Lindi here!
We’re talking terms of endearment today. Or should I call them terms of irritation? I’ll tell you what I’m talking about.
Way back in the day, in one of my first critique groups, one of the gals hated it when I used the word baby in dialogue. As in, “I’m here for you, baby,”
Now this dialogue drove her crazy! She always circled the word baby. My term of endearment was her term of irritation.
Honestly, some people just talk that way. They are always using words like honey, baby, sweetheart, darling, and if you’re in the south, sugar. A lot of times it is girls talking to girlfriends, family, and even strangers.
But when we’re talking hero and heroines, those words can be tricky.
On one hand I want to say that alpha heros would be more likely to use endearments. But the other hand thinks beta heros could use them just as easily. If an alpha male calls the heroine baby, honey, it might be in a possessive tone, while the beta would use it in a sensitive way.
Alpha: “You’ll always be mine, baby.”
Beta: “Baby, I can’t live without you.”
I also like to use “nicknames.” My heros often give the heroine relevant nicknames.
Here’s an excerpt from my novel Rich in Hope. Set up required—He’s been running which is why he doesn’t have a shirt on, and she was taking clothes out of a drawer, which happened to be his “intimates” drawer-which is why he tosses his underwear on the counter. Total G novel–promise!!!
“All right, Cheetah.”
He did not just refer to me as animal. “Cheetah?”
“Cheetah. You’re a fast mover.”
He walks to the bathroom door, tosses his underwear on the counter, then makes his way back to the bed. “Let me be of assistance.”
Still trying to take in what has happened and regretting that I acquiesced to his demand I leave, I tap the luggage now zipped shut. “Be my guest.”
With his strength, my luggage slides easily off the bed, landing with a soft thud onto the stone-tiled floor. Then he grabs my bags, totally dispensing with the pull handles, and simply carries them the old-fashioned way.
With well-defined muscles.
Muscles I can’t ignore due to his total lack of upper-body clothing.
Very few situations have the ability to leave me feeling out of control. My scar is one of them.
And Stephen Day, who didn’t even blink at my now less-than-perfect face, is another one.
Yes, I consider Stephen a situation.
How else would you describe a man who hugs lions and calls a woman a cheetah?
Stephen is a wildlife photographer, so nicknaming Jenny, Cheetah, is a natural thing for him to do. It’s in his character.
And keeping in character is the only way a hero calling a heroine, Baby, Honey or a nickname he’s made up will work.
I’d love your thoughts as a reader about this? Do you see these names as terms of endearment or an irritation? Does the use of them bother you or do you read right on by, without being jarred at all.
Anyone who comments will have their name put in a drawing for a copy of the Richness in Faith series. Print or E-version. Winner’s choice.
Thank you for always giving amazing feedback that really helps when writing new stories.
USA Today featured author Lindi Peterson lives in north Georgia, in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains, with her husband and a lively array of cats, dogs and birds. She loves sharing life with her family and friends. Her passion for reading led her to writing, and then God spoke words of love into her heart and changed her life forever.
I personally loathe the term baby, as it sounds demeaning. Other endearments (sweetheart, honey – hon (not hun!)) are far more appealing.
Generally I don’t mind endearments, but I will say women calling one another “girl” or “girlfriend” drives me batty. There are a few situations where I can roll with it – and otherwise maybe once a novel, but if it’s all “girl” this and “oh girlfriend” that? I just know I don’t want to be friends with that character, and that makes it hard for me to keep reading. :)
It really depends who uses it and how its used. I get frustrated at places like the supermarket when they call people names like honey or love it may just their way but it can be quite uncomfortable.
Elizabeth I hate it when someone keeps referring to someone by their name. Like on Dr Phil. Its constantly Dr Phil you must agree or Dr Phil etc. Its almost like they are using it as a way to justify or sell something. Its like telemarketers who constantly use someone’s first name in every statement etc. I feel so uncomfortable and you can feel the strong sell. In a normal conversation we may use someone’s name when we first say hello we don’t keep saying the name all through a conversation.
Hi Lindi- great topic. I’m not sure if it is an Australian thing but I loathe the term ‘baby’ or ‘babe’. To me it is demeaning and lame! Girl/girlfriend are not terms used a lot here, but ‘love’, ‘sweetheart’ ‘darling'(or daaaarrrl as pronounced by some!) are reasonably common and don’t sound as jarring. Nicknames are fun- here in Australia we have a habit of shortening names/giving nicknames.
Blessings:)
Hi Lindi! Love your blog topic and I agree with the first three posts. I cringe at the supermarket when the clerk says “Have a good day dear!” I want to retort “I am not your dear or deer.” Tone has a lot to do with whether a phrase is a term of endearment or irritation. So often terms are used in frustration or anger. As a teen, I vowed to be careful what I say, because for years my mom “called me a little witch.” So early in our marriage when my irritated hubby would call me “woman” with whatever he didn’t like, he quickly learned that got him nowhere. Best wishes.
As long as the nickname or term of endearment is within character, it’s fine. I have definitely read some books where I felt a term of endearment or nickname was used too often or misplaced.
Ah–see? I appreciate you saying this. I do think it only works in exactly right situations. It for sure doesn’t work using it a lot, or in several books. Only certain heros can get away with it. Thank you for sharing!
Elizabeth–Yikes! I’m a “girl” girl. Never a “girlfriend” girl. I do call my friends girl sometimes. But I don’t use it in novels. Never thought of that until now, Thank you for bringing this up. Do you think girl and girlfriend are used a lot in YA? Not sure. I’m in my 50’s and I use girl. I appreciate your insight. Overuse of any term in novels can get overwhelming. I think in my first novel I took out a few, (quite a few) praise God phrases. There were way too many. :)
Ausjenny—Wow–what a great point! You know, I struggle with this in novels sometimes. When I use first and last names, it’s in making a point for sure. Like if the heroine is trying to reiterate something to the hero I might say, “Why, Brett Hamilton, you do like snow cones.” Ha–lame example, but you see what I mean. You can’t do that throughout for sure, it MUST be used sparingly and at a place where it has impact. Thanks for bringing this up. It reminded me of A Star is Born, (which I’m still in recovery mode from) when Bradley Cooper says something along the lines of “Why do people always use your first and last name when you get famous?”
In the south it happens all the time. Darling, and dear and honey.
Wemble—Maybe my critique gas was onto something about the “baby” thing. :) I love that you use nicknames a lot. I’ve done that in a few of my novels. It gives a sense of consistency and can be fun. Blessings!!!
Renate–you are so right about tone. What a great point. And I love the “deer” retort. :) That made me laugh. And I’m glad hubby learned not to call you woman—sometimes guys never get it. Sounds like you have a good one. :)
Renate–you are so right about tone. What a great point. And I love the “deer” retort. :) That made me laugh. And I’m glad hubby learned not to call you woman—sometimes guys never get it. Sounds like you have a good one. :)
Critique gal—not gas!
Stacey–thank you for the feedback. I do think staying within character is key–even then, overuse can be a problem. Always something to check for and keep in mind.
My parents don’t use nicknames for each other so I wasn’t around that growing up and now as an adult it doesn’t come naturally to me to use a nickname or term of endearment for someone. When I come across terms of endearment in a book they do usually stands out to me. However, as long as the term is just sort of sprinkled in and not used in every conversation, it doesn’t really bother me.
Great topic, Lindi, seriously! I do not like babe or baby….it feels demeaning tome, just my humble opinion. I think nick names shouldn’t be so general, like the guy forgets who he is with so everyone is baby, lol. My hubs has called me goofy or goofygirl since we met, maybe because I am a little goofy, lol. It has become our thing though, and he even buys me Goofy stuff from Disney which is a little weird cause that Goofy is a guy, or a dog, or a guy dog, lol,..hmmm
What a great post! To my husband, I’m rarely Julie. I’m Honey, Sweetheart, and yes, even Baby. I don’t mind at all. But, I grew up in a stoic home without endearments, so I can’t return the sentiment verbally. I want to, but it feels so foreign.
I’m almost the same in my writing. I’m probably 2/3 into the romance before I have the hero say something endearing, usually sweetheart. But reading your post, I’ve don’t think the heroine has ever said an endearment. Gah!
This gives me lots to think about!
Using baby, honey, whatever, doesn’t bother me, depending on the context of the sentence it’s used in. If the rest of the comment sounds like an endearment, that’s fine; if the rest of the comment sounds condescending, I don’t like it. The biggest thing I hear that I’m not crazy about is women calling each other Momma. I have one Mom, and, since I have no children, I don’t want to be called Momma by someone else. I’m getting a bit more used to it, but still don’t care for it.
Jessica–thanks for visiting. And yes, if nicknames or endearments are something one is used to, it may not be as jarring to read. :) thank you!
Paula—Funny–I’m sure there are guys who are like “Baby” to every girl they date. Not good! And I love that your husband calls you Goofy. I used to call my husband Goofy. :) I think being goofy is a good thing. It sounds fun!
Julie—Alas–I’ve got a “baby” friend! My husband does not use endearments or nicknames for me. But, I live vicariously through my heros.
Trudy—thank you for your feedback. :) I do know people who call other women, Momma–I haven’t thought that much about it, but I see what you are saying. I can see us all now, giving a quick head turn when we hear these words for the next few days. What about Ma’am? I’m called that a lot!!
This is a good post. I am one of those people that use endearments to most people without thought. Though there are a few that I wont use them on. When reading, it really all depends on how the author writes it all if it comes across as ok or just strange. I worked in a senior home for a while in the independent living dining room. I was careful whom to use my endearments with. Sometimes just by looking at someone or listening to them for a few minutes, I can get a feel if it is ok or not. I would ask if my using dear, etc was ok with them.
Most of the time it was ok. But our dining room manager told all of us servers to not use them at all. I understand, but isn’t it up to the resident? Oh well.
I don’t mind them at all. In fact we here use nicknames and terms of endearment quite a bit so a book feels more “homey” to me with them.
I use terms of endearment in my books as well, but usually they’re from a mother-figure to a younger woman. Ha.
On the other hand, my husband calls me Babe. It’s a funny take on Sunny and Cher’s song “I Got You, Babe.”
It is not in any way derogatory or possessive (not in the mean sense, anyway). Personally, I don’t notice too often when he says it. I’ve just gotten used to it. Now if some other man were to call me a term of endearment–and I don’t care what word he used–he might not see my purse coming (and it’s heavy). :D
We do have to be careful at times. I started calling guys ‘boy’ for a while…not sure why….but let’s just say I got myself into a bad situation once that required an apology. He was understanding and all was well, but I stopped that “term of irritation” after that. Discretion, which is what you have said, is needed for sure. Thank you for the insight.
Dalyn—-love this!! Homey is a good way to feel when reading a book. Thank you for visiting Inspy Romance.
Ginger–first of all, I love that Sonny and Cher song. And I can picture your husband calling you Babe in the most loving way. :) That’s what I strive for in writing when I use a term like that. And relationship has a lot to do with how we receive the words. Nice point!
I don’t have a problem with nicknames or endearments. People use them all the time. If characters don’t, they come across as unrealistic to me. Doesn’t matter what term of endearment they use. All I care about is how they say and mean it. I’ve never found “Baby” to be demeaning or derogatory in any way, any more than sweetheart, love, or any other one I’ve seen or heard used.
The only time I found endearments annoying was when a hero in a novella I read couldn’t seem to pick one, so he ended up using them all. I found myself wondering, one, was he THAT indecisive about what to call the heroine and, two, did he not know her name, since he almost never used it?
Dawn—thank you for your feedback. What a funny story about using them all–I think for that to work, it would have to be mentioned intentionally and made to be a point of the book. That might be fun!! #intentional
I am on the list of those who don’t like nicknames like Babe, Honey, or Sweetie for a romantic interest. It’s just too sappy.
Fun to read these comments! My husband and I don’t use terms of endearment or nicknames – just never have! My two nieces and their husbands all use “babe” with each other, and it just fits (they’re all in their 30s). I have one friend who uses “girlfriend” a lot, and it’s just part of her personality. As someone mentioned above, the people who call me “honey” are usually older women :-) I haven’t gotten upset in reading books with terms of endearment, so I guess I just don’t notice it much.
Susan–thank you for visiting Inspy Romance and weighing in. :)
Margaret—thank you for stopping by Inspy! I find I use the term “darling” a lot when I’m talking with girls that are younger than me. I use that and “Hon.” No one has said anything to me, but they may be annoyed and just not telling me. Ha–I’ll have to watch facial expressions. That might be a giveaway, huh?
For the most part I am not bothered by nicknames. They are sweet terms of endearment.
Linda–Than you. :)
Personally, I don’t mind terms of endearment. When I was younger I didn’t like being called”Miss.” Now I don’t mind “Baby” or “Girl.” Guess I’m one of those girls with the “Gramma faces!”
I love terms of endearment! I think they’re sweet and add a level of intimacy or at least setting. Having lived in the Northwest all my life, I was a little taken aback by how often “honey,” “sweetheart,” and “sugar,” are used down here in the South. But it adds to the culture of the place.
When my husband and I began dating, he asked if he could call me Baby. I had only ever heard it used in that possessive form that macho, alpha males used, and I was offended. So I initially told him no. But after a few weeks, as I saw how well he treated me and as I realized his intent was to have a special name like “dear” or “sweetie” that he could use only for me, I realized that it felt special to me, like I was being treated like a queen. I backtracked and let him call me Baby, and now it’s our special word for both of us, used to show our intimate, special relationship.
Betty—Ha–I’ll call you “girl!” Thank you for stopping by Inspy today!
Lila–I LOVE your story–how special? Sugar is used A LOT in the south. I really like the way you said how once you knew him better, and his intention–and how special he was–then you could handle him using baby. Relationship has a lot to do with all this.
Thank you for stopping by Inspy!
For all following along, I just got off the phone with a gal from my job and she said, “Have a great day, Hon!” I smiled!
Ma’am doesn’t bother me, but maybe that’s because I don’t get called that too much!! I’ve gotten to where I call my Mom Millie if we’re out, cause too many women turn when I say Mom!!
Interesting topic. I think it depends on who is using the endearment. I dislike it when complete strangers such as store clerks or waitresses use those terms.
Trudy—how fun–and what a great idea!! I’ll have to call my mom Jill when we’re out and see what she says. :)
And they do it all the time. I think I’m just used to it. I do agree there should be a sense of relationship which makes it believable.
Honestly I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it in YA (although I haven’t been reading as much of that lately.) I had a 20yo (ish) friend tell me that the girl/girlfriend thing is “old people trying to sound cool”. And I kind of laughed. But it stuck with me and probably contributes (and I remember feeling the same way when I was young and my mom tried to be cool.)
Elizabeth—This made me laugh. :) I’m going to be listening out—and also seeing who exactly I call girl. :)
My Mom doesn’t mind. Since she’s hard of hearing, quite a few around us could hear me calling for her! It was her nickname when she was little.
In reading I don’t mind it. My daughter moved to Tennessee from northern Virginia. Her first year in the south it bugged her when everyone called her sugar , honey, or baby. After a few years she was doing it herself to other people. Doing in home daycare for 3 decades I called the kids baby or pumpkin sometimes. It was easier in the early mornings than calling them the wrong name!
My husband first called me “kid” when we started dating, because I am almost 6 years younger. That annoyed me. Now we call each other “honey,” “babe,” or “love.” We call our son “peanut ” or “pumpkin”. I don’t mind endearment but don’t particularly like the term baby. My mom always called me angel growing up, and still will once in awhile.
Diana–It is something to get used to. :) And yes, I have a friend who called her children Melana–a combination of Melissa, Laura and Anna—they all would answer!!
Mandy–I love that you call each other “love” sometimes. And Angel–how sweet is your mom!! :) Thanks for stopping by and your input.
Lindi how you do it is fine like when I get called Jennifer I know its official or I am in trouble (If its Jennifer Alice Blake then I am in big trouble). My two cats have been given middle names cos they were naughty and it has more impact.
I’m from WV and we call people dear, thank you dear or thank you honey. It just part of our heritage so it might not bother me like it does others.
Hi Lucy! So glad to see you here. :) Certain areas lend to endearments–I love WVa. It’s so beautiful!
For me, the use of terms of endearment are totally determined by the situation, speaker, and tone of the story. Sometimes I dislike them, but other times they don’t bother me at all. I don’t know how to explain the difference, but it has to do with how they sound to me in my head as I read. Baby talk while using a term of endearment is never something I like!
This doesn’t bother Me Thank you for sharing!
I’m a southern girl so I hear terms of endearment all the time. My dad always called me sugars and I call kids things like baby, sweetie, honey, etc. And I do this with some adults I’m close to, as well. So reading such things in books doesn’t bother me at all! As long as it feels natural to the character and situation– otherwise, yes, it grates on my nerves.
I never really thought much of couples coming up with nicknames for each other until I met this guy…. ? Lol He’s constantly coming up with some new thing to call me, usually based on something I’ve said or done, and it’s rather endearing. And it’s given me a new perspective on guys in books who do this, because I used to find it unrealistic and ridiculous.
Melynda–I think I know what you are talking about with the tone. Good point. :)
Sarah–you’re welcome!! Thanks for visiting Inspy.
Aerykah–How fun! Love how your perspective changed when your real life situation changed. That’s cool. ;)