Is It Possible to Love Without Trust?
Julie’s Note:
Laura Hodges Poole and I are in the same critique group and I am a huge fan of her work. I’m so glad she took me up on my invitation to visit Inspy Romance because little did I know I’d have a personal situation to deal with and my writing life is on pause for a little bit. I appreciate your prayers as I navigate. You’re not only going to enjoy getting to know Laura, I believe you’re going to love her writing, too.
Leave a comment about your thoughts—-is it possible to love without trust—and I’ll pick one winner to receive a Kindle copy of Hope’s Gentle Touch.
Welcome, Laura!
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Have you ever had a nightmare where someone chased you—maybe even tried to kill you? For my main character, Misty Stephens, in Hope’s Gentle Touch, the nightmare wasn’t a dream—it really happened. Fortunately, Misty survived. I wish I could say her life was a breeze after that … but the adventure had just begun.
Misty had to learn that she had strength—and not merely strength to persevere—but strength to love again. For an abuse victim, love is often a conundrum. Love is the lifeblood of all mankind, but it also has the power to hurt. At least that had always been Misty’s experience.
Then rancher Adam Jenkins comes into her life. His gentle touch juxtaposed with his rugged strength draws Misty in, and she soon learns that love is stronger than the walls she’d built around her heart. But could she trust a man again?
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, trust is “firm belief in the character, strength, or truth of someone or something.” Wow. When put like that, how many of us have trust issues? Or perhaps people issues?
As Christians, we’ve learned to put our firm belief in the person of Christ because we know He won’t let us down. Faith is synonymous with trust, and in Hebrews 11:1, we’re told, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” We know intuitively, because Christ dwells in our heart, that we can trust Him. That’s much easier than trusting a fellow human being.
But in order to have a healthy relationship built on love, it must also be built on trust. The two don’t exist without each other. And hope springs from a healthy balance of love and trust in one’s heart.
So does Misty learn to trust again? You’ll have to read Hope’s Gentle Touch to find out if she and Adam get their happily-ever-after!
Humor and fun, colorful secondary characters, and a few surprises along the way provide the backdrop for this Inspirational Romance set in the beautiful upstate of South Carolina. Hope’s Gentle Touch is available on Amazon by clicking here.
Praise for Hope’s Gentle Touch:
Poole handles the tender topic of abuse with grace and just enough tension to remind the reader that our happily ever afters are often hard won. She writes with the kind of authenticity and wisdom that transforms a sweet romance into a meaningful tale that will give readers something to think about long after turning the last page.
— Sarah Loudin Thomas, Christy-nominated author of Miracle in a Dry Season
A heartwarming novel with characters you can’t quit rooting for. This book is perfect for fans of small-town inspirational romance.
— Heidi McCahan, author of Unraveled
Back cover copy:
After her abusive husband’s death, Misty Stephens returns to her job as a nurse and volunteer at a women’s shelter. She intends to put her life back together and has no intention of ever being vulnerable to a man again. But when an abuse victim dies in her care, Misty finds herself consoling the girl’s brother … and fighting attraction.
Adam Jenkins sees Misty’s heart for the oppressed and implores her to help build Hope House, a women’s shelter, in honor of his sister. Though grieving, Adam is drawn to Misty. But he approaches romance the way he does ranching—quick and decisive—an almost disastrous mistake. While dealing with family fallout and troubles at work, this new project and Misty become a light shining into Adam’s grief.
A common purpose binds them together, and Misty’s heart starts to open to Adam. But she finds it much harder to lower her defenses than she imagined. Can any man be fully trusted—especially a powerful, wealthy rancher? When the past rears its ugly head and her reality starts to crumble, Misty’s trust in God and hope for a bright future are put to the test. Will hope’s gentle touch finally bring the love Misty’s heart needs to heal?
Laura Hodges Poole is an award-winning Christian author. Her most recent novel, Return to Walhalla, was a Selah Award finalist. She enjoys encouraging others through her blog, A Word of Encouragement. On beautiful days in South Carolina, you might find her hiking instead of writing. A mother of two and empty-nester, Laura enjoys a quiet life with her husband.
To connect with Laura and learn more about her other books:
Website: http://laurahodgespoole.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/Laura_Poole
Facebook Author Page: https://www.facebook.com/#!/LauraHodgesPoole
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/lhpoole/
Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/Laura-Hodges-Poole
Okay, comment time. Is it possible to love without trust?
Julie Arduini loves to encourage readers to surrender the good, the bad, and ---maybe one day---the chocolate. She’s the author of ENTRUSTED: Surrendering the Present, as well as ENTANGLED: Surrendering the Past. The last book in the series, ENGAGED: Surrendering the Future, is coming soon. She also shares her story in the infertility devotional, A WALK IN THE VALLEY. She also blogs every other Wednesday for Christians Read. She resides in Ohio with her husband, two children, and chocolate stash. Learn more by visiting her at http://juliearduini.com.
I believe you can love someone without fully trusting them. Trust is earned as the relationship deepens and grows. It starts out fragile and grows stronger as should a relationship.
You can love someone even if he blamed your trust in him/her. I think almost every person have that by a loved one.
That’s very wise, and true for me. Thanks, Pam!
That’s a great point, Marilene! Thank you for sharing.
I think love is a little easier than trust. Trust has to be earned, and once trust is lost, it’s hard to get it back again.
Can you love without trust? Yes, definitely. Think of the wayward teen. We still love them, but the trust may be shot for quite some time!
Can you trust without love? I don’t think so, but you could maybe prove me wrong!
Hi, Laura! Welcome to Inspy Romance :)
I can think of a number of circumstances where Love is present but trust has been destroyed and must be rebuilt if the relationship is to recover. Love entrenches and hangs on hoping for the best. IMO, trust is much more fragile & is easily severed. It can be rebuilt, but I think it’s not given as willingly or freely a second time. Which only magnifies the beauty of our ability to trust God. He will never betray us. <3
Yes you can love without total trust. But it usually comes bad to bite you.
That is a powerful question? I agree with what some of the other ladies posted. You can love somebody without fully trusting them, but I don’t think it is a “full” love without complete trust. But, we and those we love are only human and do and will fail those who love us and damage our trust from time to time. Thankfully, we have One who we can trust and love completely no matter what.
I think it is possible especially if on the way trust is gained. Once trust is lost, it takes a while to gain the trust back, that person has to really proved themselves for trust to be gained back, as long as they don’t mess up again, a person can be given a chance to proved themselves , but if the trust is broken again, then I would say it is time to say good bye to that person.
I personally think you can’t truly love (phileo) in a romantic relationship or a friendship without trust. If there’s no trust, it’s infatuation or manipulation or something else. If your spouse or friend betrays your trust, then you have to agape love them until they rebuild that trust. Agape love is unconditional and doesn’t require trust in the other person. Jesus told us to love (agape) our enemies, and that definitely doesn’t require trust. But there are levels of “love,” and the intimate companionship we crave requires at least a level of trust.
I think you can fall in love with someone without trusting them first, but I don’t think a relationship can last if trust isn’t there. Trust can take time to build but two people in a relationship have to trust each other if that relationship will ever amount to anything.
It is not possible to love without trust. You have to put your trust in God to love anyone. Since love is a verb it will require you putting your faith in someone who will never let you down or dissappoint you. We know that humans are fickle but we can place our hope and trust in a God that does not change, lie and tempted by sin . We know that He is guided by love that is uncondtional.
What an awesome and thought-provoking question! I am in deep agreement with the commenters above who have pointed out that love needs to be clarified. “The Four Loves” by C. S. Lewis was very helpful to me in coming to understand some of the possible distinctions. (I’m not sure it’s possible to pin it down entirely.) His idea was to use four different words from classical Greek which all get translated in English as “love”. Love of community (patriotism, fandom, political affiliation), brotherly love or friendship, passionate desire or romance (includes sexual desire but also includes any desire where the focus is on the beloved) and commitment (agape) which is a unilateral choice to pursue the well-being of the beloved regardless of the response. The first three all depend on trust between the lover and the beloved in order to thrive and are often measured in terms of the happiness we enjoy in the relationship. Commitment (agape) requires trust but not in the beloved. It requires that we trust God. We trust Him first by accepting as truth His statement that agape is the greatest and most abiding love of all and hence worth the effort. Then we trust Him for the strength to live it out. As already noted, we have an old nature and we fail to be perfectly trustworthy. Not only do our loved ones fail to meet our expectations, they fail to keep their promises. I think we can say, though, that every kind of love requires a level of vulnerability which is the other side of the trust coin. We open ourselves up to be connected and we trust that our beloved will treat that connection with the tenderness and care that it requires. How amazing and perfect and wonderful is God’s relentless pursuit of our hearts in the face of every failure and betrayal. What an incredible example He gives us as we seek to enter into agape love with all those in our lives. And what a gift that, built upon that perfect commitment, we can enter into all the other loves and know the belonging, companionship and romance that He has designed for us to enjoy!
Welcome, Laura, to the IR community!
Trust is possible without love. We trust our banks to take care of our money and debts, for example, and airplanes to get us safely to our destination.
Love without trust is also possible, as with wayward children.
But combine the two, trust and love, and you’ve got a powerful and beautiful relationship.
I loved Hope’s Gentle Touch and believe it can help bring healing and hope to everyone who reads it.
That’s for sure, Trudy!
What a great way to explain that, Valerie! The teen example makes that clear!
Penelope, what a beautiful explanation. It makes so much sense. Thank you for sharing!
I’ve seen that happen more than once! Thanks for reading today, Deb!
I’m so grateful for Jesus who shows us perfect trust and love!
Great answer! Thanks for replying, Alicia!
You add a great element to the equation, the type of love. Phileo/agape. Thanks for that, Lila!
That definitely seems to be the majority view. Thanks for sharing, Megan!
Great answer. Sonnetta!
Lincoln,
You summarize the types of love beautifully. Thank you for sharing!
I love this, Kathleen! I agree, I lived Hope’s Gentle Touch, too.
Yes, I believe you can love someone but not trust them. A friend can betray you, and you can still love them, but it is hard to completely ever trust them again.
For me, love & trust go hand-in-hand. God calls us to love our enemies & those that spitefully use us. So it’s a quandary for me to love someone I don’t trust. I think it’s a work in progress for a lot of us! I know God loves even my “enemies” so therefore I pray to see them through His eyes. It doesn’t mean I have to trust them (that would be foolish), but it does mean that I can love them through God. Sometimes love isn’t just a feeling, but a choice we must make. It’s easy to love my husband even when we are fussing at each other, but it’s harder to love the person I don’t get along with. I need to make a choice to do so, or at least show love in being kind & gentle to them (and not grumble in my head, lol).
I had an abusive first marriage, so it took a very long time to trust a man again. God used my husband to help me overcome a lot of hurt & mistrust. In a lot of ways, I can relate to Misty. These type of stories are often hard for me to read, but I love when an author can treat it with grace & show how God can heal a person. Yes, it took me a long time to even trust God…but I’ve learned over the years that I can wholeheartedly!
This is a great question and very thought provoking :-)
As a person who has survived abuse, it is a very thought provoking question. It is not easily answered. You can love, but not fully trust. For me, there will always be a part of me that keeps a portion of my trust with held.
For romantic love, when loving without trust, it’s usually the time to walk away.
I think you love someone more then ever but not trust them due to something that happened.
You could love some one but not trust them. You both need to work together to trust again.
Very true, Pam. That’s what Misty discovered, but it was difficult to build a relationship without the trust growing. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! God bless you.
You’re right. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. God bless you.
You are so right, Trudy. Love is easier, which is why good relationships must also have trust. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks, Valerie. Happy to be here! You’re right. Trust is imperative for a healthy relationship.
Great insight! Trust and love go hand-in-hand in a healthy relationship. God never lets us down in that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Thanks for sharing, Judy! Your comment definitely lines up.
Trixi,
Reading Hope’s Gentle Touch, I really felt such compassion for women who share Misty’s exprience. I think Laura did an amazing job showing the pain and healing process.
Thank you for stopping by and sharing!
Debra,
Although I didn’t experience abuse per se, I did deal with addiction in the home growing up and it took me years to surrender that fear of trusting my husband completely. I understand what you shared, and I appreciate your vulnerability.
Thank you, Denise!
Amy,
That can absolutely happen. Thanks for stopping by!
Yes, it definitely can’t be one-sided. Great point, Sylvain!
I don’t think I can easily answer that…what kind of love are we talking about? Romantic? Parent? Friend? I think the answer might be different :)
I think it makes a great difference depending on what type of love we are talking about. For instance, I could love my child dearly, even if I don’t trust him or her to do the right thing because I have learned by their actions; however, if that was the case, I would never stop loving them. For romantic love, I think one can love without trust, but I feel it would take an extreme amount of work to make that relationship work. A new trust would have to be established and proven over a long, perhaps very long time, before love and trust could be established again, and a good relationship could exist. God’s love now is unconditional.
Loving without trust is possible but I don’t believe that it will be a healthy relationship until trust comes into play. Thank you for the oost, the book looks really interesting
You’re right, Debbie. Thanks for stopping by and sharing.
Great insight, Tiffany. No matter what, we can trust God to always be there.
I agree, Alicia. Trust is more fragile than love in so many ways. Thanks for sharing.
Lila, that’s a beautiful comparison of love. I’m so thankful that Jesus loves me with agape love, no matter what. You’re right that intimate relationships require trust. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
So true, Megan. You really can’t have a good relationship without both. Thanks for stopping by.
Good thoughts, Sonnetta. I agree, and I’m so glad God loves me unconditionally!
Thank you, Lincoln. I’m glad to have the opportunity to share a post. You describe the relationships that God wants for us so well. Thanks for sharing that.
Thanks, Kathleen! You’re right. We can have each of these to some degree, but combined, they’re powerful! I’m glad you enjoyed Hope’s Gentle Touch!
You’re right, Judy. The love we feel is what causes hurt when someone does betray our trust. We can continue to love but trust has to be proven over time.