into being. He does everything he can to twist himself into knots to be the “right guy” for Holly because if he can have that relationship, then he will be happy.
What they eventually discover is that it is only in becoming who you were meant to be that you do the things that lead you there, and by doing so, you come to realize you have what you wanted all along—happiness, joy, and peace.
While only this book is called A Work in Progress, I think the reality of my books is that most if not all of them could have that title and it would fit. You see, I think we are all works in progress, and we are all learning every day the be, do, have lesson. We are either learning that we have to be to do and have. Or we are learning that having doesn’t lead to the being we thought it would.
One of my favorite bad reviews on A Work in Progress showed me how inside-out and upside-down we often get it. The review said something along the lines of, “Rebecca’s parents obviously have money. Why do they not get her contacts, teach her to use make-up, buy her some nicer clothes, and pay for a better degree. Then maybe she would have some confidence.”
Hmmm… Something tells me that reviewer missed the point.
Do you have a favorite character who was a real “work in progress” who had to learn that the joy and peace were an inside job rather than an outside thing to strive for? Tell us about them.
Read It Free!
Click here!
A stay-at-home mom with a husband, three kids and a writing addiction on the side, Staci Stallings has numerous titles for readers to choose from. Not content to stay in one genre and write it to death, Staci’s stories run the gamut from young adult to adult, from motivational and inspirational to full-out Christian and back again. Every title is a new adventure! That’s what keeps Staci writing and you reading. Although she lives in Amarillo, Texas and her main career right now is her family, Staci touches the lives of people across the globe with her various Internet and writing endeavors.
Very thoughtful post, thank you!
For me it is the underlying intention that creates our lives. A friend is working on a romance where the heroine has escaped from an addicted father and no mother. Her focus was to be self-sufficient and not be hurt again, so she immersed herself in her career and achieved brilliance in that but she felt empty. Hiding in oversized clothes, large glasses and not responding to people kept her safe from being hurt, but left her unfulfilled. When she met someone her vision of her life changed and to be the person in a happy, fulfilling relationship, what would that take, so she changed her mindset and hopefully will have a HEA.
Hi Staci! Insightful post and very true. As a retired teacher, pastor’s wife, mom and Oma it is difficult to watch those around us struggling with who they are as a person. A verse of scripture comes to mind: Philippians 4:11-13 New International Version (NIV) – I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. To be content regardless of the circumstances. Best wishes and thanks.
I agree wholeheartedly. When given everything it is never appreciated and when worked for it is a treasure to care for. Blessings
I agree!! I also think we have to start with Christ. Without Him, we’ll never be happy, no matter that it looks like we’re happy, that we have confidence, etc. I had friends that didn’t have to work for anything, their parents paid their way through college, and they didn’t appreciate it at all. The ones that had to work to help pay their way, even if they only worked in the summer, were the ones that truly appreciated things.
Love this insightful post and thank you for the book.
I agree wholeheartedly that trying to buy or manipulate your happiness or find content in stuff is grasping for the wind.
Thanks for stopping by, Paula!
God bless & have an awesome day!
Dianne,
I love this! So much symbolism in the oversized clothes and large glasses. So many people hiding in plain sight!
God bless!
Renate,
I honestly think that a large part of learning to be content in any circumstance is to learn that peace is an inside out job, not an outside in job. When you think you can only be at peace when whatever happens on the outside is fixed or you get it, you will never be at peace. When you learn that you and God together ARE peace, then whatever happens on the outside is just whatever is happening out there.
God bless you & have a great day!
Lelia,
I think it’s amazing how we’re all on our path of learning and realizing we’re each a work in progress would go a long way to helping us extend grace. Thanks so much for stopping by!
Have a blessed day!
Trudy,
Oh, I agree. In “A Work in Progress,” one of the things that turns Rebecca around is doing a psychology assignment on religion and going to visit different churches. Then she joins a Bible study group, and between those two, she learns of God’s love for her with no regard for if she’s part of the “beautiful people” or not. She also learns that there are a lot of things about being one of the “beautiful people” that aren’t so great.
Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your day with me!
Dalyn,
Externals are NEVER going to bring you internal peace. It just doesn’t work that way, and the longer I live and the more I see, the more I believe that.
Thanks so much for coming by and spending some time with me today! God bless!
There are so many kinds of “being” that are a choice: being kind, being selfish, being worried, being content, being happy, being bored. The most important “being”, though, is out of our control and it is at the core of the gospel and that is being loved. We cannot choose to be loved but, by God’s grace, we already are and He enables us to accept His gift of love to us in Christ. We may not be loved by our parents or siblings or friends, but God has demonstrated His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. In my life, the work in progress has been learning how deep, how powerful and how unfailing God’s love is. Because He loved me first, I can choose to be content. Of course, being a work in progress, I don’t actually do that :). His love is the foundation that can support everything I need to be, from which I can do all I need to do for my good and His glory and because of which I have all that I need and I have the promise of heaven shared with Him. That’s more than enough love to fill all the cups that I could ever lift up to God, including my lonesome heart.
Lincoln,
That was beautifully said and oh, so very true! It is exactly what Rebecca learns in “A Work in Progress.”
Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! Great inspiration!
Staci,
I love this! When our kids were young, I used to tell them that choosing happiness came first (“We can always choose our attitude, not necessarily our circumstances”). Many “Rich” “Successful” “Powerful” people are never happy because they always need More. I would say that if they instead chose happiness, gratitude, and appreciation for what they Already had, anything “More” would simply a blessing/bonus from God. I’m not sure they always heard me, but it was always a good lesson for myself as well – one I’ve tried to live by. Contentment and thankfulness/gratitude go hand in hand, it seems.
I can’t think of a character offhand.
What I will say is I think too many people are chasing the happy and are never satisfied to enjoy contentment in the now.
I really enjoy stories where characters grow and change, especially those who learn their identities & worth are in the Lord. All of us at one time or anther try to find happiness in material things or other people, only to be disappointed. I’m glad that God never disappoints & true happiness is found in Him. It’s one I’ve had to learn the hard way it seems!
I really enjoyed this post & already have a copy of “A Work in Progress”, I need to move that up my TBR list to read. It sound’s good!
Hi, Trixi,
I think growing into letting God love you and being who He made you to be is my #1 best kind of story arc. If there were one archetype theme in my stories, it would be this one.
Thanks for stopping by! Have a blessed day!
Hi, Denise,
Yes. That is definitely true. Happiness isn’t a bad thing, but chasing it through external things will never land you there. I think finding God is how to find contentment in the now.
Peace!
Hi, Penelope,
I so agree. If you’re afraid of losing what you have, what you have will never be enough. If you’re grateful for what you have, it seems it will always be added to. At least that’s been my experience!
Peace & blessings for your day!