Last week, I learned a new word: shipping. Not the kind that has to do with boats and sailing the seven seas, but with romance.
For context, about a month ago, I got into a video game my children and husband really enjoy. The game is visually incredible, has a deep and touching story, and takes place in a massive fantasy world. It involves a strong, silent hero who must battle powerful enemies and solve many complicated puzzles on his way to saving the realm from an ancient and evil enemy.
Because this hero is so emotionally restrained and never speaks in the game, and because he works and fights alongside some likeable, beautiful, and worthy women, the fan community has split into deeply entrenched camps concerning who his main love interest should be.
There are a couple of strong contenders and some cryptic hints seeded throughout the game, but we’re never really sure which girl the hero would choose. That is, whom he would choose if the world weren’t on the brink of collapse because of the imminent return of the dark lord.
Yes, the hero is fully occupied with saving the world and has no mental bandwidth to spare for questions of the heart. But this doesn’t stop people from developing passionate opinions over which girl he loves deep within his stoic exterior. The debates rage all over the internet, and watch out what you say on fan forums because people will fight you.
I learned there’s a name for this practice of arguing that two characters should be romantically linked.
It’s called “relationshipping,” or “shipping.” If you’ve got a love triangle where Flora and Samantha are vying for Jason’s affections, and you think he should end up with Flora, you can say, “I ship Jason and Flora.” Those who disagree would dismiss your criticisms of Samantha by saying, “You’re just a Flora shipper. That’s why you never say anything good about Samantha.”
I’ve spent way more time than I ought to turning over in my head which girl the hero of my game would have ended up with if the apocalypse hadn’t come.
In the fan community, shippers in the various camps spend ages poring over every scrap of content they can find. They magnify the obscurest of hints, cross-referencing the various translations of the game, because the original Japanese seems to contain more clues than the English version. People weigh in on whether the French, Spanish, or German translations support the hero’s preference for one girl over another. There’s a huge rabbit trail of YouTube videos, blogs, and forums picking apart every nuance to this character’s minimal love life. Fans are desperate for some sort of closure.
It made me realize that one of the reasons I love romance so much is we’re guaranteed that the right people will end up together.
We don’t have to worry that somebody’s love will go unreturned. This makes my shipping little heart very happy.
But even though as romance writers we know these characters will fall in love, one of the most important and challenging things for me to nail is that authentic unfolding realization of love between a man and a woman.
Proverbs 30:18-19 names falling in love as one of the hardest to understand mysteries of life. “The way of a man with a maiden” stumped even the incredible brain power of the wise writer of the Proverbs. It’s my favorite part of every romance story I read and write.
Although we know this awakening of love will be present, and in that sense it’s predictable, it must still be fresh, emotional, and fully believable.
Are you like me who looks forward to being persuaded that the couple in a romance novel belongs together? What convinces you most? Is it their personalities? A shared history? One special moment? Let me know in the comments.
Two randomly chosen commenters will get an electronic copy of my entire Color-Blind Love series. And one US-based reader will get a monster-sized paperback volume of the full series.
I write fiction that reflects my Christian faith. I love happy endings, heroes and heroines who discover sometimes hard but always vital truths, and stories that uplift and encourage. My family and I live in the east of England where we enjoy rambling in the countryside, reading good books and making up silly lyrics to our favorite songs.
I love when friends in the past develop a relationship now!
Me too! That awkwardness as they navigate their changing feelings is delicious to explore. I hope to write more stories like that.
I enjoy it when the couple has that special feeling right at the beginning and they can’t get the thought of each other out of their heads. 😊
I think it has to do with their shared history and maybe a special moment added in when they realize it’s more than friendship or their past but something special.
I love that as well!
That really gets to me, too! I’m looking forward to writing a storyline like that in an upcoming book.
Shared history and that moment they realize what is right in front of them. Thank you for sharing. Blessings
Thanks, Lelia. That moment is absolutely magical, isn’t it?
I like the shared history, which seems to help develop things a bit faster, but I also like when they don’t really know each other but are thrown together, and are attracted then. Honestly, isn’t that the way most in real life are? Not really thrown together, but yet not knowing each other for years before getting together, either.
With a teen in the house and I serve with youth, ship is a word I know. Also, they “stan” couples. It’s like their own little language! I ship and stan this post, LOL!
I believe it’s the connection, not necessarily a shared past, it personalities….and, some may argue with me, but I don’t adhere to there is only one right person for each of us. Widowed people, divorced people, can find love again🤗
Yes, I love knowing that the couple is meant to be together and I think the way the moment each character sees the other as more than a friend or enemy or friend’s sibling, etc. is very important to the believability of the story.
I talk about shipping characters with my sisters all the time. :) usually when the characters have a shared history or a connections shows me that they belong together.
You’re absolutely right, Trudy. Love and attraction can follow so many different paths.
Ha ha, thanks, Julie! LOL
I totally agree with you, Paula. I don’t believe in “soul mates” either. We can potentially have more than one excellent choice of partner.
I’m all about believability, Jessica! There has to be more to a couple choosing each other than because the author has decreed it. :-)
LOL! It’s interesting how many people have mentioned shared history and connections.
One troupe I don’t understand is the “enemies-to-more”….like I how do they go from basically hating each other to all of a sudden now they like each other and maybe even are moving towards love? I guess I’ve just read too many that are not all that believable or the ending is rushed or something like that. I have to be convinced they at least like each other….maybe not in a romantic way, but at least in a friendship type way. To my thinking, there has to be some kind of connection between the couple, because without that beginning spark, there’s not going to be an eventual love interest. My two least favorite troupes are the enemies-to-more & love triangle because I can’t see the connection clear enough between the hero and heroine.
Enemies to love is a tough one to pull off for exactly the reasons you describe, Trixi. But one of my favorite books, Pride and Prejudice, does it really well. Jane Austen shows that Elizabeth’s first impression of Mr. Darcy was all wrong, and Mr. Darcy falls in love despite his pride.
My first book is an enemies to love story, and I tried to let the heroine grow beyond her one-sided view of the world and learn that the hero wasn’t the caricature she thought he was.
I’m totally with you about love triangles. Not my favorite trope, especially when all three people are lovely and you know a good person is going to be hurt. If there’s going to be a triangle, I like it best when one of the characters is clearly “wrong” so I don’t get invested in them.
I would love to win a copy of that series. Thanks for the chance.
Aw, thanks, JCP!
Hi, Milla!
Thanks so much for the pop culture lesson. I had heard the phrase but not gotten a clear understanding of it. Between you and Urban Dictionary, I think I’ve got a better grasp.
As I read a romance, I have no sense in my mind that the two main characters will not wind up together; none at all. This cuts out a whole group of relationship dynamics. It’s almost as though I’m reading about a married couple and I’m left with watching how they deal with everyday issues of communication: truthfulness, kindness, fear, insecurity, trust. If there is a break in the relationship, you know that they will ultimately get back together. Otherwise, it would not be a romance, it would be women’s fiction.
What I look for is how the couple lives out their conflicts and becomes more aligned with the 1 Corinthians 13 description of active love. Do they move toward greater patience? Do they discover how to be more kind? Do they learn to trust God for the outcomes of their struggles? When those questions are answered with a “yes”, I get that satisfied “warm fuzzy” that points to a HEA.
While I would very much enjoy the e-copy of your series, please don’t include me in the paperback selection. Thanks for the opportunity.
I do like when the couple has a shared past but I really like couples who have major friction between them. I do, however, agree with Trixi. It takes time that I feel many authors fly past with barely a thought. It is not realistic at all when they go from growling to kissing in a half a heartbeat! My goodness, really?? I love it when, over time and with such elusiveness the reader can’t even see the couple’s differences falling away and the love beginning to blossom. That is the type of love story I enjoy and find realistic!
“Going from growling to kissing” — I love it! LOL. That bugs me, too. I look for a believable emotional journey.
As always, Lincoln, your comment gives much food for thought. I’ve had a big flash of inspiration from one of the points you made. :-D Thank you!!!
I’m always up for a friends to more story!
Their communication skills help me to see that they should be together along with respect Ming boundaries and laughter.
I don’t know if I need to be persuaded, but I do like to see the process of them realizing that the other one is their meant-to-be, or them choosing to be with the other person. Sometimes it’s about their personalities, sometimes it’s a shared moment or the sum of a few shared moments, that end with either or both of them seeing the other in a different light, developing feelings, and so on :).
I think it’s a combination of all these things – belonging together, their personalities (which complement each other), might be a shared history or a special moment. Not helpful, am I lol
I recently wrote one of those, and it was so much fun that I’m planning on another, ha ha.
Communication skills is a big one. I tend to “worry” for a fictional couple if they haven’t learned to really communicate and understand each others’ point of view. It makes me wonder how long they’ll last!
Great answers, Priscila! All those elements add to creating a beautiful love story.
You’re actually really helpful, Natalya! I’m thinking more and more about complementary and clashing personalities and how that interplays with a shared history.
interesting concept. I know of shipping as in postage. This is what was happening in the When Calls the Heart forum (people on team Lucas or Team Nathan). I hadn’t thought of it before but when there is a triangle I do have a hope for one over the other quite often.
Triangles always make me feel bad for the one who’s left out!
Your book series sounds great! I had never heard as “shipping” thank you for sharing it. Have a great weekend and stay safe.
Thanks so much, Alicia. Shipping is a very new term to me, too, and it’s so useful!
I stan romance and after the couple meets, regardless of the trope, I’m routing for them as I follow them on the journey to the HEA. We all want to ship the couple along the way.
Shared history every time.
Thank you for sharing a new meaning to the word shipped. I am not sure what is the defining moment for me. I think it is a combination of all those things. It is hard in a book to explain the “zing” or feelings of love and connection that a couple feels. Emotions can be hard to describe. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
I love when it’s there personality but a special history like growing up together or something from the past is interesting. I love hearing different types in the books.
I enjoy when it’s from there personality & a special moment in there life from the past.
What convinces me that a couple should be together are their personalities and interactions: how they talk, what issues they talk about. And there is always something subjective about romance … some people believe a couple has great chemistry and others just don’t. What some believe are fun interactions that could lead to attraction, others will say “but they remind me of two brothers.” People’s tastes influence, for example, I have somewhat peculiar tastes: it doesn’t bother me if there are no “special moments” it is enough for me to feel that those two should be together or if there is no initial spark, in fact I love it that a couple at the beginning of the book is indifferent to each other or they do not know each other, or they get on badly I LOVE when at the beginning I say “this does not smell like romance” but the author manages to convince me. Those stories end in my heart the classic story of “boy meets girl, they feel attracted, there is a spark everywhere, they know each other, they pair up confirming that that spark was a good thing” they usually do not reach me that much, Maybe because I am a very rational woman and it tires me a little when people advise me to “wait for that spark, that electricity” my grandmother never felt it but she said yes to a boy who was her friend and whom she had affection for and then fell in love with him.
Shipping is fun … when we talk about series where it is almost certain that the couple you send will end up together, if it is not a totura. Also the one responsible for a lot of fanficiton.
LOL, I totally stan romance, too, Denise, even more now that I write it.
Thanks, Kelley. Shared history is so powerful.
Thanks, Debra! It is indeed hard to nail down that connection, and yet it must happen. I always rely on my beta readers to be frank with me about whether or not I’ve achieved it because without that connection, the book just won’t work.
Thanks, Amy. There are so many pathways to falling in love, and it’s fantastic to explore all the combinations of these. That’s why romance never gets old for me! :-)
Thanks, Sylvain. Personality is one aspect I definitely plan on exploring more! I’ve leaned more on shared history and special moments.
Thanks for your very well thought out response, Lilly! You make some great points, and it tells me that romance writers need to work hard to make our stories believable at a rational as well as emotional level. I like things to make sense, too.
Relationshipping is new to me. I ‘m no help here as I think it depends on the story and what evolves is different in each one. As long as it is well conceived and written it will draw in readers.
Thanks, Diane. It’s absolutely true that romance can unfold in so many different ways. That’s why it never gets old for me to read or write it. :-)
The relationship has to be believable to me since in books relationships happen so fast!
I agree with you 100%, Linda!
It definitely needs to feel believable.
Absolutely, Susanne! Thanks.
I love seeing the relationships grow and advance in Romantic Fiction. I think for me it’s more about how the characters start to see each other differently and it has to be authentic and believable.
It’s usually one special moment for me. Where they reveal something about themselves few others know or something really painful about their pasts. I’m like, oh yeah, they’re good now.
That’s exactly it, Megan! How their impressions of each other start to change and eventually feelings tip over into love.
I totally get what you mean, Shannon! I always look for that moment. Even when the characters have known each other their whole lives, that moment of deeper self-revelation is always there and is one of the biggest highlights for me.