My husband and I celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago. And to mark the occasion we…spent the day at home with our kids. Which, on the surface, might seem like a pretty boring way for a romance writer to spend her anniversary. But I would argue that it’s not! Because as much as I love a romantic location or a grand gesture as much as the next person, I think the real romance lies in the everyday moments. Which is probably why I write so many of those moments into my books.
Like what? Glad you asked!
- Eating together. Of course, it’s fun to see characters getting all dressed up and going to a fancy restaurant. But I love the everyday, spontaneous moments of grabbing an ice cream from the Chocolate Chicken in Hope Springs or a slice of pie from Daisy’s in River Falls.
- Playing a game together. Whether it’s a board game, a strategy game (like chess in Not Until This Moment), a video game, or hide and seek—it doesn’t matter. Games are a great way to relax together and get to know each other (plus, they give you a chance to find out just how competitive the other person is).
- Working together. This might mean working at the same job (like Tyler and Isabel in Not Until This Day). But it can also mean volunteering together to help clean up after a storm (also like Tyler and Isabel) or maybe teaching VBS together (like Simeon and Abigail in Memories of the Heart).
- Going for a long drive together. I don’t really love long car rides…except for the fact that they give you uninterrupted time to talk. And that’s just what Nate and Violet do as they drive across the state in Not Until You.
- Cooking together. My husband and I love to cook together, but in my books, I prefer when one character knows how to cook…and the other could use a lesson or two, especially when that leads to comical results, as with the frosting fight in Not Until Now.
- Watching a movie together. I’m not the world’s biggest fan of movie theaters, but I do love to curl up on the couch and watch a movie at home. In books, I especially love when the hero is willing to watch a sappy movie with the heroine, like Levi in Not Until Someday (okay, fine, I like that in real life too!).
- Hanging out with the kids together. My favorite moments are when our whole family is together, and it’s no secret that I love to include kids in my books. Whether it’s a single mom like Bethany in Not Until Then or Leah in Not Until Christmas Morning or a single dad like Liam in Songs of Home, anyone they date has to get to know the kids as well, and I love those moments where you see them starting to become a family.
- Taking a walk together. My husband and I take walks together often, and whether we spend the whole time talking or just silently enjoy each other’s company, it’s always one of my favorite parts of the day. That’s probably why most (maybe all!) of my books include the characters taking a walk together at some point: there’s Sophie and Spencer walking through the cherry orchard in Not Until Forever, Dan and Jade strolling on the beach in Not Until Us, Joseph and Ava walking along the river in Pieces of Forever… the list could go on!
Ultimately, I think what connects all of the everyday moments above is one word: together. To me, that’s what makes a real romance—knowing that you’re in it together, through the big moments and the small, the hard ones and the joyful ones. As Pastor Calvano puts it in Memories of the Heart: “Love isn’t passive. It isn’t something we fall into and out of on a whim. It’s not something that just happens to us. Love is active. It takes work. It takes patience and kindness. It takes forgiveness and perseverance. It takes trust and hope.” In other words, it takes everyday moments.
Are there other kinds of everyday moments that you find romantic? Do you prefer the books you read to include more big romantic gestures or more everyday moments?
Valerie M. Bodden has three great loves: Jesus, her family, and books. And chocolate (okay, four great loves). She writes emotion-filled Christian fiction that weaves real-life problems, real-life people, and real-life faith. Her characters may (okay, will) experience some heartache along the way, but true to her tendencies as a hopeless romantic, she will always give them a happy ending. Valerie is living out her happily ever after in Wisconsin with her high-school-sweetheart-turned-husband and their four children. Visit her at www.valeriembodden.com to get a free story.
Happy Anniversary. This september my husband and I will be 40 years. You are so right about romance and small things in life. To be able to share these and grow together is I believe what God meant us to do. To share the every day and all the small things that he made together. My husband and I love to do this. Yes every once in a while we will take something grand, but we always pull the small things from it together. And this is what we taught our two kiddos, who are now 38 and 36. Staying in Gods word and accountable to each other helps to keep us balanced
This made me think about what my mom said yesterday “your dad folded all the towels so romantic” hahaha.
I prefer that love is based on daily conversations and gestures with one or another romantic gesture if necessary for the plot, for example, if one of the two must apologize, I like it to be big.
Happy Anniversary Valerie! In June Hubby and I celebrated our 50th Anniversary. For 30 years we served together as pastor and pastor’s wife. We have been returning a decade and enjoy taking back road trips – no destination in mind exploring new roads finding out of the way restaurants and museums. Yes it gives the opportunity to talk. Love all your examples. Best wishes!
Retired a decade. At my son’s so typing on my phone. Hate predictive text.
Thank you! And congratulations on your upcoming 40-year anniversary! What a blessing to have built a life together in all the small moments–and to pass that on to your kids as well. I completely agree that staying in God’s Word together is the most important.
Oh yes, folding the towels is romantic, lol! :) I agree that sometimes big gestures are needed for the plot of a story–and those are fun to write and read as well–but that the daily conversations and gestures also add so much to the development of a relationship.
Thank you, Renate! And happy anniversary to you as well! Fifty years is such a wonderful milestone–and more to come! It sounds like you’ve built a beautiful life together serving the Lord–and your retirement back road trips sound like the perfect way to talk and explore and spend time together. (And I know what you mean about typing on a phone, lol.)
Happy Anniversary! I prefer the everyday romantic things, it is the little things that count for me, especially when there are done with lots of thought and love. I loved and enjoyed reading your post. Have a great week.
Happy anniversary! I definitely agree that it’s the little things that are important, it’s why I always like to see familiar character popping up in series if books, showing that their happy ever after isn’t about big moments like a wedding but just everyday building a life together.
Thank you! I agree, those little things mean the most, especially when done with love!
Oh yes, that’s a great point! The big moments like a wedding are fun to read about, but it’s really seeing the characters go through everyday life together that shows their true happily ever after as they build a life together.
My grandparents were married 70 years before she passed away in 2020 now days not many people are married that long if it’s death or separated or divorced.he is so ready to meet her in heaven.i think this fall my parents will be be married for 29 or 30 years I don’t remember.
70 years is amazing! You’re right that that doesn’t happen very often these days. What a beautiful example of living through the everyday together–and an inspiration for the generations that follow! I’m sure he will rejoice to see her in heaven!
Happy Anniversary!! I like the everyday moments. Actually, I think it would be very romantic for him to take out the trash or mow her yard. I’d love it if I had someone to do that for me! lol!! I’ve always wondered why people (me included!) go to movies for dates. I mean, what does that really tell you about a person?? You can’t talk through the movie, though with movies you do get to see a tiny bit of what they like, and at this stage of life, there’s no way I’m going to a movie on a date!! You need to be able to TALK to the other person to get to know them.
Thank you, Trudy! I agree the mowing the lawn or taking our the trash are romantic. :) It’s so true that you can’t really get to know someone at a movie–unless you want to get yelled at for talking through the whole thing, lol!
I enjoy reading about everyday moments. It keeps it real. The grand gestures are wonderful, but they do not happen in everyday life to a working class person. Thanks for sharing. God bless you.
I agree that the everyday moments keep things realistic! Much more relatable than some grand gestures. :)