I was thinking this week about memories – specifically relationship memories.
When my son turned one, and I realized I was expected to buy him birthday gifts a mere two weeks after his grandparents and great-grandparents (and, yeah, maybe his parents, too) had spoiled him at Christmas, I realized I needed a plan. So we started doing birthday outings.
I figured that when my children grew up, they wouldn’t remember whatever cool toy I’d gotten them that they loved for all of five minutes. They would, however, still have the memories we’d built as a family.
And, okay, yes, I was also pretty pragmatic and a little financially broke. This plan ticked all the boxes, and we did birthday outings for years. The birthday child would choose the activity, and if we could, we’d make a whole day out of it.
As my son got older, he became less interested in outings, and it’s not something we do as much anymore. We do still have birthday breakfast every year, though. Even if that means I’m dragging people out of bed for a 6am breakfast because I need to be at work by 7. Someday he’ll look back and thank me… 😉
So, why are memories on my mind this week?
Yesterday was my husband’s and my 27th anniversary. And we have no wedding photos.
Years ago, we were moving from an apartment into our first house. The move was happening right at the end of the semester, and I was swamped with finals. We were also coming up on Christmas, too. To make things easier, we rented a storage unit and put most of our apartment – packed away into boxes – into it. That way we could still get out of the apartment by the deadline, but we could take our time getting settled into the house.
We closed on the house one week before Christmas. All of the Christmas gifts were already wrapped and in the storage unit, so we went to go start pulling those things out so we could take them to our new house. Only, when we got there, it wasn’t our lock on the door. Turns out, thieves had used bolt-cutters to remove our lock, taken our stuff, and put a new lock on the unit so security wouldn’t be suspicious.
All of our Christmas gifts were gone, yeah. But so was a Bible from one of my grandfathers who was deceased. So was a flag from another deceased family member. And so was our wedding album along with all the negatives.
Here’s the thing: Some of us like to hold onto mementos. Some of us like to hold onto memories. Mementos can be lost, though. And with enough time, even our memories can start to fade.
How, then, do we commemorate over two decades of love, laughter, and life together?
By living out our love each and every day. By putting the other first. By sacrificing. By being there. By – most of the time – not snapping back when someone snaps first. By folding laundry together. By bemoaning the state of the lawn and the traffic in the neighborhood. By laughing at each other’s bad jokes, and then laughing even louder when it’s a good joke. By supporting each other when the bad stuff comes along and celebrating with each other when the good stuff happens. By sharing Oreos – he likes the filling, and I like the cookie. By listening when it’s needed and speaking when it’s called for. By being there day in and day out. That’s love. And, yeah, that’s romance.
Romance looks a little different to me today than it did 20+ years ago. If I had those wedding pictures to look at, I might laugh at that young lady who thought she had it all figured out but didn’t have even a fraction of a clue. But you know what else? I’d tell her she has a lot to learn…and that it’ll all be worth it, that she will be better for it.
Because it is. And I am.
I hope you have (or find!) the kind of love and romance that endures the test of time and that you, too, are better for it.
Happy Friday, everybody!
Heather Gray loves coffee, God, her family, and laughter – not necessarily in that order! She writes approachable characters who, through the highs and lows of life, find a way to love God, embrace each day, and laugh out loud right along with her. And, yeah, her books almost always have someone who's a coffee addict. Some things just can't be helped. Despite their different lives and situations, Heather’s characters have something in common. They're all flawed...but loved anyway.
What an encouraging and uplifting post. Thank You!
That is exactly the kind of love I long to find, I will not settle for less 💓.
I’m sorry your memories have been stolen…it could be that lost Bible got into the hands of someone who needed it, the Bible is dangerous…it transforms people when they read it.
A meaningful post. Thank you.
What a good reminder.
Hi Heather! So sorry about the loss of your wedding pictures and family Bible. Also understand about December and January birthdays. My youngest son’s birthday is January 9 and granddaughter has a January 11 birthday. Grandson’s birthday is December 19. So this mom / Oma started a half birthday tradition for them – especially since the kids wanted to have an outdoor party. In Michigan very limited venues during the winter months. Yes, love is a choice and can endure the test of time. The good and bad. Hubby and I celebrated our Golden Anniversary in June. Thanks for the blog. Enjoy the Labor Day weekend. Fall is in the air in SW Michigan.
I am sorry for the loss of your family Bible and wedding pictures but grateful for the reminder of what is important. This was inspiring post.
Happy anniversary! As someone who loves keeping mementos, this is a great reminder that they are really not what is most important.
What a great reminder!! Photos fade, anyway, and the colors change, but the memories are there for a very long time! Over time, romance changes for everyone, I think. As a never married person, I can say romance for me has definitely changed over the years, and right now, taking out the trash or mowing the lawn would be very romantic!! I agree about toys, too, as I still vividly remember one of my nephews (after opening lots of presents) saying “Aren’t there any more?” And, also, of them getting bored with what they received pretty quick, too.
Happy Friday!
What an inspiring post!
Thanks so much for sharing, Heather!
Happy anniversary! Thanks for sharing, Heather. That’s the kind of real love that is so special!
My mom started bringing us shopping and out to eat for our birthdays many years ago I don’t do that anymore as I’m 25 and drive but my other sibblings do it or at least my sister’s do my brother’s usually choose to go to a bouncy house place with friends. My youngest brothers birthday is 4 days before Christmas my mom has tried to cut down and not buy as many gifts for Christmas.
Happy (belated) anniversary! Thank you for being an example of God’s love and grace, and for sharing your story. May the Lord bless you both. :)
Congratulations on your anniversary. It’s so sad that you lost those special memories when your things were stolen, but you have such a wonderful attitude towards the loss, this was a lovely post to read.
I love the idea of a birthday outing/activity! Maybe I’ll have to do that when I have kids. :)
Happy anniversary
I can so relate since hubby, and I celebrated our 23rd anniversary in June. I do have wedding pictures to look at. When I look at them, I think how young I look and how I had no real idea of just how much work marriage and raising kids would be. I can say that it has been worth it.
Great reminder! Thank you!!!
I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I survived a house fire. We ended up with people stealing some of the things that survived the fire. I keep holding on that this world is not our home. Thank you so much for sharing. God bless you.
Happy Anniversary. Sorry you don’t have the photos but love your attitude.
Growing up we didn’t take a lot of photos (although my brother had about 4 times more than me) He had photos with relatives which I didn’t. He has photos with both mum and dad, I don’t. I have 2 taken when I was probably a couple of months old with dad and they are the only ones I ever had with dad and with mum a couple on my 2nd birthday the next are when I was an adult.
Dad died when I was almost 12 but had a stroke when I was 8 and after that we didn’t have many photos taken at all. In saying all this I do wish we had at least one family photo and a couple of me and dad as I grew up but I don’t. I do still have memories. I remember those times riding on the tractor with him, Riding on the horse with him. Then after the stroke when he changed he use to drive me to school and the day the local paper came out in the afternoon in summer I would often get an ice cream. I remember him singing a couple of hymns when driving.
They are memories no one can take away and I am so glad to have them. In todays age so many spend the time taking video etc and often forget to actually live the moment not try recording it and missing the special memory
As someone else who has no wedding photos (the photographer lost the negatives before any were printed), I understand the losing yet keeping the memory, and yes, romance is much more than flowers and a wedding.
I would like to read your books . They look interesting.
Happy anniversary! We just celebrated 21 years & I can definitely agree with you that romance looks very different than it did when we got married. But I wouldn’t trade what we have now for anything ❤️
I celebrated 21 years this past May and I agree how little I knew back then! We have had some really great highs and very low lows but we are best friends and I love this life we are making together.
Happy Belated Anniversary. I am sorry for the loss of your things but glad that you were able to make new and different memories.
Happy Anniversary! Our marriage has lasted 35 years. It has stood the test of time.
So sorry for the loss of your items. I know that was a hard thing to get through. I have been married for over 42 years and what you said about love is so true. It is the little things that mean so much.