Harlequin, one of the biggest romance publishers in the world, recently conducted a survey to find out how people in 2023 feel about love, relationships and—of course—happily ever afters.
The results were interesting, and they shed some light on why my biggest pet peeve in romance novels bothers me so much.
According to the survey, “The majority (57%) of unmarried Americans say they don’t feel pressured to be married or in a committed relationship. Among Americans who are currently single, exactly half (50%) are prioritizing themselves and spending time with friends over finding a partner.”
Honestly, I was so happy to see this stat! Every now and then, I read a romance novel that leaves a terrible taste in my mouth, because it implies that, without a man, a woman’s life can’t be complete.
God doesn’t call all of us to marriage, and that’s okay! It’s entirely possible to have a full, fulfilling life without a romantic partner. And romance novels where the heroine has to sacrifice her wants, needs and dreams for the future in order to snag a man are the ones that make me want to throw them across the room!
Yes, relationships take compromise. And God calls us to be sacrificial. But if the hero and heroine have wildly different goals, priorities and visions for the future, they don’t belong together!
Although it’s true that romance novels need to have a lot of conflict to keep them interesting, in my humble opinion, the conflict should never be resolved by one of the main characters giving up everything for the other person.
Because that, in my mind, is definitely not the recipe for a book—or a life—that ends happily ever after.
So there you have it: my biggest pet peeve in romance novels. What’s your #1 pet peeve?
Meghann Whistler is a wife, mom, and Christian romance novelist who loves writing sweet, happy stories that WON'T make your grandmother blush! When she's not writing, reading, or jamming out to Christian rock music, you can find her enjoying a relaxing evening with her rocket scientist husband (seriously—he's a real, live rocket scientist!) or playing with her three kids.
Oh I so agree. One of mine is those books where the heroine is approaching 30 and they are single and feel life is over cos they are still single. And with many churches they enforce this ideal that you should be married. If you are single there is something wrong with you and you can be complete without a man. In church circles you are often treated differently. Where as in the real world it isn’t treated as you having something wrong with you.
I have several Christian friends online who are single and feel this way too. they would love to marry but are content with the life God has given them. They too get annoyed with books that portray being single or not in a relationship as a failure.
Oh, yes, Jenny — the one’s where the heroine’s mom and/or others are telling her she’s an old maid or over the hill are super annoying!!! And it’s sad that some churches make people feel bad about being single. 💕
My biggest pet peeve is similar to yours! I can’t stand when the heroine isn’t supposed to have a mind of her own. When she’s only considered a pretty face and if she opens her mouth she’s disregarded. I’m a never married single, and though I’d like it if my Mr Right For Me came along, God hasn’t brought him yet, and my life has been full and complete! If he’d come along, I wouldn’t have been able to help my Mom when my Daddy was ill, and I probably wouldn’t have been Mom’s full-time caregiver. I wouldn’t trade those 9 years with Mom for anything!! I agree with Jenny, too!! I have quite a few girlfriends that are never married, and all of us have gotten at least one proposal! Well, my wasn’t really a proposal, the dude TOLD me we were getting married! WRONG!!!!
Oh, my! He TOLD you you were getting married? Yikes!!! 🙄😬
Oh, yeah. NOT the way it’s done at all!! And, yeah, it didn’t happen! I’m content with my life the way it is, and I don’t need a man to “complete” me. Actually, I have married friends that tell me it’s not so great (sometimes!) on their side, which I also realize. There are pluses and minuses on both sides. My main thing is I want what God wants for me, and if that’s to remain single, so be it. I’ll do fine without a man, as I’ve done just fine without one so far! God is always there for me, and I’m fine with that.
Good morning, I agree with you , not everyone is born to be married , and alot of times people get married for the wrong reasons which is Not good at all. People should not get married because they feel like they have to.
I would agree with this, my favourite stories show the heroine (and hero!) coping fine with life on their own, but finding meeting the right person (not just any man who turns up to stop them being single!) makes things special. I definitely don’t want the heroine to have to give up her dreams or who she is as a person to fit in with the hero – yes there is compromise in relationships, yes we develop and grow as people, but I don’t want to be told a woman is somehow better and complete just because she has a relationship.
My number one pet peeve is when everything resolves perfectly. The protagonist gets a major book plus movie deal, her love interest becomes a famous movie star, they move to a mansion and have four kids – two girls, and two boys, They have a maid who works for them for free because she just loves to be around them so.…
You get the picture!
I love a good romance, but let’s couch it in reality.:)
Oh, yes, Alicia — it’s always sad to see people in an unhappy marriage because they settled for the wrong person. 😢
It’s so important that it’s the right person, in life and in books!!! I want to feel totally confident that the hero and heroine will truly live happily ever after, and unfortunately some books just do not give me that vibe!
Ha ha ha — good point, Jennifer! I like a little bit of reality in my romance, too. For me, it irks me when the characters are too perfect — give them some quirks and problems, otherwise I often find them either sickly sweet or unrelatable.
I love that Trudy — always keeping God at the center, whether you’re married or single :)
Oh my Trudy, I had the overseas cricket fan (subcontinent) wanting to move to australia proposed. They were blocked, I also got the what’s wrong with you your standards must be too high. I thought if that means I am not going to let the first drunk ask to marry me then I will keep my morals and high standards.
Eek! I’m sorry that happened to you!
I know the Bible says that women are to submit to their husbands. I cannot read books where men walk all over women by belittling them for everything they do. I struggle with this concept in real life also when I have had friends or people I know who have partners who treat them this way. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
I hear you, Debra. Men who belittle their wives are verbally abusive, and that’s definitely not Biblical! I’m sorry you have friends and acquaintances who are dealing with this. I’ll say a prayer for them. 🙏
I’ve gotten those comments, too, Jenny, but not from men!! I’ve gotten those from family! They meant them as “jokes” until I’d come back with an example of what they were saying, and then they’d be like “no, no, you keep your standards.” I’m sorry that happens to single women, as it seems there are double standards, still, for men and women!!