The story doesn’t end at “I love you”!
I love the feeling of falling in love! Getting to know someone, in all their newness and difference. Getting through the things that stand in the way of a committed relationship. Getting to the sweet delicious place of saying, “I love you,” and hearing it said back. Getting to the exciting stage of a proposal, commitment to a life-long love.
I love that wonderful part of a relationship so much I keep writing about it, again and again and again! Couples in my stories tend to fall in love fast, maybe because I did. I knew without doubt three weeks after we met that I was in love, and this was the man God intended me to spend the rest of my life with. I’d thought I was in love before, but I’d never had that sureness.
We were talking marriage a month after we met, officially engaged three months after we met, and married six months later.
That doesn’t mean it’s been easy. Falling in love is the easy part, it’s growing in love that’s hard. We have a plaque in our living room that reads “We fall in love by chance, we stay in love by choice.” I’m not 100% in agreement with the first part. There were a lot of unlikely coincidences that led to my husband and I meeting, but rather than being chance, it was God at work! I totally agree with the second part. We need to keep choosing to stay in love, every day, over and over again.
The struggle is part of the story
It’s not easy to keep choosing to love. Every relationship hits difficult patches. There’s the simple really getting to know each other that only happens once a couple is married and living together. The everyday rough edges getting rubbed off stuff.
Then there’s the big stuff – financial challenges, raising children (or not being able to have children), sickness, aging parents.
I’m so grateful that the Lord keeps reminding me that He never promised we wouldn’t have hard times, but He did promise He’d be there with us. He reminds me that though romance stories may end with “I love you”, real life keeps going, with a love that grows richer and deeper and stronger for the struggle.
The struggle is part of the story, His story for our lives. God is teaching me to learn the real meaning of 1 John 3:18 – Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.
I’m learning to give thanks for the tough times, just as much as the good times. And I’m learning to mean it, too! ;)
Some encouragement:
“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace – only that it meets us where we are, but does not leave us where it found us.” – Annie Lammott
James 1:2-4 (Voice) Don’t run from tests and hardships, brothers and sisters. As difficult as they are, you will ultimately find joy in them; if you embrace them, your faith will blossom under pressure and teach you true patience as you endure. And true patience brought on by endurance will equip you to complete the long journey and cross the finish line—mature, complete, and wanting nothing.
Romans 5:3-5 (TLB) We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us—they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady. Then, when that happens, we are able to hold our heads high no matter what happens and know that all is well, for we know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
“God loves you just the way you are, but He refuses to leave you that way. He wants you to be just like Jesus.” – Max Lucado
Please share:
I’d love for you to share in the comments –
Your favourite advice, inspirational quotes or Bible verses on growing deeper in love through the tough times.
Any books you’ve enjoyed that showed a couple overcoming trials in their love and coming through stronger.
A giveaway:
One comment made before April 8, 2016 will be chosen at random to win an ebook copy of A Lesson in Love. Though the story stops at “I love you”, this couple is already learning about weathering the tough times, with God’s loving support!
USA Today bestselling author Autumn Macarthur writes romances full of faith and hope, celebrating God's love as well as a man and a woman finding their happily ever after. She prays they’ll warm your heart and make you smile. An Australian transplanted to Britain, Autumn lives just north of London with her lovely English husband and three demanding cats, in a very small house with a teensy tiny garden. She loves talking to readers, so please get in touch! And get a free Christian romance novella when you sign up for her reader newsletter at http://bit.ly/Autumnsubscribe
I totally agree with your blog Autumn. Everything starts after the ‘I love you’. Just as it does with our Father in Heaven.
Our Father, Who is in heaven, (I love you so much)
Holy is Your Name; (I want You to be in my life)
Your kingdom come, (Accompany me on my journey)
Your will be done, (I want to bow down to your Will)
on earth as it is in heaven. (Each and every day)
Give us this day our daily bread, (Provide for my every need my love)
and forgive us our sins, (And forgive me when I go astray from your love)
as we forgive those who sin against us; (Without your love I cannot open my heart to others)
and lead us not into temptation, (You are my life, nothing or no one else can fill me as you do)
but deliver us from evil. Amen. (Your love keeps me free. Thank you for being my lover.)
Great reminder on loving. I just finished teaching a bible study on Loving the way Jesus loves — awesome! Sometimes it can be so hard but striving to do what God does should be our goal.
I love that interpretation of the Lord’s Prayer, Margaret. Beautiful and true!
Thanks for commenting, Sarah :)
Loving the way Jesus does is a huge challenge for our still human hearts and minds! We can only do it by leaning on God. That’s the biggest lesson He’s teaching me now. How to love, what it really requires of me. After so many years of marriage, I thought I had it figured out, but no, there’s still plenty more to learn!
My husband and I have been married for 37 years. We have learned from our experiences and our mistakes and our joys. One of my fav pieces of advice works for any relationship. My parents always taught me to put myself in the other person’s shoes before speaking. Pause and pray before opening my mouth to speak. :-)
Congratulations on a long lasting marriage, that surely takes work and a lot of love!
“Pause and pray before opening my mouth to speak.” That is such an important thing to put into practice. Tough for me as I’m a redhead and quick tempered (that’s my excuse, anyway!), but one I am constantly asking God’s help with. So much better to pray first than need to ask God and the other person for forgiveness afterwards!
Thanks for reminding me of how much I love Jeremiah 17:7-8!. Truly one of my favorite Scriptures.
Mine too :)
I’ve learned after almost 35 years of marriage that some things aren’t worth starting an argument over. You have to let some things go and love the special things about them.
I really enjoyed this post, Autumn. I can’t think of a book off the top of my head, but I know I’ve read them, and I’ve written them too. My brain is slow to wake up on Saturdays. :)
That is so true, Gail! Discerning what to let go and what needs a stand is essential. A lot of what felt important at the time really falls into the “let it go” category, I’m finding!
LOL, me too, Kimberly! :)
Beautiful post, Autumn. One verse I cling to during difficult times is Psalm 32:7-8 – You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Oh, that’s a wonderful verse, Jill! Thanks for sharing it. I must make a meme for that one!
I’ve just started reading through Psalms in my Bible-in-a-year readings, but haven’t got that far yet. ;)
Hubby and I will be celebrating our 43rd wedding anniversary in June. He is a disabled Viet Nam veteran who suffers from PTSD among other things. I have learned over the years not to take to heart some of the things he says. I hold my tongue and realize that a lot of times it is the PTSD talking and not my husband talking. It takes lots of patience and living one day at a time. These years have really flown by. Hard for me to wrap around the thought that it will be 43 years this June! I have heard that if time flies by it must be good so our marriage must be good!!
You always have so much wisdom to share, Autumn. Don’t know if you realize it, but you are an inspiration to me and to many.
Hugs, Nancy. Wow, 43 years! I admire your courage and strength!
My husband is also disabled and has PTSD, so I will remember next time I want to snipe right back at him that it’s not him, it’s the PTSD talking. Very wise words!
LOl, it might just slow me down just enough to remember to pray, too!
Thank you, Lee. :)
God’s really working in my life. Sometimes painful, but all ultimately good! I just share what He is doing!
Autumn,
Thanks for your post! Like many who’ve commented, my husband and I have been married for 34 years.
One of the books that helped us was reading the book, 5 Languages of Love. We were able to see we needed to speak to each other in their language or they wouldn’t know we loved them. It has given us new insights in each other and helped our communication which is most important!
Great suggestion, Marylin. That’s a good book, I learned a lot from it.
LOL, I’m thinking after 34 years of marriage you must know a lot about communication, like the other women here in long-lasting marriages. I’m a relative beginner at not quite 14 years married! I started late. :)
If you’ll pardon me for mentioning one of my own books, Second Time Around tells the story of a newlywed couple whose marriage is severely tested. Marc and Natalie emerge all the stronger for their trials, especially once Marc gives up the reins to control the relationship and learns to lean on the Lord. The theme verse for Second Time Around is Hebrews 4:16: “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (NIV)
Sounds good, JoAnn!
In the struggles my husband and I have been through, communication and sharing the burden have been key. Sometimes instinct in a struggle is to turn inward and push others away, but we’ve learned that pushing past that instinct and opening up to each other about whatever we’re dealing with makes us stronger and unifies us. Choosing to forgive has also been essential and then acting out that forgiveness even when it’s hard. One of my favorite types of stories to read is where married couples overcome the struggles in their lives and grow stronger in their relationship.
Very wise advice, Julie. We tend to close down when we should be opening up!
Any favourite books to recommend? One that comes to mind for me (a very old favourite!) is L M Montgomery’s Anne books, after Anne and Gilbert marry. She doesn’t try to sugar coat the difficulties that married couples face.
One of my favorite quotes about love being a choice comes from your book Forget Paris: “if love is a choice, it’s not a one time only thing. It’s a choice we have to keep making, again and again and again.” As a Psychologist and a researcher, I connect a lot with both main characters (I’ve read the rest of the series and although I love every story, Forget Paris is an all time favorite that I keep re-reading). I’ve read many scientific work about love and limerence and I keep going back to the same conclusion that Patrick found by Chapter 23: “The biggest common factor [about what kept couples together] was committing to their choice. They chose to stay in love. They chose to stay together.” (PS: My husband is also into research, so we have many conversations like Zoe and Gabe–I really like their scientific banter).
Priscila, thank you so much! Your comment is a total blessing to me. I’m very glad to hear both that you enjoyed Forget Paris, and that the characters were believable to a professional in the same field. :)
I do believe all that they discovered about love, it is certainly true in my own relationship!
Autumn, lovely post :) Thanks for sharing your heart with us.
Thanks for reading, Narelle :)