I saw a post of Facebook a few months back. I don’t remember the exact words, but it said something like, “I don’t need to be attractive. I will seduce you with my awkwardness.”
It made me laugh, especially since it was on a relative’s profile. Not just her wall, either. It was her cover photo.
I got to thinking. How did I win my husband?
Thankfully, God did all the heavy lifting in that one. Otherwise, I’d probably still be single. I smiled and didn’t make fun of him. That sums up my seductive instincts. I may have laughed at some of his jokes, too. (In my defense, he tells me that my smile is the first thing that attracted him to me.)
We’ve been married almost twenty years now, and I’ve gotten better at the art of seduction. Marriage has a way of working out the kinks.
How much better remains to be seen…
My husband was taking his vitamins the other day, and he made a choking sound.
I, of course, being the dutiful and loving wife, asked if everything was okay.
His answer? “I hate it when that happens.”
That wasn’t really an answer, was it? Understandably, I had to ask a follow-up question. “When you think you’ve swallowed a vitamin only to realize it was alligator poo?”
He skillfully answered the question he thought I’d asked. “When one of the big ones goes down sideways.”
Three minutes later, as he was fiddling with the DVD player, my husband turned around to look at me. “Hey, wait a minute…”
“Took you long enough.”
“Where do you come up with that stuff?”
(You’d think he’d know better than to ask after all these years.) “The mind of a writer is a scary place indeed.”
See? Alligator poo. It doesn’t get any more romantic than that. I am truly a master seductress. At least when it comes to seducing with awkwardness and references to fecal matter.
Huh.
It seems that God is still doing all the heavy lifting. For which I’m thankful. As I’ve established, left to my own devices, I don’t stand much of a chance. Although I am really good at giving myself plenty of writing material. ;)
What about you? Have you ever said or done anything completely awkward that another person found entirely loveable? Tell me about it!
Heather Gray loves coffee, God, her family, and laughter – not necessarily in that order! She writes approachable characters who, through the highs and lows of life, find a way to love God, embrace each day, and laugh out loud right along with her. And, yeah, her books almost always have someone who's a coffee addict. Some things just can't be helped. Despite their different lives and situations, Heather’s characters have something in common. They're all flawed...but loved anyway.
I remember when my better half and I started to date, I ask him if he and his twin sister were identical. Do you think I was nervous? :) We still laugh about that!
Great post Heather! Jill, I laughed. Sometimes my mouth takes off quicker than my mind can catch up. My husband has learned he will never know what might come out of my mouth next. He just rolls his eyes and goes on lol. Then we laugh about it.
Mostly my husband laughs at my wandering thought process. We could be talking about gardening one minute, and two seconds later, I’ll ask where something is in the garage (gardening > chickens > dinner > get food out of the freezer (which is in the garage) > reminds me of something I was looking for). And yes, it really does happen in about two seconds. :)
And my blatantly awkward attempts to tell him where something is in the pantry (or anywhere else, for that matter)… it’s in the room by the thingy on the second shelf — that’s it. ‘Bout as clear as mud!
Great title, Heather!
My dancing is sooo awkward. My husband always laughs at me. =) Thankfully he’s pretty much the only person that ever see it.
Pretty much the story of my dating life! Fun post, Heather. Thanks for the smile.
Sally, I was mortified. :)
Ha! My friend gave birth to boy/girl twins and she still gets asked if they’re identical. :)
I’d apologize for laughing, but I suspect you meant us to. And this is why I enjoy your novels, too, Heather. That alligator poo came from a mind well-stocked with other one-offs!
How funny! On our first date, my husband wore a baseball cap that had Taz on it and said “Lady Killer” – I haven’t let him live that down yet, either. ;)
I need to work on keeping all those great one-offs for my books, don’t I? Instead, I keep giving them away on Facebook and in blog posts. But as long as somebody gets a good laugh out of it – even if it IS at me – it’s all worth it! ;)
You just made me flash back to every high school dance I ever attended. I’m pretty sure my dancing is the reason they kept the lights so low! Unfortunately, that just increased the chances of one of my elbows taking out somebody’s eye! :)
Sometimes the words get tangled up between my brain and my mouth and come out sideways, backwards, and inside out. Those are the times when I hope nobody was actually listening to me and that they’ll all just go about their merry business…only to realize that for once EVERYBODY was listening to me! But hey, life would get so boring if we said the right thing all the time. Right? (Please, I need some affirmation here!) :)
Anytime, Lee! :)
You made me laugh Ginger! Whenever I switch subjects in the middle of a conversation, my husband invariably asks where my new question came from, and I have to backtrack my thought process for him so he’ll understand how I went from “the grass needs mowing” to “I forgot to buy bread.” And you’re right – two seconds flat! Here’s to many enjoyable (if sometimes confusing to our spouses) conversations! :D
I totally agree with you Heather!! We don’t want boring lol.
You made me laugh, Heather! That’s the kind of comment my husband would make. All those off the wall comments keep life fun, don’t they?
My husband is the one who makes off-the wall comments. We’ll be talking about what to have for dinner & he’ll go and say something totally off subject that has nothing to do food. I’ll look at him and say “HUH??” giving him that confused face I make with a crinkle of my nose & Elvis-lip raising. Which I bet is MY awkward self’s habit. He’ll then back up and try to explain where he came up with that, to which I get more confused…haha!! This is the man who has so many random facts in his head, that he’d probably win on an episode of Jeopardy!! If you ever wanted to know what the history of the dueling pistol is or what kind of tanks they used for WW2, he’d be your go-to man. Probably launching into a two hour discussion of said subject! But you know what, I love him for that :-) I know if I ever had a question about anything, he’d be the one I can rely on. He never comes off as a know-it-all, it’s just the way he is. And he can talk on the same subject for a long time…giving you facts you never knew you needed. That’s one trait that I find attractive in him & I try to draw it out whenever I can. He’s very entertaining & can keep me interested….even making how the grass grows interesting! He’s a natural story teller! There’s times where he’ll say something in complete jest, but even after 18 years I sometimes can’t tell if he’s serious or not. He’d be a millionaire in poker, he gives nothing away…….LOL!!
I guess I was suppose to talk about me….lol! But it just triggered all the things that makes me fall in love with my husband more. I’m sure I have some awkward habits that he loves, I just can’t come up with them at the moment!! But don’t ask him, he may just tell you all my secrets….lol!!
For some reason I’d say things like runned over and he would just look at me funny.
Trying to annihilate each other at night. Yes very embarrassing and very far from romance but lots of humor!
jennydtipton at gmail dot com
You’re so right Sally! Life would be boring without the occasional bizarre comment to keep us on our toes! :)
Note to self: Keep Trixi’s husband (instead of wikipedia) on speed dial. ;) You’re right – he’d probably be a whiz at Jeopardy! I have a cousin whose head is full of historical trivia and facts. Whenever I have a history question, she’s my go-to gal. Your husband sounds wonderful, I love that you love those traits in him. But I do wonder what he’d say if asked about your awkward traits… ;)
Thanks so much for stopping by Jenny! Romance absolutely has its place in every marriage, but I’ll tell you what – humor has just as much place, maybe even more of a place. I think humor is the glue that holds it all together when day-to-day life gets dull, boring, or decidedly unromantic. (Overflowing toilets, rodent infestations (or lizard depending on where you live), dirty diapers, and the occasional tantrum…) Those are the times when humor – rather than romance – helps everyone keep it together. Wishing you many nights of happy annihilation! :)
What a fun post! I enjoyed reading it an all the comments you got!!
Thank you so much for stopping by Linda – I’m glad we could brighten your Tuesday! (If we can’t laugh at ourselves – or our loved ones – then who can we laugh at, right?) ^_^