Photo by stockimages taken from freedigitalphotos.net
Men are a funny bunch, all rough and burly on the outside, but often shy, insecure and broken within. I suppose that’s each of us. We all live in a sin-ravished world, after all, filled with sin-ravished people who, well, sin. With their mouths and their actions. And sin hurts. Pile on a lifetime of hurt and what do you get? A thick wall of defenses.
We all have them, and unfortunately, they don’t go away once we get married. In fact, if we’re not careful, they’ll grow–thicker and stronger, adding layer by layer of separation between us and our spouse.
Every time we lash out with our tongue, another brick gets added.
Every time we criticize, another brick gets added.
Every time we pull away, dish out the silent treatment, or bring up past mistakes in the heat of an argument, another brick gets added.
Until one day, we’re staring at a stranger who once was our best friend. A stranger who was intended to complete us, who God longs to make us one with, completely united. Or as Genesis 2:25 puts it, naked and not ashamed.
Naked–completely exposed.
Can you imagine that kind of relationship–with your spouse? So how do you get there?
It’s not complicated, but it is hard. Proverbs 31:10-12 says:
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
Her husband has full confidence in her. He trusts her implicitly. Why? Because he knows, he’s learned by watching her day in and day out, that she has his best in mind. Our husbands need to know that as well, which means we’ll need to show them–by being intentional, each day thinking of ways we can be a blessing rather than a drain.
For those in the muck of it; for those who, through unresolved hurts have built up their own wall, brick by brick, this can be hard. Our selfish, defensive nature doesn’t want to bring good to the one who hurt us. We might even wish that verse were flipped, if only so our spouse could feel the pain we do.
Photo by photostock taken from freedigitalphotos.net
But here’s the thing. God calls us to love sacrificially. To lay our whole selves on the alter, following Him with our whole heart and surrendering our spouse–and our marriage!–to Him. He can handle it. He created the universe, after all. He created marriage, too. And your spouse. Which means he knows the both of you intimately and what it will take to bring your marriage from a place of mutual isolation to one of incredible fulfillment and peace. To a place where the both of you are naked–completely exposed–and not ashamed.
Your role? Lay the groundwork of trust by guarding our words, tone, and thoughts. And you can start today.
Did anything in today’s post stand out to you? What are some ways you are helping your spouse to trust you with his heart? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!
And before you go–my publisher has my debut novel discounted for under $3! Print or kindle version!
You can get it here: Beyond I Do
You can read the first 36 pages for free here.
Here’s the back cover text:
Ainsley Meadows, raised by a hedonist mother who cycles through jobs and relationships like wrapping paper on Christmas morning, falls into a predictable and safe relationship with Richard, a self-absorbed, socialite psychiatrist. But as Ainsley’s wedding nears, a battered woman and her child spark a long-forgotten dream, a hidden passion. One that threatens to change everything, including her fiancé. If she wants to embrace God’s best and find lasting love, this security-seeking bride must follow God with reckless abandon and realize that marriage goes Beyond I Do.
Jennifer Slattery is a missional romance novelist with New Hope Publishers. She writes and edits for Christ to the World Ministries, is a regular contributor to Crosswalk.com, Internet Cafe Devotions, Faith-filled Friends, and Jewels of Encouragement, and manages the social media for Takin’ it to the Streets, a ministry that serves Omaha’s working poor and homeless. She’s placed in numerous writing contests and her work has appeared in numerous compilations, magazines, and e-zines.
Jennifer, I think this is beautiful. And it goes well with what I’m reading now. WHEN GOD WRITES YOUR LOVE STORY by Eric and Leslie Ludy. In fact, in one of the chapters I read this morning Leslie also pointed to Proverbs 31:12. Her comments that followed took my breath away and gave me hope and direction:
“Wait a minute! My mind raced. All the days of her life? What was that supposed to mean? I had yet to meet any woman who had been married all the days of her life. Did this verse mean she tried to do her husband good… even before she met him?
“I felt a gentle nudge on my heart. And somehow, I knew this was what God wanted for me. To seek my future husband’s highest good… starting right now.”
Isn’t that wonderful? We single gals can start loving and honoring our husbands before we even meet them. To know how to do that, all we have to do is dig deep into God’s Word and seek His heart, know Him better and better every day. He’ll show us the way to loving our husbands before we meet them because He wants the best for both of us. In seeking His will for our love lives, we’ll draw closer to Him and build upon the characteristics that our husbands will adore in us, the ones that will honor him and bring God glory.
Blessings,
Andrea
I know I say things more sharply then I intend to my spouse or just say the first thing that comes to mind if I am upset with him….never a good idea! I really fail at times & kick myself after I calm down….I KNOW better! But I know God sees my struggle to tame my tongue & I always hear His still small voice in those times. I’m getting better at obeying or simply finding a different, more gentle way to put what I want to say to my husband. I say sorry more often & admit when I am wrong more too.From reading this post today, it’s refreshing to know that I am honoring my husband when I do this. Laying the ground-work to have God work more in me to show His love. I’m better then what I was, but not as good as I could be…so here’s to relying more on God to help me & working harder to control my words in tense situations!
Thank you for sharing your heart, Jennifer…this really was a great reminder to me! And for learning some new ways of honoring my spouse, I really appreciate that! :-)