All you twenty- and thirty-somethings, let me assure you that life and love aren’t over at forty. Or fifty. Or, ahem, sixty…
A while back, it occurred to me that possibly readers might think I believed romance is only for the young, since all my stories featured heroes and heroines in their 20s with a few in their early 30s. Personally, I know better! So I should (at least sometimes) write like it!
It is definitely possible to have remained single until over fifty… and then find love for the first time. But it’s far more likely to arrive at fifty “single again” after a divorce or the death of a spouse. Any of the three ways to be doing life solo at fifty come with a lot of history… fifty years of it, to be precise. ;)
Charlie Jalonen has been divorced for twelve years at the opening of Cadence of Cranberries. His ex’s accusation was that he was never home, which he knows is true. He had a challenging, high-paying job he loved, with the option of lots of overtime. This got them their ritzy house, their fancy cars, exotic vacations, and whatever his wife and two daughters could think of to desire. Until money and things weren’t enough to hold his family together.
Charlie has only recently begun to build a relationship with one of his twenty-something daughters, who introduced him to Jesus. The other daughter wants nothing to do with him.
Sadly, I think the “before” in Charlie’s story could apply to many people who get caught up in the world’s definition of success. They lose sight of priorities and simply chase money. It’s like they believe the old saying, “he who dies with the most toys, wins.”
We know better, right? He who dies with the most toys… still dies, and likely has little to show for eternity. Charlie has come to this realization several years before this story opens. He’s accepted an early retirement package from his company, moved across the state, and bought a coffee roasting business. He doesn’t know much about the roasting end — thankfully he retained the roastmaster — but he runs the coffee truck himself.
Winnie’s been widowed a little over two years at the opening of this story. Her husband, Al, was a godly man who made an impact on many lives for Jesus. He left her with five kids ages 23 to 11. The youngest saw his dad’s truck get T-boned by a drunk driver and hasn’t been the same since.
When Winnie’s oldest son asks Charlie’s daughter to marry him, Winnie and Charlie are thrown together to help plan their kids’ wedding — Winnie, who knows true love and a lasting marriage don’t come from a fancy, upscale wedding extravaganza, and Charlie, who hasn’t completely relinquished the idea that money fixes everything (until it doesn’t).
Whether you’re married, single, or single again, what would you consider one of the best marriage tips you’ve heard or experienced?
There are so many! But this is one I usually share when asked: love isn’t a mushy feeling. Love is an action word. Make the decision to love every single day.
Cadence of Cranberries is now available on Amazon worldwide. Purchase a copy or borrow it in Kindle Unlimited! The paperback version is also available now.
PSST! If you haven’t read my Saddle Springs western romances yet, this is a great time to do so! Book 1, The Cowboy’s Christmas Reunion, is FREE on Amazon through Saturday, while Book 2, The Cowboy’s Mixed-Up Matchmaker, is 99¢ (US/UK only), and Book 3, The Cowboy’s Romantic Dreamer is $2.99 (25% off)! Books 4-6 are at the regular price, $3.99, but are also available in a series bundle at a savings if you prefer. Click here to view the series on Amazon.
The header image (purchased from Deposit Photo) portrays how I envisioned Winnie and Charlie while I was writing their story.
Valerie Comer is a USA Today bestselling author and a two-time Word Award winner who writes where food meets faith and fiction. She injects experience laced with humor into her green clean romances. Her life on a small farm in western Canada provides the seed for stories of contemporary inspirational romance. Like many of her characters, Valerie and her family grow much of their own food and are active in the local foods movement as well as their church. She only hopes her creations enjoy their happily-ever-afters as much as she does hers, shared with her husband, adult kids, and adorable granddaughters.
I love(d) Cadence of Cranberries. And the picture of the couple above really sweet.
“Don’t try to change your spouse”, sounds like sound advice to me. I think they meant to say that YOU need focus on letting Jesus change YOU and make YOU more like Him, instead of YOU trying to be the Holy-Ghost-police/correctional officer for your spouse. The “nagging” verses in Proverbs paint helpful pictures, too.
Someone wrote something along the lines of remembering that God is your “Father-in-law” since your wife is God’s daughter.
The subtitle of Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas is: “What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?” Interesting…
Keeping in mind (on an hourly/daily basis) to put Jesus and Mt 6:33 at the center of your marriage as described in Sacred Search makes sense, too.
I like the idea of old couples. Being I am single never married and over 50 and never really had a boyfriend. (Meet a couple men on holidays or a christian camp but there wasn’t anything in them). I don’t think people believe there are people who are single and older who haven’t really had a boyfriend.
One tip I have heard is don’t go to bed angry.
Communication is key.
Thank you for writing about older couples.
I really enjoy the older generation love stories!
Nagging. So hard not to do at times! And yet, I can’t think of a time when it is helpful, either. Yes, praying for one’s spouse and for oneself to become more like Jesus keeps the peace far better!
Not going to bed angry is a good tip. Sometimes very hard to do if the fight/argument is late in the evening!
I know several other 50+ single women who haven’t had a serious relationship. I’ve also know of a few where she married for the first time later in life! God definitely has a unique path for each one of us.
So very VERY key. :)
You’re welcome! It was a fun experiment, and I’m sure I’ll do it again, though I’m not sure when at the moment. :)
I do, too, when they act their age. LOL
I think it’s nice to read romance books that feature older couples falling in love. It kind encourages me that as we age we still have a chance at life and love.
There’s definitely no age limit on love :)
I recently hosted an online party and one of my questions was about character age in romance and so many want a mature romance, or even middle age romance. I’m so glad to point them to Cadence of Cranberries.
Laugh together everyday over silly things. That’s what we do.
Oh, wow. Thank you. :)
A+ for a sense of humor!!!!
Of all the different kinds of love (companionship, friendship, passion, etc.), commitment is the one that will hold a relationship together when all the others wane (and they will). I think Anke’s reference above to marriage being more about holiness (or sanctification – becoming holy) than happiness is spot on.
Thank one another for keeping your promises of commitment. Tell each other how much it means not to be alone when things get rough.
Having said that, there are still some things to be said about the other kinds of love as well. When you part, even if only going out to do chores and even if you are angry with each other, say “I love you” to each other. You are not guaranteed the next chance to do so. Avoid regrets.
Also, cultivate the physical affection between you. Find excuses to share a simple kiss. My wife and I have a tradition of “Moon Kisses”. If we are outside in the evening and one of us catches a glimpse of the moon, all other activity gets put on a brief hold in order to enjoy a kiss.
Passion needs cultivation, too! When one or both of you are heading out the door to work, I challenge you: kiss like nobody’s watching for 30 seconds. It’ll change your perspective on the day! Another fun one is, if you are the only ones in an elevator, kiss like there’s no tomorrow until that little bell rings. Let all those folks on your destination floor wonder about the smiles and smoothing of clothing :).
And remember that God’s peace and joy do not mean the absence of trial or conflict. They mean a sense of eternal well-being in the midst of them.
“I love you” can never be said too many times. SO TRUE!
Always listen to each other and talk things out together, remember it is not me, me , me anymore, it is Us. And also always remember that Actions speak louder than words.
You’re so right, actions do speak louder than words! Good advice.
Its also a difficult issue for many singles especially in there late 20’s in many Christian circles you are expected to be married and if you are still single at 30 there must be something wrong with you. around that age I actually had people ask what was wrong with me to still be single. One even told me that my standards were to high or something similar. I then realized he meant my morals were to high and thought if that means I am not going to settle for the first drunk to ask me to marry him then I am happy to have high standards. But it is an issue where churches tend to preach man is not meant to be alone and growing up you are basically taught that your role in life is to marry and have kids (I know its changed a little now) it is very unrealistic.
I agree that society and even the church have not handled this well. I’m sorry.
Remember we will have tribulation in this world. Bad things happen that aren’t anyone’s fault (health, jobs, accidents, teen-age kid issues, etc). When (not if) it happens, determine to cling together – with God – and weather through it. Don’t use those moments to tear each other down, rather encourage each other that we Will get through this – with God’s help.
Keep humor, adventure, fun in the marriage. Plan fun things (bike rides, walks) to do together. (My hubby & I started scuba diving together at 50 because I always wanted to do it. My hubby loves to fly – so I fly with him, even though my friends think I’m crazy). Remain young at heart.
Remember not every thought needs to be expressed. Especially angry words. Learn to consider the thoughts first & then express them in a positive fashion, at the proper time (not before bed, or when hubby is trying to get out the door, or just came home, or before getting together w friends).
Work at keeping romance and respect in the marriage, remember Why and What I valued in my spouse (his strengths). Work at keeping a healthy body and a positive mindset – who wants a negative, frumpy spouse? ;D
Be my spouse’s best cheerleader/friend. Believe in him, pray for him.
Awesome advice!
I’m closer to 60 than 50, and I’ve never been married. The right one never came along, and over the past few years, Mom often told me that God gave me to her because He knew I’d be the one to take care of her. Now, I’d like for the right one to come along, so the book sounds good!!! I’ve always heard don’t go to bed angry, and also to always put God first in your marriage.
Good advice! Condolences on the loss of your mom. I’m sure there’s a big hole right now. ((hug))
Hi Valerie, I like the advice on ‘laugh together every day over silly things’. It made me laugh, because I was going to say ‘Well, what if you don’t go to bed angry, but then he pulls all the blankets off you every time he rolls over, and then you get angry” haha. How silly would that be – just because one is cold and the furnace is always turned down at night. BRRRR Oh, well, it’s 52 plus years now, so I will still keep him. Thanks for writing about older couples. I do get a little tired of young and rich. The Billionaires have gone crazy. Where did all the money come from ?
Merry Christmas to all.
52 years! You’re a long-hauler! But good point that the fights can start after bedtime LOL.
One thing we have incorporated in our marriage, is never leave the house without kissing your spouse and saying I love you. Life is too short & I would not want to have regrets or wonder if my husband knew I loved him.
I love stories that feature older couples finding love and am really glad authors have caught on to the idea as well. I can’t get enough! :-)
Really good advice! I hope you enjoy Cadence of Cranberries :)
never stop dating your spouse. don’t get complacent in marriage.
Yes to both of those!
Thank you! There is; however, I know she’s soooo much better off!! I’ll see her again someday!!
Both of my parents are gone. I understand what you mean. But still, it’s HARD. ((hug))
Yes, it is! My Daddy passed away 24 and a half years ago. It is HARD. It helps to have friends who understand.
My dad passed on my birthday in 1998. My mom in November, 2010. There are still lots of times I wish I could talk to them and hug them.
Talk to each other and FORGIVE!
Forgiveness is definitely important.
I love the idea of writing older characters in romance! Thank you, Valerie!
It seems uncomfortable to offer marriage advice when my own is imperfect but I guess no marriage is perfect!
At our wedding almost 26 years ago our minister spoke of there being three in our marriage relationship: my husband, myself and God. So, as others have also commented, keeping the Lord at the centre of your marriage.
You’re right that no one’s marriage is perfect, but that’s still great advice. ((hug))
For sure! And even sometimes in early morning when I want to continue sleeping, and he doesn’t. LOL
Haha, we just quietly get up and let the other sleep! Not in your house?!?!
My advise is you need to marry your best friend. I have found that when everything is said and done, you need to be able to communicate with your husband on another level than the children, job or finances. Thank you for writing books about older couples. Merry Christmas.
Yes! I remember telling a man at church once that I loved my husband and that I nearly always liked him, too. The man didn’t quite get it — he thought of love as “more like” not as separate things, but I do think they’re more like a Venn diagram. Ideally you want a LOT of overlap in like and love, but it’s not necessarily a full overlap, otherwise we could not begin to love our enemies.