Today is a difficult day for me. March 8 always is. It’s the day my mother – at a mere 40 years and 3 days old – was called Home. And today, it’s been thirty years. I’m now older than my mother ever was, and that’s something that’s hit me hard this year.
When we talk about romance, we tend to talk about the chocolates, the flowers, the candlelit dinners, or moonlit walks.
But romance is much more than that.
Romance is living the vows – we do pretty good with the “in health” part, but what about the “in sickness”? Or poorer? The bad times?
Have you ever seen the Disney-Pixar movie Up? The first few minutes introduce us to two children, then there’s a montage of their life together. If you walked in a few minutes late, about the time Mr. Fredricksen and Russell meet, all you know is that he’s a crusty, grumpy old man who ends up with an amazing transformation into a kind grandfather by the end. But in that montage, you see a love story that far surpasses what we find in many “romance” movies. We see a man who would do anything to make his wife smile, who longed to give her the adventures they’d dreamed of. A man loved and romanced his wife, no matter the difficulties life threw at them. That grumpy old man was a man still mourning the loss of the love of his life. And the grandfather? That’s who he’d always been – he just needed to find his ‘grandson.”
More recently, many of us have seen pictures of Joey Feek – and Rory tenderly caring for her in her last days. (This Life I Live blog)
In an article about Joey Feek’s death, there’s a quote from her saying that if just one person was brought to Christ because of her journey, it was all worth it.
That one person was her father.
Can you imagine her father, watching her husband love her so gently, and realizing they had peace that passes understanding and seeing Jesus in both of them?
Former First Lady Nancy Reagan’s Final Good-Bye
Then there’s Former First Lady Nancy Reagan. One of the most touching things I’ve ever seen is the picture of her with her hand on President Reagan’s flag draped coffin as she gently kisses it. And kissing the polished wood later, after she’d been handed the flag but before internment. By all reports, she spent more than a decade loving a man who didn’t remember her. (And by all accounts I’ve seen, their love story was one for the ages.)
Most of us won’t have the “in sickness” part of our romances play out quite so publicly, but what about to those we know?
In a fashion similar to Mrs. Reagan, my step-grandfather-in-law (my husband’s stepdad’s father) took such gentle care of his wife when she didn’t remember who he was – or who she was. They would come to our house for Easter, and, the last couple years, she was almost like a little child. But Grandpa Forrest was always patient and kind with her. He was by her side, literally, right until the very end.
I was only ten when my mother died and don’t remember nearly as much as I wish, but I remember my father taking care of her.
In my own life, my husband has often taken on more than his fair share – when pregnancies took their toll or my when lower back acts up (which is more often than I’d like thanks to those pregnancies) or six to eight weeks of a cough that makes me feel like I might pass out from lack of oxygen.
In those days, what says love more than a man who will change a diaper because pregnancy has affected your sense of smell and you might lose the little dinner you managed to keep down?
Or doing bath time with two little girls because otherwise his wife will be in tears from the pain?
Or cleaning up after children are sick because, pregnant or not, it’s a smell she can’t stand?
Or knowing that she won’t want a fortieth birthday party because with that comes the knowledge she’s lived longer than her mother?
Though those things don’t play into our typical thoughts of romance, oh they are!
Me and my mom, circa late 1970s
The Bible calls the church the bride of Christ.
And Christ is the ultimate bridegroom, laying down His very life for the church, His bride.
Most of us won’t have to make that ultimate sacrifice, but the little things day in and day out…
That’s being “Jesus with skin on” to those around us. To show them the love the Father has for every human being.
We think of romance as chocolate and flowers, but it’s finding a person who will be there during the nitty gritty, everyday, beautiful mess of life.
When you Google the word “romance,” it pops up with assorted definitions and synonyms. One of the synonyms is “devotion.”
Devotion is “love, loyalty, or enthusiasm for a person, activity, or cause.”
That definition of romance is shown day in and day out by people like Rory Feek. By Nancy Reagan. By my father and my step-father-in-law. By my own husband.
And we celebrate the ultimate bridegroom later this month as we commemorate the crucifixion – but more importantly, the resurrection.
That, my friends, is romance.
What about you? Has there been someone in your life – a spouse or someone else – who has been “Jesus with skin on” for you? Has your spouse shown that kind of devotion? Or has someone else you know?
Answer in the comments for your chance to win an ebook* of your choice from my currently published books.
As for me, we’ll celebrate my mother’s Heavenly birthday by making cookies, because she made the world’s best. (And my brand new KitchenAid mixer should be here in time to do it :).
*Of course, the book of mine that most clearly shows this “Jesus with skin on” sacrificial “in sickness” kind of love? Yeah – it’s not out yet ;). Someday… :D
When she's not writing about her imaginary friends, Carol Moncado is hanging out with her husband and four kids in the big yard of their southwest Missouri home, teaching American Government at a community college, reading, or watching NCIS. She's a member of ACFW and RWA, President and founding member for the MozArks ACFW group, and a category coordinator for ACFW's First Impressions.
Thank you for your honest words, Carol. There is much food for thought for me. May God give you a quiet joy in being able to share this sad anniversary with your family.
Such a lovely tribute to your beautiful mother. Carol. Blessings to you and your family as you remember your mother today and always.
What a wonderful tribute to your mother and the rest of your family.
This is what i am seeing everyday as my father loves, cares for my dieing mum. Thank you for your words and touching so many lives
Beautifully written, Carol. I’m saddened of the many years you’ve been with your mama’s home being with our Savior, but thrilled you were blessed with the gift of words to help us appreciate those in our lives who truly love us as you described. My own moim was diagnosed w cancer when I was in 9th grade and for years has had soooo many illnesses , but God has allowed me to witness the true romance of my parents now going on their 56 year of marriage… Through much sickness and some health they have loved each other. Thank you sooooo much for your beautiful!l reminder of all we have because Jesus died and rose again for me—for us!!
Thinking of you Carol and knowing your heart hurts as you miss your Mother. Both of my parents have gone on to Heaven and I miss them very much. I have had a lot of “devoted” people in my life. One of them is my husband. He has taken care of me through breast cancer diagnosis(11 years ago), surgery, treatment, effects of the treatments and my many emotions. He never complains. He always makes sure I know I am loved. He is a special man. We just celebrated our 37th wedding anniversary on March 3rd. I am blessed. :-)
Hugs and prayers, Carol.
We have plenty of that in our household. I see it with my parents, Mum has a physical health issue that limits her mobility, Dad has worsening Alzheimers. Between them, they meet each other’s needs and manage. My husband has two health problems affecting his ability, one physical, one mental, he needs a lot of support from me, but he’s still a wonderful husband. Lately, I’ve had health issues and he’s had to support me.
It’s a challenge at times, but real love is a wonderful thing! We are living out God’s love for us.
Oh Carol….. that was such a beautiful post! I loved how you gave me a new phrase, “Jesus with skin on.” This I needed to hear!
I have been blessed with many individuals who have been my, “Jesus with skin on.”
I love how God brings just the right person at just the right time.
I hope today will be full of blessings for you!
Prayers for you, Carol. That was a beautiful tribute to your loved ones and also to those who are well known in the media. Having Jesus in your life is truly a blessing. Thanks for sharing with us.
I’ve got all your e-books, so don’t put me in the drawing, but I did want to say a big THANK YOU for sharing. I got to have my mom around until she was 84, but from the time we found out her cancer had spread to her spine and liver until she went to heaven was only 11 days, and I didn’t really have time to say a proper good-bye to her. Praying for you today!
Thank you for sharing Carol. Praying for you.
Beautiful thoughts, beautiful YOU. Praying for you, my friend!
Hello all! Thank you for your kind comments. I will be back to comment in more detail later, but on short notice I ended up involved in an act of kindness/service today. I’m getting close to done though. :)
I’ll be back in a bit.
What a touching tribute to all those who stand by their loved ones until the end!
It’s very hard to lose a parent, especially at a young age. Your memories of your father caring for your mother and the wonderful caring of your husband are such beautiful tributes of love. My father was not well for many years and my mother cared for him so tenderly. She passed away unexpectedly after a short illness before my dad. My father wanted to remain independent so he moved to a seniors’ complex. I did his shopping and errands every week for the 4 years I had with him before he went to the Lord. During that time my father told me so many times how much he loved my mother and how he still, after 56 years of marriage, could not believe he had been so blessed to have married her. My whole life I never saw a more devoted couple. I was truly blessed.
Your mother would be proud to read this post! So sorry that you had to say good bye way too early!! I am still trying to find my soul mate! But luckily my family and I have been relatively healthy over the years! Hugs to you this Easter!
Thanks for sharing, Carol. Hope your day is full of blessings and hugs.
Beautiful post and heartfelt words, Carol. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Blessings.
Hi Narelle! It’s been a long day and promises to be longer :). But yes, I have a great family surrounding me today. I am so blessed!
Lord bless, comfort, guide and direct you. We’ve lost a lot of relatives during or marriage, but God continues to comfort. My daughter at age 11 was going through her closet, commenting on the fact she should keep at least one black dress, because you never knew when you would need it for a funeral. My husband and kids have been Jesus with skin on more than once. Most recently this summer when I had surgery and couldn’t lift for some time. They were a blessing!
Beautifully said Carol!!! I watched my father care for my mother through several long years of cancer, My Mom cared for everyone around her with her heart full of love until she took her last breath. We never heard a negative word or complaint from her.I have lived to be 10 years older than she was at the time of her passing. My prayers are for peace for you on this difficult day. I know we await our great reunion with our mothers with much anticipation!!
Carol, what beautiful words. I lost my mother on November 17, 2002. It’s been 13 years and doesn’t get easier. That is always a difficult day for me. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for sharing.
Blessings
Your post was one of the best I’ve read! Thank you for an honest description of what can/does happen within the life time of marriage! What an incredible tribute to your own Dad, your husband as well as to your husband’s Step-Dad’s Father. Indeed each of them displayed the type of love which the Bible speaks of which the husband is commanded to have for his wife.
Although I was the primary caregiver for my husband during his lengthy battle with heart trouble, at times my husband needed to care for me also. He did so lovingly and went beyond all that I even hoped for to please me. Those of us who either have or have had that kind of husband certainly need to give God thanksgiving and praise because they are few and far between!
My heart especially goes out to you about your Mother especially. I was far older than you when I lost my Mother, but now I am also older than she ever was down here also. It gives one great pause! God has greatly blessed me with both a godly Mother and then a godly husband as well. May God bless you.
I was blessed with wonderful parents that looked like they were on their newly weds after being married several months before their 48th anniversary. We lost her due to a minor accident but the story of their life together was filled with caring for each other in the good times and the bad, which they had a few of both. I had hope to be loved like that and for a while I was. I was sick for several months with complication from surgery and my husband of only a few months took wonderful care of me with loving kindness and patience. I tried to help him when he began having health issues years later but he did not want anyone to help and soon our marriage ended. He never did really got the mental help he needed. I would have been there for him like he was for me but he chose to walk away.
Thanks Jill! I didn’t get cookies made, but we had a good day. :)
Thanks, LeAnn!
Thank you, Nicole. Prayers for your family during this time.
Hi Becky! I’m so glad your mother is still around! That diagnosis is such a difficult one for kids to process. When we found out I had skin cancer on my nose (the least bad kind of cancer ever), we told my kids it was an infection – because they knew my mother died of cancer and weren’t really old enough to differentiate… Heart you, my friend.
Hi Melissa! I’m so glad you’ve got those people in your life! And congratulations on 37 years! That’s fantastic! Happy Anniversary!
Hi Autumn! Praying for your family! I”m so glad you have a good support system in your husband – I know he does in you! <3 you!
Marylin – I’m so glad you have those people in your life! And God has a funny way of doing that doesn’t He? ;) He does bring that right person at the right time – and I’m so grateful He does!
Helloworld! Thank you for stopping by! I appreciate your prayers!
Hi Margaret! Wow – that’s fast! One thing I’m grateful for is that we had twice as long as her original prognosis – Mom was given 3mos but we had 6mos with her. Otherwise, she would have died around my birthday and I think that would have been even harder. Hugs, my friend!
Thanks, Julianne!
Thank you, Cindy!!! Heart you!
Thanks for stopping by, Sheila!
Sharon – I am so glad you had that time with your father! And I’m so glad you had that example!!!!
Thanks, Linda! I’m so glad you’ve had good health! It’s not something we tend to think about while we’re healthy, but maybe we should :). Hugs to you too!
Thanks, Val!
Thanks, JoAnn!
DLW – Thank you for stopping by! My kids have been more blessed than they know because we haven’t lost anyone we’re close to, except for my step-grandmother-in-law. I’m so glad they were there for you!
Hi Debi! I remember your mom (or was it your mother-in-law who lived with you over off Cox road?) – though I’m not sure I ever met her except maybe in passing. And I KNOW you’re Jesus with skin on! Heart you!!!!
Faith – Thank you! I’m so glad you have a supportive husband! They’re worth their weight in gold aren’t they?! And I’m so glad you’ve been able to be there for him as well! Hugs!
Hi, Purplemeri! I’m so glad your husband took good care of you and that you had such a good example in your parents, but I’m so sorry he didn’t let you be the help he needed – or get it anywhere else. Hugs and prayers, my friend.
God is so good to us through the people he surrounds us with. Over the course of our marriage my husband has become more sensitive to those times when I just need a hug or need some peace and quiet to gather my sanity. Little things like that remind me that I don’t have to run this race alone, God is with us each step of the way. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Beautiful post Carol. Your husband sounds like mine, we both truly got our “Jesus with skin” in them! What a blessing too.
Beautiful words Carol. Your Mom was an amazing lady and your Dad loved and cared for her deeply. I know the years leading up to and following her passing were difficult on all three of you but God brought you through that time and has given each of you a wonderful life. Your Mom would be so proud of you today. Your accomplishments as an amazing daughter, wife, mother, sister, author, the list could go on and on, has honored Linda’s memory. She will never be forgotten. I bet she smiles down from heaven every time you make and share a batch of her famous chocolate chip cookies. Your Dad and I are very proud of you too. He is bragging about you all the time. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your family. We love you guys so much. Patty
Beautiful post! Thanks for sharing. My parents passed away within 5 months of each other, and I miss them so much. They were such wonderful examples to me.
Great post, Carol. Such a good reminder.
Fifteen years ago my mom had a stroke that left her permanently unable to speak clearly. She can think clearly, but only has a few phrases she can say that can be understood (She can say “praise the Lord” and “I love you”). Since then she has had lung cancer, surgery on her carotid artery, stints put in. She has nose bleeds that last hours. And although the she can think clearly, because of her health she cannot be left alone for more than a few hours at a time. And through it all, my dad has been there. As I read your blog, I immediately thought of him. He’s demonstrated that definition of love you talked about.
He is, isn’t He?! My husband is doing better with those kinds of things as well. Something we should all strive for.
Amen! What a blessing!
Patty – thank you so much for your kind words!!! We’re so glad you’re part of our family!!!! Big hugs!!!
Winnie – big hugs! I’m glad you had such a wonderful example!
Thank you Jessica!
Julie – Your mother is so blessed to have him! All of you must be! What a wonderful example of “Jesus with skin on” he is – and something for all of us to aspire to!
Nancy Regan was a very classy dignified lady.