Years ago, I was fascinated by Dr. Kevin Leman’s The Birth Order Book: why you are the way you are. He talks about firstborns, only kids, middle kids, and lastborns. He talks about how gender plays a role in what you’re like, especially if your parents drew traditional gender lines. And he talked about age gaps.
Basically, I concluded that I’m confused — surprise! — because I’m the youngest of five girls… but with a six-year gap from my nearest sister, which is enough to also have firstborn/only traits. Many comedians and good salespeople are lastborns, which explains why I’ve often been drawn to sales positions. But I have just enough first/only traits to then be BAD at sales!
Anyway, I digress.
But as I create characters, I think about their roles and positions within their families. I’ve been writing the Cavanagh Cowboys Romance series over the past couple of years. This family is a his, hers, and theirs family. Declan and Kathryn each came into the marriage with three boys. Her eldest (Adam) was older than his eldest (Travis), which sparked a rivalry between them, especially on Travis’s side, since he was no longer the oldest kid in his family.
Kathryn also had a set of twins, who were their own unit and didn’t need to mesh with their stepbrothers. The very youngest, by four years, was Declan’s son, Ryder. He was not only the baby of his original family but of the blended family, and he held that position until the “theirs” part of the family, twin girls, were born when he was seven.
I had a ton of fun with Ryder and his personality. What would five older brothers do to a kid? How would he find his own spot in that size of a family, especially when his birth mom walked out and his stepmom became estranged from his volatile dad? What would he think of those baby sisters as they grew up?
Ryder Cavanagh felt like no one saw him as a grownup. His brothers didn’t. His dad and stepmom didn’t. And then what’s a guy like him to do? He’s 24 as his story opens and in love with a woman who’s not only almost four years older, but the cousin of his stepbrothers. But he also has to prove himself, or so he thinks!
Ryder Cavanagh yearns to be seen as more than a tagalong kid brother, so he invites his law-student buddy to assess rumors involving his stepbrothers’ uncle. Ryder doesn’t stand a chance with the suspect’s beautiful daughter, anyway. Ryder is several years younger, and then there’s the family connection.
But Carey Anderson is not immune to the unassuming cowboy. She’s back in Jewel Lake to be near cousins and friends, to escape the continuing fallout of her parents’ spectacular divorce, and to daydream about Ryder. Who cares about three years age difference when they’re both in their twenties? Making the first move feels risky, but it might be worth it.
Fragile trust could come to a screeching halt if Carey discovers the investigation Ryder can’t derail. Is truth compatible with trust and love?
Trust Me With Your Heart, Cowboy released last week. It’s the sixth and final story in the Cavanagh Cowboys Romance series, available on Amazon and in KU.
Have you studied birth order? If yes, do you think your personality is “classic” for where you fit in your family? Have you ever read a story and thought, “no lastborn (pick the position) I know would ever act like that!”? Tell me!
My sister, the middle child, thinks birth order is classic in our family.I didn’t take note of it until one day she made one of those ‘throw away’ comments which is anything but….
I don’t know what I had done, but she said, ” Of course, you’re the youngest so you have always thought everyone loves you! “
Hi Valerie! As a mom of 3 sons, I studied birth order. Hubby and I are both the oldest. In both families are siblings are at least 5 years younger. Hubby has 2 younger sisters and I have a younger brother (9 years). As a pastor’s wife and teacher, I find birth order interesting. Between our oldest and youngest son is a 12 year age difference. Middle and youngest son 9 years. So I found birth order info interesting. Also observing my grandkids and birth order. My oldest son has 3 children – grandsons Bailey and Logan are 2 years apart. Granddaughter Maddie is 6 years younger than Bailey. Since Maddie is our first granddaughter it was fascinating to observe birth order and gender. Yes, I often make observations in the stories I read. Enjoy your weekend. Best wishes.
I’m the youngest of four girls, and I do NOT fit the profile of the youngest in The Birth Order Book! I do NOT like being the center of attention, was NOT the class clown or anything like that! I did a test way back in high school for introvert/extrovert. The test had 26 questions, and I came out 13 for introvert, 13 for extrovert. That introvert side comes out a lot faster and stronger than the extrovert! The extrovert comes out after I get to know people, but it still isn’t strong enough that I want all of the attention! My personality is a little more like an oldest child.
The middle child tends to be the peacemaker… unless he or she senses weakness in the older sibling, and then they might try to dislodge the eldest! It’s fun to try and figure out what makes people the way they are.
Ah, you’ve lived my son’s family’s age gap! Their daughter was nine when their son was born a year ago. Basically, they are raising two “only” children.
I find all this super interesting!
There are, of course, exceptions to everything. My hubby is a firstborn but doesn’t have all the characteristics. He’s kind of put it to the fact that his parents took in several of their nephews for a couple of years when they were all little kids, so my hubby had an “older brother” while his personality was forming… even though he didn’t.
I just find the topic so interesting!
That’s so funny, Valerie, because I too was influenced by that book way back when! And I almost always consider birth order when writing my characters. More things we have in common. Lol
Sistahs! (And I think I’m the older one LOL)
I do, too!! I wish there were other books on the topic by other Christian authors! I’d definitely be reading them! I have to say, the sister that’s just two years older than me is more the typical “middle child” for sure!
This is really interesting – I have thought about birth order with friends and family but never thought to apply it to characters in books! I’m an oldest child and quite typical I think – my husband is a middle child but his elder sister is 9 years older so he is more like an older child I think. And my younger sister, a middle child, is definitely not a peacemaker lol!
My mum is 5th of nine children. I sometimes wonder with some writers who include large families if they’ve ever really known any in real life (not you Valerie, your sibling relationships always seem very believable so it’s very interesting to hear about how you think about them when writing them!)
Family dynamics are fascinating!
That middle child has been known to play both sides against the other, too! LOL
I’m glad you find my characters’ sibling relationships believable. :)
not really
Happy book birthday. I have never studied birth order. I am an only child so I am who God created me to be. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
Maybe sometime!
You sure are! And He doesn’t make any mistakes :)
I am the youngest my brother is over 4 years older (but is adopted) The sister I never met was almost 7 years older than me
My brother is the over achiever and male. Mum was very sexist even if she wouldn’t said it. We were much closer til dad died when I was 11 then he sort of took over as head of the house. Mum let him She had way lower expectations of me and in many ways did the typical of the youngest didn’t let me be my own person. I always felt the comparisons to my brother (He was top of the class, he was the sports star, He was an over achiever I wasn’t).
If I was a boy it would have been different so I can see where that makes a difference.
With my nieces and nephew. In mum’s mind Courtney was first born and special (helped that she was the sensitive one who would visit etc) The next one was a girl but she wasn’t as favoured and then they had a boy. (She always thought it was important to have a boy to continue the family name). Once he came along while the kids may not have seen it, but he was special. So I think it depends on parents.
Mum also thought you need a man to look after you so I was a disappointment cos I never married.
I now have a man who walks all over me in Henry who just came in to let me know he is wet
I’m number 4 out of 5 girls in my family. What I’ve read about birth order doesn’t seem to apply to me and my sisters. I have 3 children: 2 daughters and a son who is the youngest. The birth order does seem to apply to them. Funny!
I’m a huge fan of Dr. Leman and devoured his books. I have been very intentional with birth order in my books, especially my new series featuring the Hart sextuplets. I find the topic fascinating!
welcome. a fun post today. I am the oldest of five and my sister is the youngest. and yes we both fit well into the birth order. LOL and yes my three brothers in between definitely fit in there also.
Aw, I’m sorry your family proved out the birth order theory in those ways! And yay for Henry the cat!
Oh interesting!!
I’m sure writing about sextuplets would be an interesting mashup with birth order!
Interesting! Some families fit it so perfectly and others… less so.
I’m the oldest of two and my brother and I both have a lot of the typical characteristics of firstborn and youngest. I find it fascinating how birth order can play a role in one’s personality. I should probably read this book again…
I’m glad you found it interesting, too!