We all know grieving is a part of life.
It’s not a fun part, but it happens to all of us.
In fact, the only way to avoid grieving is to never love anyone or anything.
My next release is about two people who know plenty about loss.
- The heroine has been widowed for 14 years.
- The hero’s been widowed for 2.5 (or is it 3.5 – I need to double check).
- She’s in her mid-40s.
- He’s almost 50.
- She has ten kids and three are still minors.
- He has three boys, the oldest of which is 10.
- Her oldest son is technically the hero’s boss.
- She’s been publicly grieving since her husband died.
- Privately, she’s been contemplating moving on for years.
Oh – and her oldest son is the king.
Which makes her the Queen Mother.
And her late husband the former king.
The hero?
He became head of security after the last one assisted the bad guy in a hostage situation/kidnapping attempt.
Thor Sørenson was on then-Crown Prince Alfred’s security detail when the prince met Eliana Robertson nearly thirty years ago (in Love for the Ages). He was head of the then-king’s detail when the call came that Alfred had collapsed in their apartment.
He was the first one on-scene.
The first one to do CPR.
The first one to know it was all too little, too late.
Eliana went on to give birth to her husband’s last child. To grieve deeply both publicly and privately for an extended period of time.
Thor met and married a wonderful woman, had three sons, then lost his wife. He also grieved deeply, though he threw himself into his work, protecting the now-20-something king from Alfred’s brother who sought the throne for himself.
With the threats behind them, they take the first tentative steps toward a relationship only to have Thor’s conflicted sense of honor cause him to back off because of the conflict of interest.
This is, of course, a romance, so we know there’s going to be an HEA.
(There has to be, or it’s not a romance.)
The question is how they get there.
The loss of a spouse is one kind of grief. King Benjamin worked through some of his own grief at losing his father at thirteen (and becoming king at the same time) in his story The Indentured Queen.
I share his grief over the loss of a parent, though for me it was 34 years earlier this month.
There’s loss of friendships. I’ve grieved some of them recently (even though the loss was some time ago).
Loss of romantic relationships through something besides death. (Fortunately, I have no experience with this – I married my first boyfriend.)
Loss of what-could-be or what-might-have-been.
Loss involving non-romantic relationships. Last year, I began grieving the loss of my second cousin (which made my Word of the Year even more appropriate – hope – because as believers, there’s always hope).
This week, I also found myself grieving the “loss” of my old church.
It was a decision that had been a long time coming – and had nothing to do with the church itself, except location.
We moved to a church 5 minutes from home, where my kids could be involved on a much greater scale, with kids they attend school with.
A decision made nearly four years ago.
But the child ID tag that finally fell off my key ring brought some tears this week.
All of those things – and more – can be part of the obstacles a couple has to overcome.
In Hand-Me-Down Princess, Prince Malachi and Jessabelle find themselves in an arranged marriage. Part of what they deal with is that loss of self-determination and what-could-be.
Prince Nicklaus didn’t even know he was a prince until the last chapter or two of Protecting the Prince, much less that he also had an arranged marriage to Princess Yvette in Prince from her Past. He grieved a life he’d never known – and the grief that comes with the confirmation that his parents were assassinated and he and his nanny, who raised him, were supposed to die as well.
Crown Princess Astrid from Heart of a Prince is also a widow. Her hero, Jordan Haines, has mourned losses of another kind – including a kind of loss of his best friend after said friend married Jordan’s younger sister.
Kenzie Davidson and Julia Quisenberry both mourn the loss of privacy that comes from falling for a man in the public eye in Discovering Home and Glimpsing Hope.
Samantha Dean and Vince Roberts mourn the loss of years they could have had together, and more, in Gifts of Love.
Claire Cruz Cartwright mourns the loss of trust in Premieres & Paparazzi.
Crown Princess Esmeralda mourns the loss of both parents – in different ways – in The Spare and the Heir.
What are some kinds of loss/grieving that you see in romance? Are there some you think are overdone?
Not done enough?
Let me know your thoughts for an ecopy of one of any of my books mentioned above! Your choice!
And even if you can’t think of one, I’ve got THREE books free right now!
And here’s another kind of loss… one I’ve been grieving (seriously) for a couple of months. This is my last post on InspyRomance for the foreseeable future. I hope to return when life slows down a little bit, but with my oldest graduating next year (and three more in the five years after that), and my very active role as a band mom, something had to give.
It wasn’t an easy decision in the slightest. I’ve been here since the beginning – in fact, I posted the first real post ever just over five years ago.
I will miss seeing all of your smiling faces and am so glad that even though I won’t be blogging here anymore, it isn’t really goodbye!
<3 you all!
When she's not writing about her imaginary friends, Carol Moncado is hanging out with her husband and four kids in the big yard of their southwest Missouri home, teaching American Government at a community college, reading, or watching NCIS. She's a member of ACFW and RWA, President and founding member for the MozArks ACFW group, and a category coordinator for ACFW's First Impressions.
One loss that can be as bad as a loss as death is when you have to cut someone you love out of your life because no matter how much you love them they are toxic to your life. I have had to do a lot of this kver the years and it never gets easier. But my family isn’t the kind that anyone wants. It is toxic.
Yeah. I’ve been there. It’s no fun at all :(. Big hugs.
Carol, we will miss seeing your posts. Thanks for everything you’ve done for Inspy Romance over the years – we appreciate you! :)
Thanks, Narelle! I’m so grateful for IR and my years here, but it’s time to refocus a few things :/.
Hi Carol, I don’t know what to say- now I am grieving! I will very much miss reading your posts- but know that I will eagerly anticipate each book that you publish (does this mean they might come quicker??!!:)
I have no problem with books that deal with loss- it can add depth to the story.
Many blessings to you and your family Carol:)
Thanks Wemble! And yes, I’m hoping for more often, but we’ll see :). Loss can definitely add to the story, but it can’t be gratuitous or then it’s distracting. It needs to be organic and not forced into a story because the author feels like it should be. Not every story needs serious grieving over a loss.
Dear Carol,
You had me at “I married my first boyfriend.” That made my day. (I’ll habe to back to read the rest of your blog.)
(Currently reading Discovering Home and loving it like your other royal books.)
Hi, Anke! I’m glad you’re loving it! And yep! It’s been over 25 years now :).
Hi Carol! Loss comes in many forms and definitely adds another dimension to stories. Personally what makes a good story is how the characters deal with loss and the resolution of the story. My favorite book of yours remains Heart of a Prince. You will be missed by this avid Inspy Romance reader and poster. Best wishes.
HOAP is one of my favorites too! I love Astrid and Jordan! I’ll miss y’all too!
First, I will miss you and your posts. I love your series and I have enjoyed getting to know you through inspy romance. Second, my family is grieving a loss of future with my mother. Last week, she received a devastating diagnosis and we are now trying to make decisions about what we do next. As I struggle with what is ahead for us, I am thankful I have Christ to hold onto.
Hi Marcia! I’m so sorry to hear about your mother :(. That’s tough. The good thing is the hope we have in Christ. Big hugs.
I’m glad I got to know your books through this blog! I rather enjoy characters who are grieving the loss of a previous romantic relationship.
That can be a big one. I like it too, especially when they finally see what’s right in front of them in the new relationship!
Of all the stories I have read dealing with loss, I believe they hit it head on. Thank you.
Thanks for stopping by Kelley! I think most authors have dealt with loss in one form or another. That makes it possible to write those sorts of things more realistically.
Good morning Carol. You are making the right decision. Family must always come first. These are humans that God has entrusted into our care to grow up for His glory. In romances I have seen both the grieving is way overdone and not much at all. But when we think about it, every situation is so different that it really depends on the amount of grieving going on. In real life I have seen where someone cant seem to get out of the grieving stages and others that are able to move on. We will miss your posts. But know that you are doing the right thing.
Thanks, Lori. It’s something I wrestled with for a long time, but something had to give :/. Between being super involved as a band mom and writing full time, blogging was one thing that could give. :(
Everyone gets stuck in grieving, but the time frame is different for everyone. I think, in books, part of it depends on the time frame involved. In one book, I have a heroine that deals with two tragedies on top of each other. She throws herself into her work to avoid them for the most part. It’ll catch up with her eventually, but doesn’t before the end of the book a couple of months later.
We are so gonna miss you, girl! You were my right hand in getting Inspy Romance established and posted the Sunday Editions singlehandedly for many months. You are treasured. Don’t be a stranger!!!
Grief sure does come in many circumstances. Like you, I married my first boyfriend, but I’ve lost both parents, as well as dear friendships to death or decay. Like you, we’ve moved churches, usually along with moving towns, but not always.
And then there’s all the grief I’ve lived through in my characters’ lives, trying to see their circumstances through their eyes, trying to capture the depths of their despair.
Now you have me sniffling.
Sniffle :(. The daily convos with you were one of my biggest losses when I left the IR leadership team. Love you, friend!
No! I don’t want to lose you here! I’m glad I’m on your newsletter list, Facebook page, etc. (And I already have all your books, so no need to be in the giveaway).
Working through loss can be a very growing time spiritually.
Margaret! I’m so glad we have so many other options to stay in touch with readers and friends! Yes, loss can lead to huge spiritual growth. Sometimes, I wish their was another way to grow though :/.
Carol, your posts will be missed here. Loss can take so many forms. Loss of innocence, loss of self-respect, loss of friendships. I’ve lost through death 2 mothers-in-law, my father-in-law, and some very dear friends. I lost my first husband through divorce and wasn’t sure I would survive it. But I did. I haven’t read many books about loss of friendships so maybe that’s one type that might be underdone.
Sherri – big hugs. My children have been fortunate in that they haven’t experienced much loss like that. I dread the day they will :(. We will, too, of course, but for my kids… :(
To lose something is always hard. I’ve grieved three grandparents by now, and I still miss them every once in a while. Those are losses that are not coming back in this lifetime. But there are some losses that are an opportunity for something different, that are due to something else you chose. And sometimes that’s what you have to focus on, and not what could have been had you not chose that path. Having chose to work on shifts, I sometimes work on weekends and nights and stay home when everybody else is working. I can’t go to work everytime thinking what I’m losing by not staying home with the ones I love, because if I do I’m going to live miserably. So I have to focus on other things and what I can actually do by working those crazy hours. I guess some losses you have in life you can’t necessarily think in what you are losing – you need to look at the glass half full.
The loss of your posts here in the blogh, though, is going to be a very empty glass. There’s no bright side on that. I’m going to miss your posts. I love your characters and your stories.
Laura – big hugs! Maybe I can talk these guys into letting me guest blog every now and then ;). There are always trade offs and sometimes it can be a kind of loss/grieving. Working “regular” hours for some families means paying for daycare. Working opposite shifts means less daycare, but less time for mom and dad together. Sometimes the trade offs are worth it for other reasons. I lose two full weeks of work in July (working for myself helps there ;)), but I wouldn’t trade the time at band camp getting to hang out with my own kids and getting to know all of their friends better in order to get a book out a little faster.
Carol…it’s so sad…we’ll miss you! Blessings <3
I've got really confused…whose story is your next release? (the two people who know plenty about loss.) Sorry :( blaming yesterday's post lololol
I’ll miss y’all too! It’s Thor and Eliana from Eyjania. Eliana is the Queen Mother (by definition a widow ;)) and Thor is her son’s head of security.
Thank you ;)
I think one loss you didn’t mention is the loss of innocence/naivety. There’s also the loss of security.
You will be missed here, but I got your number. ;)
That’s a big one – not one I think I’ve ever really dealt with before.
And yeah – you know how to find me ;).
Hey all! Sorry it’s taken me so long to stop by, but life took a hard left today. Thank you all for stopping by! I’m off to read the comments!
You’ll be missed. I’m eagerly anticipating your next release. God bless your time with kids. That is fleeting, but grandchildren are wonderful ?
I’ve got a while before I get to grandkids :). But I do love hanging out with my kids – most of the time :D.
I don’t think loss can ever be overdone, especially at the beginning. Every person grieves in a different way. The problem comes in when the grieving doesn’t end. There is a time for grieving and then there is a time to get up, wash your face and move on. It’ doesn’t mean you ever forget or that occasionally thinking of that person will bring a fresh feeling of loss and tears to your eyes, but you no longer wallow in it.
The biggest loss I can think of is that of a child, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth or at any point during their life. It is like a piece of you dies and when the loss is early in their lives you frequently think of all the what ifs.
One loss that I wish on no parent is that of kidnapping and you covered that quite well in your book.
Everyone is different, that’s for sure! Some people grieve briefly but deeply. Others not quite as deeply but longer or both. So variable. I’ve had two early miscarriages. As awful as those were, I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child who is older…
Enjoy your busy season (I am trying to do so myself) and see you back here soon!
The loss of a child as the backdrop for a hero or heroine always hits me hard.
I’m trying! That one is tough. :( I’m so incredibly thankful to God I’ve never had to walk through it myself.
Carol,
I rarely comment on here, but this post warrants it. Your books, especially those with miscarriages present, helped me grieve and heal. I always look forward to your latest book and latest post. I’m glad I can still read your fun posts on Facebook and I hope to make a trip to the Ozarks this Summer. Your writing, both in your blogs and books, is inspiring and filled with hope.
Family obviously comes before many things and it’s good to remember to be present with them, especially with so many big changes in their lives.
Hugs, and thanks for being an inspiration and source of healing for so many.
Nina – I’m so happy to hear that. Not to hear that healing was necessary, but that I was able to help in some small way. There’s always a fear that touching on something (like miscarriage) will serve to hurt more than help by bringing up painful memories.
I hope you enjoy the Ozarks! Don’t look too hard for Serenity Landing though ;). It’s a little hard to see on the map :D. Let me know if you’re in the Springfield area!
All the best during this busy season of your life!
Thank you Patty!
Loss is loss, regardless of what caused it. We have 64 days before our twins graduate from high school. One is decided where she is going in the fall (she’s my planner/early decision applicant); her sister, not so much. I trust that God has a plan for my last-minute Lucy and will reveal it in His time to her. I’m also anticipating next year being my last year as a fulltime teacher (2019-2020), so I’m trying to see His guidance on this next chapter.
BTW, can’t wait for the new book! Blessings on your decision to put family first.
My oldest has just over a year, but she’s got hers all planned out! (She even has her first real post-college job picked out! /cry/laugh/) I’m sure God’s got it all figured out for Ms. Lucy already – He’s just waiting for His own time to share it ;).
Thank you! I hope you enjoy getting to know Thorliana as much as I have!
Wow, Carol,
It just won’t be the same without you in this group. I remember first reading about your books here. I’m glad we got connected in other ways now and I’ll still be hearing all about your life and the wonderful books you write. As well as, hopefully, still be a part of your street teams.
Take care dear lady! I hope this year will be full of blessings and things will even out!