Writing inspirational love stories means walking a tightrope. It’s important to portray the hero and heroine being drawn to each other, admiring each other, and coming to love each other. And, yes, being attracted to each other. But that’s where issues can arise. While Christian romance readers want to believe that these two people are perfect for each other and will have a happy married life, most don’t want to see explicit passion on the page.
In my new release, The Soldier’s Secret Child (out in ebook today!), there is a passage that had to be edited several times to make sure it met both expectations. First, some backstory:
Vito D’Angelo and Lacey McPherson grew up as neighbors, but she ended up marrying Vito’s army buddy. Now Lacey’s a widow, and military hero Vito and his foster son have been staying in Lacey’s guesthouse. The two have rebuilt a friendship, and they’re both growing more emotionally attached.
In the scene that follows, Lacey and Vito have taken young Charlie to the lake on a hot summer day. Vito reluctantly removes his shirt, revealing the extensive scars he received in battle. With Charlie off playing with friends, Lacy and Vito race each other out to a secluded dock, climb up, and soak in the sun together.
I’ll bold the lines that made my editor worry:
“I found you…appealing, as you grew up.”
“You did?”
“Uh-huh.” He reached out and brushed back a strand of her hair.
“Why didn’t you ever, you know, ask me out?”
His eyebrows drew together. “You were three years younger! That wouldn’t have been right.”
She laughed up at him. “You’re such a Boy Scout.”
His eyes narrowed. “If you could read my mind, you’d know that’s far from true.”
“Then, or now?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you talking about what was in your mind then, or now?” Something, some magnetic force field, drew her to reach toward his chest, the thick, luxuriant mat of hair sliced through by scars.
He caught her hand, held it still. “Don’t.”
“Why not?”
“You don’t want to touch me there.”
“Because of this?” She tugged her hand away from him and ran a light finger down one of the multiple fault lines on his chest.
He sucked in a breath, his eyes pinning her. “Do you have any idea of what you’re doing?”
“What am I doing?” She wasn’t sure whether he was talking about her touching his scar, or something else.
He caught her chin in his hand and let his thumb brush across her lower lip.
She drew in a sharp breath, staring at him. Every nerve felt alive, every sense awake.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.” He leaned closer, studying her face as if trying to read her thoughts, her mood, her feelings.
“Do what?” she asked, hearing the breathy sound of her voice.
“This.” He slid his hand to the back of her head and pressed his lips to hers.
And here’s how we changed it so as not to offend sensitive readers:
He caught her hand, held it still. “Don’t.”
“Why not?”
Shaking his head, he continued to hold her gaze.
“Because of this?” She tugged her hand away from him and traced the air above one of the multiple fault lines on his chest. Almost, but not quite, touching it.
He sucked in a breath, his eyes still pinning her. “Do you have any idea of what you’re doing?”
“What am I doing?”
He caught her chin in his hand and let his thumb brush across her lower lip.
See the difference? In the original, I had her run her finger over the scars on his chest. In the revised version, there’s no talk of touching and she doesn’t put her hand on his scars. (And hey, if you want to read more, click on the book cover above.)
So what do you think? Is the original too sensual? Do you like the revised, no-touching version better? How much physical attraction is too much in inspirational romance?
Lee Tobin McClain read Gone With The Wind in the third grade and has been an incurable romantic ever since. Lee is the author of the Sacred Bond series of contemporary inspirational romances and also writes the Rescue River books (angsty, but full of fun kids and dogs) for Harlequin Love Inspired. When she not writing emotional Christian romances, she's probably driving around a carload of snarky teen girls, playing with her rescue dog and cat, or teaching aspiring writers in Seton Hill University's MFA program. She is probably not cleaning her house.
HI Lee. Hmm, good points. Just because a couple are Christians’ does not mean that they are not tempted and you are right in saying it is a fine line. I think if the material is slightly (not sure of the right word) edgier? pushing boundaries? than typical Christian fiction, maybe there needs to be something in the blurb for readers who are more sensitive. I guess that makes it difficult too- what is acceptable to one (Christian reader) might be completely unacceptable to another (Christian reader). Thanks for this post, it is interesting reading about the challenges you authors face- makes me appreciate you all even more:)
Blessings:)
Thanks for sharing Lee! As a German American Christian retired pastor’s wife, I am always amazed what offends church going professing Christians. As a reader, I look for a well written and crafted story and in a romance there will be tension between the couple. While I prefer to read clean romances, this is the twenty first century. I understand YOUR perspective as an author – I have read to many negative reviews of an outstanding thought provoking story because of the above example. Personally, I am more offended by covers that are too sensual. While reading, I can skip parts I do not like. Love the interaction of the boy and his dog on the over. Prayers for guidance in your writing.
HI Lee–Happy release day! I didn’t find the first option offensive. It felt real. The way your editor changed it feels real as well. :) I liked both options. I didn’t feel any different reading each of them. I got the same emotional feel. I could picture it the same. :) Thanks for sharing!
I liked the first one better, but I can understand that Live Inspired would need it changed. The second was certainly more in line with what I’d expect from LI and a lot of other mainstream Christian romance.
Either way, the story sounds intriguing.
Hi, Lee. Congrats on your new release! I’m excited to read it. I didn’t think the first version was too ‘edgy’, especially since it seems to fit the context of the story. I also understand why the second version is the one that was incorporated into the published novel. This is such an interesting dynamic of inspirational romance and I’m always surprised when so much concern is devoted to not offending a particular group of readers. Thankfully, I believe the tide is turning and we are seeing more and more ‘gritty’ stories with realistic, flawed characters. I think sensual scenes just for the sake of writing something sensual and pushing boundaries is not necessary, but a well-crafted scene depicting physical attraction that fits the characters, their backstory and the story arc can make for a compelling read without being offensive. I really like the boy and the dog on this cover, by the way. :-)
I never realized the extent of the thought process that goes into every Christian fiction writer’s book but totally understand the need for sensitivity. I think both versions are fine, but can see that the first version could be construed as a bit “racy.
I didn’t see anything wrong with the first one & I’m an avid reader of Christian fiction. If she had been touching anything but the scars I might have raised a brow. By touching I see that she’s showing him that it’s not as bad as it looked to him. She’s showing that she cared. Even Christians are attracted physically but they don’t have to touch in a seductive way.
Funny, I’m quite a prude and that part didn’t feel as sensual as what followed. The paragraphs before and after are what I would have skimmed.
Congrats on your release, and kudos for being sensitive to your readers. We can recognize genuine attraction without having every hormonal reaction recorded in precise detail. :)
I was not offended at all by the first version at the scene. But I applaud your efforts to be sensitive to readers.
I know Christians who love the Game of Thrones, which has far more sensual content. (I don’t watch it myself.) It just goes to show that people have different tastes.
I agree with you!
I liked both readings. I didn’t think the first one went too far. Christians are still human and have human emotions. However, if it might offend someone, I can see why it might need to be changed. Thank you for sharing what writers of Christian fiction go through to bring us a good, real story.
I’m surprised they picked that part to edit, but I don’t think the first version was too much. Personally, I don’t like the covers that show too much, and would prefer that men in the books don’t remove their shirt unless they are swimming or there is some other reason that they have to. My hubby doesn’t remove his shirt around others, even if it is hot outside.
I didn’t see anything wrong with the first version! As long as it is not an explicit sex scene, I’m good with it.
I liked the first one because of the detail. He was sensitive about the scars from his war injury, and I found it poignant. But then, I’m an indie author who once got a review saying a passage in my book was too sensually detailed. I ended up going back and re-editing it, and included a trigger warning in the blurb for the themes I had included (child sexual abuse.)
I know if you are writing in the traditional publishing Christian market, you need to respect the readers’ more conservative tastes.
So with you! As a mother of 3 sons and grandmother of 2 sons, I didn’t allow boys to run around shirtless. No shirt, no service, especially at meals. When they asked why? I said would you like me to come to the table in a bikini!
I actually liked the first version better. I don’t like steamy scenes in books or movies so I don’t watch a lot of TV. My husband loves Game of Thrones but I quit watching it after the first episode, if I remember correctly. I leave the room if it’s on. There’s no way you can please everyone. It really is a matter of opinion.
Thanks so much for providing quality books. I loved the Sacred Bond series.
Very interesting to read everyone’s comments. I don’t mind a slightly “racy” scene IF the story goes on to show how the couple deals with it – do they rely on the Holy Spirit to help them keep things under control until they’re married?
Lee, congrats on your new release.
They let your hero take off his shirt? I can totally see where this is necessary to the conflict. In my book The Cowboy’s Twins, the hero was scarred inside and outside and the heroine didn’t truly see his pain until she had to doctor up his scarred shoulder. So important to the story, but I had to figure out a way to do it without removing his shirt. It’s a struggle. What is racy? What is normal, when you’re building up to accepting someone as your soulmate and life partner?
I agree! His dialogue felt more racy to me than her touching his scars.
It’s funny to me because compared to non-inspy romance your first version was tame! But if I had read that in a Love Inspired book I probably would have done a double take!
I love reading about this though because I do find it hard to show the characters are passionate and still keep the physical attraction/encounters “mild.” I think we’ve been programmed in our culture to think that passion must equal sex :(
Thanks for sharing!
I’m not sure why “touching the scars” was removed, but “let his thumb brush across her lower lip” was not. What’s the difference here? I think touching her lower lip is way more sensual and inspirational romances show that all the time. Touching the scars feels the same as brushing back a strand of hair…
Anyway, I’m sure the book turned out great ether way.
Happy Release Day! Interesting to know the many issues you authors face….YOU are appreciated!
I did not find either of them offensive. In fact I thought the first to be better in that it showed temptation and the ability as a Christian to turn from it. I think if you are writing in this genre then that includes everything a Christian deals with which is the same as anyone else. The only difference is we don’t give into or if you do it is not discussed at that time but at time of redemption. Sin is real and writers have to tell it like life is and life is messy. You don’t have too use foul language or descriptive scenes to get the idea of what may have happened. The magic of words is the reader reads into them what she/he wants them to say!
Getting over here later in the evening, and all I can say is WHEW! I felt a little nervous that even this post would offend people. So, thank you, Lindi, Wemble, and Renate, for your kind and thoughtful perspectives.
Pat, you’re exactly right. There is a big buildup to this scene, in which Vito worries about his scars and how he’ll be perceived. He’s ridiculed by some kids earlier in the scene, and takes it in stride, but throughout the book he fears that his scars will scare people away. So this is an important moment. Thanks for understanding!
Thank you, Heidi and Elizabeth… I respect you guys and your work so much, and I am glad to hear your perspective on this issue we all struggle with at times.
Renate, you’re too funny! And I tend to agree with Becky, too. I remember when my daughter was younger and we lived in a neighborhood where men tended to take off their shirts to cut the grass (understandable, in the heat). She would squeal and cover her eyes and say “ugh, Mommy, he’s NAKED!” Out of the mouths of babes…
Good point, Margaret. I tend to write very alpha, very protective heroes. They wouldn’t dream of pushing the heroine past her boundaries, and they generally share those same beliefs. (Well, they might DREAM about it, but they would never do it!).
Deb, that is what a lot of Love Inspired have said to me: he was allowed to take his shirt off? But it was central to the plot, and I think the editors saw that. They did draw the line at putting swimsuit-clad characters on the cover, of course… even though I describe her modest one-piece suit and his loose swim trunks in the scene. But I agree with you about the buildup to accepting someone as a life partner. There has to be some attraction, preferably a lot, in order to make a marriage work.
Thank you, Jackie! And Vesta is right about how tame my scene is compared to other mainstream romances… and people above mentioned TV shows like Game of Throne as being a lot more racy, which is true. On the other hand, I also see Priscila’s point about the lips thing. To me, that’s part of their exploring their attraction to see if they might become life partners. Of course, they have to go through a few more struggles before they can get to their happily-ever-after!
Great post, Lee! I agree with most of our commenters, I wouldn’t have found the first version too racy. Touching his scars, especially when he’d been concerned how she’d react to them, felt so sweet and poignant. I guess that touch leading to the kiss might have been too much for more conservative Love Inspired readers. Either on their own but not both.
Looks like a wonderful book!
I’m with you, Sue… a lot can go on without explicit description. I remember having to explain to today’s students what actually happened between Rick and Ilsa in Casablanca, because they totally missed a love scene that was only hinted at but not described. We’ve become jaded as a culture and we’ve lost some of the magic that comes with a simple touch or kiss. I’m glad I get to write the kind of books where gentler and more subtle romance is celebrated and understood by readers.
I believe that our scars tell the story of our lives. Baring his scars was an act of courage and intimacy in and of itself. Touching his scars, to me, was her accepting and valuing the story of his life.
I’m with LIndi. I like relationships to feel real. Too often I’ve read Christian fiction where there was no touching, kissing, or any demonstration of affection and I wondered, “How can these two characters have a relationship beyond friendship?” But I have also read Christian fiction that pushed the line, not only in physical intimacy, but profanity, and violence. My goodness, how authors find the right balance is amazing! Like Lindi, I liked both yours and the editor’s options. My encouragement would be to tell the story the way God would want you to tell it. May He continue to inspire you and all Christian authors with beautiful stories that draw His believers closer to Him.
Hi, thanks for asking. My biggest issue is with “triggering” stuff, as have had a very rough life. Reading the two examples, the first got close to “trigger” material for me. I understand it is SO hard to “walk the line”. God always knows best, so I would pray as seek His leading. Thanks for caring and continuing to give of your gifts to make our days enjoyable.
Would I run away screaming from the first version? No. But, it seems I am in the minority, because I prefer the revised version.
I think the reduction in the number of instances of physical contact in version two does reduce the tension level a bit. The close proximity of the couples’ residency, such as in this instance, regardless of the current scenes’ geographical location and even if the reader isn’t consciously thinking about it, can also increases the tension level throughout a book. So, one does have to consider the provided background info when evaluating the potential tension level of this particular scene.
Any given scene is in a book because it is being used to convey something that is important in some way to the story. If you get those things (ideas, themes, emotions, etc) across, and if a work is intended to be inspirational, Christian, or of a similar nature, I believe there is no reason to not be conservative.
I am a single woman and have not yet been blessed with the opportunity to experience marriage. I decided as a child that I would abstain from marital relations until that time. In my experience, it seems that for many authors and readers who are or have been in romantic intimate relationships, lines can be unconsciously blurry and/or toed. More easily than those in my situation, anyway. I am not saying there is anything wrong, just that sensitivity level to things such as the tension level in a scene can be consequently different.
So, while for many the first version may have been preferred, know that at least one person really does appreciate the extra time and effort that you expended to produce the slightly more conservative version. I look forward to reading yet another great book of yours this weekend. :)
I so agree with Pat and your comment, Lee. As well as writing inspirational romance, for many years I have loved reading them. At an ACFW Conference and since online, I have read many times that “Emotion, Emotion, Emotion,” is essential to capture a reader’s heart and mind. Every reader and writer is a different personality and what brings “emotion” is different for each. I am looking forward very much to reading your “The Soldier’s Secret Child” amid the many LI ones I’ve read. Another consideration for the editor’s concern may be that when Harlequin first commenced their Christian romance line, I know they had to be extra careful with content because many Christian bookshops were very wary of stocking any “Harlequin Romance” books at all.
To a point it’s ok , but I don’t like to read about sex acts , I think it’s wrong in our way of life