In case you didn’t know, I have a background in psychology, which explains why I love to write and read character-driven stories. I enjoy figuring out what makes people tick and how their backgrounds and life experiences help shape who they are. One area I especially like delving into is birth order. Here are some interesting things I’ve discovered over the years about birth order and relationships.
- People tend to marry someone of a different birth order because their personalities complement each other’s better. I find this to be true for most of my girlfriends and their husbands. This is also the case for me (a firstborn) and my hubby (the youngest of four).
- People tend to develop friendships with those of the same birth order. This falls in line with the saying, Birds of a feather flock together. In my social circle, the majority of my close friends are firstborn or only children (I also identify as an only because my sister is a decade younger than me).
- Your personality traits are not only influenced by birth order, but also by the number of years between you and your siblings and in what sequence the males and females in your family were born. While generalities can be made about birth order, it’s a much more complex issue than meets the eye!
When it comes to the stories I write, I do consider the characters’ birth orders when I pair them together. For example, in my book A Single Spark, I purposely made both the female and male leads firstborns. As the oldest in their families, Abby and Aiden are protective, independent, and used to leading. They are also a bit stubborn. But with such similar personalities, it created the perfect set-up for an enemies to lovers romance. Add in a mistaken text, and there’s plenty of fodder for misunderstandings and trouble!
Here’s more about the book:
A pop singer running from his past. A deejay who’s given up on men. And the wrong number text that sparks disaster and romance.
Former boy band hottie, Aiden Spark, distanced himself from everything he valued—faith, family, and fame—when he lost his girlfriend. A decade later, he’s still hiding behind his grief when he accidentally texts a woman who’s all too curious about his identity.
Burned by the men in her life, deejay Abby Dearan has chosen to focus on her newfound faith in God and use her radio presence for good. Her plans are thwarted though when a text message—and the irritating man who sent it—won’t leave her in peace.
Aiden can’t forget the woman who reminds him so much of his first love; Abby can’t remember the last time a man made her feel so beautiful. To make matters worse, it’s impossible to avoid one another when their siblings and friends—not to mention, divine intervention—keep pushing them together. Will the sparks igniting between them end up in flames or romance?
A Single Spark is FREE for a limited time, so I hope you’ll pick up your copy from Amazon today. Just click HERE.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about birth order and your experiences. Did you marry someone with a different birth order? Are your friends of the same birth order? How does your birth order shape who you are as an individual? Let me know in the comments below!
A chauffeur and referee by day (AKA a stay at home mom of two), Liwen Y. Ho writes inspirational and sweet romance infused with heart, humor, and a taste of home (her Asian roots).
I am one of 7. 3rd youngest. So smack in the middle somewhere. I felt protected somehow and with 4 older sisters who paved the way, life was easier for me.
The Mister is 1st born.
Good morning from Michigan Liwen! As a teacher, mom and Oma, I have been interested in birth order with its various influences – age and gender differences. It is fascinating to observe with siblings and family members. Both my husband and I are the oldest in our family with younger siblings of the opposite sex. We also had siblings that are almost a decade younger than ourselves. Our oldest son is twelve years older than his youngest brother. Therefore I enjoy reading series about sibling. One that was really fascinating was the A Tuscan Legacy series with grandchildren. Best wishes. Stay safe and warm.
I am a middle child and I married a middle child. Maybe that’s why it didn’t work. Most of my friends are middle children. It’s funny because I never really thought about it. I love your books!
I’m the youngest of four and I have four wonderful friends I’ve had since childhood and they are all middle children. My husband is next to youngest.
I’m the youngest of four. I’m not married. Two of my closest friends are the youngest in their families, too. My oldest sister is married to an oldest child, my sister closest to me in age is married to a youngest child (though with the age difference in his family, you could say only), and my 2nd to oldest sister was married to two oldest children. My Daddy was the 3rd of 12, and my Mom was the youngest.
Hi from Germany.
Yes, I have noticed that in CCR, the firstborns mostly take the protective lead of their siblings, whether or not their parents are still there.
I’ve been fascinated by birth order for years. It’s interesting how some of a person’s traits and behaviors are dictated by birth order. I’m not married but one of my parents is a middle and one is a baby. Something I’ve observed is that a lot of firstborn girls like to read, including me.
I’ve found birth order fascinating for years, and it definitely is something I consider in my stories, too. I’m the youngest of five in my family… but with characteristics of an only since my siblings are 6-12 years older than I am. My husband is a firstborn.
I’ve never thought about where my closest friends land in their family. At a glance, it looks like a pretty mixed bag, honestly. More firstborns than not.
With so many families choosing to have only two children, middle children are a dying breed! And since middles are often the peacemakers, that might not be a good thing for society in general.
I am an only child married to an only child, lol
I’m a first born and my husband in the youngest. Regarding friends, when I was a kid I my friends were always the oldest or only children. I never did that on purpose nor did I realize it until just now. That being said, one of my lifelong friends, since sophomore year in high school is the youngest of four.
I’ve done a lot of reading on birth order, and am using that information for my new series. I’m working with sextuplets, so it’s been fun developting their personalities and traits. Great post!
That’s interesting, I never really thought about birth order when it comes to relationships.
This was such a fascinating post, it was so interesting to learn about birth order
Hi Mary! I’ve always thought it would be nice to have older siblings to protect and pave the way for you. So glad that worked out for you. And it works out that your Mister is a firstborn, too. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Renate! Yes, I like sibling series, too, for all those reasons. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Lori! Isn’t it funny how we flock to similar people? :) Thank you so much for reading my books! And thanks for reading this post and commenting!
Hi Lucy! That is so interesting! I think middle children are quite rare these days, but you were blessed to find four of them. :) Thanks for reading and commenting!
I find birth order fascinating! I call myself an “amateur psychologist” as I’ve never had any training but love to people watch and learn about personalities. I also try to think about birth order when creating my characters, though not overtly stated in the books.
I am the oldest of only one other sibling, a sister 3 1/2 years younger than me. I always swore I wouldn’t have anything to do with only children, but my husband is an only child. ;)
My BFF is also an older child, and all the best friends I’ve had growing up except one have been older children.
Hi Trudy! Wow, that’s a big variety of marriages. I find it really interesting to hear about, so I’m glad you shared them. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Anke! Yes, we firstborns are just blessed to be born bossy. LOL. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Jessica! I do see that too, that firstborn girls like to read. Maybe because we’re used to doing solitary activities? That would be something interesting to study! Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Valerie! Now that you mention it, is it getting harder to find middle children! That will be an interesting phenomenon to follow in the coming years. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Paula! Oh wow, that sounds interesting and quite rare, I bet! I think I only know of one other couple like you. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Kimberly! We sound like we have similar friendships. I also have one close friend who is the youngest. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Julie! Oh wow, sextuplets?! I bet that’s a lot of fun to write. I do have to wonder how birth order and personality types work with multiples, if they follow a similar pattern. I’d love to learn more about your series! Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Megan! Yes, it is interesting! Maybe you’ll notice it more now in the stories you read. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Angeline! Oh yay, I’m glad you thought so. There’s so much more I could’ve gone into, but I’ll save it for another day. LOL. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Lila! Haha, your hubby lucked out! :) Yes, it is so fascinating and complex, isn’t it? I like people watching, too. Thanks for reading and commenting!
This so interesting ! Have a Great weekend and stay safe.
I forgot my nieces and nephews!! My oldest nephew is married to an oldest, my oldest niece is married to an oldest, my 2nd niece is married to a middle (I think!), my 3rd niece and 4th niece, not sure of their spouses order, another oldest nephew is married to an oldest, middle nephew is married to a middle.
I find birth order really interesting, too (maybe because I studied Human Development in college). Sometimes I try to guess a person’s birth order based on personality…haha.
I’m the youngest of 3 (I have 2 older brothers). My husband is the oldest by just a few minutes & it’s just him & his twin brother. I do think a good number of my friends are also the youngest but some are the oldest with a younger sister.
Welcome today. I am the oldest of five. The first four of us were less than a year apart. My youngest sister is nine years younger than my self. We always had difficulty seeing eye to eye until adults we finally said to each other, “we are sisters, lets see what God has in store for us or if there even is anything.” This was when our kids were in school full time in grade school. They kids are all adults now and the oldest is 36 and the youngest is 33. My sister and I are best of friends now. God works in His time. I love it.
Hello and Welcome I am the youngest of 2 and my late husband was the 2nd child of seven in his family! Thank you for sharing! Love reading about birth order! Have a great day!
I do find birth order interesting but am not sure where to place me. I’m #6 of 7. I follow two brothers and have a younger sister. Us last five kids were born within 10 years so there aren’t many years between each of us. So, tell me what that makes me.
I married a youngest born. My two best female friends are first borns. (And my three best friends from childhood would all have been first borns.)
Hi Alicia! Glad you thought so! Thanks for reading and commenting! Have a good weekend, too!
Hi Akemi! Ooh, I didn’t know you studied Human Dev! And how funny—I analyze people, too. ;) I didn’t know your hubby’s a twin either! I love twins and find them fascinating. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Lori! Oh wow, what a great story. Sisters are the best. I’m so glad you and yours are such good friends now. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Sarah! So glad you had fun reading this post. Thanks for sharing and commenting!
Hi Arletta! Oh, wow, I think the more kids there are in a family, the more complicated the dynamics get. Since you’re in between two older brothers and a younger sister, you may be more of a middle child? Just a guess! :) Thanks for reading and commenting!
I’m a first born, and my one sister was 11 years younger. My husband is #3 of 4 kids. Thinking of friends I’ve had for a long time, some are first born, others are only kids, others have older siblings – so quite a mix :-)
Hi Margaret! Yes, that is quite a mix. I think that’s the best so we can all learn from each other. Thanks for reading and commenting!
I come from a large family with 7 older and 4 younger, and my husband comes from a large family, as well. All I know is that with us both somewhere in the middle, our siblings seem to look to us a lot for making decisions. The older ones think we are better trained to do the funeral announcement, the letter, the eulogy, etc. and the younger ones think we have the experience so we get called on often. Thanks for the free book, Liwen. Blessings,
Sandra
My husband and I are both firstborns.
Yes on both counts! I married someone of a different birth order, but my friends are mostly of the same birth order. Interesting!
I am the oldest of 3, my brother is 9 years younger & my sister almost 11 yrs younger. My husband is the youngest (and last born) with his sister just over a year older than him. Though it seems the roles were reversed. Their mom passed away when he was 16 and their dad when he was 18, so my husband stepped up to the plate and took care of his sister. Maybe that’s why it always feels like he’s the eldest because he made sure she was provided for. Something like that seems to grows people up quick! Both his parents were in bad health towards the end so he also had to be the “man” of the family at times.
My best friend from high school is the youngest of two, but we hit it off right away. I always said I was the bad influence, lol! We got along so well & I don’t think we ever fought about anything, at least not that I remember. We were two peas in a pod.
I don’t know if I believe everything about birth order because I’ve seen some people not conform the the “mold”, so maybe life’s circumstances & experiences can influence how a person grows up too. I like to see how it plays out in fiction too, it’s always interesting to read about siblings :-)
I went to get your book and discovered I already own it! I guess I’d forgotten about it, going to have to definitely move it up on my TBR pile!
Hi Sandra! Wow, that’s a dozen kids! I do wonder if the middle kids are looked to for decision making because you guys are more diplomatic and peaceable? That’s very interesting to hear; thanks for sharing. And you’re so welcome! I hope you enjoy the book.
Hi Denise! That pairing seems to be more common than I thought. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Ellie! Cool! It is interesting, isn’t it? Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Trixi! Wow, yes, you’re right that your hubby had to grow up fast. I agree with you that a lot of things other than birth order come into play in shaping people. That’s why people are so complex and unique!
Oh, haha, glad you already had A Single Spark. Hope you’ll get to read it soon. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Liwen!
Wow, loved this post! It was so interesting! I found myself nodding along with everything you said (and made me even wonder if most “enemies-to-lovers” are because both MCs have the same birth order or not – I’ve just never paid attention to it, lol), but when I reached your question, I realized that my closest friends are either only children or the oldest of their siblings (whereas I’m the younger of two).
Hi Liwen, yes I had noticed the “bossiness” of first borns sometimes, though my sister would never acknowledge it. Seems to me the second born gets to take care of business and the third one is more of a clown. With so many “only childs” nowadays, fiction may be the only way some people experience the differences from birth order. Though it was fun when were children to put the blame on our older sister and back then they were always held accountable for all the siblings, definitely unfair! Looking forward to reading the series, thanks :)
I’m the youngest in my family and my wife is a first-born. It’s interesting to see how different people seem to pick favorites among the different methods of categorizing personality: MBTI, DISC, enneagram, 4 temperaments, birth order. All seem to be helpful in enabling us to understand that the loved ones in our lives aren’t trying to rub us the wrong way, they just come by it naturally! :):)
(Parent to adult child: “Of course I push your buttons. I installed them!”)
Hi Priscila! So glad you enjoyed this post. :) Maybe you’ll start paying attention to the MCs’ birth orders now when you read books? I’m also curious if there’s a trend. Regarding your close friends, I’m guessing you guys complement one another then? Thanks for reading and commmenting!
Hi Dianne! You make a good point about families becoming smaller and smaller now. It’s a good thing that we can experience different types of families in books. I hope you enjoy meeting the Spark brothers! Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Lincoln! Haha, that’s a good way of looking at it. We’re just naturally good at being different. ;) And that is a hilarious quote about the parent and child! It made me LOL. Thanks for reading and commenting!
I started replying last night but something happened. I am the youngest (have an older brother over 4 years older. After dad died at 11 he tried to take over and mum let him cos he’s male and I didn’t want a new father. (mum also thought you need a man to look after you)
So cant say being youngest was the best. I was also the youngest of all cousins on both sides by at least 4 years.
I am still single but when I look at my friends most are actually first born, (One is first of the second family) and only one or two are the youngest.
My friends fall in all different birth orders. I have the oldest, youngest, only and like me middle. I think I am drawn to people who are loyal to a fault. They are there for you with the truth, a hug, a kick in the pants when needed, a drink to celebrate you and a book for you to read. They are my travel buddies. In the bunch people have taken on certain roles based on their birth order which I find fascinating. We have one who is like a “mother figure”. She is one I have to remember that she does not have to take care of everyone. The mothers in my group are very diverse. It is always interesting to see us together.
Both my husband & I were the youngest. Me being the youngest of two girls and he had an older brother and sister. My best friend is an only child. My best friend and my husband were both adopted, I don’t know if that makes anything different. I was also good friends with one of my husband’s birth sisters for years before any of us knew they were related! I’m kind of all over in every relationship!!
Hi Ausjenny! Thanks for sharing your experiences. It’s interesting to see how your family life may shape your friendships, too. I wonder if that’s why you have some firstborn friends? I appreciate you reading and commenting!
Hi Sonetta! I totally know what you mean about friends taking on different roles. My group of girlfriends is the same. I suppose that’s a sign that your circle of friends has become like a family. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hi Deb! Wow, that’s amazing that you were friends with your husband’s birth sister. What a small world. Thanks for reading and commenting!
My husband and I are both firstborn. He is the oldest of 3 boys and I am the oldest of 3 girls.
Hm….I’ve never thought about it…
My hubby is the second of ten and I’m the second of too – so same order?
He is definitely more responsible than the youngest one lol
Hi Susan! Oh how fun! The first thing I thought of when I read your comment was the Brady Bunch. LOL. Thanks for reading and sharing!
Hi Natalya! Oh wow, I’d say your hubby is probably more like a firstborn since he has so many younger siblings. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Traditional birth order traits don’t seem to apply to my family. I am the third child out of 4, but my oldest sister is 6 years older than me and my brother (and only boy) is 5 years younger than me. My mom often says she almost feels like she had an only, twins, and another only. My sister closest in age to me is only 15 months older than me, so even though we aren’t twins, we functioned as them in a lot of ways. At the same time, we three girls (the first three born) were kind of a unit when it came to some things, but the three younger (sister closest in age to me, me, and little brother), were also like our own unit in some ways. Especially when my family moved across country and my oldest sister, who was 19, chose not to join us. All of those dynamics completely threw the birth order generalities out the window for us. Ha!
I’ve never thought about it but both of my best friends are first-born just like me. (lol)
I’m the middle of seven–one older sister, two older brothers, and three younger brothers.