Have you ever felt like you didn’t fit in? Like you didn’t belong?
It’s a lonely place to be, isn’t it? And loneliness… Well, let’s just say that loneliness isn’t fun.
We might feel lonely at school, on the job, or even at church. Sometimes we feel lonely within our own families or even in our own marriages. In the worst cases, we may even feel lonely with God, cut off from him.
Loneliness seeps into our souls and robs us of our sense of self. It robs us of our joy, too. (If you know me very well at all, you know that I’m a big proponent of joy.) I can’t help but think of John 10:10 where Jesus tells us that the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy but that He came to give us abundant and overflowing life.
This subject got me to wondering. Is there a cure for loneliness? Since we can be lonely even in groups, a simple “don’t be alone” answer won’t do. I also realize that our loneliness can sometimes be caused by issues of mental health that need more of an answer than I can possibly provide. The rest of the time, though? Yeah, I think there is a cure.
If loneliness is caused by isolation (self-imposed or otherwise), then the cure is community.
When people have a sense of community, they feel like they belong. They fit in. They have people. They are connected, and being connected makes a magnificent difference in our lives.
When you feel connected to people at school, you do better work. When you are connected at work, your job satisfaction increases. When you are connected at church, you know that you’ll be missed when you are gone. You know that you are loved. When you are connected within your family, you know you have peeps, people that get you even when you are talking nonsense. And when you’re connected in your marriage – or significant relationship – you have a sense of belonging that soothes the soul. And when we feel connected to God? Peace, joy, gratitude.
Don’t get me wrong – if you are a believer, you are always connected to God. Sometimes, though, we lose our way. We get off-track, or we get hit sideways, and even though we know we are connected to God, we may not feel like it’s true. In times like those, it’s important to rely on what we know, to trust what Scripture says about our relationship with God.
This isn’t a sermon, though, so I’ll go back to where we were – a friendly chat about how important it is for us to feel connected.
Honestly, I think that’s one of the reasons we like romance. When it’ well-written, romance is a living, breathing connection. It’s about people finding and forging a connection so strong that they don’t dare let go. It’s about love and belonging and creating a community of two.
We read romance for all the romantic toe tingles, but we keep going back to it for the heart-strings tugged and warm fuzzies felt. We buy the next book and the next and the one after that because we can’t help but be pulled in by two people finding their path to each other in a way that defies all the odds and promises a lifelong and fulfilling connection.
Stories about romance explore some of the most powerful emotions that humans have. Love, sure. That’s a given. They also tackle, though, that deep-seated need that we each have to have a place, to have a people. To belong.
What else do you think romance explores? What are some of the other deep and wide topics that you’ve seen handled in romance novels?
Heather Gray loves coffee, God, her family, and laughter – not necessarily in that order! She writes approachable characters who, through the highs and lows of life, find a way to love God, embrace each day, and laugh out loud right along with her. And, yeah, her books almost always have someone who's a coffee addict. Some things just can't be helped. Despite their different lives and situations, Heather’s characters have something in common. They're all flawed...but loved anyway.
Romance stories are certainly uplifting. No matter the trial and tribulations of the characters they do find peace and of course happiness.
Hi Heather! Thanks for a wonderful, thought-provoking post! You even included my favorite Bible verse of all, John 10:10!
I think another broad topic that romance novels often explore is the topic of forgiveness, and so often a failure to forgive makes us feel unconnected. It might just be me, but I think, when I’m struggling to forgive a person, it can make it harder to connect not just with that person, but with people in general.
As readers, we love that sense of community, of belonging, especially when the hero or heroine starts out the story feeling very alone. Often they find more than romance, but a deeper connection to others as well. #thinkingdeepthoughts
It’s not a romance if it doesn’t have a happily-ever-after, right? :-) While some romances may have a bit of angst along the way, you can always count on it ending on a good note.
You are so right Sally! Forgiveness is a key theme in a lot of romance novels, and I think that’s because, as people, we mess up all the time. It’s not possible to be in a relationship with someone (romantic or otherwise) without practicing forgiveness on pretty much a daily basis. I think you’re right, too, that when we let unforgiveness seep into our heart in regard to one relationship, it spills over into and affects all of our relationships, creating a disconnect with the other people in our life.
You hit the nail on the head, and I think that’s part of why the genre of “small town romance” is so popular. Small towns are known for that sense of connection with others (even when it’s annoying and bothersome because everybody knows your business). We live in a society that is increasingly disconnected as people move further and further away from each other and our lives becomes consumed with busy-ness and technology rather than with people. We often don’t see it coming until we’re so disconnected that we’re downright lonely…and then we realize that we’ve been craving community all along. #thinkingplotpoints ^_^
I think the previous comments have covered the two I had thought of, community and forgiveness. I definitely go for the happy ending. No matter what the characters go through, we can count on that happy ending.
I love that we can escape in novels. In historical fiction I learn about history, contemporary I sometimes relate to heroines or heros when they are older. (like the singles who are over 30 but ok with being single but then find love). Or one romantic book had an aunt who looked after the heroines grandmother. I could see myself in her story being a carer at the time and how she was manipulated by the grandmother. It took the heroine to call out her grandmother and encourage the aunt to follow her heart. (While I didn’t have a boyfriend when I was a carer I would have loved someone to see how I was being manipulated when I didn’t see it myself, and called mum out).
I like ones that speak of redemption and forgiveness. Oh, I like them all! Lol!! I like ones that show we’re all human, and we can find Christ no matter what we’ve done. I also like ones that teach me, too, without being “preachy” and ones that challenge me in good ways.
I love second chance and redemption stories because I have been given both by God :-) Second chance romance gives the couple a chance to work through what went wrong with the relationship in the past and forge a new one and redemption ones because of how a character changes from being one person to a whole different and better one.
Of course I like a wide variety of troupes, but these two stand out the most for me. I guess I love seeing character growth, it’s the most important element to me!
To call a book “romance” but not include a happy ending would kind of be like false advertising, wouldn’t it? :-)
It’s always good when we can relate to the characters in books. It helps us know that we’re not alone in whatever issues we’re dealing with and facing.
I like fiction that challenges me, too, that makes me take a closer look at myself or forces me to examine something I have believed about God to determine whether or not it’s actually true.
You’re so right – we’re all a living testament to second chances and God’s redeeming grace. And amen for that!