Back on October 26th, JoAnn Durgin blogged about the Christmas Blessings box set and told you a bit about each story and included each author’s personal inspiration for what they wrote. JoAnn only had so much room to spare in her post, though, so I had to give her the short answer. Today’s post is the long answer.
Let me tell you a little bit more about the place in my heart where my story, Nowhere for Christmas, was born. Further down in the post you’ll also find an excerpt and a giveaway. (Because who doesn’t love a giveaway, right?)
I buried my nine-year-old daughter in 2012. I also got my first book contract in 2012. I still look back at that contract and see it as a precious, precious gift from God, a piece of joy in the midst of so much sadness. Something to celebrate in the midst of crushing grief.
As you can imagine, our 2012 Christmas was a difficult one. We did our best, and I made the day as jolly for my son as I could, but still… If you’ve ever been there, you know what I’m talking about. And no matter how many Christmases have passed since, I always feel my daughter’s absence.
In 2013 we passed the first anniversary of my little girl’s death, and as that day crossed into my rear-view mirror, something inside of me changed. Maybe it clicked into place. Maybe it toppled head-over-heels into place. Either way, I looked ahead on the calendar – and in my life – and I saw sunshine. I finally understood that I would never stop grieving for my daughter, but at the same time, life demanded to be lived. As Christmas approached, I wanted to celebrate. I wanted to laugh uproariously and let my inner child discover moments of pure delight. I wanted joy.
And so, as I looked forward to Christmas that year, I poured my heart into a story that still to this day makes me laugh. Nowhere for Christmas was my first romantic comedy, and I loved every minute of writing it. I love these characters and their adventure. I love that a skunk is one of the highlights of their road trip. I love that my heart dances in glee whenever I skim excerpts or read over passages of this book. And I love that one of the characters talks about death and about loss and, in doing so, expresses a tiny piece of how I feel about the loss of my daughter. I love that this book is real and that the characters face challenges and that their lives aren’t perfect…but that they laugh out loud anyway and love God through it all.
Nowhere for Christmas is, a strange way, the story of how I aspire to live my life. I want to be a person who sees people and doesn’t just look through them. I want to be that person who finds joy even when there is sadness and who laughs even when she sometimes cries. I want to be a person who talks about God – and to Him – as though He’s real and right here with her (because, after all, He is). I want to be the person who celebrates happy endings and who knows, deep in her soul, that her daughter already has hers.
And now for an excerpt…
She got out of the car and gazed at the front of the shop. It was the twenty-third of December, but even in New Mexico, there was only one man brave enough to endure the weather outside. A nip in the air had encouraged all other patrons to enjoy the indoor atmosphere of the establishment.
Avery took note of the man as she approached. He was younger than she’d expected. With the stocking cap pulled down low, she couldn’t get a look at his hair to see whether or not it had any grey in it. The scruff on his cheeks and chin was black as night, however, with no indication of aging. She couldn’t see his eyes behind his sunglasses, but he had an angular face, a strong chin, and… he was drinking a fruit smoothie.
A bright yellow frozen beverage. At a coffee shop. In December. I’m going to have to make allowances for his artistic temperament. I get it. But is this necessary, God? Sticking me with a man who goes to a coffee shop and doesn’t order coffee? You’re laughing at me, aren’t You?
Pulling her it’s-okay-if-you-don’t-love-coffee smile out of storage and dusting it off, she approached the man and held out her hand. “Mitchell sent me. Ready to go?”
The man put down his blindingly bright beverage and ran his eyes up and down her figure. His sunglasses kept his eyes concealed, but his perusal still made her uncomfortable. When he made no move to shake her hand, she began to wonder if she had the right person. “What’s your name?”
“I’m Gavin. Who are you?”
Eyeing his luggage, she took note of the oversized backpack and two large hard-sided cases she assumed held camera equipment. This had to be Gavin, but what if it wasn’t? What if this guy had murdered Gavin and stuffed him in an alleyway, then sat down in his spot to lure her into a false sense of security so he could do away with her and Eli, too, at his leisure? Homicidal tendencies might explain the yellow drink.
Before the man had time to sneeze, Avery whipped out her cellphone, took a snapshot of him, and texted it to Mitchell. Is this him?
She imagined the man blinking his eyes in surprise behind his dark glasses. Artsy was definitely not the first word that came to mind when she looked at him. Or the second, for that matter. He was wearing black jeans, a grey jacket hanging open to reveal a like-colored sweater underneath, and a grey scarf wrapped around his neck a couple times. She’d always thought artists wore lots of color. That’s what she got for assuming. He would make a great beatnik.
Avery’s phone chirped at her, and she glanced down at it. Yep. That’s Gavin.
Again frowning at the man’s fruity beverage, she tried to shake off the feeling of dread swirling through her stomach. Straightening her shoulders, she held out her hand for a second time. “Hi Gavin. I’m here to pick you up and head to Nowhere.”
He cracked a smile this time. “Heading to Nowhere – isn’t that a country song?” He looked behind her. “So, where’s Avery?”
She stole a look at the mustard-not-puke colored car. What had he expected? A limo? Granted, it wasn’t much, but still… “I’m Avery. Avery Weston.”
Gavin jumped up out of his wrought-iron chair, knocking it back. “You can’t be. Avery’s a man.”
Avery scratched her head. “I’ve been accused of a lot of things, but that’s not one of them.”
He turned the tables on her then, taking her picture with his phone, presumably to verify her identity with Mitchell.
Eli, evidently tired of waiting in the cramped confines of the car, climbed out. “What’s the holdup? At this rate we won’t make it to Nowhere till two in the morning. Come on, people, daylight’s burning!”
Gavin glanced from her to Eli. Then his phone vibrated, and he peered down at it. The part of his face she could see through the pseudo-beard flushed. His hand clenched around the phone in a death grip before relaxing.
“I don’t travel with women. I thought I was riding with a man named Avery and his teenage son.”
Eli’s eyebrows shot up. “You thought Mom was a man? That’s awesome. Wait till I tell Grandma and Grandpa! They’re going to love it!”
Eli immediately began tapping away on his phone. Great. Now she was a topic of gossip between her son and parents.
Giveaway Time! One commenter will be randomly selected to receive a $5 Amazon gift card. This giveaway will close on Friday, November 25th at midnight.
If you’re one of those people (like me) who struggle with what to comment, I’ll make it easy for you. Answer any of the following questions.
Do you think it’s possible to experience great joy and great sadness simultaneously? Can you tell me about a time in your life when that’s been the case for you? What helped you to find your laughter again?
Heather Gray loves coffee, God, her family, and laughter – not necessarily in that order! She writes approachable characters who, through the highs and lows of life, find a way to love God, embrace each day, and laugh out loud right along with her. And, yeah, her books almost always have someone who's a coffee addict. Some things just can't be helped. Despite their different lives and situations, Heather’s characters have something in common. They're all flawed...but loved anyway.
Beautiful post, Heather. I’m sorry for your loss. I’ll pray for you and your family during the upcoming holiday season. Writing has gotten me through some difficult times as well. I look forward to reading Nowhere for Christmas. No doubt, it will always be a special story for you.
Thanks for sharing your journey as a grieving mom and writer. Blessing to you and your family this holiday season. Difficult to respond to this blog, but so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving week.
Yes, I think it’s possible to experience great joy and great sadness simultaneously. There are numerous occasions in my family’s life. My mother was a godly strong woman and taught me from a young age to be joyful in times of adversity. As a family we were joyful for the opportunity to leave war torn Berlin in 1955 to arrive to a land of opportunity in United States, but sad being separated for 40 years because relatives lived behind the Berlin Wall. We were sad not having grandmothers, aunts, uncles or cousins present at Christmas, but thankful for a new church family.
After a total loss house fire in 1997, celebrating Christmas that year was difficult. Our boys missed their family dog, our furnishings, and their personal things; but we survived with humor. We were thankful we were together and not living in a motel room and that our cramped quarters was temporary.
Laughter and faith in God that he will supply all our needs and shower us with HIS LOVE has gotten my family through WW1, WW2, the Cold War, destruction, poor health, and death. Psalm 27:1 “The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the STRENGTH of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” Our family verse.
Heather, I enjoyed reading Nowhere for Christmas. The characters were delightful, brought me joy and definitely made me laugh. Well done
I LOVED this story! I kept waking up my hubby with my giggles while I read it in bed. He even made me tell him the story. Just reading this makes me want to read the story again! It seems like we have gone through a lot of deaths in the last several years. My hubby’s sister died; my sister died; my father died; his mother died; and a couple of months ago my mother died. We have found joy in the midst of it by remembering fun little bits about their life. Tears still come, but so does laughter. We also know that we are mourning OUR loss, yet rejoicing that they are with Jesus now. But missing them never stops.
Thank you Jill! Prayers are always, always appreciated. I’m convinced they do more good than most of us ever realize. Hugs!
Renate – You’ve lived through some incredible things. Not just personal things, either, but events that entire countries watch play out on their television sets and in their newspapers. I imagine the depth of understanding and compassion you gained during those times have helped to forge you into the woman of faith and prayer that you are today. I think so often we look to our situation to decide how we should feel about something, but like you said – we need to look to God during those times. He needs to be the source of our strength and the compass by which we direct our paths – including the path of pain and sorrow that we will all walk at one time or another (or more than once). Thank you for sharing!
Thank you Renate! I’m glad you enjoyed the story and that it gave you some laughter. :)
I’m looking forward to reading Nowhere for Christmas. I love romantic comedies and enjoyed the excerpt. As a teenager I was kept locked in a basement and not fed much. I accepted the Lord in the middle of that and my favorite verse became, “I would have despaired unless I believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. ” “Be strong and let your heart take courage. ” Joy is a gift from God! He rescued me out of there and gave me a godly husband and wonderful kids and grandkids. God is good?! Sorry for the loss of your daughter. God bless your Christmas. Thanks for writing!
Amen! By remembering all that our loved ones have gained by going on to heaven, we somehow balance the the pain of our loss. And yet – you’re right – that missing never stops. Sharing happy memories and funny stories gives my heart joy. It helps me remember the blessing of having had my daughter for nine wonderful years, it helps me to be thankful for that blessing, too – rather than bitter about the years without her. It’s all in how we look at it. There are days, though, when it’s just not possible to smile through the pain. Those are the days I have to step aside, allow myself to feel the hurt…and allow God to comfort me in that hurt. Not that I don’t allow Him to comfort me the rest of the time, but I’m stubborn, and I tend to push through the pain because people depend on me. There are times, though, when I have to stop pushing and acknowledge that God is God and that I am frail.
Diana, I can’t imagine the horror you went through as a teenager, but I am so, so glad that God met you right where you were at in the midst of it all! God IS good, and what a wonderful story of how He redeemed your life – and your love – by giving you a godly husband and a family to adore you. Thank you so much for sharing! Hugs!!
Thanks for sharing your story of grief and love. It takes a lot to share about such intense life changing experience. I’ve lost family members that I miss dearly but not yet an immediate relative. I can’t think of a greatest sadness and have no idea how I’d be able to find laughter again. I’m looking forward to read Nowhere for Christmas.
I enjoyed the excerpt. Thanks for sharing it with us. Yes, I believe joy and sadness can be experienced at the same time. For example when my youngest went off to college I was super happy for him, but sad that he was leaving.
Thank you for stopping by today Priscila! No matter the situation in which we find ourselves, God is always bigger, always greater. And we’re at that place where we know we’re not capable of handling something, He is the one who carries us through. Hugs!
Agh – college! My oldest is narrowing down his list of college choices, and I cringe every time he brings it up. While I know it’ll be a wonderful thing for him, I dread the quiet of my house without him. I dread the loneliness of it. It doesn’t seem that long ago that he was holding onto my fingers as he took his first steps.
I am sorry for your heartache and am thankful that you have found some peace. You have a wonderful gift that brings many smiles to my face. I look forward to reading Nowhere for Christmas.
Heather, I’m so sorry for your loss! My mother passed away in April and this holiday season seems to be a challenge for me already! I just finished reading Nowhere for Christmas and totally loved it! It was really what I needed to read right now! Thank you!
Heather, I am so sorry for your loss of your daughter. You and your family will be in my prayers this Christmas season. I can’t imagine what it’s like, but I know that you are a true inspiration to me, and I am sure many others. You are the true example of living a joyous life through the love of Jesus!
This book looks amazing, and I am going to purchase it as soon as I post this comment!
Love, Hugs and Blessings to you! ❤
Heather,
I truly believe there can be both joy and sadness at the same time. I experienced this 27 years ago when my father passed away. He died and it was very hard on me. What was also difficult yet joyful was that we had his memorial of my daughter’s first birthday. Where it could have been overwhelming for me I saw God’s blessings. We, my sister’s and brother also got together and talked about all the funny things my dad loved and we laughed and laughed. There was great healing in that moment.
Great joy and great sadness can & do coexist in many cases! When my dad passed away very suddenly, my siblings & I weren’t as close as we are now…his missing spot at the table gave way to great joy that I know would have plumb ticked him to death!!
I loved reading the excerpt for the book!
When my mother and my mother-in-law passed away, two years apart, it was in January, but after my birthday. I was thankful to have nearly a year before Christmas and my birthday came again, in both cases. I remember at my mom’s memorial service the joy of seeing family and friends, but not enjoying the reason they were all together!
Thank you, Diana, for sharing that scripture from the Psalms. What a great hope and confidence during an unimaginably difficult time.
Heather, my heart goes out to you. I haven’t lost a child but a niece in a traumatic situation. So incredibly difficult and painful.
I loved NOWHERE when I first read it. You have a gift, and I’m glad you are using it!
I liked the excerpt. I think funerals of Christian loved ones are sad, but joyful, too.
Heather I am so sorry for your loss. I have read Nowhere For Christmas and thoroughly enjoyed it. Now that I know the back story I appreciate the book even more. My mother passed away at the young age of 52 which was 41 years ago. That was a year of very deep sadness. The following year our first child was born which made it a year of joy. She recently celebrated her 40th birthday. How can I be so young and have a daughter who is 40,lol. Only kidding but I do feel young at heart. I want to wish you and your family a very nice Thanksgiving.
What a precious testimony.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Heather. Thanks for your very thoughtful post. I lost my twin sisters, my father and my mother within a period of 18 months. It was a very hard time for our family. We try to remember the happy memories and think of my sisters redecorating heaven and planning parties and fun get-togethers. I come from a family of 9 siblings, and we’re all very close, so that helps.
I enjoyedthe excerpt from your story. It sounds like a wonderful story.
Thank you for visiting today Julianne, and I hope you enjoy the story!
I’m so glad I could give you a smile in the middle of a trying time Teresa! The holidays can be hard. I think it’s so important to give yourself permission to be sad now and then and to recognize that some days – especially in this first year – are just plain going to be hard. If you can give yourself some grace in that area, it takes a lot of the pressure off. I’ll be praying for you.
Thank you for visiting today Rachelle – and for your kind words. I hope you enjoy the book and that some of my joy spills over. :)
That sounds like such a wonderful time Marylin! Getting together and telling the funny stories and reliving the happy memories and being able to share them with each other – what a wonderful way to celebrate your father’s life! And I have no doubt that his memorial falling on your daughter’s birthday helped, too. Sometimes focusing on someone else helps us take the step we need to put our grief aside for a spell. Hugs!
Ha! I love your sense of humor. :) And I’m glad that the loss of your father worked to bring you and your siblings closer together. God promises to work all things together for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose, and that’s a promise we can always rely on.
I’m glad you enjoyed the excerpt Margaret! I think that sometimes when we face back-to-back losses like that, we reach a point where we’re just starting to get over the first when the next one comes along and not only has its own pain, but also rips the scab off of the first pain, too, so that we hurt even more over that one. I’m glad you found some joy in the memorial service, even if that same joy would have felt better under different circumstances.
Thank you for stopping by today Valerie (and for loving NOWHERE). ^_^
This post almost made me cry. I’m so sorry for your loss, Heather. In my moment of sadness, a good friend and a woman of great faith helped me and helped me strengthen my faith…
How true! I used to think the phrase “celebration of life” was kind of hokey until I actually attended a funeral for a believer, and then I finally got it. When a believer dies, no matter how sad the rest of us are, we can celebrate their life…and we can know that life hasn’t ended, not really. When we celebrate that, we’re celebrating Christ, too, and all that He did to give us the promise of eternity. :)
Hahaha! My mom swears she’s 39 years old…which is a little tricky since my older brother turned 45 this year. ^_^ Thank you for the Thanksgiving wishes – I hope your day is wonderful as well!
Thank you Karen – I’m glad you could stop by and share part of your day with us.
I enjoyed the excerpt from Nowhere for Christmas.
It just takes a lot of time for me to get over losing someone or a big problem.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m 62 so I’ve had to deal with many losses over the years. My dad died when I was five months pregnant with his first grandchild, that was over 34 yrs ago. This year we lost my step daughter and step granddaughter seven months apart. My joy comes from deep within and is attributed to the Holy Spirit lifting me up. Sadness is still there but joy is deep down. I think of the song I learned as a child, “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart…
Thank you for sharing your story. Yes, I think it is possible to experience joy and sadness at the same time. I can remember feeling that when my Grandma died and years later when my Daddy died. I was very sad but I was also happy that they were no longer in pain.
“Do you think it’s possible to experience great joy and great sadness simultaneously?”
I think it depends on the situation. A bittersweet moment when a saint goes home to the Lord, you’re sad because you’ll miss that person tremendously but at the same time, happy that they are rejoicing in the presence of God. I can’t imagine with a child/spouse or sibling how that would feel. It would be hard for me to have great joy. I’d have to have time to go through the process of grieving before I could find happiness again.
You ask some tough questions Heather, ones we may never know the answer to unless we’ve been through it! I’m glad you found the other side of grief where you can find joy again in the special times. God is so good and faithful to bring us through isn’t He?
Oh Winnie – what a terrible amount of grief in such a short period of time! I admire your strength for being able to talk about it, and I’m so glad you have your siblings, people who share your memories of your parents and sisters. I, too, have imagined my daughter in heaven and what that must be like for her. Her favorite color was pink, and I’ve often wondered if she has redecorated her mansion so that it’s all pink… It’s a silly image, I know, but it’s one that makes me smile. Hugs!!
Thank you Alexa. God is good. All the time. Even when it doesn’t feel like it. That’s a mantra I believed for a long time, but now it’s one that I know all the way down to my toes. There are times when life doesn’t feel good or right or honorable, but that doesn’t change who God is or where He sits. He’s still on the throne, and we can all rest in that when life feels like it’s going to pieces around us.
Time is a good help. It doesn’t fix things – but it gives us enough distance and perspective to step back and see where God is and remember how big He is in the midst of whatever we’re dealing with.
And now you have me singing! (Luckily it’s silently in my head, or there might be a revolt at my house. I’m not exactly known as a good singer. ^_^ ) You’re so right, though, Gail. Despite the sadness of loss, we have joy deep down inside of us, and it comes from the Holy Spirit. I don’t think it’s any accident that 1 Thessalonians 5 says in short order (v. 16-19) to rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all things, and do not quench the Spirit. Whenever I see those verses, I can’t help but think that the not quenching the Spirit is directly tied to our ability to do everything preceding it – including rejoice.
I’m so glad you could stop by and spend part of your day with us, Susan! It is so very hard to watch a loved one suffer, and I understand your sentiment completely. It comes back to that same basic idea that while we’re glad for them, we’re sad for us, and that’s where the mix of sadness and joy come together. Thank you for sharing!
Amen Trixie! God is good and faithful. And you have a completely valid point – there are things in this world we can’t imagine without having experienced it, and they’re usually the sorts of things we hope never to experience. And you’re right – joy takes time. It didn’t come overnight for me, or even really in that first year, but when it did come, it was a choice. I chose to embrace the good God had for me, including joy. I shudder to think if I’d made the other choice, if I’d chosen to nurture my grief rather than God’s goodness.
I miss my mom this time of year her birthday is Dec 4th and we always put up our tree the weekend closest. I have cried so much each year since but God helps me make it throught we were best friends spent every sat together Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Jerilyn, thank you so much for sharing! I can imagine how hard this time of year is for you. The holidays can be hard anywhere when a loved one has passed away, but having a birthday or special anniversary during that time of the year seems to make it so much more intense. I’ll be praying for God to bring you comfort and joy this holiday season.
I believe so. I worked as a nurse and I’ve experienced some deaths that I was sad but at the same time glad. Glad that the patient’s suffering came to an end….It didn’t get any easier but I felt some sort of comfort in believing that.
A person has to have tremendous fortitude to work as a nurse in the sort of setting where they see death over and over again. There’s a verse in Philippians – I think in chapter two – where Paul talks about heaven, and he refers to it as something like “the far better place.” Death becomes easier for us to accept when we know the person was a believer and that they are going to that far better place, a place with no more suffering and no more tears. Thank you for sharing Angela!