I’ve shared here before about some of the things I struggle with—in particular, juggling all of the moving parts of my life and trying to carve out time for my family. I’ve enjoyed the support I’ve received from each of you, and the tips on how to better do that.
And something else occurred to me recently that maybe some of you can identify with.
In my life, I’m my own worst critic. I’m far harder on myself than anyone else is. Can you relate? Often, I berate myself for making even a simple mistake (like forgetting to mail something for example) that I would have written off as “no big deal” if someone else had done it. When my husband comes home from the store without one item that was on the list, I don’t bat an eye. It’s not a problem. But if I do it, I get frustrated with myself.
I think I’ve spent so many years being a perfectionist that it’s hard to admit to myself and to others that I’m not perfect! But in fact, I’m far from it. I think the Instagram culture has only made it more difficult for those of us who already struggle with this. I look at some of the feeds of people I follow and they seriously look like photos straight out of a magazine. And sometimes I try to keep up with that.
But you know what? That’s not my real life. Sure, my life may have its “magazine” moments. But more often, it has lots of moments that I don’t usually share with people.
Like the other day—we were hosting a cookout on a Friday afternoon. I’d worked most of the day and so I found myself in a real time crunch—needing to get the house straightened, make a grocery store run, and start cooking all the stuff that wasn’t going on the grill.
I was making macaroni and cheese for the kids and salted caramel brownies for dessert—simultaneously. The macaroni was boiling on the stove and I had already mixed the brownie mix and put it in the pan. The next step was to put the caramel on top of the brownies before I popped them into the oven. I picked up the pouch, cut it open, and poured it ALL over my brownies. And I thought, “man, this caramel sure is ORANGE.”
You guessed it. I’d put the cheese from the mac and cheese all over the brownies.
I didn’t put that on my Instagram feed but you know what? I wish I had. Because that is authentic REAL LIFE. That is someone trying hard to do a lot of things at one time and making a mistake. Thankfully, I was able to just laugh about it. Although there would have been a time when I wouldn’t have found it funny! I scooped all that cheese off the top of those brownies (well, as much as I could because let’s face it, a little cheese never hurt anyone!), added the actual caramel, and cooked them.
The mac and cheese was a lost cause sans cheese, but at least I’d salvaged dessert.
And in the great scheme of things, it wasn’t a big deal. The cookout wasn’t a failure because I’d messed up the mac and cheese, and people still ate the brownies.
I think that giving ourselves a little grace when we make a mistake is important.
And I can’t let the voice in my head be as negative as it has been in the past. I read a quote not too long ago that said something like “You will never speak to anyone more than you do yourself in your own head, so be kind.”
Isn’t that true? We talk a lot these days about the importance of being kind to each other. But being kind to yourself is also important! We’re all made in God’s own image. That alone should give us reason to consider how we treat others–but maybe we should also remember to speak kindly to ourselves as well.
So the next time I catch myself allowing that little voice in my head to spew negativity, I’m going to squash it.
I hope you’ll do the same!
How about you? Do you struggle sometimes with cutting yourself some slack?
Paula Marie says
Wow, I do believe that God is definitely working on me here….. JUST yesterday a very dear friend told me, and I quote….”Be kinder to yourself. Treat yourself the way Jesus would treat you. And Jesus loves you unconditionally.”
Thanks for sharing your story!!
Wemble says
Hi Annalisa, I am absolutely too hard on myself sometimes…sometimes that is necessary, but other times it is not. Switchfoot have a song that I love called “Against the Voices”, not completely in the context here, but it always reminds to listen to God’s voice, the One True voice that so easily gets drowned out.
Blessings:)
PS, I am not a baker…totally get the brownies/cheese thing:)!!
LucyReynolds says
I’ve learned over the years not to be so hard on myself, but I still tend to be a perfectionist.
Renate says
Hi Annalisa! As a young pastor’s wife and mom, I learned not to be so hard on myself and to be kind and forgiving of my own short comings and mistakes. My sons, students, and now my grandchildren have helped me to look at life and myself from a variety of perspectives. Yes, stilling that voice in our head is not always easy. Best wishes and CUT YOURSELF some SLACK!!!!!!
MJSH says
So true, isn’t it? Especially as moms. I’ve made so many blunders, especially with lunch preparations for my children. Thankfully, they were able to find each other at the school and switch lunches (because one has a dairy allergy and the other has dairy-type food nearly everyday for lunch) whenever I’ve made those awful mistakes and they’ve been gracious with me. I’m learning to be gracious to myself since I’m a recipient of such grace – from my children and from our Savior!
Dalyn says
I think those moments make parties more fun :)
It would be nice if we were all kinder though and it does start with ourselves
Katie Andersen says
Your example of forgetting something on the grocery list really hit home for me. I get so irritated with myself when I forget but if my husband forgets the main thing he went into a store for, I laugh and say we can go back. Why do we do this? So, yes, I definitely struggle with cutting myself some slack!
Irma J says
Yes, I do. I’ve always been like that. Sometimes I just don’t know how to relax or to go with the flow.
Lori Ann Myers-Linguist says
Great post. And so true.
Andrea Byers says
Totally get this and do the same to myself.
Susan P says
Yes, I am very hard on myself when I mess up. I know there are things I can blame that trait on, but in the end it is up to me to fix it and change. Thanks for the reminder!
Jessica B. says
Glad you were able to rescue the brownies! In my world they’re much more important than mac and cheese, lol. I love the quote you shared about talking so much to yourself and needing to be kind.
Carolyn Miller says
Thanks for sharing your encouragement. We need to incorporate more Instagram hashtags like #keepingitreal!
Lisa says
Wow! This post really spoke to me! I have always been a perfectionist, so have a very difficult time forgiving myself when I make a mistake. I need to do a better job of remembering that I am made in the image of God, so the negative things I say to myself are wrong. They are nothing but thoughts that satan has put in my head to make me doubt myself and God and I need to learn to send him and his negative thoughts packing.
Thank you so much for sharing this!
Shannon Taylor Vannatter says
Sounds like my less than magazine perfect life. I was cooking a pork roast in the crockpot a few months back. I opened the envelope of onion soup mix. Only it wasn’t. It was ranch salad dressing mix. I slightly panicked. Until I found a recipe online that calls for onion soup mix and ranch mix. My family liked the mistake recipe even better, so that’s how I make it now.
Chanel M. says
Great post! I really liked that quote as well.
Annalisa Daughety says
Thanks, Paula!
Annalisa Daughety says
Good point, Wemble! I’ll have to check out that song!
Annalisa Daughety says
I definitely lean that way, too, but sometimes I have to just let things go!
Annalisa Daughety says
Thanks, Renate!
Annalisa Daughety says
Great thoughts!
Annalisa Daughety says
:) I was thankfully able to laugh about it.
Annalisa Daughety says
Glad I’m not the only one!
Annalisa Daughety says
Irma, it is a struggle for me for sure! I remind myself often that I need to just go with the flow.
Annalisa Daughety says
Thank you, Lori Ann!
Annalisa Daughety says
Glad you could relate, Andrea!
Annalisa Daughety says
Very true!
Annalisa Daughety says
Thanks, Jessica! And yes…I was glad the brownies were salvaged! I ended up feeding the whole pot of mac and cheese to my chickens, so they at least were happy for my mistake. :)
Annalisa Daughety says
I like that hashtag! :)
Annalisa Daughety says
Great thoughts, Lisa! Thanks for sharing.
Annalisa Daughety says
That’s great! Sometimes wonderful things can come from what we think is a mistake!
Annalisa Daughety says
Thanks, Chanel!
SARAH TAYLOR says
Thank you so much for sharing I needed to hear this!
Connie Saunders says
Ellen DeGeneres reminds people to be kind to one another but we need to be reminded to be kind to ourselves. I know very few people who feel like they are always successful in what they are trying to achieve!
Priscila says
Thanks for sharing. Those are some deep thoughts to those of us with blabbermouth inner conscience.
Susanne says
This is so true! Thanks for sharing!
Natalya Lakhno says
I can definitely relate! I am a perfectionist…so hard, for others and myself too…