I had a cheerful post planned for today, asking what readers wish new authors knew, what authors wish they’d known when they were new to publishing. Till I realized the date my post would go live.
9/11.
Maybe that post wasn’t such a great idea on a day when many hearts will hold sad memories, recalling a day of heartache and hurt that didn’t only affect those immediately involved in the tragedy, but the entire world. I’m praying God brings peace and healing to the hearts of all affected, especially those who lost loved ones that day.
By the time we reach a certain age, all of us will have survived heartaches. Hopefully not direct involvement with anything on a 9/11 scale. But heartbreaks and regrets, for sure. The older we get, the more we’re likely to have encountered personal tragedies, both big and small.
So when a group of us decided to put together a set of romances featuring characters over 60, past heartbreaks for our characters were inevitable. Just like in real life. They’ve all experienced things that aren’t quick or easy to get over, even with God’s help.
Some of our story people are still adjusting to their losses. Some think they’ve adjusted just fine, but discover there’s still more healing to be done. Some are moving forward and stepping out into a “new normal”, others are being pushed forward unwillingly.
Marion’s Caleb has survived life-threatening illness, and JoAnn is a widow.
My Meg recently lost the job she devoted fifty years of her life to, while Eli’s wife recently died after a prolonged illness. They have a shared past heartbreak, and Eli is estranged from his son.
In Mary’s story, both Naomi and Ben have lost a spouse, plus Naomi is caring for her troubled grandson after the death of her daughter-in-law.
Cecelia’s hero is a widower.
Both Oliver and Connie are widowed in Clare’s book, and this plus other losses damaged Connie’s faith for many years.
In Moosed the Boat, Jan’s story for the set, both the hero and heroine have lost loved ones, though they’re at very different places in their healing processes.
Yet the tagline for Somewhere Beyond the Blue is “Fun sixty-something romances”. Huh? Fun stories with so much heartbreak going on?
Absolutely!
No matter what we’ve lost in the past, no matter what hurts we’ve struggled with, when that first hard time of intense grief has passed the sharp edge of the pain that never fully goes away softens a little. We can rediscover life’s joy and sweetness.
New hope. New love. New beginnings.
And even fun.
This snippet from Jan’s book stuck with me, and she’s given me permission to share it here.
I started going to a well-attended non-denominational church where I could slip in unnoticed. At first, I came late and left early, putting as much distance between myself and the rest of the congregation as I could. But the pastor noticed. One morning, I stayed for the entire service, and when I left, he met me at the door with words of wisdom and a smile brimming with empathy.”
Travis scuffed at the pine needles with the toe of his shoe and crossed his ankles. “What did he say to you?”
“‘Jesus wept too, and He cares for you.’ Can you believe it? That’s all, but somehow, he knew. Perhaps he could see the pain in my eyes. When I got home, I had to look up the Scripture reference. That’s what really started the healing process for me.”
Travis angled his head. “How so? That’s the story of Lazarus and Mary and Martha, right? Jesus wept when Lazarus died. I’ve never quite understood why. The Lord had to know He would bring His friend back to life.”
“I wondered about that too, but what I got from the story was that Jesus was crying right alongside Mary and Martha. He entered into their pain with them and was moved with great compassion. He knew what it was like to lose a loved one because their grief was very real to Him. His tears were a natural outpouring of the sorrow He could feel in the hearts of His friends.”
I love knowing that no matter what we go through in this hurting broken world, Jesus understands. He grieves with us. He will never try to jolly us out of our grief! Instead, He’ll be beside us, feeling it too, allowing us to grieve. I thought Jan expressed that so beautifully! You can find out more about Jan and her stories here.
What’s your best advice for moving forward after any sort of loss? Or what do you like or dislike most about the way authors handle grieving characters in their stories? Any suggestions for stories that deal with grief especially well?
One comment made on this post by September 18 will be randomly chosen to win an ebook copy of my Come to the Lake set, containing the first three Huckleberry Lake stories. Meg, the heroine of Choose Again, my book in Somewhere Beyond the Blue, appears briefly in Book 2. Come to the Lake will be reduced to just 99c during the launch week for the new set. September 25th through September 30th, God willing!
Prizes galore in our Back-to-School Bash now on!
USA Today bestselling author Autumn Macarthur writes romances full of faith and hope, celebrating God's love as well as a man and a woman finding their happily ever after. She prays they’ll warm your heart and make you smile. An Australian transplanted to Britain, Autumn lives just north of London with her lovely English husband and three demanding cats, in a very small house with a teensy tiny garden. She loves talking to readers, so please get in touch! And get a free Christian romance novella when you sign up for her reader newsletter at http://bit.ly/Autumnsubscribe
Gosh, I wish I could give the advice on how to move forrward, but I guess it’s true what they say: time heals all wounds. Thank you for this post Autumn, it’s a great one.
HI Autumn, I remember watching on the news the horrible events of Sept. 11 and the horror of my US friends studying at Uni here in Australia. Moving forward…one step at a time, hopefully with the support of others close to us.
I’ve just finished reading a novella called All our Broken Pieces that deals with grief well.
Blessings:)
Hi Autumn. As a retiree, I am really looking forward to the upcoming boxed set Somewhere Beyond the Blue, the delightful sixty-something romances. Your character sketches grabbed my interest and suggests that each person deals with loss differently. My advice is to take one day at a time. Do not be to hard on yourself. Tomorrow is a new day. As there are many kinds of loss (loss of parents, sibling, spouse, child, friend, job, home, health and more), as a person one may deal differently depending on the circumstance. But taking a day at a time has helped me through some difficult situations. Most stories I have read, especially from the talented Inspy Romance authors have handled grieving characters in an appropriate manner in their stories. As Christians, we have a HOPE. At this early morning time, while I am sipping my first cup of coffee, I cannot suggest any particular story. Maybe it is a senior moment. Best wishes and blessings in your writing. In my thoughts and prayers.
Just read Wemble’s comment and agree ONE step at a time. On September 11, I watched the horror unfold on the TV in my high school classroom. My German students were preparing for a student exchange with our partner school in Southern Germany in early October 2001; therefore even in our small SW Michigan town students experienced the global impact of this act. Fortunately we were able to postpone the trip and our German students arrived in March 2002.
My advice is : Don’t try to shoulder it alone. Turn to friends and family and most of all the Lord for comfort and solutions. God made us social creatures. If we isolate ourselves, doubt creeps in and it is unhealthy. Look beyond the present circumstances and try to be there for others. Less inward focus.
Remembering isn’t bad either. It is part of the healing process.
So we need to remember 9-11. Praying for others, even though it doesn’t affect us personally.
Thanks for this thought provoking post.
Authors need to deal with grief realistically. There’s nothing like reading a book with great loss and the MC prays once and all is good. That is not real life. There are definite struggles to trust and have faith when you’re going through a tough situation. It’s a process, not a one time thing.
Moving forward? It takes time. Everyone grieves differently and what works for one person may not work for the next. Some might like to journal, the next person may need to talk about it to everyone they meet, and a third person might like to read or watch movies. Ultimately, praying and the support of family and friends will carry you through.
Lately, I have been frustrated with the books I have been reading all seeming to have tortured main characters from some issue in their past that they can’t or won’t move on. We all have issues and most seem to handle it where we still move on with every day life, but it seems some characters dwell on it and then have their magic moment in the book and then are finally able to move on and everything is wonderful. It all seems a bit trite and forced. I get that characters and the plot need something like that, but some characters are such downers that I find reading some books to be depressing instead of a nice escape. I might need to pick up some more light-hearted reads or some oldie but goody ones!
Hard day, harder question….I don’t have the answers, but I put my faith in God.
I think grieving is a process. There are many stages and we must take each stage slowly. I always say after a loss it never gets easier just different.
Forgiving people, circumstances, yourself goes a long way to healing. Focusing on God, being thankful for what’s right in your life also helps. Bible reading , fellowship, prayer, praise are also wonderful to lift your spirit.
We lived within 15 minutes of the Pentagon on 9/11. Several people in our church got out of the burning building miraculously, and then got home and into their house with the help of strangers, friends, and neighbors. Purse and personal belongings were left in the burning building.
Sept 11 is always a day to be sad and I have really no idea how to move from a lost if it had happened to me.
I do find C. S. Lewis ‘s Grief Observed a good book for dealing with grief, but no thats not fiction. (I do find it fun that Lewis’s friends have recommended the book to him because he originally wrote under the pen name N. W. Clerk.)
I know someone who has a birthday on Sept. 11th.
Since that day , they have not celebrated their birthday.
President Kennedy was killed on my birthday but that hasn’t stopped me from having them.
There are tragic happenings all over the world. God has a plan and a purpose for everything that is happening. We might not like what is going on but we can trust God in the good and in the bad.
Thank you, Irma. <3
Uh, I don't have any advice, either. I'm the worst example possible of how to move forward after heartbreak. LOL, I can say all the ways that DON'T work!
Time and trusting God are the only ones that have ever worked for me.
I’ll have a look for that one, Wendy.
Yes, here in the UK 9/11 took over TV for the day. It was a day of a personal tragedy for me, too, but the far bigger tragedy eclipsed that.
Caring support makes a big difference. And taking things one day at a time.
Wise advice, Renate! We do have a sure and ceratin hope to cling too, no matter what the circumstances.
And I know you’ve already read Marion’s wonderful story in the set. Sooooooo good!
I’m glad your student exchange could still go ahead.
So true and so wise, Paula! Thank you. God did make us to be with others. It’s sad that when we grieve, it’s easy to feel isolated, bother from those around us and from God. Another of satan’s lies.
So right, Arletta. Praying can move us forward a step at a time, but there’s far more than one step to the process!
It’s good to alternate, light books with heavier ones. And agreed, some characters are so self-absorbed by their grief, they’re not easy reading. Um, I may have written one or two like that myself. :(
That’s the only real way to move forward. Paula. I agree so much!
Wise and true, Kelley. Thank you. <3
One thing I learned about grief, after becoming disabled to the point that I could no longer work: Acceptance of my new Normal took much longer than I initially thought! For me it took years, yet sometimes I still struggle with acceptance & my Faith.
I really think it happened, when “my dreams” changed. I kept dreaming of myself as not disabled, when I slept. But when I started dreaming of myself as disabled, I knew I’d emotionally accepted my new normal life.
I guess, my suggestion for an author dealing with a grieving hero/heroine would be, for their sleeping dreams to change to their present reality, their new normal as a really big step out of grief. I’m not talking about nightmares, but just your regular sleeping dreams with you in them. I hope that helps!
You are so right, Diana. Forgiveness is essential for real healing. Not always easy, but so necessary.
And I’m thankful your church friends got out and home safely, in what must have been terrifying circumstances.
I admit to have done all the WRONG things to deal with loss and grief in the past. :(
CS Lewis’s book is a wonderful recommendation! A very honest book. And funny that his friends suggested he read it!
Trusting God is all-important, Janet. So true!
Fran Geiger Joslin, in her book Widowed: When Death Sucks the Life out of You, speaks not of moving on after her husband’s death but rather moving forward. I used her book as part of my research for A Time to Push Daisies. I was privileged to stay with Fran and her family for a few days in 2015 when I attended ACFW Dallas as Fran is the sister of a good friend of mine.
I remember 9/11 well. We were living in Dublin, Ireland at the time and had just fetched my mother and father in law as they’d come to visit from South Africa. We spent the day glued to the TV, horrified.
I remember9/11 it was so sad the only thing my family and I could do was pray for all involved so sad! Prayer has helped me through a lot of things I have been through!
Hi Marion! Yes, it’s a better way to phrase it. Not sure why, but moving forward carries different connotations to moving on.
I loved Where Hope Begins by Catherine West. The characters dealt with loss in a profound and real way. There were no excuses, just raw emotion and trying to grapple with the loss.
Praying is definitely a huge help through anything, you are so right, Sarah!
Thanks! That sounds a good one, and I haven’t read it!
Hi Autumn,
Thanks for doing such a poignant post. Yes, on this very sad day, as you mentioned, we also look to New hope, New love, New beginnings because of our hope in Christ.
Lots of fun in this set too and I feel so privileged to be a part of Somewhere Beyond The Blue with such stellar authors.
Blessings, Jan Elder
Beautifully written encouraging words. Our Lord loves us so much and walks through every aspect of our lives with us. We are never alone. Thanks for the reminder.
Amy
Great post, Autumn. Sounds like a good, deep series.
Autumn, what a beautiful reflection! My God is my Rock and my Refuge! Whatever happens in my life…I’m asking how I can learn the lesson and help others in the future. I know you might think it’s easy to say…true…it’s hard and I’ve learned it the hard way through my battle with cancer; however, HE is always near <3
Great post. Love the idea of baby boomer stories. I read Marion’s ARC and look forward to the rest.
You never completely get over a personal loss,you just move forward and hide the pain away in a corner of your.
Today I celebrated 7 years with a new husband and 11 years of the loss of my last husband.
I will never forget him because we together over 30 years.
I miss him but the pain is better and I have him tucked away to take out remember the good memories.
Sometimes I love those books though too! But lately I’ve been craving a fun, light-hearted book that makes me laugh! We need all kinds of books!
It was indeed very beautiful the way Jan expressed the ideia that God is with us through our grief. I know a lot of people who try to be happy when loss and tragedies strike, as if for being a Christian they were not allowed to be sad. But even in Psalm 23 it’s said that “Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; “. There are times when we will walk through dark valleys, God is not going to “magically” make our life just green pastures, but He will be with us in all the times, when the pasture is green and when the valley is dark.
Amen :)
That’s an interesting concept, Esther! I appreciate you sharing it. I’m in the midst of that same adjustment at present, so I know as you do that it’s not easy. Loss of our healthy self and the work we used to be able to do is a big loss to adjust to.
Thanks so much for letting me share that lovely snippet from your story, Jan. I’m looking forward to reading the whole book!
He does, Amy. And isn’t that the biggest and best comfort we can have?
Thanks, Shannon. Yes, there’s a lot going on in the stories for the set, though fun and laughter, too!
Hugs, Natalya, and praying for you as you win that battle! He IS always near!
And I’m learning too that one of the blessings in our own illness or other losses is being able to help others. Only through becoming disabled myself can I truly understand my husband’s issues with his chronic illnesses. It’s made me a far better caregiver for him.
Wise words, Linda. Yes, the pain never leaves us, it just becomes easier to tuck away so we’re not feeling it 24/7. I’m so glad you’ve been able to celebrate both your marriages and know new love. <3
Laura, you perfectly expressed such a big truth! Of course we will be sad, of course we will grieve, of course we will have difficult circumstances and challenges to face in this broken, fallen world.
But we have One who is always with us through it all. Though His Kingdom is not here yet physically, He lives in our hearts.
Most definitely!
Great post! I like the Scripture featured in this post too.
Thanks for stopping by, Chanel! <3
The on,y thing I can say isto allow God to wrap you in his loving arms and comfort you as he has me
That’s so truly the only place we find true healing, Glenda. Thank you for visiting and commenting. :)
The best thing we can do is turn to God. I know it’s easy to blame and be angry, but He is the only true source for comfort/healing.
So true, Susanne!
It took me far too long to realise that!
Heather Gray writes excellent light-hearted books, Katie. There’s often deeper stuff in there, too, but the overall sense is light and playful. She has a novella free today! https://amzn.to/2NmoHIw
So true! Praying for your family!