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Inspy Romance—Fall in Love With a Good Book

Enough

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In all my years on this earth, I’ve never been one who chooses a word for the year. Or one who feels that God has given me a word.

In fact, I’ve always been a little jealous of people who could and would confidently assert “This year, my word is X.”

How did they know?

How could they be sure?

And why, here in the tail end of February, are you talking about this today? Shouldn’t you have mentioned it in January, Elizabeth?

Honestly, I can’t answer those last two questions beyond saying it felt right.

The first two? Those were answered for me in December.

We’ve had a lot going on in our family life over the last…I don’t know, it feels like forever. Every time one thing would resolve, it seemed like six more would fall off the tree.

In November and December, my husband I started earnestly praying for discernment about a situation that would pretty much tip our lives on their ear. He was pretty adamantly against even considering it. And I couldn’t shake the story of Elijah and the widow at Zarephath (1 Kings 17:7-16). In a nutshell, it’s a massive drought. Everyone is suffering. Crops are dying. And Elijah asks a widow for water and bread. Water she can do, but she has only a handful of flour and enough oil to make one cake. Her plan is to bake up the last, share it with her son, and then they can die together.

But God.

Elijah convinces her to go home and bake and share the bread with him. And she does. And God stretches that handful of flour and drop of oil to feed all three of them until the drought ended.

And so I looked at my husband many times over those two months and said, “We have enough for today. God will give us enough for tomorrow.”

This, my friends, is not like me.

I am a planner. As is hubby. And that has been part of the very hard aspect of this potential change. So much is up in the air with now way for us to drag it down and nail it into an actionable plan. And the two of us? We’re software engineers. We like ordered instructions that go from a to b to c and so forth in a predictable, repeatable way.

But that’s not life in general. And it’s definitely not our lives today.

In January, my sister was removed from the clinical trial for her cancer because of progression, but her oncologist said that even with that, she wasn’t likely to die this year. About a week after that, she went into the hospital with various complaints that her oncologist refused to acknowledge were cancer related. (Who knows, maybe they weren’t. But they were random, regardless.) She was in the hospital a little over two weeks, before she came home on hospice. Even then, she was doing so well, save for some pain, which the marvel of modern medicine could manage, and her nausea. The hospice intake nurse was sure that we’d be renewing the hospice prescription in six months.

She passed away on Valentine’s Day – which was also Ash Wednesday this year, and perhaps a more fitting mental reminder than the first. (For we are dust, and to dust we shall return. Genesis 3:19)

No one expected it to be this fast, but she declined rapidly. She didn’t even make it two weeks at home on hospice.

I am heartbroken.

But here, in the midst of grief, I hear the gentle reminder that God has given me enough to get through today. And while I absolutely don’t know about tomorrow. Or the day after. Or any of the days beyond. I have enough for this moment and am trusting for God to get me through to the next.

When we were putting together the prize packages for this year’s Birthday Bash, my sister was still in the hospital. And I suppose it was because of that that I added copies of my book Postcards to the offerings. It’s not the newest of my books by any stretch, but it one that I hold very dear. It’s about grief and sisters and love that finds us in unexpected places.

Elizabeth Maddrey (292 Posts)

Elizabeth Maddrey is a semi-reformed computer geek and homeschooling mother of two who lives in the suburbs of Washington D.C. When she isn’t writing, Elizabeth is a voracious consumer of books. She loves to write about Christians who struggle through their lives, dealing with sin and receiving God’s grace on their way to their own romantic happily ever after.


Comments

  1. Elizabeth Perry Maddrey so sorry for your loss. Thanks for your blog. Great word of the year. Blessings and best wishes.

  2. Elizabeth, I am so sorry for your loss and what your family has gone through. And, yes, God is enough to get us through any trials, sadness, heartbreak we may go through. He will walk with you through the valley. You are in my prayers. God bless you and keep you.

  3. I am so sorry for your loss. I prayed that you’ll feel God’s peace and presence during this very difficult time and that He will be enough.

  15. I am so sorry for your loss and praying for your family. Sisters hold a special place in our hearts. This is the first year I chose a word or I should say it chose me. My word is trust and I am working on that .

  16. So sorry for your loss!! Continuing to pray for you and your family. Remember, it’s a process, and the process means it never ends. You’ll handle it a little better day by day, but cry when you need to cry, laugh when you can, and remember all of the fun and not so fun times with your sister. Most of all, talk about her with others who knew her, and even ones who didn’t. No one can tell you how to deal with the loss; everyone is different. Find people who let you grieve in your way and time. God will get you through!

  17. I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister! Losing a loved one is heartbreaking, and some days you wonder how you can ever go on. But God…
    Prayers for you and your husband!

  18. I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s always a heartbreaking shock, even when you think you’re prepared. Keeping you and your family in prayer.

  25. Oh, Elizabeth. I’ve been praying for your sister, and for you, for awhile now. Wish I could send a big hug, so I’ll just ask the Lord to give you one. It’s so hard to lose mothers and sisters without enough time to treasure those last days with them. Praying for you!!!

  26. Elizabeth,

    What a now word He was so gracious to give you, and it will keep you in the coming days, weeks, and months you grieve and move forward. I know in my mom’s sudden passing not only was He enough, He was present. I could feel Him in the room when I was certain I was going to break.

    My prayer for you and your family is that you feel HIs presence no matter what the day/night holds. Lynellen was such a blessing on Facebook to so many. My deepest sympathies to you all.

  29. Elizabeth I am so sorry for the loss of your sister in this life, it is tough to be the ones left behind, and also so grateful that God took her home in a shorter time which lessened any suffering. This last month has certainly been about accepting the humility of God’s guidance. The free will we were granted makes it completely suck sometimes, but we are holding you in our heart that you will always have enough of whatever you need and hopefully what you would like too! Being in IT I can completely relate to the challenge of letting go of planning and living in the moment. Blessings.

  32. I am so sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in God and in His plans even when life feels crazy.

  33. I’m so sorry for your loss, I am praying for you and your family. May the Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you, the Lord turn his face towards you and give you peace.

  34. I am so sorry about your loss. Praying with you and your husband that His will be done in your lives. It is not always easy but it is always necessary. Being faithful and obedient to Him is what He asks for. Bless you both.

  35. My Condolences on your loss. While your sister is no longer suffering I do understand how hard it is and that you feel like a piece of your heart is missing.
    I once had a doctor say to me when I was struggling after mum’s passing that one day you will laugh and you will know it’s going to be ok. And it may have sounded strange at the time but he was right I was laughing at something and not feeling I shouldn’t and things were ok.

    Your word is actually a very strong word and right now perfect for you. Take care praying for you and the family

  36. I’m so sorry about your sister’s illness and her passing. I don’t pretend to understand why wonderful people get struck with horrible diseases that change so many lives forever. I’m thankful that our faith ensures that after we die we’ll be in paradise with Jesus and I hope that eventually that thought gives you hope and comfort regarding your sister. When I read Postcards I knew it was a very special book. I loved it. I’ll be saying prayers for you and your family to recover from this terrible loss.

  51. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve been praying for your family since I saw on Valerie’s Facebook page that your sister had gone to be with Jesus.

  56. Thank you for sharing this testimony of God’s faithfulness to your family. May the Lord comfort you and yours during this time. Hugs.

  57. My condolences :( I’m so sorry about your sister, Elizabeth. I know very well what it’s like to lose family to cancer :( sending lots of love and prayers your way <3

  58. Sorry for your loss my family just went through loss december 26th when my grandfather passed away at age 96 after he fell and broke his hip we are sad but also happy that he is no longer in pain and is reunited with his wife who died in 2020.

  59. This is not how I thought this post will be from the title but it really is appropriate.

    So sorry for your loss and I pray that the Holy Spirit will be everything you and yours need him to be in this hour of your life. Confidant, peace, hope, joy, anchor, comfort, everything and anything you need him to be, he will. I pray he surrounds you with love and a deeper dimension of himself will be revealed to you and yours during this time.

    Kind regards and God’s blessings

    Tobijulo

  60. I am sorry for your loss, I’ve lost a sister myself, so I know how hard it is. I’m sending you healing prayers, thoughts and hugs ❤️

  62. I am so sorry for your loss, Elizabeth. 💔 Sending lots of prayers your way

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