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If you’re a parent, have you experienced a moment where your kids remind you of your past choices? Humbling, isn’t it?
Last month we were in Upstate NY visiting family and our son brought his girlfriend with him so she could meet his grandmother and see the hills of Upstate NY that we don’t really have in Ohio. The girlfriend fit in immediately and enjoyed all the games and jokes we tend to play when we’re together. At one point, our son bent down to tie his shoe, and in doing so, he looked like he was on one knee, Jokester that he is, he decided to pause and gaze up at his girlfriend.
It looked like he was going to propose.
We laughed because we knew it wasn’t real, but I let him know it was way too soon for them to think about it.
He stood and wasted no time speaking truth. “You and dad were engaged three months to the day you started dating.”
Ouch.
I forgot that part! He hadn’t, and of all things, their three month anniversary was during the NY trip.
Once I recovered from the shock, I reminded our son a few things differed between his father’s proposal and the thought of our son doing the same. One, I was twenty-five, a college graduate, and I had a steady job in my field. I was living on my own. I was marrying someone ten years older who was secure in his career and had a lot of life experience behind him. My son, although much more solid in his faith than we were, is still in college. Just turned twenty-one. She’s younger. Her faith is new. And right or wrong, somehow as the parent it just seems so different.
September 15 is the day Tom proposed to me, way back in 1995. I knew the proposal was coming, I just wasn’t sure when or how he’d pull it off. We lived an hour and a half away from each other, so as soon as he got to town after work, he visited my parents and asked for their permission. My dad was the supervisor for the highway department, so he went to bed early out of habit to wake early and check roads. Tom woke my dad up, only increasing his anxiety. My parents weren’t known for humor, but that night decided to tease Tom with a long pause before agreeing to give a blessing. By the time he got to my apartment, I was with two teen sisters who had special needs to give their dad respite. Tom didn’t care he had an audience, he proposed right in front of them, and my roommate.
Tom and Julie Arduini, 1995
We waited, at my insistence, to marry until August 31 of the next year. Because the proposal happened so quickly, I wanted to take that time to really plan and get to know each other better. I was also nervous, not knowing at the time the Lord had a lot of healing in mind when it came to trust.
In my writing, my proposals have varied in time. I won’t say too much in case you haven’t read Entrusted/Entangled/Engaged, or the stand-alones, Match Made in Heaven, and the November re-release of Restoring Christmas, but one courtship was pretty fast. Another dragged on a bit, one character more than willing, the other making it difficult for the engagement to take place. The others I believe dating went on for bit before a proposal. Just like real life, a little variety.
If you’re married, how long before your proposal? Married or not, what are your favorite proposals in reading? A quick courtship and fast proposal? A longer season of dating before a proposal?
I thought since this is my proposal anniversary month, I’d celebrate with a giveaway. I’ll choose one winner to receive Match Made in Heaven. US winner can choose print or eBook. International winner will receive eBook through Amazon.
Julie Arduini loves to encourage readers to surrender the good, the bad, and ---maybe one day---the chocolate. She’s the author of ENTRUSTED: Surrendering the Present, as well as ENTANGLED: Surrendering the Past. The last book in the series, ENGAGED: Surrendering the Future, is coming soon. She also shares her story in the infertility devotional, A WALK IN THE VALLEY. She also blogs every other Wednesday for Christians Read. She resides in Ohio with her husband, two children, and chocolate stash. Learn more by visiting her at http://juliearduini.com.
Hi Julie. My husband and I went out for 3 years before he proposed. We were in no hurry- we were both studying at university and I was adamant that I wanted to graduate before getting married. I knew pretty early on that he was the one but we enjoyed our time together as part of a larger group of great friends. He proposed at the beginning of our final year and we married just after graduation. So, I probably resonate more with the longer courtship then proposal/marriage in stories.
Blessings:)
I’m not married but will mention mum and dads story. It was towards the end of the war and Mum was leading Christian Endeavor this day and was a new Christian. This man walked in who she only knew from praying for him in the war. From what I gather in her eyes it was love at first sight and I think it was similar for Dad. Not sure what month it was. But New Years Eve someone asked mum who was taking her home and she instantly said Jack is, Aren’t you. That was the start of their romance. by April they were engaged and married the following April. Mum was 26 at the time dad 36.
I think it can depend on the couple. some are more mature younger where as many in their late teens early 20’s still have a lot of growing to do.
We got engaged 6 months after we started dating. I had been out on my own for 4 years. I realize now I should have stuck with my belief that I would not marry someone who had not lived on their own. We had 17 years until he found someone else he worked with at a new job.
Hi Julie! We dated 3 years before he popped the question. Really at my sister’s insistence! Because she said he was just leading me on and would never propose. LOL We have been married 31 years! I like to see quick proposals in books.
I don’t remember my husband proposing. We married about 7 months after we started dating. It seems we both just knew we’d be getting married and it was just a matter of when not if. We celebrate 30 years next April.
Thanks for sharing your (and your son’s) story. My husband and I got engaged 3 months after dating and were married 7 months after that. But we had known each other and were friends for 3 years prior to our dating relationship. We were both in our late 20s when we got married but I feel like we were still very young and immature… I guess hindsight does that 😜
Hi Julie! Thanks for sharing your story. I could identify having 3 sons, two are married. My oldest has been married 19 years, and my middle son 9 years. Both boys knew their spouses for several years before they dated and my sons proposed. My oldest knew his wife since they were 12 – we attended the same church. My husband was the pastor and married them. Hubby and I met in college at a church College and Career group we both attended. He was a young Christian. I am a year older and we dated 18 months before he proposed, since we were living in different towns. The day I headed for my first teaching job 300 miles away he proposed. We were engaged 9 months so he could finish college and I could finish my teaching contract. We have been married for 46 years. If the chemistry is right, most couples know soon whether they want a long term relationship. There are other circumstances that delay the engagement and wedding – distance, past wounds, education, career options, or money. Not sure I have any favorite proposals in reading. Best wishes and enjoy your weekend. Fall is in the air in Michigan.
We got engaged about two years after we started dating. It wasn’t a formal proposal. We just knew and asked my parents before they left on vacation if he could buy the ring. We just celebrated our 50th Anniversary!
That makes a lot of sense! Thanks, Wimbledon! Have a great weekend!
My hubs proposed to me one year to the day we met, then we married three years later on the anniversary of the day we met.
Now my parents was a whole different story. My dad proposed on their first date, just a week after they met! And they were married less then four months after that….wowser.
My husband took forever to propose. We were together as boyfriend/girlfriend for two years before he popped the question. I was 28, and not a fan of waiting that long. I wanted to have kids. If he was going to wait any longer I was going to have to end things. I’m the kind of girl who knew the night I met him that he was the one. Two years of waiting for him to figure that out was torture. Because of this, I don’t have any problem with characters proposing “early.” When you know, you know.
Ausjenny, this reads like a beautiful IR! I love it. I agree with you, I think it depends on the couple and their maturity level. Thanks for reading!
It’s funny that you bring this up! I’m single, and I was just telling Mom yesterday that if I think Mr. Right has come along, we’ll have to wait until we go through our first hurricane together. Not just the season, but an actual have-to-prepare-for-the-worst storm. In books, I like the proposal to wait awhile, unless, of course, it’s a mail order bride one!!
Lori, I’m sorry it did not work out. I was pretty new on my own, but my husband had basically lived an entire life when we met. It definitely was an adjustment. Blessings to you, Lori.
Michelle,
God bless sisters! That’s awesome you have 31 years together and counting. Quick proposals are fun to write. I love reading those as well.
My husband popped the question 6 months and a few days after our first date on Valentine’s Day. We started talking about marriage by the time we had dated 3 months, near Graduation. We were engaged for 9 months before we got married. We were both Seniors in college, 23 years old. I always thought I would be a slow-mover, as I’m usually very indecisive. But I knew He was the one God had for me. When you know, you know.
On the other hand, we had known each other as friends for at least a year before we dated. I prefer to read romances that build on friendships, too. I don’t like whirlwind romances, especially if the relationship starts with one of the couple disliking the other. It has to feel real and believable and based on more than physical attraction.
I based my contemporary Christian romance series on my relationship with my husband, though I started right off with the beginning of romantic feelings.
Sherri, that’s fun as well! I don’t know if I’ve read a romance with that aspect. Interesting for sure. Congrats to you both for your upcoming milestone!
MJSH, I think when it comes to marriage, none of us are ready or mature enough, LOL. I’m so glad you shared your story!
These are beautiful stories. Your engagement story reminds me of the TV show Little House on the Prairie when Laura started teaching. One of my favorite episodes. Thanks so much for reading, and enjoy that Michigan fall air!
Paula,
That’s so interesting that you were engaged and married on “exact days.” Wow about your parents! I think I’ve read that kind of story before and it’s always fascinating because it’s usually ripe with conflict! Thanks for sharing, Paula Marie!
Nicole, you are like my husband. He knew and if it weren’t for my cold feet, I think he would have proposed sooner than he did. I’m so glad your husband finally asked! Have a great weekend!
Trudy,
I don’t love hurricanes, but I do love those hurricane inspired romances. Oh, mail order bride romances are fun as well. I pray when God sends your intended along, you outlast all physical and spiritual storms. Have a blessed weekend!
Lila, I’ve heard proposals like yours from a lot of people in ministry. You’re the second to say “when you know, you know.” It really is true. I confess, Entrusted is based on one disliking the other, but I really enjoyed the evolution the two went through. That’s great that you were able to put your story into fiction!
Hi. My husband and I are high school sweethearts but waited until my last year in college to get engaged and married one month after graduation. It dawned on me recently that my oldest granddaughter is almost the same age I was when I first went to football games with my date who became my husband. I don’t think my son, her father, has thought of that yet. Poor date if he does because he’s a police officer and a loving but guarding father
It’s so funny you post this now. We knew after about 7 months we wanted to get married, but had been dating 18 months before he proposed. We knew each other a little over a year before we dated. Even though we met on a dating site, we decided to be friends. Meanwhile, my roommate has been dating a guy a month that wants to propose to her already & I’m so freaked out! There are issues I worry about (like how recent his divorce is & whether he just wants a replacement), but also how much he has actually thought about it & values the commitment. But they are both in their 30s with good jobs. Maybe he just knows.
We dated 4 months before being engaged and then married 6 months later. We were both supporting ourselves and in a career. I was 25 my husband was 35. We’ve been married 39 years and going strong. We’re enjoying retirement near kids and grand kids.
What a wonderful story! My husband and I were both loners, preferring the quiet of our rooms in our parents’ homes. He was 22, I was just shy of 20, when we met–a blind date set up by my oldest sister and his youngest sister (who babysat my nephews). It was a triple date, with my sister and her then-husband, his parents (yes, I met them at the same time I met him!), and the two of us. It was Groundhog Day, 1979, so there was snow on the roads on our way to Kodak and their bowling alley (yep, Rochester, NY, the birthplace of Eastman Kodak). We hardly spoke to each other, although he did buy me a can of pop out of the vending machine.
We both thought late that night that we had blown it. It was a Friday night, so I spent the night at my sister’s–kitty-corner across the street from his family’s house. I ended up staying overnight Saturday, too, after he and I met up outside. He came in to share pizza with all of us, and we all watched tv, too. By the end of the evening, we were finishing each other’s sentences. :)
The first time we spoke on the phone at home, we talked for hours. On our 6-month anniversary, August 2nd, he proposed. On December 1st, one day shy of knowing each other for 10 months, we were married. This year will be our 40th anniversary. :)
Now our kids… Our daughter met her husband right away in college in 2002 and married him 4 years later in October 2006. Lots of circumstances surrounding that one! Our son met his wife at church, probably in early 2003. They started dating in October 2005 (he was 19, she was 17), were engaged in early 2007, and married April 2008. Each of our kids has three kids of their own, too, and all are very involved in their churches–a blessing and a miracle since they were not raised in a Christian home (neither was I).
I love proposals, no matter what the circumstances! As long as there is a Happily Ever After. (My own parents’ was not a HEA, although they were married for 63 years before she passed first. Supposedly they were engaged 3 days after meeting, married less than a month later, and just days afterwards, he told her he regretted it. They had 7 kids together, but we have a half-brother who is only 6 months older than I am. Some of this info only came to light after both of my parents had passed. Maybe this is why I love HEA endings so much…)
Blessings,
Melanie
Thank you for sharing. My mom was married 10 days after turning 17 and they have been married 72 years.
My husband and I have been married 33 years. He proposed to me 8 months after we started dating. We were married 4 months later. For me, I like to read about quick proposals but they arent for me. I needed a little more time.
I tease my husband that it took him a LONG time to propose. We were in our late 30s/early 40’s, neither had been married before, and we were both secure in our jobs so I didn’t see any reason to wait, but we dated for a year and a half before he proposed. We had hung out in a group for a year, then “pre-dated” for a few months before the year and a half actually started… I prefer a year or so of dating in books, rather than a super quick engagement unless that is somehow integral to the story.
I love it, Paula! What a beautiful story. Congratulations!
Beth, it is surreal to look at your offspring and remember our stories. The policeman father also makes for a great romance—at least for readers, maybe not so fun for the daughters. :)
I love your story, Elizabeth, even if it didn’t end up being your beloved Adam Levine, LOL. I am so happy for you, and I pray everything works out for your roomie. That’s a tough situation.
That’s great, Diana! Your story sounds a lot like ours. It’s encouraging to know you’re at year 39. We just celebrated 23! Blessings to you.
wow 3 months is crazy fast. I met a very young couple at church long ago who married after 6 months. I have known a number of others who married very quickly who were formerly divorced. It happens.
Aug 31st is my parents’ wedding anniversary!
My then boyfriend and I in ’05 began dating and within 6 months we joked about what would it look like if he asked me to marry him. We talked and slowed way down. I just happened to listen to various podcasts and whatnot and sermons on dating (like not even on purpose. It just happened lol) and took all their advice. Waiting was best. After a year, we really really knew we wanted to get married but we were both still in our 2nd year of college. He proposed at the end of 06 and we waited a year and a half and possibly should’ve waited longer but that is a long engagement lol.
It was good for me to wait because between his proposal and marriage, was the first time I lived on my own. It was definitely a good thing for me to have done that. And now here we are, 11 years later :D
Wow, Melanie! With your story, it’s funny because at the time Tom lived in Rochester. I graduated from Geneseo and was certain my future was in Rochester, but God had different plans. Small world. As for your parents, wow. I can see why you love the HEA. God bless you and your siblings.
Wow, Lucy! Your parents are a testimony. God bless them!
Bernice,
That’s why fiction is fun. You can read about quick proposals and their conflict and romance, but it doesn’t have to be your story. Happy reading!
Ellie, you were a patient woman!
I enjoy longer dating before proposals as well.
I appreciate you reading!
Sara Beth, congrats to your parents on their recent anniversary. I understand the waiting, I’m glad I lived on my own as well. It helped me mature. Have a blessed weekend!
My husband and I dated 5 years before he proposed. He was annoyed my parents were making jokes about how long it was taking and telling him to go ahead and propose. I thought it was funny. He didn’t… but we were in college when we started dating then we both got our masters and then he knew I wanted to get a PhD abroad and we were at odds about that (usually it takes 3 years in Europe and 5 years in the US). He proposed a couple of weeks before I left for the US (without him). We agreed I’d try out for a year. If It was a good fit, he’ll consider quitting his job and moving. Or I’d come back and finish the degree here. We got married 13 months after right before the beginning of my 2nd year in grad school.
I met my husband the second week of college, and he proposed Jan 19 of the next year. But we waited another three years to marry so we could finish college. It was not easy, but I think we made a good choice. By waiting, we both had jobs, and our level of trust in each other had grown. Still, he proposed only four months after we started dating.
My husband and I dated 10 months before getting engaged, but our engagement was only 20 weeks long. We were both in our mid to late 20s, established, and just didn’t want a long engagement. We’re 13.5 years into it so far!
Building a true friendship first is the best.
Julie, congratulations on your anniversary!
We’ve started dating June 28, he proposed November 28 (Thanksgiving) and we’ve got married in February 😊
And we’ve been married for 16 years!
What I prefer?! I don’t know…not too long and not too short, but it really depends on a person.
Hi, Julie! I’m not married, but I sure do love to read proposal stories, both real and fictional! Grace Restored by Toni Shiloh has my favorite fictional proposal! No need to enter me in the giveaway, I already own a copy of Match Made in Heaven and I look forward to reading it! 😊
All but 2 of your list apply to central Alabama, Whataburger has been in our area for only about 10 years. Closest Whataburger to me is 35 miles. Also the last comment you had is not common in my area, as far as I know.
Love the one about snow, that is do true for us.
Also tornado warning will shut down a lot of businesses. I live in “tornado alley “. In 2011, I think that was the year, tornado came through and almost took our barn and did damage to our house. Took roof and metal siding from 1/2 of barn. Thankfully insurance is good and took care of most of expenses repairing the house and barn.
But I am content here and so Proud to be Alabama born and raised.
Thought of 1 other thing different in Alabama, you are either an Alabama fan or Auburn fan. I am Auburn.
I forgot to say Dad had wanted to ask mum out but was scared she would say no.
Neither of my marriages worked out and I figured out I’m better off single. I don’t know which way is best really. My mom had short relationships before proposals and short periods before weddings and they lasted for long times. The second one only ended when my dad passed away. Sometimes I think the engagements go on for ridiculous periods of time and these days a lot of them are really a joke. They are more like what was in the past “going together” and not meant to actually lead to marriage. At least in the celebrity world anyway.