I’m reading a series about a woman who is separated from her husband – not by her own choice. Have you ever found yourself hating a character in a book? Though I know this guy is only a figment of the author’s imagination, I utterly despise him. If he were to have an accident and die, I would surely cheer out loud. That isn’t likely, since this book is in the Christian fiction genre. Chances are, he will eventually recognize the error of his ways, regret the ill treatment he doled out on the innocent, beg for forgiveness, and receive it. And that will mean that I, the reader, must forgive him too.
God doesn’t give us a list of exceptions when it comes to forgiveness. He commands us to not only forgive our enemies, but to love them too. Murderers, rapists, pedophiles, crooked politicians … All of our enemies and the enemies of our friends and loved ones. I guess that means I have to forgive the bad guy in this book as well, even if he is just an imaginary character in a novel.
It’s not unusual for a couple to be at odds in a romance novel. They say there’s a thin line between love and hate and authors capitalize on that quirk of human nature. Boy meets Girl. One or the other does something stupid and the injured party overreacts. As a reader, we know exactly what’s happening – these two people are falling in love! Sooner or later, one of them forgives and before long, the other does too. I can read variations of this story every day because it’s so true to life. Even after the vows are read and the rings are slipped onto fingers, most romances continue on this reckless course. That can be a good thing, so long as the arguments are about minor issues and both partners are willing to forgive, again and again and again. That’s the way a good relationship is supposed to work.
But sometimes, one of the partners gets carried away and goes too far. Maybe his job becomes more important than his wife. Maybe she’d rather spend time with her friends than her spouse. Maybe he lies about money, depriving her so he can gamble in secret. Maybe she cheats. Maybe he hits. Maybe she does …
Are we still called to forgive? I believe we are. We might not be able to live in the same house with someone who hasn’t yet recognized “the error of his ways,” but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to hate. Love keeps no record of wrongs … We are called to forgive and to love everybody – our partner, our family members, our neighbors and friends and yes, even our enemies. We are never called to hate. Not even some character in a book.
That’s what it’s all about – love. The kind of love that raises you up and makes you more than you ever believed you could be. The kind of love that makes people forgive the worst atrocities and grant another chance.
I wish I was capable of that kind of love. I’m more likely to carry a grudge, all the way into the next book of the series. Lucky for me, God is the author of my story! He forgives me for not forgiving. Not just seventy times seven either. As many times as it takes.
Forgiveness is hard for me also. I have been dealing with some of those unforgivable sins a long time.
I did a bible study with a book by Cathy Bryant, “The Fragrance of Crushed Violets: Forgiving the Inexcusable.”.
Diane, one of the toughest things to learn is to forgive those who’ve hurt us. It goes against our human nature, so we must strive extra hard at it. Thankfully, God shows us the way over and over by forgiving us and granting us plenty of opportunities to practice forgiveness. Thanks for your great article today!
I learned long ago, it’s exhausting not to forgive, Diane. I can’t say I’ve ever “hated” a character, but they’ve been known to make me pull out a few hairs. :)
Diane, this is such a thoughtful post. Thanks. Forgiveness has been the theme of a lot of my novels. God has forgiven us, so how can we refuse to forgive others?
Diane, I liked what you said about reading a character that you just could not like. I have done that but it usually turns out at the end. In real life, it does not always turn out right even when you do forgive. My friend is still dealing with someone who continues to do and say things that are hard to forgive. It takes daily prayer and much guidance to do what we know it right.
I think forgiveness is a very hard thing to walk through. Sometimes reading a character we don’t like can help speak to us as we read how they deal with something that is difficult. Maybe authors put a character in their book that is not a like able person for a reason. Could it be to see if we also have those traits that make forgiving someone so difficult? I have had to walk through forgiveness in my life due to traumatic violent childhood. It was not easy but it has shown me that forgiving releases you from bitterness, pain and anger. What was difficult was having a father who was a pastor and hsbing to live a secret life away from the church. But I have always remembered the scripture thst says “to honor your father and mother.” For me , forgiveness is an everyday struggle but perhaps even a character from a book I don’t like, can speak to me and show me something I need to work on.
Forgiveness isn’t always easy or fun. Sometimes we have to work through the hurt to be able to get to the point of being able to forgive. At least it does for me sometimes. There are people I can forgive easier than others. But I know God has called me to a higher standard than that, and so I rely on the grace He has shown me & the strength that only comes from Him to do what I know I need to. It takes time, prayer, tears and finally surrender to forgive! Thankfully God’s forgiveness cleanses my heart of all the anger, pain & bitterness that I was holding on to!