Most heroes don’t stay seated when someone rings their doorbell. Most heroes don’t have a butt dent in their sofa. Most heroes don’t work at night so they can sleep the day away. Kai Kamaka from Husband Auditions is not most heroes.
It’s been interesting to hear reader reactions to writing a lazy hero. Some didn’t like him for Meri at first, some defended him, and still others didn’t see him as lazy but rather wounded.
This was a hard balance to find as a writer, and my editor asked me to add a line at the beginning that would offer some insight and hope for the more skeptical readers. I added this quote from my screenplay writing character: “Kai has a good backstory.”
But why did I write a lazy character in the first place?
See, I took a class on heart issues based on The Emotionally Destructive Relationship by Leslie Vernick. The seven heart issues include: pride, selfishness, anger, envy, fear, laziness, and an evil heart. Besides the evil heart (which I shall reserve for villains), most of the other heart issues are pretty common issues for heroes to deal with. Except for laziness.
My counselor said that in real life, it’s the lazy husband who women struggle with the most. They can forgive a guy for being selfish, angry, or prideful, but they feel helpless when it comes to a man who won’t put in the effort to make a relationship work…let alone work around the house.
As mentioned above, there was a section of readers who didn’t consider Kai lazy, but rather wounded. (Though can’t that be said of all our heart issues?) When Kai’s backstory is revealed, readers start to see that he’d worked really hard toward some goals only for them not to pan out. So rather than face disappointment or rejection again, Kai gave up. Quit trying. Grew lazy.
His heart issue also played into Meri’s heart issue. I gave Meri a fearful heart. She was afraid of being single for the rest of her life. She was afraid of being unloved. When she falls for Kai, she’s aware of his laziness, and she thinks she has to choose between receiving bad love from him or no love at all.
I presented a third option for Meri. There’s always the option of inviting the unhealthy person you love to grow enough to step into a healthy relationship. To choose this third option, you have to be strong enough to stay in the light no matter whether the other person chooses to join you in the light or remain in their darkness.
This third option is why I wrote a lazy hero. It’s what I want to offer readers in this book. I’ve written a love letter for women who are with lazy men: “I see you, I know it’s hard, I feel your pain.” But I’m also offering hope for whatever kind of heart issue you may be dealing with. It’s worth overcoming.
Relationships are not easy. Answers are not trite. May this love story encourage you wherever you are at. Don’t settle for unhealthy relationships. Instead, choose to grow…even if it creates tension with the people you care about most.
God loves you too much to leave you (or them) in that unhealthy place. And He is not a lazy hero.
What heart issue have you seen the most in contemporary Christian fiction? Do you think some are more acceptable than others?
Angela Ruth Strong survived breast cancer, works as a flight attendant, and uses her own crazy life experiences as inspiration for the stories she writes. Her books have earned TOP PICK in Romantic Times, been nominated for a Christy, won the Cascade Award, and become Amazon bestsellers. She and her husband also got to play extras when her novel Finding Love in Big Sky was adapted for film. To help aspiring authors, Angela started IDAhope Writers where she lives in Idaho.
I think I see fear portrayed the most. But in reality I also think this is the most common heart thingy men seem to encounter. So not far from the truth IMO. :)
I don’t know about acceptable, but heart issues certainly stir up the emotions.
I’d add disrespect to the list.
I think fear is the one I’ve seen the most lately in books I’ve read. I think all of them need to be addressed from a Christian perspective!
I have seen a lot of pride and fear in the books I have been reading. Most of those books have focused more on the female characters. Your book sounds so interesting!
The ones I’ve been reading lately have focused on forgiving yourself and others.
The books I’ve been reading deal more with a loss of pride, in that they have no self esteem and think others don’t see them as worthy until they find a relationship with God, that is. And, they deal with fear of not being good enough for their love interest, again, until they get a relationship with God.
What a thoughtful post. It’s really piqued my interest in your book!
Fear, pride, and anger are the main heart issues that I have read about in many books.
I think I’ve seen pride and fear being portrayed the most. Now, I don’t know about acceptable, but I think, depending on the dose, that jealousy is portrayed as cute in men. Still, it doesn’t matter the issue they struggle with, I’m always there to see their character growth as they develop a deeper relationship with the Lord.
Hey Angela. Fear and anger are the heart issues I’ve seen in most books I’ve read. I like quirky heroes that don’t seem loveable at first and then seeing how the author can skillfully make me fall for him.
Hi, I think heart, jealousy and fear are the most common ones I can think of. Have a great rest of the week and stay safe. God Bless you and your family.
I agree about fear. It seems to go along with every heart issue. And laziness is definitely out there.
Ooh…I wonder where Leslie Vernick would categorize disrespect. I have heard that contempt is the number one predictor of divorce. Perhaps that could go under pride because the prideful person thinks they deserve to treat others poorly.
Definitely! Fear is pretty common.
Yes, it makes sense that women’s issues are addressed more in women’s fiction. And I think it’s important for us to have discernment of those we are in relationship with. Like Abigail in the Bible when she rushed ahead to intercept King David from killing her first husband.
That’s pretty common. I wonder if unforgiveness would go under pride or selfishness or even anger.
Lots of fear. I wonder if low self-esteem would also go under pride? Because we think we have to earn our worth? Or would it just be fear?
I love hearing that, Milla! The book is romantic comedy, so it’s pretty goofy, but I’d like to think there’s some depth underneath all the playfulness.
I would have to agree. I think it’s important for an author to make those issues real and relatable.
That’s an interesting thought about jealousy. I know Leslie Vernick describes the envious heart as destructive. I’m exploring that one in my current work-in-progress, Football is My Boyfriend.
Ooh, what books have done the quirky hero well? I tried to make Kai both lazy and loveable, so it’s interesting to see reactions to him all over the board.
Thank you! You too, Alicia. Fear is really common. What books have you enjoyed with jealousy in them?
Maybe a bit of both? I’m not sure. Where would you put an inferiority complex? Maybe pride, too, though, I’m not sure. Not pride as we think of it, proud of ourselves, though. Maybe a tad lazy, if we don’t work to overcome those feelings? It wouldn’t necessarily have to be lazy in not getting off your rear, but lazy about how you do things.
I think I see fear or insecurity the most in books I read. I’m intrigued by the lazy hero idea, and I have this book just waiting for me to read so… Seriously though, at times I struggle with having the energy or drive to keep trying with certain people or situations so thank you for writing a story with this issue for one of your characters. I look forward to reading it.
I’m glad you have the book and hope you get some encouragement out of it! Enjoy. <3
Trust issues…don’t we all had or have them?!
Pride and envy seem to be pretty common.
Yes, though we probably all deal with them differently.
I think so too. Can you think of a book that dealt with them in a wise/surprising/eye-opening way?
Feelings of being unworthy or life circumstances holding people back.
I think fear and pride are the issues seen most often. Husband Auditions is the only book I can recall reading that had a lazy hero. I really liked that Meri took that third option and that Kai made the decision to step up and be “worthy” of her. I really enjoyed this book.
Yes, I think some are able to accept more than others. I think of firemen or police officers who are injured in the line of duty. The solder who is returning from war. In these cases, the people maybe experiencing PTSD. This is something that is difficult to work through. In many ways, you want to shield yourself away from everything and everyone. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
pride is one I’ve seen in some.
I find it’s more emotional & it’s mostly with men.
I’ve seen it but in many different ways & a lot in the person being afraid of lose with the person.
Hi, Angela!
Add my vote to the fear column for heart issues read about recently. Especially fear of rejection or failure.
The verses about perfect love casting out fear and fear being about punishment seem to speak about love and fear in the context of an already established relationship. I think that is a very different thing from fear of being alone or fear of missing out. By being in a relationship with God first, in which we receive His perfect love (and always will), we have the basis on which to persevere in loving others. With Him, there is no fear. All our punishment was given to Christ. All that is left for us is perfect love.
In talking about Kai’s back story, I feel like you’ve gone from preaching straight to meddlin’. I was tempted to go looking for your nanny cam in my house. Many are the days that I feel drenched in the fear from past failures and as a result sit on my blessed ass-urance instead of living a life of productive, loving, grace-filled joy. How do you think I get so much reading done? Well, back to swimming laps in the waters of Denial. :-)
I think maybe fear, distrust, and hurt
I’ve read a lot of stories where the person has lost a spouse/fiance/or significant other due to death so they are afraid to love again because the loss was so devastating. They figure they can keep their heart from hurting again by not pursuing a relationship with anyone else again or pushing a love interest away. I’ve seen where keeping themselves closed off can hurt them in the long run. I can understand that for a time the person will grieve & it’s okay to go through that process, but eventually you’ll have to open yourself up again to be able to move past that in order to grow.
I don’t think any type of heart issue issue is worse than another. They just keep us from having healthy relations with others, and not just romantic ones, but friendships too. We need people in our lives who can help us along this path, who can challenge us to be better, and who can help us grow in healthy ways.
By the way, I read “Husband Auditions” and I didn’t see Kai as lazy…after all he did have a job & I figured he had a background that was going to get worked out in the story :-) I liked him from the get-go…lol!
I’ve also seen fear a lot in books recently.
took awhile to answer as hadn’t really thought about it. I have seen pride in books, as well as fear. In some ways Lazy can also be a fear issue. Perfectionist have a fear of not doing something perfect so it doesn’t get done. My friends husband is one and the front door didn’t lock well the building was older and had moved so the door was out of alignment. My friend could have done it (not perfect but it would be done) but her husband wanted to do it right. It didn’t get done for so long due to him not wanting it to not be done right the first time. He was a hard worker but when it came to these sorts of things some may have called him lazy or a procastinator when infact it was fear of not doing it right.
Fear is very common and I think hardly surprising given the state of the world unfortunately. I think it would take faith and strength to hold the space for a partner to step into a new way of being. A path for kindness to spouses in little things would be a great way for them to come together in a second chance story.
I really enjoyed Husband Auditions – although I didn’t like Kai at first. I didn’t even actually think he was going to be the main male MC for the first bit (the one she’d fall in love with).
I think pride has been a main theme in books I’ve read recently.
So maybe a fearful heart then?
I’m so glad to hear that! And I agree on the fear and pride.
A lot of the heart issues I see in books are people dealing with God’s forgiveness for past mistakes, or people’s lack of self-esteem. (Not feeling worthy of God’s love.)
I love the redemptive stories because it helps me know I’m not alone.
That’s so hard. I dealt with PTSD a little in Finding Love in Park City.
Yes. I’ve heard it goes before a fall. ;-)
Laziness is more emotional and more in men?
Yes, fear is huge.
Great truths about love and fear! As for the nanny cam, I’m sure we can all relate in some way. ;-)
Yes. Fear can keep us from a lot of things. And fear is natural when we’ve been hurt before.
I’m glad you liked Kai! And those are some great points about healthy relationships. <3
It’s probably the most common. I know I deal with it!
I’ve heard that said about perfection before. I’ve also heard it said that Bill Gates gave tough jobs to lazy people because they would find the easiest way to solve the problem!
I want to write a book like that. One where the married couple doesn’t realize how much work they still have to do!
Ha! I’m glad you enjoyed Husband Auditions in spite of that. :-) Pride can definitely get in the way, which is what happened with Meri’s brother Charlie and his former fiancée Nicole.
Agreed! I’m trying to think what that could be classified under. Maybe fear? Or maybe even pride…if they think they have to earn their worth?
I think the mechanism of pride might be a little different. It’s not that I feel like I have to earn my worth. It’s that I think I can. I have to come face-to-face with the fact that I am someone bad (selfish, sinful, God-disdaining) enough to have committed the sin in question in the first place. It may look like poor me on the outside or even “I’d better buckle down and get to work”, but the reality is that I *need* a savior and my pride keeps me from accepting that the *only* one is Jesus. Bowing at his nail-scarred feet, knowing I have nothing to offer is the reality that I must acknowledge and accept. It’s my pride that doesn’t want to own the awful reality of rejecting God’s right to rule and doing things *my* way.