Inspy Romance

Inspy Romance—Fall in Love With a Good Book

Expectations vs. Reality

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I’ve been spending a lot of time lately thinking about the difference between expectations and reality. It seems like the biggest struggles I’ve faced in my life spiritually boil down to a discrepancy between my plans and expectations and reality.

When my husband and I had been married for a couple of years, we decided to start a family – as you do, right? But things didn’t go to plan. We struggled. What should have been an easy, natural thing, turned into doctors and tests and procedures. And none of it worked.

And I found myself wallowing down in the mud at the bottom of the pit of despair.

Even better? Since high school, I had taken a little bit of pride (or okay, let’s be real, a lot of pride) in the fact that I had a normal, healthy weight without having to stress about it. My mom and sister struggled and fought their weight. I’d been a chubby child who finally slimmed down. But infertility? It did a number on my hormones which, in turn, did a number on my body.

Suddenly, I was even more broken.

And the mud in that pit sucked me in deeper.

I wrestled with God about these things. A lot. I drew on the example of David in the imprecatory Psalms and reminded myself that God could take my anger.

Slowly. Over more time than I really care to admit, God wore down my pride. He broke through and showed me that my expectations had become an idol.

What do I mean? I have an analytical personality. (This sometimes surprises people, because we’re often told you’re either creative or analytical. Well not me. I’m both.) I love math. I went into computer science because I love the linear nature of do X and Y will happen. If Y doesn’t happen? Well, you goofed something up doing X, go fix it!

It’s a guarantee. Math and computers? If you can verify that your work is correct, you will have the correct answer.

And I wanted that to be true in every area of my life. It seemed reasonable.

But God never promised us that, and I wasn’t willing to be thankful for what was, because I was too focused on what I thought should have been the result of my work.

I thought I’d learned the lesson, but apparently I’m slow.

Lately, I’ve been back down in that mud.

I’m wrestling with a child who is probably facing some learning difference diagnoses and I’m not sure how severe it’s going to end up being. My sister is staring cancer in the face. We are still grieving the loss of my mom.

And the release of A Heart Rearranged marked my 29th book. And I had some serious expectations about being an author with 29 books to her name.

Those expectations aren’t anywhere near reality.

I thought for sure that by now my books would be contributing significantly to my family’s income. And while God absolutely provides for us through my husband’s job, there are bills that I wish I could help pay. There are ministries I would love to support more. There are treats I wish I could help provide. There are vacations I would love for us to take.

More than that, I expected that people would read and enjoy my books in bigger numbers than they do.

I believe the stories I write are the ones He’s asking me to write. I believe I’m being faithful by writing them. I believe I am working hard at marketing them. And I believe that readers would enjoy those stories, if they turned the first page.

But is that where it ends?

And so, down here in the mud, I’ve been asking God to make things more clear.

The schedule at this point is for me to release my final Peacock Hill Romance in November.

And I don’t know what comes next.

All I know right now is that I don’t want my books to be an idol.

I don’t think it’s wrong to have expectations. I don’t think it’s wrong to want to make money from my books. It wasn’t wrong to want to conceive. It’s not wrong to want to be a healthy weight or have a neurotypical child. It’s not wrong to wrestle with change and mourn the death of expectations.

Unless you cling too long to what you wanted and fail to embrace what is and thank God for it.

So I’ll be here, trying to thank God from the mud and asking for Him to show me what He wants me to do. Because I want to be faithful – even if the result of my faithfulness isn’t what I expected it to be.

(p.s. Today is your last day to grab Courage to Change for 99c! )

Elizabeth Maddrey (278 Posts)

Elizabeth Maddrey is a semi-reformed computer geek and homeschooling mother of two who lives in the suburbs of Washington D.C. When she isn’t writing, Elizabeth is a voracious consumer of books. She loves to write about Christians who struggle through their lives, dealing with sin and receiving God’s grace on their way to their own romantic happily ever after.


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Comments

  2. Hi Elizabeth, thank you for sharing, such a raw and honest post. What you have written resonates- my plans vs God’s plans and facing reality can be challenging!
    I still wrestle with where God wants us, but I am slowly (slowly!!) learning that I need to just keep embracing what God has in store for us- and I can only see that when I reflect on how He has guided us and continues to guide us.
    Many blessings Elizabeth, as you continue to allow God to use you- as a wife, mother, sister, friend and author:)

  3. You are an inspiration, Elizabeth. Thank you for such a an endearing post and insight look into your heart. I love your stories and thoroughly enjoy reading them all! Praying for you and your family.

  4. Hi Elizabeth. Thanks for sharing. It’s always a good reminder to know that God’s in control.

  6. Hi Elizabeth! Thanks for sharing your heart and journey! As women I think we often struggle with unmet expectations – personal, family, career, or life. As Priscila stated it is not always easy to let go and let God be in control. Blessings to you. My oldest son also struggled in school. As a teacher and avid reader, it was difficult to watch and testing didn’t help clarify the issue. But God prevailed. He graduated from high school and junior college. Today at 40 – he had three patents. Best wishes.

  7. Lord bless. Life is a challenge sometimes. God is faithful.
    My son struggled in early elementary school. His learning style didn’t fit the teaching style in use at the time. He did graduate high school but getting him to study and turn things in was always a challenge. He took the slow approach to college and finally figured out how to study. He is now a senior computer programmer. Parenting is a challenge. Lord give you wisdom and strength and comfort.

    • God is faithful and that is for sure a comfort.

      I know we’ll figure it out with my son – it’s hard on the starting line when it all feels bleak but I know God has this.

  10. Thanks for sharing this from the heart! I needed to be reminded of this. Expectations are always my downfall, too. Thank you for reminding me to live from day to day without worrying about or expecting anything from the future. My Shepherd will guide me where I need to go, no matter how it differs from the picture I’ve imagined in my head. <3

  11. Your story resonates with me. When it was time for me to be home with Mom, I had no clue that was why I lost my job. After two jobs that weren’t a good fit, Mom and I both finally figured it out. I wasn’t supposed to be looking for a job, I was to be with her. I’ve been home with her for 7 years now, almost 8. Through this time with her, I’ve become a licensed independent insurance agent, something I’d never dreamed of doing. I was able to join our Ladies Bible study at church, and last year started to facilitate, too. I don’t make near what I did when I was “working” but I have what I need. I also have this time with Mom, which I will never regret having. Life didn’t go exactly as I planned, since I never married or had children, but it’s been the life God had for me, and I don’t regret a thing. He’ll continue to see me through, and I’m happy with that!

  12. Elizabeth I just want you to know that since reading your first book many years ago I have loved your books and read every one of them. You have become like a treasured friend to me, and I relate to you in many ways. God bless you abundantly and be with you and your family in your struggles! Love You!

  14. Thanks so much for sharing, Elizabeth! I’m going to try to remember to pray for you more than just today.

  15. It’s so hard when our expectations aren’t realized and you see those around you that succeed at everything, but that is when I’ve learned to wake up and say I choose JOY today. Blessings

  16. We are sisters in our struggle as writers. I wish I could afford to purchase all the books of my favorite authors instead of budgeting for one, maybe two, a month on a good month. Know that you inspire and lift others in a way that a paycheck will never reflect. You are gathering blessings in heaven; I know it’s difficult to grasp that unseen concept. Keep fighting the good fight. God bless.

  17. Thanks for your thoughtful post and sharing what you’re going through. I pray God will give you clarity and discernment going forward during this season.

  18. Elizabeth, thanks for that reminder that our plans aren’t always God’s plans. When I look back over my life, I see that it is completely different than what I had imagined in my youth. God can use us whenever we are and whatever our life circumstances.

  20. So many great authors out there in Christian fiction, wish I had more time to read them all!
    I am going to Amazon to order the first book in the Peacock Hill series right now.

  22. Back in 1987 I did substitute teaching for kindergarten through 3rd grade at the school our kids attended. 1 day I went to a different school and it was much larger, not friendly and was a nightmare, did not go back there.
    As for smaller school I knew I enjoyed it.

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