Uh, yeah. But isn’t that wrong somehow?
I ask a lot of silly questions (What? and Why? and Are you kidding me?). As a result, I find myself the recipient of some interesting answers.
So when I posed the question about whether or not Christians can be sexy, I got all kinds of answers. Not everybody answered the question directly, though. I became the recipient of more insight than I’d originally requested, for which I’m grateful. It’s made for some fun discussion and writing. I hope you enjoy the topic as much as I did!
Tweetable: Can Christians be sexy? Is that word even in the Bible?
I feel sexy when…
Two different women told me they feel sexier when they exercise regularly. If they go too long without getting to the gym (or Zumba), their perception of their own sex appeal slides right on down that slippery slope to grub and grunge. It’s not about body type, either. Keeping active makes these women feel better about themselves, giving them the confidence to embrace their God-given shapes, which in turn shines through in everything from their walk to their attitude.
Several other women tied the feeling of sexiness with their own confidence. When they felt confident, they felt sexy. Confidence, of course, comes from different places for different people. For the two women I mentioned first, it was tied, in part, to exercise. For others, it’s about being true to who they are, the outfit they’re wearing, or feeling good about their relationship with Christ. Whatever the source of it, every single woman who answered this question made a direct link between their confidence and their personal sense of sexy.
I find another person sexy when…
For this section, both men and women provided answers. I hope you’ll enjoy them as much as I did!
Not surprisingly, confidence topped the list here, too. A person who is confident (but not arrogant) is sexy. Don’t ask me why, but arrogance did not get votes in the sexy department! Also, false confidence got no votes. Confidence can be undermined by a lack of common sense and an overinflated sense of self-worth. In order to pull this off successfully, you need to have an accurate view of who you are and be confident in that person, not in the person you want others to think you are.
A person who loves his or herself is sexy, especially when that love comes from the fact they are crazy in love with Christ.
Among other things, I’m a sucker for a good smile. You know the kind. It lights up the face and shines through the eyes so brightly you can’t help but know it’s genuine. Two people agreed with me about this. Everyone else seems to think smiling is overrated. (I say in jest.)
Two people listed a sense of humor. Both are men, incidentally. A woman who can make them laugh and who can laugh at herself is sexy.
Eyes are a big winner. Four people either said they find eyes to be sexy or that the eyes were the first thing that attracted them to their significant other.
Honesty, believe it or not, is also attractive. A person who is bold enough to be truthful (rather than dancing around an issue because they’re afraid of offending) is sexy.
A sexy person is someone who can embrace life, live in the moment, and then take those moments and turn them into memories.
Broad shoulders and good cologne each got a vote, too, but from different people.
Sexy is a man who’s patient with kids.
I loved this one! Leaving some things to the imagination is sexy.
A God-honoring spirit is sexy – someone who’s on the same path in life and who is equally committed to serving and honoring Christ. If that spiritual connection isn’t there, neither is the person’s sex-appeal.
A person who cares for and loves others in word and deed is sexy.
Being confident in who he/she is in Christ makes a person sexy. (Confidence, again, but a different kind.)
Sexiness is the ability and desire to genuinely listen to other people.
A person is not sexy when…
Take anything in the “sexy” list, and turn it around. Arrogance and bad cologne are not sexy. A person with no desire to honor God is not sexy. You get the idea. Here’s one, though, that I thought deserved its own little spot. I’m paraphrasing something a gentleman told me.
There are people who are physically beautiful, but the aroma of their personality is about as attractive as an open sewer pit.
I spent part of my growing up years in a rural community where one person had an open sewer pit instead of a septic tank, so this spoke to me. I can tell you, the stench of an open sewer pit keeps everyone away. So it is with people, too. If someone’s personality stinks, people will steer clear.
So…Can Christians be sexy? Of course they can! But do believers treat attraction in a healthy way? More than one person had strong enough feelings on this subject that they addressed it with me even though it wasn’t a part of my original question. It’s a subject worthy of our attention. I’m going to quote one of the women who expressed an opinion on this subject. We’ll call her Sexy Newlywed.
“Yes, Christians can be sexy, and I would say they SHOULD be sexy…in marriage. It’s ridiculous for Christians to think they shouldn’t be. I realize many times there’s a stigma of shame attached to the topic of sex within the church. And I know it all started with good intentions. However, like the Pharisees, the letter of the law has overpowered the spirit of the law. In short, instead of [saying], “It’s wise to set healthy boundaries so you can celebrate the gift of sex when married,” what’s heard is, “Don’t hold hands because [if you do], you will have sex…and sex is bad.”
So what do you think? Is it okay for Christians to use the term “sexy”, or should we abstain? I’d love to hear from you! While you’re at it, tell me what makes you feel sexy and what it is that first attracted you to your significant other. (I can’t wait to read the answers, so be sure to comment!) *wink*
When I first met my husband; he had a gorgeous tan plus a smile that was a mile wide with freckles. I loved the combination and yes, it was sexy. Later I learned that he had freckles on his back; oh, so sexy! And he worked with heavy equipment on a boat/barge, so he had good abs too! What a great combination. :)
Heather Gray says
I love that! I have to admit, I thought my husband had a six-pack. Then I married him and realized he was just so skinny his ribs were poking out. ^_^
I think we as Christians shy away from sexy because we’ve been made to feel it’s wrong. I don’t think it’s wrong. Sexy can be a smile. Sexy can be playfulness with your husband. Sexy can be a nice piece of lingerie. I think we have to broaden the definition and make it clear that sexy isn’t sinful. As a person who’s been married to her college sweetheart for 21 years, I’ve earned the right to wear a sexy dress in the company of my husband.
Heather Gray says
Thank you so much for commenting, and you’re absolutely right! Sexy isn’t bad or wrong or sinful. It not only can be displayed in the right context, but frankly SHOULD be. It’s important to keep romance alive in marriage, and there’s a lot to be said for what sexy can do for romance! :)
Valerie Comer says
I don’t mind the term sexy, but it gets used to cover a lot of things that have nothing to do with it, in my opinion. Of course, I can’t think of an example at the moment!
Should Christians enjoy that God-given attraction between genders? Should their hearts speed up? Oh yeah… ;)
Heather Gray says
As writers, we often try to describe characters without labeling them. As I was reading your comment, I thought about all the times I’ve created sexy heroes…but I don’t think I’ve ever used the word sexy in a book. There are so many different things that make a character sexy – and it’s not all physical. On the flip side – just as you said – that word does get used to describe other things. Can shoes be sexy? I think it depends on who’s wearing them and HOW they’re wearing them…which goes back to confidence. :)