I’m sure we’ve all seen the memes about how certain movies or stories gave us unrealistic expectations for love. I laugh at them and can sometimes agree. Some things are unrealistic.
But then this year my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and I heard from so many others who are about to hit 60 years and it made me sit back and think. I don’t blame romance books for giving me unrealistic expectations about love and marriage. My parents gave me expectations for what I deserve to find in my happily ever after.
The romance that I find in CCR mimic that same beauty and God-driven love that I’ve come to know and appreciate.
Books are an escape from a lot of the idiocy in the world, and they are a way to look at different situations from within the safety of our own thoughts. I love romance and I love books that show romance in a healthy way, and yes, I even love romance that is so ridiculously perfect that I shake my head and grin. Life is often stranger than fiction, and I myself claim to have what others would consider a fairy-tale romance.
It’s fun to consider the expectations of life being like the book–kind of like movie adaptations of books–and simply enjoy both for what they are.
I feel like expectations about romance are a lot like the “rules” that romance writers are supposed to follow.
Sometimes we break those rules and the story is better for it. And sometimes our characters make decisions for themselves and leave us out of it altogether. Sounds like me when God tells me to do something I don’t want to do.
How have books helped you move past a certain expectation in life? One of mine is always forgiveness. I struggle so much with forgiveness, and every time I read a CCR book that has a forgiveness storyline, I am reminded of my struggles and I feel a sense of community in knowing that I am not the only one. Yes, the story was fiction, but the human condition of anger and forgiveness affects us all.
Tabitha Bouldin has a bachelor's degree in creative writing/English from Southern New Hampshire University. She is a member of American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW) and has been writing since 2015. When she's not homeschooling her kids, you'll find her curled up with a book. Tabitha's genre of choice is Contemporary Christian Romance which she describes as: Adventure with heart.
I love this: “they are a way to look at different situations from within the safety of our own thoughts.” Well said.
My newest book, The Counting Tree, deals with forgiveness. As I wrote, I wanted Heidi’s struggle to resonate with my readers – and when you read the story, you realize with her that partial forgiveness does not provide release.
So thankful for Christian fiction and the opportunity to share God’s love through the art of story.
May God bless you today in your writing,
Jennifer
I think you said all of this very well. Thanks for the reminders. There was a time when our two children were in school full time. 1st and 3rd grade. I had been on medicine since I was 13 for Epilepsy. And after so many years of being on Phenobarbital, I fell into a really deep depression. So when the kids went off to school. I would take my shower and wash the dishes and do a few other little things. Than I grabbed a book and literally disappeared for hours in make believe. Everyone was gone from the house and I was alone, so I thought I was safe. One day my mom stopped by unannounced. I thought I fooled her. But no I didnt. She called Phil (my husband) and told him what she saw and what she felt was happening. Between them they came up with a plan to help me.
I like to “escape” into the problems of others for awhile, and from that, I can learn how to deal with things in my own life. If everything is great from the beginning, I’m scratching my head because I don’t know anyone whose life has been perfect from the beginning. I like all of the characters to be real, and dealing with messy problems. Maybe they aren’t hunting down a killer, but regular life is often messy. I like seeing how authors deal with the messy, as quite often it makes me look at my messy differently, and helps me to deal with things differently.
Somehow my characters always have issues with trusting God through tragedy and trauma. I’ve lived a pretty blessed life, but the longer I live, the more I understand doubt and fear while still letting my characters maintain relationships, whether it be with God, a new love, a spouse, or a family member. Truth IS stranger than fiction, so who’s to say what can and can’t happen? The Pharisees tried that with Jesus . . . :) In Window of Peace, Nancy is faced with an unwelcome surprise from the man she loves. With the combination of her family background, her habit of handling her problems on her own, and her new faith, I was surprised, even as I wrote, that she just turns around and walks out. It changed the trajectory of the story, and, I think, made it better. Maybe it was unbelievable, but I think it’s unwise to paint ANY human reaction as “unbelievable.” Have ya SEEN Facebook lately? LOL
As a general rule, people who say that romance gives unrealistic expectations are of two types:
– They are not thinking about Christian romance with characters who fail, get back up and heroes carefully written to be realistic but about heroes who are obviously “the perfect man for a woman” without flaws from other types of books (usually secular) that make him totally They like heroin and live for it or in other types of novels…not Christian either.
– People who have never read a romance book in their life and only repeat what they hear from others about the genre…or men who have never read romance because they have the mistaken idea that they “will never be able to reach those heroes” and in Consequently they don’t like it.
– Specifically, non-Christian men who do not want to improve as people or follow Jesus, so naturally they do not want to be a hero to anyone and would like us girls not to ask so much.
– People who have had bad examples and bad experiences with love and are hurt, hurt and distrustful believe that a loving and faithful relationship full of respect is not realistic but that in life all that remains is to conform.
Romance has helped me not settle and understand that I deserve something good and not just “get some random guy.”
‘Books are an escape from a lot of the idiocy in the world’
– I so agree with this!
I think something I often take from CCR is the amazing gift of God’s grace, and how He loves us, just as we are, I often struggle to believe this for myself and seeing characters experience the love and grace of God helps me to do so too.
I definitely need to go grab your book. I love a forgiveness storyline, and yours sounds wonderful.
God bless!
I’m so glad you had people who knew you and were able to step in and help when you needed them. That is a great blessing.
Exactly. I love being able to connect with characters and seeing a whole new set of problems and situations through their eyes.
You hit the nail right on the head, Regina. Things happen all the time thst might not make sense to us, but to that person, it’s the perfect reaction. We’re all a mess of complex emotions and we can change, which makes it all that much more complicated.
Well said, Lilly!
That is me, too. I look at myself and think, “How can God love this mess?” But he does. It’s such a wonderful relief to have that love directed at us.
I agree, yes it does. I would have to say that physical weakness or a condition can cause issues for many people. There are many CCR books that talk about overcoming anxiety, depression, loss, forgiveness as well as overcoming physical disabilities with love. Nothing is impossible with the Lord. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.