When we hear about someone’s heart racing and palms sweating, we automatically think about romance.
After all, we’re romance people. We read and/or write Christian romance, so our minds jump to certain conclusions. It’s what we do. Let’s face it – it’s part of our charm.
I’ve had a few life changes in recent months, though, that have caused a few racing hearts and sweaty palms that had nothing to do with romance. I’m generally a pretty chill person. I don’t get ruffled easily, and I don’t tend to worry about things. I’m all about trusting God and knowing He’s in control. Even when things seem to go haywire in life, God’s still at work in the situation, and I’m happy to rest in that knowledge.
I’m so chill in fact, that (this is me laughing at myself – not bragging – honest!) I went through six weeks of anxiety attacks before I realized that I was having anxiety attacks. I sort of knew it was stress-related, but I completely failed to connect the dots enough to realize what was happening. Then I had a bad attack.
I woke up in the wee hours of the morning, heart racing so fast I couldn’t catch my breath. My arms were dead weight, and I could barely move my legs. Sweat was pouring off of me in rivers. I managed to stumble out of bed somehow and make my way into the living room where my husband sat. (He works graveyard, so he hadn’t gone to bed yet.) I had to shuffle my feet the whole way out there because I couldn’t pick them up properly.
It was awful.
I scared the daylights out of my husband, too.
The attack was so bad that my chest hurt for days afterward. Whatever anxiety does, it overworked all the muscles in my chest to the point that they were exhausted. Every time I took a deep breath, the muscles in my chest ached. Every time I went outside and breathed in cold air, the muscles ached. That ongoing pain made me feel like I was always on the verge of another attack, and trust me – that one attack was bad enough that I didn’t want to repeat it.
Of course, then I had to stop and ask myself, “What am I so upset about that I’m having anxiety?” Because, again, like I said, I’m generally a pretty chill person. I can be a little excitable – but usually about happy things. I don’t tend to focus on the negative. I prefer joy, and so that’s a choice I make on an almost daily basis. James 1:2 is one of my favorite verses. Consider it all joy…
In any event, I had a nice moment of introspection where I took a look at what was going on in my life and how it was affecting me. (And how I might have been a *teeny, tiny bit* in denial about how deeply it was affecting me.)
And because this is the world in which I live, I started to think about some of the subjects that are kind of taboo in Christian fiction. We don’t really talk about depression, for example. If we do, it’s usually in relation to a heroic military person suffering from PTSD. We don’t often see children born with developmental disabilities/differences in Christian romance. We don’t see a lot of anxiety, either.
In my case, I wasn’t fully trusting in God’s sovereignty in an area of my life. I was trying to control something that was way better off in God’s hands than my own, and, ultimately, that led to anxiety.
In some ways, that’s the very reason we don’t see a lot of anxiety in Christian romance. Anxiety is often viewed as a failing in the individual, a character flaw, a lack of trust, or – worse – a lack of faith. Therefore, it’s a taboo subject in Christian fiction. While I take ownership of the cause of my own anxiety, however, I fully recognize that not everyone has the same experience. Anxiety comes from a lot of places, and not all of them are self-inflicted or a reflection of the person’s relationship with God.
That’s my two cents, anyway.
I would love to hear what you have to say about taboo subjects in Christian romance. Are there any others that you can think of that I didn’t name? Things we deal with in everyday life but that somehow don’t make it into the pages of our fiction?
In the meantime, I wish you all a blessed and beautiful – and anxiety-free – day!
Heather Gray loves coffee, God, her family, and laughter – not necessarily in that order! She writes approachable characters who, through the highs and lows of life, find a way to love God, embrace each day, and laugh out loud right along with her. And, yeah, her books almost always have someone who's a coffee addict. Some things just can't be helped. Despite their different lives and situations, Heather’s characters have something in common. They're all flawed...but loved anyway.
Dysfunctional families does not seem to get much of an airing.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope you’re feeling better.
I am okay with reading taboo topics in romance as long as the book still feels like it’s about the romance and not women’s fiction. Some stories I’ve read in the past get so carried away that they forget about the relationship and end up rushing the end (forgiveness, conflict resolution, relationship start).
I’m a clinical psychologist by training and I’ve had contact with pretty bad stories early on my career. I don’t think there’s creed, color, age, or gender for emotional intense (taboo) topics.
Hi Heather, thanks for sharing. Anxiety and depression are two of the biggest issues that my students deal with- I would also argue the same for many adults also. Over the past 20 years of working with students, I think there has been a significant increase in young adults who suffer from either or both.
Pornography would have to be another taboo subject that is not often addressed.
Blessings:)
Hi Heather! Thanks for insightful and though provoking blog. As a retiree, I belong to the Lake Bluff Book Club sponsored by the library and monthly the group reads best sellers, woman’s fiction, memoirs, biographies. Many stories deal with contemporary issues of anxiety, depression, abuse – physical, emotional, verbal or substance, and dysfunctional families. Since the world has enough troubles of its own – maybe Christians prefer to read an uplifting romance as an escape from the daily life around us. As a teacher, I had students that were anxious, cut themselves, had low self esteem, and were depressed. But I am also away that many people are medicated and are therefore always happy, joy, joy. So maybe taboo subjects should be included in Christian Romance. Interesting! When I get anxious, I remember “Be still and know that I am God.” Best wishes.
You’re so right! And yet most of us have one. I see a number of endearingly dysfunctional families in Christian fiction, but not many damagingly dysfunctional families. A part of me wonders if that’s because, when we read, we are often seeking a break from our own reality – and dysfunction is too close to home for too many people…? An interesting thought to ponder. Thank you for bringing it up!
I am doing much better – thank you for asking. :-) You have an excellent point – romance can cease to be romantic when the characters’ issues overwhelm the romance plot. It’s always important to keep that in mind. (I think that’s true for any genre. Suspense, for example, can stop being suspenseful when characters’ personal issues overwhelm the suspense story line.) Balance is always needed. As a Christian romance author, it’s my job to make sure that the romance plot is front-and-center, but it’s also my job to make sure that Christ is fully present in the story, too. The rest – the issues that the characters have – are the tools that I use (hopefully well!) to develop both the romance and the spiritual character arcs. When it gets out of balance in any direction, it becomes awkward – either too preachy, too issue-y, or (gasp!) unrealistic romantically. Balance always makes for better fiction. (It makes for better living, too!) ^_^
My son (age 20) was telling me some statistics recently on depression in teens. It was shocking, and I’m the person who led the suicide prevention workshop at school when I was teaching – so it’s kind of hard to shock me. I agree that it’s becoming a bigger issue among adults, too. I believe that’s it’s increasing within the Christian community, too. Either it’s becoming more prevalent, or people are talking more openly about it. I have a kazillion theories as to why this is the case, but I’m not a professional, and I’m sure my theories have holes in them. We do live in a fallen world, though, and I think that plays a big part.
You’re so right about pornography, too! I hear it talked about from the pulpit, and I see it addressed in Christian magazines, but I hardly ever see it in Christian fiction, especially romance. It would be difficult to work into a romance because, in a way, it’s like infidelity. If one of the main characters struggles with pornography, it’s kind of like saying they struggle with being faithful – and that makes for a difficult romance. Not impossible, just difficult. That’s definitely food for thought. Thank you!
Thank you for your input! I agree that Christian readers want to be uplifted and encouraged when they read. I have no doubt that that is a big part of why Christian fiction stays away from certain topics. At the same time, though, I think that stories can show people dealing – in an uplifting and encouraging way – with some of those challenging topics. I also wonder if it isn’t occasionally encouraging to someone when they see a character struggling with an issue and realize that they’re not alone, that they aren’t the only person who has faced that battle. Not that the fictional character is a *real* person, but seeing some of our own issues worked out in a positive way in the lives of characters in a book somehow gives us hope. At least, I hope that’s the case! ^_^
I am so glad you worked through the anxiety and that sounds like a really scary attack! I don’t mind taboo our tough topics. It helps stretch us (or begin to) to grow more. We may never deal with something an author presents to us, but if it’s dealt with in a Christian way (love your neighbor as yourself) then the seeds have been planted. Depression and Anxiety are two of many things that depend on epigenetics and whether the body can continue working around some of those key genes that impact that area. And yes, some depression and anxiety is life stresses that doesn’t have to do with genes. Those would be hard topics to write about and many still don’t understand that when we say we are depressed, it’s really the blues. Depression is so much deeper than those who don’t suffer from it can imagine. My children have the mutated genes that bring depression and anxiety on, and as my oldest has seen me come to a greater understanding, has told me a bit more about it. There is still much to learn. Strong faith may be able to get us through the deep depths, but even then the mind is so powerful. I’m thinking of the youth pastor’s death a few months back. Saw an article, but don’t remember his name, but he dealt depression. It seems like the genetic expression of depression and anxiety would be much harder to maintain in a Christian fiction novel.
I’ve never had an experience with an attack like that, though I do know some friends have! Some of them have a chemical imbalance that causes their anxiety, and even with that, some Christians still say it’s a lack of faith. I told my friend she needed to check out Sheila Walsh, as she is very open about her problems with this! I don’t mind difficult topics being addressed in Christian fiction. After all, we’re to share our problems with others, so why not taboo topics! Especially since the author could help us with things we readers could be dealing with, or make us look at things differently and getting us thinking about things, and maybe even inspiring us to reach out to others about something. I’m always telling friends about books, so why not one touching on a topic they may be dealing with, and since it’s “fiction” even a non-Christian friend might be open to reading a good book and getting help they may be too afraid to ask for, or not want to take advice from someone who hasn’t “been there.”
Thank you Andrea! I thought that depression and anxiety could have a genetic component, but I wasn’t certain. I also know that, when children suffer abuse or grow up in an abusive environment, the high levels of adrenaline flooding their brain can change some of the fundamental ways that the brain functions. For starters, it can damage the pathway between the parts of the brain that process danger and logic. As an example, a person who grew up in that sort of an environment may, when watching a TV show (or reading a book) respond in fear or anger to the situation that the character is in, but the signal telling them that it’s only fiction and not a real-life threat isn’t doing its job properly. Consequently, their reactions to these sorts of situations seem overblown and out of proportion. I used to know the names of the parts of the brain involved, but I can’t remember them at the moment. Regardless, though, you’re so right that the brain is both powerful and complex. I think, sometimes, that people think faith is a quick-stick bandage that should overcome our problems. In truth, faith is a gift of grace that helps us to cope with our problems. Coping doesn’t mean that our problems are magically fixed. Coping is so often about having hope, and when our eternal hope is in Christ, it gives us perspective about the problems we face in this life. It doesn’t, however, promise to remove those problems from us.
I heard Sheila Walsh speak at a live event once, and she was phenomenal. She wasn’t the keynote speaker, but in my opinion, she stole the show. Her transparency, grace, and humor area powerful combination.
You are so right about the way that books help us! Even if we don’t deal with the exact problem showcased by a character, seeing them handle it and getting inside their head to hear their inner struggles somehow gives us extra grace for the next time we come across someone who faces that same challenge – or even a completely different challenge. Through books, we can walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, and that helps us to see the world through different eyes – hopefully eyes of grace.
Good morning Heather!
Thank you very much for addressing the topic of taboo topics in Christian fiction. I lived for most of my first 15 years in a home where my life was an unmentionable subject. I was abused, physically, mentally and sexually. Not only by my own father but by several of his siblings also. Mama knew about it, I am almost sure, but with her own abuse, I think she was afraid to say or do anything about mine. Even today, 55 years later, it is still a Very unmentionable subject in most parts of the United States. Yet, I know for a fact that it is still occurring as I have helped remove a few affected children from homes until the danger was removed. And I have also helped young ladies to understand that it wasn’t their fault. I
am reminded of a couple of instances I read about in the Bible on the subject of incest:
1Chronicles 5:1 in the genealogy of Reuben, it is mentioned that he defiled his father’s marriage bed. And in Gen 19:30-38 These passages mention Lot’s daughters laying with their father after getting him drunk.
The passage of Scripture that GOD gave to me to help me understand and deal with my ordeal is Jeremiah 29:11-14 I cherish al of GOD’s promises but this one tells me that HE longs to keep me safe and do me no harm.
I pray daily that this taboo subject will become something that comes to light more and more and that our young people will not have to experience it.
Thank you for giving me a platform to discuss this taboo subject.
~~kay~~
I’ve never hesitated to write about anxiety, fear, anger, you name it in my books, as part of my characters’ journeys. Having dealt with such issues myself, it’s always seemed perfectly natural for me to write about such struggles. But then, I read books by Christian authors who also write about such things. I didn’t realize there were any “taboos” about them. I guess I’m out of the loop. LOL
I’m sorry you are suffering that way. I had anxiety attacks as a child for many years and they ended in my twenties. Resurfaced in my 40’s as blackouts.
I’ve been writing romance too, and have 3 books done but not published yet. One character has a little boy with Down Syndrome, another has panic attacks, and still another in a 3rd book suffers from depression. Of course, she lived in Seattle, so… :)
I think those kinds of heavier things are okay to write/read, as long as the character arc shows a happy ending with some kind of positive transformation.