I was chatting with an author friend the other day, and she was bemoaning the fact that a handful of her beta readers had read the second chapter of her current work in progress and let her know that they didn’t like her heroine. So my author friend was trying to decide what tweaks to make and how broadly it was going to change the storyline she had in mind when she did.
It probably shouldn’t have, but it made me angry.
It isn’t as if I haven’t run into this before. I see it in reviews or conversations with editors or in reader groups. The wording goes something like, “The heroine wasn’t likeable.” or “I had a hard time connecting with the heroine.” (And it’s almost always the heroine. It’s very rarely the hero.) Sometimes they’ll call out character traits: blunt, opinionated, bossy, a pushover, whiny.
I might not get as annoyed if we weren’t talking about Christian fiction. (Well, that’s not actually true. I’m more annoyed because of it feels closer.)
I spent the majority of my professional life (pre kids) as a software engineer. I was very much a woman in a man’s world. Generally speaking, software engineering continues to be a man’s world today. There are always going to be exceptions, but the industry as a whole is not an easy place to be a woman. I found that the female software engineers took one of three routes when it came to getting along in the workplace.
- Play up the girliness. Think Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. These are the women who dressed to the nines, had flawless hair and makeup, and if you went to them to ask a question, it would go something like: bat eyelashes, “Oh, I’m not sure, what if you tried <insert actual answer>? <giggle> But I’m not sure if it’ll work, let me know.” Downplay intelligence and frame everything in such a way that the guy asking the question feels like he came up with the solution on his own.
- Become one of the guys. Do whatever it takes to get the guys to forget you’re female up to and including not mentioning husbands or boyfriends and making sure you can talk smack and swear with the best of them. But also never be the smartest one in the room. Even when you are.
- Be what the guys on the team will term “a ball buster.” Basically, this means speaking up for yourself, being sure of your decisions and intelligence, and not taking it when people want to demean and undermine you.
It’s probably not a surprise that I trended toward number three myself. I’m a strong, independent, intelligent, opinionated woman raised to be exactly that by my mother who was also a strong, independent, intelligent, opinionated woman. I have a father and a husband who value those traits as well. But generally speaking, out there in the world, I’m considered brash and intimidating and, in more polite company, “an acquired taste.” (One that most people decide isn’t really worth acquiring when all is said and done.)
I could probably take a ton of time to try and figure out how to be “more likeable.” But then I wouldn’t be who God made me. I’d be a misshapen picture of that–someone trying to twist with every breath of wind as I seek to please the people around me. I doubt many of us would say we want our wives, daughters, and sisters to be that way.
So why do we want it from our book characters?
Aren’t the unlikeable people in the world just as deserving of our love and respect as the easy to get along with ones?
Aren’t the flawed and more realistic characters in our books just as deserving of that, too?
I’m not always great at making my heroines likeable by common standards. I have Lydia in Wisdom to Know who’s so flawed as to seem irredeemable. I have Sara in A Tidbit of Trust who spent the four prior books in the series being the gang’s token b-word. Vanessa in A Heart Rearranged definitely has some personality flaws. Indigo in Hope for Freedom has a lot of growing yet to do.
All of those ladies are some of my favorites, because they’re real. They don’t have job interview flaws like so many other characters do (where their flaw is really a positive rephrased.) (And I’m not slamming them – I’ve written those types of characters, too. Because I like my books to have a chance to sell.)
And I’m afraid I’ve done it again. (Maybe that should be “Oops, I did it again” – but I think that’s a musical reference that officially makes me old.)
Stephanie in So You Love to Hate Your Boss, which will be available in June as part of the Love’s Treasure Collection, is a lot like software engineer me. (She might be a tiny bit more assertive than I was. But she definitely would have fit in with the type 3 women who I worked with.) She takes no guff. She gives her plain, unvarnished opinion. And if you suggest she’d catch more flies with honey, she’ll remind you she has no interest in catching flies.
And…unlike most of the ladies I list above, Stephanie (spoiler alert) doesn’t have a 180 degree transformation.
Because she’s not broken. She doesn’t need to be fixed. Maybe some of her rougher edges could use some sanding, but even without that? She deserves love just as much as anyone else.
I spent a lot of time debating how to tweak Stephanie to make her more likeable. Ultimately, I didn’t do much. Because I like her just the way she is. And maybe she’s not going to win any of the superlatives at graduation or be the girl with thousands of friends clamoring for her time, but for the people who take the time to get to know her? Who are willing to love her even when it’s hard? They’re going to be better for it.
Just like in real life.
What do you do when you find a book with an unlikeable heroine? If you’re someone who says you prefer realistic fiction, how do you reconcile that with a need for likeable characters everywhere you turn? (Or maybe you’re like me and you love the unlikeable — if so, give us some recommendations of harder-to-love characters with very worthwhile stories.)
Elizabeth Maddrey is a semi-reformed computer geek and homeschooling mother of two who lives in the suburbs of Washington D.C. When she isn’t writing, Elizabeth is a voracious consumer of books. She loves to write about Christians who struggle through their lives, dealing with sin and receiving God’s grace on their way to their own romantic happily ever after.
I once told an author I wanted to hit the heroine because of the way she was acting for part of the book. and the author wrote back that she wanted to do the same. but by the end of the book she started to wise up. It didn’t stop me loving the book. I don’t think you have to like a heroine or hero by chapter 2. (I have read books I don’t like or get the hero). It can often depend on your own experience. I find it hard to connect with rich self entitled people or people living the high life.
I think sometimes unlikeable people can hit to close to home which is why they cause this reaction in readers. Its good to see growth in characters even if they don’t change just by the reading it can make people understand them more.
You probably hit pretty close to the target with the suggestion that the more realistic, unlikeable characters get a little too close to home. :)
And I’m all for transformation when there’s sin. But I guess I don’t see an unpopular personality as necessarily sinful.
Hi Beth, Great post! Interestingly, the last book I stopped reading because I didn’t like the POV character was the hero of a clean/sweet contemporary romance book. It was written in first person and I couldn’t stand being in his headspace. I objected to some of his attitudes toward women. To be fair, I know his thoughts are realistic and true-to-life, but I didn’t want to spend time in his headspace in his world.
Sara’s story is near the top of my tbr list. My frustration with Sara in the previous books was with her behaviour and knowing she could make better choices. I disliked her behaviour at times, and I was mad with her, but at the same time I found her an interesting character with real flaws and the potential to grow as a person.
Nice characters who are close to perfect in how they think, talk, and behave, can be boring characters. I dislike reading stories with boring characters and I’ll DNF those books. A character with unlikeable traits is rarely a boring character. 😊
Ha. Well I’m glad it’s not always the heroine :)
I can appreciate a character without liking them. I think that’s an important distinction. I didn’t want to be best friends with Margot in Roseanna White’s Number of Love. She was completely unlike me in every way. But I did appreciate the chance to see the world from her POV because I know women who are like her.
As far as actual flaws, not just personality types, my WIP features a character who is essentially a spoiled brat at the start. It’s important to the story because it’s who she was raised to be and a reflection of her deep hurts. She spends most of the book discovering her true identity so there’s a big arc of growth and learning to put aside selfishness. No one could appreciate that at the end without seeing how far she’s come.
It’s very common, I think, for there to be a huge growth over the course of the book so that characters end up perfect at the end. And that’s more of what frustrates me than anything. Like I said to Jenny above, if it’s not sinful, it doesn’t need to change. We don’t all have to have the same personality just because some are easier than others. And yet that’s what seems to be what readers prefer.
I have read books where I can’t stand the heroine! I’ve read a few where I didn’t really care for the hero, though it seems the hero redeems himself a bit earlier in books than the heroine does. By the end of the books, I could at least tolerate the heroine, though she still was NOT my favorite character! However, when I do reviews, I will put I didn’t like the heroine much in the beginning, but by the end of the book I was ok with her, and usually I put exactly why. However, it doesn’t keep me from reading that author’s other books! And, I happen to like the books, some just more than others! Lol! And, there have been some for me that I’d really like to smack them upside the head for an attitude adjustment!
Amen, Liz!! I am so not a mold fitter, and I never have been!
Who cares if anyone likes the heroine or hero! Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Out of curiosity I once asked an author why did the heroine take almost the entire book to grow a backbone. Evidently it was crucial to the story. Not my cup of tea, I prefer the often unrealistic where female characters support other female characters, so bring on more of them!!!!
I think it’s fair to want to smack people. I feel like that frequently in real life 🤣
😊
As long as you’re good with knowing you prefer unrealistic characters it’s all good!
I have strong opinions on characters and I have disliked a character for one reason or another. My biggest issue is if I feel like the unlikeable character doesn’t deserve the hero or heroine. Then I want to tell the hero or heroine to run, lol. But I also like that fiction can be realistic and I enjoy redemptive arcs (if that personality trait is actually a sin flaw not how God made them). And now I feel like I’m rambling.
I read books with unlikable heroines but then complain out loud to myself about said character lol.
When I watch a Hallmark movie with a female character that annoys me to distraction, I turn it off. That has only happened a couple of times and I’m not sure if it was the writing or the acting in those cases.
It can definitely be tricky if it doesn’t feel like the characters are a good match! (I’ve struggled with this many times – maybe to the point of yelling at my kindle :) )
I think we all probably grumble a little – just like we probably would in real life. :)
Ah, Hallmark. I either love or hate them and it’s hard to know until I’m in it. Sometimes the acting does make it more of a stretch.
I decided today that one reason I like to wear the mask is because if someone says or does something, I can make a smirk that no one sees!! lol! Can’t do the eyeroll, though, or they can see it! I like strong women, make their decisions, and that’s what I have a problem with in books, if the woman is wishy washy, smart in business but has a horrid personal life, and is supposedly intelligent but then can’t make a decision, drives me nuts!
Ha. That is one benefit to a facemask for sure. (Sunglasses help with the eyerolls :) )
If a favorite author writes a hero or heroine I don’t like, I’ve come to realize it’s because they remind me of something I don’t like in myself. I like to see how they overcome/grow. I actually use the ideas to help me change myself. However, there are stories where I put the author on my never-read-again list if the person needs more counseling than I do but magically becomes a better person or doesn’t change at all because “you have to accept me as I am.” No. Not healthy.
Interesting. So we shouldn’t accept people as they are?
You know just like in real life, some people will like people we don’t like, and also, some people are just misunderstood or we can meet someone and they seem so unlikeable, then you get to know them how they really are and you then understand them and you get to like them.. Some book characters are just misunderstood, I love book characters who grow on you and book characters that just aren’t too likable, that’s what makes books more fun and more realistic. Some readers are just too hard to please, thank goodness we are all different. Have a Great rest of the week and stay safe. I loved reading your post.
That’s very true! You definitely get to know people the longer you know them and it can change how you feel about them.
If the heroine is unlikable but terribly interesting I will carry on.
Interesting is always good!
The psychology is interesting. My take is the CCR reader would like to be friends with the heroine and fall in love with the hero. If the heroine is shallow and not worthy of the hero, I’ll get frustrated with the story. Sometimes that can be a character motivation problem rather than a personality issue. I want to understand why characters do what they do, and then I can empathise with them when they’re the POV character.
I understand what you are saying. Just because someone seems standoffish or direct doesn’t make them wrong or sinful. I know personally I dealt with someone who called a spade a spade and didn’t sugar coat things (professional) many thought she was tactless and uncaring. I myself found it good and as you got to know her you could see the caring side just first glance she seemed rude to many. I think its the same in books by chapter 2 if you don’t like the hero/heroine doesn’t mean by chapter 6 when you learn more about them you won’t understand them better. We watch a movie or series dislike a character at the beginning by halfway through we want them to succeed I think a book is the same.
Love this
This psychology is probably spot on – and something that we probably need to work on in real life as well as fiction — being willing to befriend the harder to befriend. So often in my life I’ve found the most worth knowing to be the women who aren’t popular.
I agree! In my experience, church culture can in many ways discourage us from moving outside our comfort zones and getting to know people who are different to us. It’s easier to spend time with people who are more like us and hold similar values, beliefs, etc. This is the opposite to what Jesus did and taught. He reached out the outcasts and harder to love people.
It would be hard to make a decision if a character is likable by the second chapter. There could be something further in the story that would either explain why she has that personality trait or something that changes it. The writer may also show how this character is likeable as she just as she is. You may not always like every character, but you may fall in love with them in the end.
Yes! Or at least by the end you hopefully understand them a little better and find a way to accept them.
It depends on the genre. If it’s romance, I really want to like , and root, for the heroine. In another genre, it could be okay to not like the heroine and still like the book.
Hello, I am not a native English speaker but I hope you understand.
I feel that there is a lack of love in dismissing that…ok it is wrong for women to pretend to be like points one and two but there are women who have that type of personality without pretending.
Those are who they are. Personally, I have a way of answering similar to point one … and a way to fix myself and I don’t think who I am is degrading or a way to “minimize my intelligence” as well as I don’t see why a more convincing woman should change. To be who I am. It may seem like something “soft” when I answer but it is because I am always afraid of giving wrong advice and that someone is wrong because of me.
Like I said, it’s wrong to pretend to be someone else to fit into a man’s world, but I feel like the women in points 1 and 2 are being ridiculed. Blessings I love this blog.
See this makes me a little sad. I want to root for the heroine too, but I guess I want to be able to root for women I don’t necessarily connect with instantly as well. But you’re definitely in the majority opinion.
If that’s the personality God gave you then that’s fantastic – my description above was 100% something women faked in order to get along within the culture of the workplace. Among other women or outside of work, they were different people. It was definitely not intended to mock women who are legitimately that way.
I find that even the “unlikeable” characters usually grow on me by the end of the book. In real life I am pretty sure I am an unlikeable character at times. I used to work in newspapers. Talk about a man’s world in many ways. Especially at small papers. I had to be a little like you and a little like two, but I was never one. I tried to hard to fit in and sadly at the last place I worked, it didn’t matter. They only paid attention to the men and when I finally left newspapers, I knew I would have never advanced simply based on my sex. That’s life sometimes.
I usually think they grow on me as well! But then I’m also in that “probably unlikeable” category, so there’s that. :D
Had a pastor say, once, that God accepts us as we are but loves us too much to leave us there. Obviously the issue in that case was sin. Personality differences are a whole nother thing!
Love that!
Mmm, great post! I can see that “unlikable” characters might cause a reader to be displeased if the reader is focused on reading for escape. I grew up around strong and capable women. I married one, too! No objection there from me. I’m also comfortable, in general, with accepting that God’s spectrum of personalities is amazingly broad and not all the types get along with each other easily. So, if I am someone who is reading to escape the burdens of everyday life, I may have to deal with someone in real life whose personality is hard for me to handle. I wouldn’t want to pick up a story that asks me to start out right where I left off at work.
I am absolutely with you that personality differences (vice sinfulness) should have no impact on whether or not a character (or a real person!) is worthy of commitment, affection, passion and hope. I think the storytelling for such characters might benefit from being explicit about the struggles being between their personalities and those of other characters as opposed to conflicts between “good” and “bad” traits. For example, how does the kind, nurturing hero connect with the dominant leader heroine who would rather make a decision and move on (even if the decision has significant negative consequences)?
The romantic journey includes many different kinds of conflicts along the way to an HEA: immaturity, past troubles, sins etc. The H & H are often shown to wrestle with differences between their respective expectations growing from their respective personal immaturities, trouble, sins etc.
The personality difference (or even similarity) conflicts, to me, take on a different tone. The core conflict to be resolved is not a weakness or failure, but ignorance. Once the two find how they can dance together, they can demonstrate that to the other characters and the reader and, voila, HEA. Can’t you just see two dominant characters driving away on their honeymoon with a sign on the back that says “Just Married. Deliriously Happy. Don’t Much Care How You Feel About It!” :P
I just keep reminding myself that no one is perfect, I have flaws… they do too :)
Lincoln is exactly right. As to my own train of thought, I was thinking of people who say “you have to accept me as I am” as an excuse to continue being abusive and manipulative and those who blame others for their decisions and actions, refusing to take any personal responsibility.