My youngest daughter is 11, and she hates conflict. I don’t mean only conflict in real life. I mean conflict in stories. If she’s watching a movie or TV show and the characters start to fight or there’s a big battle against the bad guys, she’ll either look away, skip the scene, or turn it off. I’ve tried to explain to her that there wouldn’t be much of a story without the conflict, but she’s not buying it. She wants everyone to be happy all of the time.
Don’t get me wrong, that’s a great characteristic in a kid, and I love that about her. And in real life, I prefer to have as little conflict as possible. You probably do too.
But “everyone’s happy all the time” doesn’t make for a great story.
As readers, we go into a book knowing there’s going to be some conflict. Actually, there are probably going to be many conflicts of many different types. For example:
Person vs. Person: When we think of this kind of conflict, we might think of the hero or heroine facing off against a “bad guy.” And it can certainly be that. But every romance has person vs. person conflict in the form of the hero and the heroine. This doesn’t mean they’re necessarily out to get each other or even that they dislike each other. But there’s something that comes between them, something that keeps them from getting together and living happily ever after right from page one, and that something is conflict. For example, in my book Not Until Forever, the conflict is that Sophie and Spencer dated in college and she rejected his marriage proposal. It’s going to be hard to overcome that!
People vs. Nature: Conflict doesn’t come only in the form of other people. The setting can also cause plenty of conflict. Maybe it’s a big storm that destroys buildings. Maybe it’s a blizzard that traps the hero and heroine together. It could even be too much sun causing sunburn. I admit that I love to include people vs. nature conflict in my books, both because it’s highly relatable (who hasn’t experienced a conflict with the weather!) and because it can amp up all sorts of other conflicts (like what if the hero and heroine are trapped in a blizzard together…and they can’t stand each other?). I think my biggest people vs. nature conflict occurs in Not Until This Day (but I won’t spoil what it is, in case you haven’t read that one yet!).
People vs. Society: This one is interesting to me because it can take so many forms. It could be something as big as a fight against injustice. Or something as “small” as not fitting in. For example, I would say part of the conflict in my book Pieces of Forever is that Ava’s scarred face separates her from society…or at least she feels like it does.
Person vs. Self: Oh, this is a good one, and it’s one I think you’ll find in nearly every Christian romance, as the characters are dealing not only with external struggles against the world around them but also their internal struggles. Maybe they’ve experienced an event in their past that makes them distrustful of others. Or maybe they don’t think they’re worthy of love. Maybe they struggle with figuring out who they really are. Ultimately, because they (like us) have a sinful human nature, they’ll also be struggling against that human nature and sin.
And of course, the only way to overcome that struggle against our sinful human nature is through the ultimate conflict: God vs. Satan. Fortunately, that conflict has already been won. Through Jesus’ triumph at the cross, we have the promise that our sins are forgiven. And because that conflict has already been won, we can also look forward to a conflict-free eternity with our Savior. In fact, it will be so conflict free that God “will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Revelation 21:4).
So a lack of conflict may not make for great storytelling, but my daughter has one thing right: it makes for the best happy ending of all. Ours, in heaven.
Your turn: What are your favorite types of conflict to see in books? Do books ever have too much or not enough conflict for you?
Oh, and I almost forgot to tell you: my book Not Until Now is FREE through tomorrow only. Talk about conflict! Let’s just say it isn’t exactly love at first sight with Cam and Kayla. :)
I am a bit like your daughter, which is why I avoid suspense, even if it’s Christian based. People vs self and people vs nature conflict suit me fine. Societal conflict is a little too close to home these days, unless it’s perceived like Ava, which is maybe really people vs self anyway.
I was once told conflict is what keeps the reader reading or the watcher watching. I love your daughter’s opinion and wish it was far more prevalent. Lately I seem to be drawn to conflict within and societal conflict – when people aren’t kind enough to be competent and the suffering it leads to and the conflict where me/character wants to do it all but needs to resolve the conflict from that not being possible. What a great post, thanks!
Our oldest (now 38) was the same as your daughter. Conflict of any kind was just not acceptable. Than going into Cub Scouts with his dad and then Boy Scouts, he started to learn how to handle conflict from others. By the time he got into graduate school he could handle conflict because of Jesus help and a huge dose of common sense. He still chooses his battles big time, and he can handle conflicts if needed. But it does seem to take a lot our of him. And that is alright, because he know what to do. His wife also knows how to handle conflicts. On the other hand our daughter (now 36) was super good at creating conflict. sigh. She was a hand full LOL love them both Now she has tamed down a lot and chooses her conflicts with care. Both kiddos are introverts but so very different. I thank God for them daily and that He allowed me to be their mom
I don’t think I’ve come across a book that has too much conflict! I have come across some that the characters are just too good to ring true, and I refuse to read those books again, and I’ve stayed away from that author.
I have read some books with too much conflict for me – usually when there’s no let up until the very end of the book. I avoid reading those authors again. There are some kinds of suspense that I enjoy (like Dani Pettrey and Dee Henderson) and other authors that I’ve tried and quit reading because I didn’t like how they handled the suspense elements.
And I do have some books with very little conflict that I save for times when I need a relaxing book to read. The Miss Read books about the life of an English school teacher do have some interpersonal conflict, but usually not a lot, and are just fun to read and relax with.
I can understand that! I have a few Christian suspense books in my TBR, but I keep putting off reading them for the same reason. I think you’re right that A Ava’s conflict is mainly people vs self since it’s largely her perception of how society will receive her that causes the conflict.
I think conflict unfortunately is just part of life. I think conflict does make for a better story, because it is part of life, and than after the conflict is resolved than comes the HEA . I love your daughters thinking for sure though, wouldn’t that just be so much more happiness .
That’s the thing, conflict is what keeps us reading or watching…even if we don’t love to experience conflict. There’s that tension of wanting to see how it all gets resolved. And putting ourselves in the character’s shoes lets us do that vicariously in both small ways and big (sometimes world-changing!) ways.
Thank you for sharing this! You make a good point that we do have to learn to deal with conflict even if we don’t like it. But I think your son is wise to pick his battles. Not everything is worth the conflict it causes! I had to laugh at your comment about your daughter being good at creating conflict. I think all kids are at times…although some can definitely take that to a greater extreme! I am glad to know she also chooses her conflicts with care now. It’s always so fun to see the ways in which our children are like each other (and us) and the ways in which they are completely different. I agree that they’re a blessing either way!
Good point! A too-perfect character can definitely ruin the story, no matter how much conflict there is since they’re just not believable.
Hi Valerie! I’m with your daughter. I have always hated conflict and have gone out of my way to avoid it–all of my life. But I agree with you that there has to be conflict in a story. The story would be pretty boring otherwise. I can get along with all the scenarios that you mentioned, along with the conflict of self. It warms my heart to see a character “get it” and become redeemed by God.
I am looking forward to Not Until the End. Have my copy of preorder. Thank you.
This is a good point… unrelenting conflict can be hard to read. We need those lighter moments to catch our breath too… even if we know more conflict is coming.
It really would be! But I think you’re right that the reason conflict is a part of story is because it’s a part of life. The great thing about romance is you always get the happy ending!
Oh yes, I’m a conflict avoider too in my own life. :) But I agree that stories would be pretty boring without it. I love what you said about seeing a character finally “get it” when it comes to faith and salvation…that’s the best part!
I think it depends how I am feeling – I agree that conflict within a story is often what makes in interesting and enjoyable, but sometimes if I’m not feeling up to it I prefer a story with less conflict, or to re-read a book I know well where I know how it all works out.
I do love to see the sort of person vs self conflict you describe working out in CCR though, seeing God’s love working in the lives of the characters is always moving.
Oh true! Rereading a book is a good way to deal with those times when you don’t want the stress of reading too much conflict…at least you already know how it will be resolved! And I absolutely agree that person vs self conflict in CCR is so great because we see it resolved through God working in the characters’ hearts and lives.
I am not sure if I can say I have a favorite type of conflict. As you said, life has enough conflict of it’s own. I think in some ways, I would love a life like your daughter. I know the only place that is going to happen is in heaven. Thank you so much for sharing. God bless you.
So true! It’s only going to happen in heaven. But it’s definitely something to look forward to! :)
I like all kinds of conflict I just don’t see how a story could be created where there is no problem at all or even a comedy.
I think that although there are people who hate conflicts, we have to learn to manage and confront them. I have a university classmate who hates them so much that he confronts them by sweeping them under the rug. He will resolve any conflict with another person by trying not to face it (even when his behavior has been the cause).
In the end the insistence on everyone being happy and not facing any conflict ends up causing more as the rest of us have felt despised by their absolute refusal to address any problem.
Simply put, all human beings are so different that it is normal for there to be even small conflicts: what to eat at a picnic, who takes whose cup at home…even in children’s cartoons there are conflicts! They just don’t usually solve them by fighting. As you get older for some reason the programs become more problematic and people won’t be able to solve something without yelling at each other hahaha.
This is true! We all need to learn to deal with conflict…even if we don’t like it. You’re right that avoiding it often only causes more conflict in the long run. It’s too bad our conflicts can’t always be as simple as who takes whose cup (or as in the case of my own children, who sits where at the dinner table, lol!).