I recently read a post on Club 31 Women about having a hot monogamous marriage. She wrote a lot of truth, but one of the things that stuck out for me is this:
The best romances aren’t necessarily as exciting or thrilling (and certainly not fearful) as they make it sound. The best are quietly lived out each day, starting in the morning with a kiss, working and playing, caring for the kids, fixing dinner, and snuggling into each other at the end of the evening.
We like reading the exciting and thrilling in our novels, and as a writer I like to write them too, but reality is far less titillating. We get up, get the kids dressed and fed, and most people get them out the door to school (unless you home school, like me). Often we walk out the door behind them on the way to a day job. We work all day then come home to throw something together to eat, help with home work or do laundry, etc., and maybe try to have a little family time. After all that, we go to bed and start again the next day.
But you know what, if we do it together, it can be exciting. It can be thrilling to be with those we love, doing things that we don’t necessarily like to do. It allows for intimacy.
Let’s look at intimacy for a second. Our society equates intimacy with sex, but that’s not only what intimacy is. One of the definitions at dictionary.com is “a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.”
It’s not about lust. It’s about knowing someone spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and physically. It’s not intimacy without all four areas.
How can you become intimate with your spouse? Connect on all levels–let your spouse see your vulnerabilities, and when he shares his, don’t react negatively. Appreciate that he’s sharing. Truly listen. The Golden Rule applies here–do for your spouse as you would have him do for you.
The blogger at Club 31 Women hits on several things that make love hot in a Christian marriage, i.e. monogamous. Here is the basic list:
- he cherishes her, and she respects him
You can read the full list here. It’s definitely worth the read for any married person, or a single person hoping to get married.
What makes your marriage HOT?
PS. I promised an update on my writing. I don’t have anything specific to share at the moment, but I can tell you this. I hope to get three or four manuscripts published this year, either traditionally or independently. I am working with several other InspyRomance authors to put out a boxed set. Our goal publishing date is July 1, so be on the lookout here for more information. I am also working on a sequel to One Choice, tentatively titled Second Choice. You can always keep up with what’s going on with me at my website www.gingersolomon.com.
Becky Dempsey says
When married life started to feel a little stale, I started holding goodbye and good night kisses just a little bit longer. It started the ball rolling when I didn’t feel like I could do anything big, but it’s grown!
Ginger Solomon says
That’s awesome, Becky. Good for you for taking the first step to making change. :)
Trixi O. says
The respect he always shows me, time spent together (even just a lunch date), playing with the grandbaby (all the smiles & giggles) the way he loves to show me off or brags on me…all these things make me look at him with those love eyes! I know that may not be grandiose to some people, but it makes me fall in love even more & want to please him in every aspect of life. We’ve had a few stolen kisses while doing dishes together or snuggling on the couch while watching a movie…all part of intimacy. It’s connecting as a couple in all the little ways. Yes, we have a great sex life too because of knowing each other outside the bedroom. And we love each other as we are & overlook all those things that can put space between us. Only through God can we accept each other as we are & help each other grow in all areas. I love it when we talk about scripture or go over the weeks sermon. We sometimes even talk about what it must have been like in biblical times, especially walking with Jesus on the dusty streets and seeing Him heal the sick, or teaching the multitudes. Its fun to imagine! So we grow spiritually by all this. I see how faithful he is & it inspires me to more faith too, I see how he relies on God when things get tough & it reminds me of how I need to do that too. We lift each other up & help each other on our walk with Jesus. I think that’s key right there! What a wonderful relationship we have because we make God our center1 Isn’t marriage like that grand?