It’s crazy to think about it, but next week, my husband and I will be celebrating our 25th anniversary. I’ve been married for more than half my life, and I’ve known that man for thirty-one years. Sometimes I think I know him better than I know myself. (Shh, don’t tell him I said that, though. He doesn’t much like it when I tell him what he’s going to do or say.)
When it comes to marriage, I’m pretty decent at the day-to-day stuff. I’m good at loving my husband in all the practical ways – praying for him, fixing meals, listening when he talks about work, folding his (and my) laundry, and even playing video games with him. I’m not so great at the big showy stuff, though. I’ve not the hang of those big displays of romance. Which is hysterically funny, right? I am, after all, a romance writer. *hangs head*
So here we are, on the eve of a big anniversary, and I have no idea what to do. I should make some sort of big show about it, right? I mean, is going out to dinner enough? I’d be okay with a good dinner, but remember that part where I said I sometimes know my husband better than I know myself? Yeah…I think he’ll want more than a dinner out. While I’m the showing-love-in-the-day-to-day person, he’s the big-shows-of-romance person. Stereotypical roles stay that the woman is the romantic and the man is emotionally detached. Anybody who’s spent much time around me and my husband knows we don’t readily fit into those roles.
There’s a lot to be said for understanding what love is. Scripture teaches us so much about loving one another, esteeming others higher than ourselves, loving each other sacrificially. That’s kind of the heartbeat of where love is, and there’s plenty of room within that heartbeat for the day-to-day acts of loving someone as well as those bigger shows of romance. When it comes down to it, my husband and I balance each other pretty well, and there isn’t anyone I’d have rather spent the past quarter of a century with.
But…back to the anniversary question.
What do you think? What would you do if it was your anniversary? If you had all the time in the world to plan it and money was no object, how would you celebrate a special anniversary? And don’t say “not leave it to the last minute” – we’ve already established I dropped the ball on this one! 😊
If it was all up to you, what would you consider to be the perfect anniversary?
(One commenter will be randomly selected to win a $5 Amazon gift card. You probably won’t be able to buy your perfect anniversary idea at that price, but I’ll bet you could get a good book…)
Heather Gray loves coffee, God, her family, and laughter – not necessarily in that order! She writes approachable characters who, through the highs and lows of life, find a way to love God, embrace each day, and laugh out loud right along with her. And, yeah, her books almost always have someone who's a coffee addict. Some things just can't be helped. Despite their different lives and situations, Heather’s characters have something in common. They're all flawed...but loved anyway.
I can’t speak from experience. Maybe reenact one of your books scenes with him. I imagine it is about doing something together that show your love and commitment to him. Maybe take the pressure off finding something and write him something, what would you have characters in a similar situation do? My friends parents used to have commitment ceremonies where they recommitted to each other.
I am not sure but I would say spend the day together without electronics. Have a candlelight dinner, look at your wedding pictures together, and see where you want to be or what you want for the next 5 years. You could always go to a B&B for a quick getaway and nice walks together.
Hi Heather! Happy Silver Anniversary! Been married 48 years and have celebrated anniversaries in a variety of ways. I so get you. Also not the one for something big and showy – usually just dinner for two, a card, maybe a gift. Twice for our anniversary we had a dinner cruise – once in a resort town and for our Silver Anniversary in Chicago on Lake Michigan. As a pastor’s family, often celebrated on a shoe string. So made coupon books, during the pandemic did 47 pieces of chocolate with 47 “love quotes.” Or since you are both into gaming – what I did for my grandson’s 16th birthday. A “level achieved cake” of his favorite drinks, snacks and candy. Plus a list of his 16 favorite things. Other ideas: In our area we have a company – that sets romantic picnics at the beach w/ candles, food, and bubbly. Doing the unusual is often the trick. Best wishes.
Happy anniversary!! My parents are about to celebrate their 50th anniversary next month. Neither of my parents are the type to do a big thing for each other, but my mom loves sentimental things. Perhaps something that would remind him of your wedding day/newlywed time?
I honestly have no idea, since I’ve never been married! Honestly, for me, I’d like a nice dinner at really nice restaurant, then I nice walk on the beach or a riverwalk. There’s a restaurant here, when you call to make reservations, will ask if there’s a special occasion. Then, when you arrive, they had you a newly printed menu with “Happy Birthday” or “Happy Anniversary” or whatever the occasion is, with your name(s), and then the menu. You get to keep that as a souvenir of your visit.
Happy Anniversary! Our plans for a trip to England for our 40th in 2020 became a casualty of covid. Instead, we packed up our kayaks, our portable barbecue, and a picnic and spent the day at a small mountain lake enjoying nature, which is something we LOVE to do together. It sure wasn’t what we’d planned, but it was a terrific, memorable day all the same!
Trip to Paris
Happy Anniversary! You have been given some great ideas. I don’t have any suggestions from experience, my husband & I had been together for 28 years but only married for 23 when he passed away. I had always thought a couple’s kids had parties for their parents for those milestone years. That’s the way all of my family had done things through the years. I just made my husband his favorite meal & cake for dessert. He wasn’t much for any type of fanfare and always forgot our anniversary (& birthdays). To be honest even when I did that he didn’t usually figure it was any special day, I was always told I spoiled him too much. Looking back I tend to agree! I think the idea of creating a scene from one of your books and/or writing him a story, poem or a “Why I Love My Husband” tribute to go with a dinner he loves. You would be using your talent to do something special he will have as a keepsake.
I’m not speaking from experience here, but I think spending a night or two away from home, having a nice meal, and doing a special activity would be fun and romantic.
Hi “Happy 25th Anniversary ” I would just plan an evening with my children and their little families and go out to dinner or just plan a dinner at home with food that you order from your favorite restaurant and have it delivered or you go pick it up, now as a gift for the hubby, I would get him something silver. When my in laws celebrated their 25th anniversary, we got them a 1 oz silver Ingot and we got it engraved for them. Whatever you do enjoy and have a Blessed Anniversary, God Bless you both.
Hi, Heather! Oh, I so understand the switch of romantic roles! That’s my Gail and me to a tee. We’ve done trips (we love to travel together), vow renewal, dinners out and even not much at all.
I’d recommend something that fits your hubby’s love language. What speaks most to his heart? Chapman’s classic 5 are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, time and attention and physical affection. In my experience, it can be easier to identify what is NOT the right thing. We are often a combination. SO, what do you know that melts your sweetie’s heart? Doesn’t have to be huge, just aim for the sweet spot and use the resources you have available. (Not all of us can do the Caribbean cruise!)
**Warning: sensitive, romantic souls may consider the following rude and uncouth. It is offered in a spirit of humor and an acknowledgement of God’s good gifts in marriage.
Skip as needed. **
And if none of that works, in the immortal words of James Dobson, show up naked and bring food. :-D
That’s a lovely idea. One year we decided to exchange homemade gifts for Valentine’s Day. My gift to him was a letter telling him all the things I loved about him. I totally forget what he got me, though. Because I’m super romantic like that. ^_^
Sadly, we were moving from our first apartment to our first home several years ago, and we had put a bunch of stuff into storage to help smooth out the transition. Our wedding album was among the stuff in storage – and the storage unit was broken into, and almost everything was stolen. So, no wedding album for us. We do still have the unity candle we used at our wedding ceremony, though, and my husband likes to light that each year on our anniversary. A quick little getaway would be nice, though. Sometimes just a change in scenery makes all the difference.
Thank you, Renate! I LOVE your idea of a dinner cruise. I know there are places around here that do dinner cruises along the Potomac River. I’ll look into that. It might be too late to get a reservation for next week, but that sounds like something we’d both enjoy at some point in the future. There’s something about being out on the water that’s calming, isn’t there? It shuts out all the nonsense of the world and let’s you just focus on the present.
Ha. We were so young (and appropriately broke) when we got married. Our wedding reception was a potluck dinner, and our early married life consisted of figuring out how to make our $20 grocery budget stretch…for two weeks. We ate a LOT of rice in those early years. And our apartment was so small that we had a half-sized stove and a half-sized fridge with the freezer in the fridge – so everything on the top shelf of the fridge was constantly getting frozen. Oh, my. Those were the days. I wouldn’t trade it for anything – it certainly makes for some funny memories – but I’m so glad that’s in our past and not our present. ^_^
That sounds like the neatest thing, Trudy! I can remember when I was little going to birthday dinners with my grandparents. They lived in the Reno area, so celebration dinners were always at a casino restaurant. Whenever they’d tell the waitress it was my birthday, I’d get a fancy piece of cake with a sparkler in it. I love those memories. Sometimes, all it takes is someone to make you feel special for a minute or two, and the whole world seems like a better, happier place. ^_^
Hahahaha! I saw Elizabeth (Maddrey) today, and she was wearing a shirt that said, “Indoorsy.” I could totally relate to that shirt. I have this mental idea that I like camping…but what I really like is sitting on a wooden deck of a house that has indoor plumbing and drinking my coffee as I watch the sunrise. Then, when the sun’s up and it starts to get too warm outside, I like going inside to the air conditioning and looking out through the windows at nature. (On the bright side, my husband thinks he likes camping, too, but his idea of camping is a lot closer to mine than to yours! ^_^ )
Brilliant! (Is this your way of volunteering to foot the bill?) ^_^
I’m so sorry for your loss!
For the first several (probably 20) years we were together, my husband was the one who remembered all the anniversaries, birthdays, and special days. Then something shifted, and we kind of swapped roles. Now I remember those special days, and he kind of forgets. He’s always appreciative of whatever I do, but it always takes him by surprise – in part because he’s used to 20-ish years of me forgetting all the important dates. It’s kind of a running joke with us now.
I do like the “short little getaway” idea. Like I said in a comment a bit of the way up the page – sometimes that change of scenery is all that it takes. It’s fun to just be somewhere different sometimes. It’s not that life changes all that much, but you do get a tiny little bit of a different perspective on things…and a tiny little enjoyable breather from all the daily stresses. ^_^
Thank you, Alicia!
That sounds like a lovely gift that you got for your in-laws! If I was to take a wild guess, I’d say the gift was your idea. Am I right? Our son is 21, and I can’t imagine that it would even occur to him to get us a gift. His girlfriend, maybe – but probably not him. ^_^ (In his defense, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to do something like that when I was his age, either.)
ROFL!
You made m laugh out loud with that last one. Well done! ^_^
My hubby is a words-of-affirmation/gift kind of guy. I’m an acts-of-service/physical-affection gal. I used to tell people that my husband was never sexier than when he was mowing the lawn…without complaining. I said that in a marriage class one time, and one of the guys gave me a funny look and asked what exactly he wears when he’s mowing the lawn. Now I’m wondering if he was thinking along the lines of James Dobson. LOL!
I have to tell you, I went to a friend’s birthday luncheon today, and I mentioned what I told you, and one of the other ladies there said she and her hubby went there for their tenth wedding anniversary, and she still had their menu from that night! They’ve now been married 31 years!
If it was up to me, I think I’d go with planning a trip to a place with beautiful scenery (that could be the beach as well as the mountains or something in between). I’ve heard of other people traveling to the place where they first met each other :). My parents decided on celebrating it in a small gathering with our church.
Congrats on your anniversary, and I hope you both end up enjoying the celebration of this milestone as well as the day-to-day of this journey! ;) God bless!
I have no idea, but maybe a nice dinner and then hanging out together at home. So then you can have the fancy dinner but you can also chill
Spending the day together sounds like the best gift. Happy Anniversary!
Heather you could be my twin, seriously! My husband and I will be celebrating our 25th in April of next year. We are just like you and your husband…I have no clue when it comes to big romantic gifts. My husband is SO much better at giving them. And knowing EXACTLY what to give. I’m no help to you, sorry!
I know one big thing he’d love to do for our 25th anniversary, is to take an Alaskan inner passage cruise. So if money or time was no object, that’s what we’d be doing :-)
Happy anniversary! For the past 15 years or so, we’ve gone to a B&B about an hour away from home, on the coast. Since our anniversary is right after Christmas, and my birthday is 2 weeks later, and since the B&B has a two nights for the cost of one deal after New Year’s, we usually go sometime between our anniversary and my birthday and stay for 2 nights. The B&B is in an old Victorian home with a turret, and the rooms are all decorated with antique furniture. We always pay for one with a gas fireplace.
I think it was either our 30th or 35th anniversary when we got to go back to the area where we’d spent our honeymoon, near a state park with giant sequoia trees. On our honeymoon we’d hiked through the park in the snow, and got to do it again on that anniversary.
Hope you can come up with something simple but special!
Just time together – all the frills don’t matter.
Our anniversary is in February, and we celebrated our 25th anniversary many years ago by going on an Alaskan cruise in late June. Alaska was the only state I had never been to at that point. So now I’ve been to all 50 states. We did another cruise to the Caribbean to celebrate number 35. 45 was this year, and it was pretty low key because of covid.
Happy and Blessed Anniversary 🎂🎈
Happy Anniversary!! When we celebrated our 25th anniversary, we renewed our vows. We also through a party at a shelter house in a park. We had food and music. It was a wonderful day.
I know my friends wanted to do a cruise around Hawaii for an anniversary trip. I think I would like to do that if I was married. Or a cruise somewhere (when its safe) or even a trip somewhere special. Even a weekend away from home maybe at a cottage or a resort where you can be pampered but also spend time alone enjoying good views .
(I know a couple that had some private cooking lessons from a chef I think they learnt to make some sort of chocolate).
Actually, the Dobson comment was part of a discussion about the differences between men and women where physical relationships were concerned. He started the comment talking about how women generally see all of life connected so the list is long and connected in order for a husband to engage his wife emotionally, mentally and physically. Getting a guy’s attention, on the other hand…
If you haven’t gone for a FamilyLife Weekend to Remember, we recommend it very highly. It would really fit the anniversary idea very well. Even if the schedule is such that you can’t go right away, give each of the gift of planning to go. If you are in the DC area, they usually hold them at the Hyatt in Reston, very nice venue.
I’d go for a week back where we had our honeymoon & do some memories plus new things to make new memories!!
I would bring my wife somewhere we have talked about but never went like Niagara Falls & make stops at Wonderland & other exciting places on the way there or home. It would be a great new memory for us!
It is my prayer to one day find someone so I can have an anniversary. But I would say the perfect anniversary would included activities that we both enjoy!
Me and my hubby love to travel and a weekend getaway trip would be perfect!
Happy Anniversary to you both! I think 25 years deserves a nice celebration. Is there a meaningful past date from when you first met that you could recreate? Or you could maybe plan a special day trip or weekend getaway for the two of you to celebrate and enjoy one another’s company. Whatever you choose I hope you both have a wonderful day together!
Thank you, Lincoln! I’ll look into that! (I think I’ve eaten lunch w/ friends at the Hyatt Reston before. It was being renovated at the time. Hm. Maybe that was Dulles. Despite living in the area a decade, I still can’t keep my town names straight!)
What a great idea, Priscila! We met back in high school (though we didn’t start dating till some years later after high school). If we didn’t now live on the other side of the country, I would totally plan a picnic at our old high school. (I’m not sure a cafeteria lunch would be romantic…) ^_^
We used to watch videos of teppanyaki chefs, and we would talk about how we wanted to go somewhere like that sometime. I’m thinking that might be a fun something to do. We’ll see…
Right!? It falls on my hubby’s day off already, but I cleared my schedule so I could spend the day with him. Because those things are important.
I would LOVE an Alaskan cruise! I used to tease my husband by telling him we were going to retire to Alaska. I’m always hot, and the idea of living somewhere with so much snow makes me happy. My husband, on the other hand, is an ice cube year-round, so Alaska is more of a threat than a promise to him. ^_^
It’s those little traditions that bind people together, isn’t it? It’s not that you have to go to the same B&B every year but that you have so many happy memories there that you can’t help but want to go there again. I love stories like that – thank you for sharing!!
Time is, after all, one of our most precious commodities. Thank you, Mary!!
Thank you, Lucy!
Ha! Somewhere else just a comment or two above you, Merrillee, is planning their 25th for next year, and they’re hoping for an inner passage Alaskan cruise. Must be a more popular anniversary gift than I’d realized! ^_^
Vow renewals are beautiful ceremonies. I’ve always enjoyed seeing two people renew, reflect on, and celebrate the vows they made to each other. It sounds lovely!
Cooking lessons sound like fun, but that’s something we’d have to go somewhere to do. We have a teeny tiny kitchen. Any chef who walked in would turn around, walk right back out, and keep on going! I know places that have community cooking lessons, though. That might be a fun thing to do sometime, even if it’s not for our anniversary.
We never actually had a honeymoon. I suppose one of these days, we should plan some sort of nice little getaway and call it our long overdue honeymoon, but honestly, when we have time off, we tend to want to spend it with the people – family and otherwise – that we don’t get to see very often. We’ve done a weekend here and there, but that’s about it. I know that’s not quite traditional, but we were pretty young when we got married, and money for a trip wasn’t in the budget, and then life got busy with work and kids, and we ended up moving far away from family. Balancing all the moving parts sometimes feels like a juggling act. ^_^
That sounds like a great time! There’s something about water that makes every trip worthwhile – whether it’s the beach, water falls, a lake, or even just a river – water makes every destination worth visiting. ^_^
My husband’s days off are during the week – but we could make a mid-week trip just as easily as we could a weekend trip, I think. ^_^
Waiting can be hard, especially in a world where connections with other people seem to be getting harder and harder to come by. God has a plan for you, though, and His love for you is at the heart of His plan. Having said that – I’m praying with you that you find that special someone. ^_^
Thank you, Megan! We started out in Arizona, and then we ended up in Idaho for several years, and now we’re in Virginia. If we still lived in Arizona, we would probably go to a resort that we used to visit there. We used to go there when we were young and didn’t know better. We’d park in the back lot and walk onto the property after sunset. They had beautiful fountains on the property that would be lit up for the night, and we would go sit at the fountains and just enjoy the ambiance. We went back there a few times on special dates after we were married too. There wasn’t anything big or special that happened to make those dates stand out in my mind – but we both enjoyed that place so much and simply had peaceful and happy times there. ^_^
What an amazing list of ideas you’ve been given! (I think I’ll save this link for future reference :- D 😁)
I thought I was the romantic one, and my husband not so. But he was always the one trying to surprise me (and I wreck it because I either guess he’s up to something or *unintentionally* pick a hole in his plan). I tend to be the “writer” – surprise surprise – and write him “love letters” in the cards. We haven’t kept the good habits up lately. But it’ll be 15 years this coming January, so time to get back into the game ♥️♥️♥️.
Can’t wait to hear what you eventually end up doing.