I’m a bit of a statistics nerd, and though I don’t usually remember actual percentages, certain things tend to stick with me when I read them. Early on, I discovered that the stats were stacked against my marriage, especially since it is my husband’s second. As the years went on, we only added to the likelihood that we would split by adopting three kids with significant special needs. This spring, my real-life hero and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary, and as we draw ever closer to the empty-nester phase of our relationship, we’re better than ever. If I attribute that to any one thing, I think the most important factor for me (besides keeping Jesus at the center of our relationship) is our commitment to spending time together as often as we can.
At Blackwater Falls in Blackwater Falls State Park, West Virginia
In the early days of our relationship, similarly to a CCR relationship, all we wanted to do was hang out together, and if we weren’t together, we’d call each other or write letters to each other. Now, it’s harder to do with kids, a grandkid, dogs, chickens, jobs, and life all vying for our attention. Carving out that special time to go grab a coffee or spend a weekend away can require careful planning, but the impact on our relationship has been huge.
At Castle Hill Lighthouse, Newport, Rhode Island
One of the statistics I remember reading was one of the times a couple is most likely to divorce. I was shocked to see that a large percentage happened at twenty years. I didn’t understand it until I saw that drift happen in our marriage. When you get into a daily grind, it’s easy to miss those opportunities to connect with each other. Once we made the conscious decision to make time together a priority, we remembered how much we like hanging out.
If you haven’t prioritized spending time together, sit down with your spouse or significant other and list things you enjoy doing together. Doug and I are both introverts, so our activities are usually fairly solitary, even if we are out in public…a movie night at home, coffee at our local Biggby, or checking out the lighthouses along the shore of Lake Michigan. We also love traveling together, although I’m a bit more of an adventurer than Doug.
At Casco Bay, Portland, Maine
Since we still have four of our seven kids living at home, we obviously want to spend time taking family vacations with our kids, but we usually spend a couple of weekends a year away. Michigan is a great state for short getaways! We love spending time in the Upper Peninsula and usually go up at least once a year.
We also alternate taking a longer vacation with just the two of us every other year with our family vacations. Last year, we took our kids to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, for spring break. This year, we took a solo East Coast color tour. I’ve sprinkled photos from the trip throughout this post. My top three states that we visited were West Virginia, Vermont, and much to my surprise and delight, Rhode Island. I adore the mountains, and the colors in the White Mountains of New Hampshire, the Green Mountains of Vermont, and the Allegheny Mountains of West Virginia were absolutely stunning! I also loved the tranquility of the waves on the beaches of Rhode Island.
In the White Mountains of New Hampshire
I think the most fun we have on our vacations is when we visit areas off the beaten path. As we drove through the Allegheny Mountains, GPS took us on some roads that were only wide enough for two vehicles to pass through with drop-offs on at least one side. The scenery was gorgeous, and since my husband is hilarious, he had me in stitches with his commentary on the state of the road. It was definitely a trip to remember!
If you’re keeping track with me, this trip has left me with only nine states left to visit on my bucket list. We’ve already scheduled our trip with the kids to North Dakota to visit Theodore Roosevelt National Park next summer. I’ve rented a beautiful, secluded cabin outside the park, and we’re all super excited to go. That just leaves South Carolina, Kansas, Arkansas, Nevada, Oregon, California, Hawaii, and Alaska. We’re planning a cruise to Alaska for our 30th anniversary, so if you’ve vacationed in any of those other states, give me your best travel tips. We’d love to visit areas that are a bit more secluded as some of our kiddos have trouble with crowds and noise.
You can also give me your best tips for how you keep the romance alive in your relationships. Bonus points if they’re budget friendly!
Judith McNees lives in Michigan, where she enjoys spending time hiking with her kids and breaking out into random songs to annoy them. She loves to travel, and visiting all 50 states with her husband is at the top of her bucket list. She has a B.A. in English from Western Michigan University and is a member of American Christian Fiction Writers.
I’m a never married single, so all I’ve got to say is Congratulations!!
Hi from SW Michigan Judith. Just finished reading your Michigan setting romance A Heart to Trust.
In June Hubby and I celebrated our 50th Anniversary. Tips to keep romance alive.
1. Love is a choice.
2. Humor helps through rough spots and its FREE. Twice we moved on our anniversary & once on Valentine’s Day. We often say we are comedians. On road trips make up funny songs.
3. In lean years we did romantic dinners at home – on the deck. Grilling a nice steak at home was cheaper than eating out. Add a sunset and a bottle of bubbly, plus a nice dessert from the local bakery. Date night. In the winter – candlelight dinners.
4. When the kids were younger – we had Friday Pizza / Popcorn movie nights. Early movie with the kids. Then adult time / movie. Hubby was a minister, so weekends were busy with church.
5. Now as retirees – we often take Friday road trips – destination unknown. Explored most of the backroads of Michigan and Northern Indiana . A fun road trip is driving a new road and eating lunch at a new to us small town restaurant.
6. Walks holding hands – along Lake Michigan or through local parks. FREE
7. Watching the sunset. – FREE
8. LOVE NOTES / Homemade cards/ Unexpected Gifts (favorite dessert / dinner /snacks/ candy and more.
Celebrated 50 years on a shoe string. Hubby grew up thinking he was poor. I was a German immigrant. Enjoy your day.
so much of what Renate said above, my husband and I have done and still do. we have many friends from church and we both volunteer there. I love to make my own greeting cards. my husband loves to make a card and he will search up poems of how he feels at the time. we do many things together, and we do many things apart. I have found that Listening is very important. Reading our Bible and praying together has helped us deepen and keep our love for each other. You and your hubby have got this. Communicating on everything is soooooo important. Especially when it covers the kids and your marriage. My mom put it this way, and I love how it makes life so much more wonderful #1 Follow Christ #2 Your Spouse #3 Your Children #4 everything else
Thank you, Trudy! ❤️
Hi Renate! I hope you enjoyed AHTT. Thanks for reading, and thanks for the great tips. I’m a firm believer in number 1 as well.
Our first date was a drive around and see where you end up date, but we haven’t done that in many years. Maybe it’s time to pull that one back off the shelf!
I love that your hubby puts poems in cards for you. So sweet! Thanks for the comment!
Theodore Roosevelt State Park is great! You’ll love it. My favorite was the prairie dog towns. Lots of bison, too. Watch out for rattle snakes. My friend literally tripped over one on our hike. I lived in North Dakota for one year after college (quite some time ago now…). Really interesting state. Don’t wait to get gas until you are low. Big stretches without population along the Interstate.
For Hawaii, I recommend Kauai. It’s less populated but still navigable. Sooo beautiful.
Enjoy your adventures!
Oh my goodness! Good to know about the rattlesnakes. 😱 Also good to know about the gas situation. We’re staying about 40 minutes from the nearest town, so things should be interesting. Thanks for the recommendations!
Good morning and all that you say is true about relationships. My husband and I go on date nights. We go to a cute little place here have something to drink and eat and we have also gone on picnics which I really enjoy. We are both retired and both our adult children have little families of their own. Have a great day and a great rest of the week. Your book sounds like a great read.
Thank you so much for the comment Alicia!
I love all these relationship tips – it can be hard at different seasons of life I think, we have young children, both have busy jobs, and have been doing some home renovations so juggling all that doesn’t feel like it leaves time for much else! But we only have 3 kids, if you could make time with 7 kids I should be able to as well. Maybe as some posters have suggested, a date night in with a nice meal or a movie would be a good plan.
Our youngest is 11, so we’re at the point where we can leave for short snippets of time now, but I agree that having a nice dinner or movie night at home when the kids are still young is a great compromise! Best of luck on the renovations and thanks for the comment!
I was so excited to see the picture of Blackwater Falls. My Mom was born in a small community not far from there called Lanesville. It may have been one of those two lane roads that barely can get two cars through. Thank you for sharing the beautiful picture. I have not been able to be back in years. God bless you,
Never married still single so cant help there. But I have been to Hawaii. I love it but I would suggest not staying in Waikiki. While I enjoyed it I notice each time the sprucers were out more and more trying to sell time share condominiums. You often get a free breakfast or meal to listen to the sale pitch but they are so annoying. If I go back I want to stay on Kauai as it is so beautiful. (did a day trip) The other islands were interesting too. For Oahu I would stay on the North Shore or one of the other areas. Also I got so sick of other Aussies say oh its just like the Gold Coast (in Australia) don’t know why we came. So I would ask have you been outside Waikiki and they would say no. are you going to, no why would we they would say. I was Because there is so much more than Waikiki Beach. If you only wanted to go to a beach then stay home. You don’t see the real Hawaii until you go further like the North shore or going to a luau or the Polynesian centre which is really worth the visit or Pearl Harbour. I love Hawaii and yes the first time it felt like the Gold Coast except the accents and people. but it is so much better and so much friendlier.
We really loved the area. My husband was already making plans to return. It’s super beautiful! Thanks for the comment.
Thanks so much for the tips. I think the Polynesian center sounds right up my alley! I’m not much of a beach person. I’m too fair skinned so I always burn…lol.