My first romance novel contains no kissing. That poor couple never got to seal the dawning of their happily ever after with true love’s kiss.
I didn’t set out to write a kiss-free book. In the back of my mind, I knew they’d probably have to have that moment, and I was working up to it. But when I got to the point in the story where a kiss could have gone, I balked and settled for a warm hug.
Why did I skip the smooch? It was a combination of several things. Probably a large part of it was because I was so shy about it that I couldn’t bring myself to write a kissing scene. It sounds silly now, but that’s a snapshot of where I was at that point in my writing journey.
Kissing is a big deal for me. The first person I ever kissed was my husband. Our first kiss was a major milestone in our relationship, and I’ve probably carried that into my writing. Kissing is fraught with meaning for my characters.
All the Feels Without the Kissing?
The romance novels that sparked my love for the genre contained very little kissing, or none at all. I’m a huge Grace Livingston Hill fan and got all the swoony feels from her books. I haven’t read her entire catalogue, but the ones I’ve come across are convincing and emotional high stakes love stories, even without kissing scenes.
Modern readers expect some kissing, though, and most contemporary Christian romance I’ve read has the couple kiss at least once. I love it most when kisses are substantial turning points in their relationship, or the crowning moment of the couple’s deeply emotional journey.
Since my first book, I’ve gone beyond my shyness. In my second book, Pushing Past the Pain, I included three — count ‘em, three — on-page kisses. And there’s been lip on lip contact in all my other books. (Last year I wrote a novella with no kiss, but it’s unpublished now because I wasn’t entirely happy with it, for reasons that had nothing to do with the lack of osculation.)
I occasionally wonder whether I should go back and sprinkle a kiss or two into that first book of mine. But I’ve decided to leave it as is. The ebook version of my no-kiss book is free on all retailers if you want to check it out.
If you’re an author, do you find kissing scenes as hard to write as I do? And if you’re a reader, how important is it to have the couple kiss on the page in romance?
I’ll pick two random commenters on Friday June 18 to get an electronic copy of Pushing Past the Pain, my most kissy book.
I write fiction that reflects my Christian faith. I love happy endings, heroes and heroines who discover sometimes hard but always vital truths, and stories that uplift and encourage. My family and I live in the east of England where we enjoy rambling in the countryside, reading good books and making up silly lyrics to our favorite songs.
I know of many Christians who saved their first kiss to the wedding and some couldn’t wait but didn’t kiss till after they were engaged. I actually like that idea too. I admit I did kiss someone one and it felt like kissing a wet fish. I thought if thats what kissing is I am not missing anything.
I don’t find it a problem not to have a kiss in a book. There are other ways to show affection. I also think Just because its no big deal in real life for many doesn’t mean it cant be something special and saved in a book for the engagement or wedding.
Kissing a wet fish? Ha ha! Definitely not magical. Ew!
I absolutely LOVE no-kiss romance novels hahaha my first forays into romance didin t kissing.
Pre-adolescent books like the Chronicles of Narnia did not have kisses (I am talking about the protagonists of book 3) and other fantasy books either, the protagonists were pre-adolescent children so while it was correct to show that they were special to each other or a hug or a kiss on the cheek it was nice (or holding hands) kisses would be too much and my eleven year old self thought romance was cute but kisses share saliva eww xD. The classics Jane Eyre and Jane Austen did not have kisses and much of the anime and manga that I consumed as a teenager either did not have it or just a very chaste kiss at the end (good times).
So I think it is great that there are romance books without kisses, I am 24 years old, I am not a lady from other times and I would love to live in a culture where it is almost no obligation to kiss a boy as soon as we start dating, If there are already young Christians who are tortured by having to wait for marriage, in addition to doing without kisses, it is difficult for them to even consider it.
Also, how much ingenuity does it take to write something where there is romance but without any kisses … I think a lot because the author has to manage to make his/her characters seem in love and not just “friends” without kisses.
Not to mention, I know some guys and girls who want to read romance, but the less “passionate” and the more emotional the relationship the better for them due to matters of purity of mind.
I’m all for variety and giving the story what it needs and what makes sense.
I’m a big fan of kissing (in books and real life ;) ) but I don’t read books looking for the kisses. They have to be natural and make sense for the story — I don’t think I’d like a book where it felt like the author said, “Oh. We need a kiss, let’s put it here.”
In real life, I had friends who had decided they weren’t kissing anyone until they were engaged. So they got engaged very quickly, and were engaged for three years of college. And then broke up with very hard feelings all around. To me it seemed like they would have been better off just kissing and breaking up when they realized they weren’t a good fit (which they did shortly after their engagement. They fought horribly for three years in addition to kissing, but since breaking up involved calling off their engagement l, neither was willing because it was so embarrassing.)
What a challenging topic! I just finished Emma St. Clair’s “Falling For Your Best Friend”. In the story, the heroine is neuroatypical (Asperger’s Syndrome) and has serious problems with sensory input. Even just a kiss for her is a huge deal and is a key point in the emotional conflict of the story. At the other end of the scale is the quick kiss of an established couple (especially married couples) where a kiss is a sign of simple affection as opposed to a moment of opening the door to greater physical intimacy. From a man’s perspective, the level of description is the issue. If the kiss is described as an emotional destination, I’m very comfortable with that. If it is described in terms of physical sensation more than emotional meaning or as the door to greater physical intimacy, I get very uncomfortable. That approaches (but doesn’t necessarily reach) erotica and that is *not* why I read romance, especially inspirational romance.
The book I mentioned is part of a series in which an earlier couple is still present and they are described as doing a lot of kissing and even being eager to marry in order to enjoy physical intimacy. That, however, is all the description there is. That I can deal with. Don’t place me in the mind or body of a main character who is focused on all the physical elements of kissing, please. If I wouldn’t invite a friend over to watch, I don’t want to be the friend watching either!
I’m sure that there are differences, even major ones, in sensitivity on this issue based on personality and experience. For what it’s worth, my perspective is to keep it not bland but definitely lower key.
You make some excellent points, Lilly. I didn’t mention Jane Austen, but I love all her books. Frederick Wentworth’s letter to Anne Elliot is one of my favourite declarations of love in fiction, and there’s no kiss to back it up!
That’s such a sad story, Elizabeth. :-(
“From a man’s perspective, the level of description is the issue. If the kiss is described as an emotional destination, I’m very comfortable with that. If it is described in terms of physical sensation more than emotional meaning or as the door to greater physical intimacy, I get very uncomfortable.”
Such rich food for thought here, Lincoln! I’m actually printing out your comment to stick in my writing journal. That’s where I put all the great stuff I want to remember while I’m writing. It’s so important not to veer into titillation while writing about couples expressing their love. “An emotional destination.” I love that!
I’ve read your first book, Milla, and thinking back, the fact there were no kisses didn’t stand out! So in my book, you did a great job of describing their love without needing a kiss :-)
My husband and I didn’t kiss until we were engaged, but then we had a lot of fun grossing out my little sister :-)
I appreciate authors who can focus on the emotional part rather than the physical part of a relationship.
I have to say, I grew up reading old Harlequin’s, and in some of those, there’s no kiss, and in two there wasn’t even a date!!!! And, though you knew they were getting their HEA, they didn’t even tell each other they loved them!! So, I don’t care if there’s kissing or not. Some scenes seem like they call for one, though.
Ya know what? I read your first book and did NOT have any issues with the no kissing. …real romance can totally take place without it!
If it fits the characters no kissing.
Hi, I think if a book has no kissing in it, it is not missed. Either way, I am fine with a book that doesn’t involve kissing, just a peck on the cheek or the forehead will do. Have a great week and stay safe.
Milla, I think whatever works for the characters and their situation is best. I have books with several kisses, and I have books where there is only one kiss at the end. I’ve never written a book without one, but if the situation called for no kiss that is perfect. I don’t usually have any trouble writing a kissing scene because the scene fits the story so it’s just a part of the writing. I often have more trouble writing transitions than anything else.
Yay! I’m so glad to hear that, Margaret. For sure, writing emotionally satisfying stories without leaning on the physical is something all the InspyRomance authors strive to do.
Hilarious about your little sister! :-D
Kissing scenes are hard to write. I do love reading them, though. I don’t think a romance MUST have a kissing scene, but I agree with you that the kiss needs to mean a lot.
I, too, have only ever kissed my husband.
That reminds me of Phoebe Deane, one of my favourite Grace Livingston Hill romances. I don’t think the couple had a proper “date” either, but what a huge payoff at the end. I’m all for kissing when it enhances an already powerful scene.
Yay! So glad to hear that, Paula.
I completely agree. Shoehorning a kiss where it’s out of character weakens a story.
Thanks, Alicia. I feel like kissing is the cherry on top. It enhances an already great story.
Transitions are super hard for me, too! By the way, your book Second Chance Forgiveness is on my to-be-read list! I’m looking forward to diving in. :-)
I love the way you handle the kissing in your work, Lila.
I haven’t even thought about it! I’m perfectly fine without the kissing scenes if author shows the emotions in the couple’s relationship.
Thanks, Natalya! Good to hear how important the emotional journey is to you. :-)
I enjoy the kissing portion after the couple has known each other for a while. I do not figure it needs to be in the beginning of their relationship. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
It’s a delicate balance, and they can be hard to write, but I feel a book deserves at least one at the end.
I have never really thought about it, so I really couldn’t say. I think it depends on the characters and what is expected of the characters, if that makes sense.
I love reading & writing kissing parts in a book.
Thanks, Debra! God bless you, too.
A sweet kiss at the end can be very satisfying to read!
That makes total sense. For some stories it might be out of character for them to be kissing.
Awesome, Amy! I can’t say I enjoy writing them, but I like to read a well-placed one.
My husband is my first and only kiss, too. And I agree that kisses need to mean something. I work very hard to make sure my characters grow close together in other ways before adding that physical element. I remember how hard it makes it to focus on the other aspects of a relationship when you add any kind of physicality, like a kiss, to it. It’s distracting. And some books have so many kisses that it feels like they build their relationship on how much they like to kiss instead of anything else. There’s got to be a balance. I’m glad there’s so many Christian authors out there who agree.
I enjoy the kissing scenes in books, but only if it fits with what the characters would do and where they are at in their relationship. If its just thrown in because the author thinks its required it may not have the impact it should. I agree with you that it should mean something, and I do think a book can still be really romantic if kissing isn’t involved, but I do enjoy a good kissing book too :) .
I don’t HAVE to have kissing in the books I read. In fact, I’ve read books where there was none and it was just as sweet or the couple simply held hands or hugged and it made me sigh. I think it’s more about engaging the reader’s emotions in the couple. Of course, a kiss at the very end of the book is just a sweet too.
To me, kissing is a balance in a book. You don’t want too much either where the characters are fighting the temptation to go further every time they kiss. That’s definitely not something I want to read about! I understand fighting temptation in a book, I’ve read several, but the author also made it full of grace and showing how the characters fought the temptation or kept each other accountable or turned to God to help them fight it. It’s part of the character growth for me.
I’m sure writing a kissing scene is difficult because you want to keep it balanced within a Christian context. I commend the writers who can do it well :-)
I’m with you 100%, Amy! It takes a lot of hard work to portray that growing emotional connection.
A little well-sprinkled kissing goes a very long way, in my opinion!
Trixi, you hit the nail on the head: “engaging the reader’s emotions in the couple.” That’s what we strive so hard to do. It definitely takes a lot more than a kissing scene or two to achieve that in a story.
I do understand that sometimes it is quite difficult to describe kisses. I myself find the run-up to it difficult to write. I like reading kisses on the page, but when it’s a fun book to read and there are no kisses on the pages themselves I don’t mind either. Thank you for posting this!
Thanks, Marilene!