Ever have a conversation with someone that ends up going wrong and you can’t figure out why? Sometimes you simply give up and walk away, throwing your hands in the air trying to figure out what was wrong with the other person and why they held the attitude you did. Later, you talk to a mutual friend and they tell you how frustrated the other person was with you and that only makes things worse.
Sometimes it’s misunderstanding that causes it. But more often than not it’s what Sol Stein calls ‘different scripts’. This is when each person comes to the situation thinking they are right and the other person is wrong. Or they don’t understand.
Different scripts is the foundation of many of my romance novels and it’s trickier to write than one may think. For
instance, in my book coming out in February my heroine, Ella, is operating from the script of “I lost my child I can’t either face being around kids or think I can take care of kids”. My hero, Cord, who has three adorable children, sees her reaction to his children and reverts to his script which is “My wife was more involved with her work than the kids and died as a result of this”. So Cord filters Ella’s frightened reaction to his children through his ‘script’. He’s aloof, upset and tries to keep his kids away from Ella. Which only reinforces her script.
Various editors have told me that one can’t base an entire story on a misunderstanding. But different scripts is far deeper than misunderstanding. The hero or heroine’s view of themselves is ingrained and underlined by the various experiences they’ve had. And it causes great pain so they’re either hiding it or thinking they’re over it when they’re really not.
My job as a writer is to put them in contact and to have the various situations and conversations they have slowly peel away their misconceptions of each other. This takes place over the majority of the book. The finale comes when they are willing to see the error of their own ‘script’ and understand where the other person is coming from as well.
If you want to find out more about Cord and Ella, you’ll have to wait for the book, Courting the Cowboy, coming out in February. For now here’s a sneak peek of the cover. Hope you manage to get hold of this book and find out how Cord and Ella managed to resolve their differences and get on the same page. So to speak. Take care.
If you want to find out more about my books and my writing check out my website: www.carolyneaarsen.com and get a chance to download a free e-book.
Or you can head over to Instafreebie and get a copy of Homecoming over there.
https://www.instafreebie.com/free/3YcRR
Carolyne Aarsen, originally a city girl, was transplanted to the country when she married her dear husband Richard. While raising four children, foster children, and various animals Carolyne’s résumé gained some unique entries. Growing a garden, sewing blue jeans, baking, pickling and preserving. She learned how to handle cows, drive tractors, snow machines, ride a horse, and train a colt. Somewhere in all this she learned to write. Her first novel sold in 1997 and since then has sold almost fifty novels to three different publishers. Her stories show a love of open spaces, the fellowship of her Christian community and the gift God has given us in Christ.
Nice sneak peak of the cover (and cover model!!). The story sounds interesting, will keep an eye out for it. Totally get the different script thing, it reminds of a saying that I greatly appreciate “seek first to understand than to be understood.” I have to constantly remember this in my interaction with my students and fellow teachers, particularly at this time of year when we are all busy with marking, report writing and other activities as the school year winds down. Blessings:)
Different scripts can create some of the best conflicts in romance. Great sneak peek, Carolyne. I look forward to reading your February release!
I have read some of your love inspired books and have enjoyed them. I get your scripts thing, everyone sees life through a filter of their own past experiences. It is hard to switch filters to see through someone else’s filter.
Thanks for that great explanation, Carolyne! In fact, it helped clarify something for me in the story I’m currently writing.
Different scripts always make good readings in my opinion (and they are a lot better than misunderstandings), but I just don’t like when they are drawn out, which can just be just as frustrating as misunderstandings. I think many people don’t know the difference and mistake both notions. Thanks for making the difference nice and clear.
This is a great explanation, Carolyne! Different perceptions are more interesting to read about than misunderstandings.
Carolyne,
You are so right with your description of how many people come at things in their lives. I work with special needs children and we are always having to remember that they see things differently and understand things so different. A while back I heard a song by a band named, Sawyer Brown. The song is, They Don’t Understand.
Here’s a link to the video….it REALLY tells it well….
https://m.youtube.com/?reload=2&rdm=2amgtl11n#/watch?v=7zK8iOnDPFo
I love your sneak peak.
Thans for stopping in! I think we all are the hero of our own story, but we have to remember that the other person feels the same! Thanks again.
Thanks Jill! I use differing scripts a lot. It’s much easier to work with than misunderstanding.
Thanks so much, Cassandra! And you are exactly right. We each have a filter and we each think our position is the best. Sometimes it’s hard to have an open mind and think maybe the other person or, at this time in November, the other side has something to contribute as well.
Always glad to be of help, Val!
Hey Priscilla, thanks for your input. And yes, a writer can drag differing scripts out just as much as misunderstandings. Sooner or later, if the characters are adults, they have to figure things out and have an adult conversation. And listen to each other. Especially in a romance where we want the characters to be interacting regularly. Take care.
Thanks for stopping by Beth! I think the best stories come when the characters have very valid reasons for their ‘script’ and why they believe what they believe. The trick is to show them a better way! Always a challenge.
Nice to hear from you, Marylin. And strength for you in your work! We had a special needs foster child and I was so grateful for the teachers and helpers in his life. Like you said, he taught us to look at life and other people differently. Thanks for the link to the song! I love Sawyer Brown.
Carolyne, I read a lot of stories where there are many misconceptions that the hero/heroine have between them. It mostly takes place in a story where they’ve known each other in the past. And I really do love it when it takes the author most of the book to peel back those layers so they get a better understanding of the past situation that brought them to this point. And of course, they finally get their happily-ever-after :-) I think it makes their relationship deeper and richer as they work through those things.
Thanks for sharing the “sneak peek” of your book, sounds like one I’d enjoy reading!
You said, “Various editors have told me that one can’t base an entire story on a misunderstanding.” Since it’s going to be published someone eventually caught your vision for your book. How much did you have to change what you were trying to do to clarify and/or ameliorate those concerns? Or, did you just keep championing your story until someone “got it”?
Thanks for stopping by, Trixi! I love putting in layers of realization in a story so nice to know it’s appreciated by the reader.
Dear Jayna, you are absolutely correct. To me a misunderstanding is something that can be cleared up with one conversation. Differing scripts requires a step by step change and many conversations and events that shift and change the hero and heroine’s perception of the situation and each other. It can’t happen with one conversation because letting go of the ‘script’ requires trust and trust can only happen over time. I hope that helps. As for championing a story, if my editor doesn’t like it, I let go. She has a better understanding of what will sell and a less biased view of the story than I do. I have an emotional attachment she doesn’t. So if she doesn’t like it I let go. Thanks for stopping by!
Good advice to trust the editors. I will file that away to remind myself. Tx!