We’ve been talking about kissing.
I know, I know. It’s a scandalous topic.
But it’s something most of us do, and as romance readers it’s something that crosses our page at least occasionally.
In May I shared Rylie and Zach’s first kiss from An Informal Christmas and in June I showed you the kissing advice Holden received an An Informal Arrangement.
Now it’s time to talk about book three in the Informal Romance series.
The thing about Christian romance is that we want it to be both romantic…and Christian. We don’t want torrid bodice-ripping kisses. We want emotionally powerful kisses that move us, but we don’t generally want our characters to behave in a way that makes us want to avert our eyes. At least, not without consequences or some sort of repentance to follow.
In modern relationships, though, that line between romance and faith is a tricky one. People struggle with physical attraction all the time, but it’s not something that people often talk about or admit to. And let’s face it. Once you’re married, temptation isn’t a discussion that takes up a lot of time at your dinner table. Until you have teenagers. Although, in all fairness, those conversations probably don’t take place at the dinner table. :)
It’s no wonder that in centuries past single men and women weren’t allowed to be together without a chaperone. Because people knew that men and women left on their own would face temptation…and that not all of them would be strong enough to resist it.
Because I think temptation is a real issue faced in today’s world, I try to incorporate it into my books in a way that is real and authentic. Here’s a peek at Caleb and Lily and one of their struggles with temptation. I’m cutting into the middle of a scene, so just for clarification – Lily is the one talking, and they’re having a discussion about Bernice and Gertrude, two of Caleb’s mom’s friends.
****
“According to Gertrude, you’re perfect marriage material. She thinks you’re loyal and hardworking. Oh, and she finds men in uniform sexy. You might want to watch out for her. I think she has designs on you.”
“They’re my mom’s friends.” He winced. “They mean well, but…”
Lily waved his explanation away. “Don’t worry about it. I have family, too. But I’m telling you, be on guard where Gertrude’s concerned. I’m pretty sure she’s waiting for an opportunity to lock lips with you.”
As soon as the words came out, she regretted them. Her mind was once again filled with thoughts of the kiss they’d shared not too long ago. The way Caleb stared at her mouth, it was a pretty good bet his mind had gone to the exact same place.
“I, uh…” She should go back outside. She should escape before it was too late, not throw herself into his arms and show him how much she’d enjoyed their earlier kiss. Lightning continued to sizzle its way through all her nerve endings.
Caleb took two strides and stood right in front of her. “I’m not sure I can wait for you to decide.” His mouth descended on hers.
A torrent of flame roared through her veins. She should step away. They were alone, and alone was proving a dangerous place for them to be. Lily didn’t pull back, though. Instead, she leaned into him and reached up with her hands. His corded muscles bunched as she laid her fingers against his chest then slid them up to circle his neck.
A guttural sound from deep in his throat filled her senses seconds before the squeaky swish of the back patio door penetrated the fog. “Caleb? Lily? Are you in here? You should grab your plates. Otherwise, the ribs…” Mrs. Graham walked into the room and found the two with at least five paces separating them.
If Mrs. Graham’s face was any indication, she wasn’t fooled by the distance or the way Lily and Caleb avoided looking at each other.
“…Uh, sorry to interrupt. You, uh… You ought to get your ribs before they turn cold. Take your time, though!” She backed out of the living room, waving her hands in front of her. “No hurry. Ribs can always reheat!”
The patio door opened and closed again.
“We need to stop doing that.” Lily didn’t recognize her own voice. Stop? That was the last thing she wanted, which was exactly why they needed to.
Caleb bowed his head, swallowed, and stared at his cowboy boots. “That might be easier said than done.”
She couldn’t agree more. “Let’s go grab our plates.”
He swallowed again. His lips parted as though he intended to speak, but then he closed his mouth. It was too late, though. Her eyes had found their focus.
She blamed him. Those tempting lips of his were far too appealing.
Lily glanced from Caleb to the arch leading out of the living room. Every cell in her body screamed for her to step closer to him and touch him again, but the voice that whispered from deep in her soul would not be drowned out.
She didn’t want to leave him, but knowing it was the wiser choice, she stepped toward the arch. “I’ll see you outside?”
****
If you want to take a peek at Caleb and Lily’s first kiss…or their second kiss…you can buy the book here or enter the giveaway below to win a free e-book copy.
GIVEAWAY: Enter to win a complimentary e-book copy of An Informal Introduction. To enter, comment below with an answer to one or both of the following questions.
- Do you think Christian romance novels accurately portray the struggle of temptation that men and women face in today’s world?
- In your opinion, is temptation stronger today than in generations past?
Comments are always welcome, but the giveaway will close at midnight on the night of August 1st. The winner will be announced in the August 7th Sunday Edition right here on the blog.
Heather Gray loves coffee, God, her family, and laughter – not necessarily in that order! She writes approachable characters who, through the highs and lows of life, find a way to love God, embrace each day, and laugh out loud right along with her. And, yeah, her books almost always have someone who's a coffee addict. Some things just can't be helped. Despite their different lives and situations, Heather’s characters have something in common. They're all flawed...but loved anyway.
Great questions, Heather. I’ll be interested to see the reader’s answers. Thanks for sharing your excerpt…I enjoyed it!
HI:) I enjoyed this story, and not just because my oldest son shares a name with the Hero:) I do think that temptation is portrayed accurately in many Christian romance books, there are always exceptions of course, but I am impressed with the topics that authors are willing to tackle in a God honouring manner. To do otherwise would deny the reality of life. As for temptation being stronger today- not sure. Any couple attracted to each other are going to feel temptation, but with chaperones etc. of the past, maybe it was harder to act upon?
In today’s world, young people face more temptations because they have opportunities to be alone and have more resources for obtaining the wrong information on the Internet. Many inspirational writers do an excellent job portraying temptations young people face today. As parents and grandparent we need to be diligent and have open discussions about these temptations with our children and grandchildren.
Since there were shotgun weddings back in the day, I’m guessing temptation has always been there. :) I think what’s harder today is that there used to be a sense of taboo and shame that went along with coloring outside of God’s lines, but now it’s an accepted pat for the course and people who do resist temptation are the weirdos. And since it’s not a big deal culturally anymore, we’re inundated with images and stories that are so far beyond what we should have to face in a daily basis that it’s easier to push the line a little closer and a little closer until suddenly we’ve sinned and never noticed how we got there.
I have a feeling you’re asking some tricky questions. Why? Because of course Christian romance novels need to portray the struggle of temptation, but it takes a good author to accurately portray any emotion regardless of genre. This blog is biased with good authors. ;)
Now I also can’t knowingly talk about temptation in past generations, but I’m pretty sure today people actually talk more about issues that have always existed but were not open topics. So in my opinion talking actually helps acknowledge feelings that were repressed and (I’m guessing) sometimes hard to even name.
Man, I was gonna come say something intelligent, but everyone else beat me to it! I agree with what everyone has said so far.
I think temptation is the same as it’s been in the past. The morals of society change but the standards God sets remain the same. I love to see a relationship depicted through words temptations and all.
I”m sure temptation has remained the same, but the pressure is greater due to our society’s obsession with sex. Mainstream media jeers at any suggestion of purity and shoves explicit sex in our faces at every turn. Why would anyone resist unless they believed God is worth honoring, that He knows what is best for us?
Love your writing voice, Heather!
Hi. Heather! I love kisses, but even more, I personally enjoy reading (and writing) about the flirty banter and the building tension leading up to THE KISS. :) Thanks for sharing the fun excerpt (and I have a Caleb in my newest Lewis Legacy release…great hero name). I’ll need to pick up your book now. Blessings!
I think temptation has always been there. I think the social mores have changed, so that it’s not seen in the same light as it used to be. It’s more acceptable and pretty much pushed on us from the media, advertising, etc. that is everywhere today. Thanks for the thoughtful post!
Thanks for stopping by Jill! I’m interested, too. Here’s hoping lots of people answer! :)
Great minds think alike! (And I’ll bet your oldest son is a hero in his own right!) ^_^
I know families today that still use that chaperone model for their teenagers. They don’t permit alone-together dating. It’s either in a group, or there has to be a responsible adult present. Their reasoning seems to be pretty much what you said – they don’t want their children to have the opportunity to act on the temptation or to give in to an impulsive decision that could have a lifelong affect on them. Excellent point!
So glad you could stop by today Renate! I agree. I think it’s a parental imperative to have those uncomfortable conversations with our children. The more we parents tackle those topics, the less uncomfortable they become for everyone involved. That’s important if we all want our children to be comfortable discussing the uncomfortable things with us. Great point!
Well said Elizabeth! We do live in a world where doing things God’s way is seen as strange and weird by unbelievers – and sometimes even by our fellow believers. Modesty has become an ugly word for both men and women. What was once scandalous is now mainstream – in fashion, music, media, and more. As a society we push the line further and further every day. It’s not always easy for Christians to differentiate between where the line is and where it should be, especially if we allow secular media (rather than God’s word) inform our choices and decisions. (Hm. I didn’t realize I had a soap box here, but apparently I do.)
I think that many Christian romance novels fail to address the issue of temptation. The author may only include appropriate kisses in the book, but the characters don’t seem to communicate why they only kiss, how they’ll avoid tempting situations, or show examples of being tempted, but walking away before going farther than is appropriate. Some do, but I haven’t come across many.
Wow Priscila – that’s an excellent point! You’re right – we do talk about these topics more in today’s world than we probably did in generations past. I know I’m always looking for teachable moments that allow me to broach challenging subjects with my teenager. While we don’t want to endorse sin, I think it’s vital for our churches to have open and transparent conversations about a lot of subjects that have been taboo in church in past generations. Unfortunately, I think fear of judgment often stops people from asking the questions that are weighing on them.
Agreeing with smart people is always intelligent! ^_^
You raise an interesting point. Morality is a manmade construct, and as such, it’s subjective and changes from one minute to the next. God’s standard, though, is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I wonder if we might too often try to live up to God’s standard on our own. When we do that, it seems that we fail more often than not. When we rely on God and on the power of the Holy Spirit for our strength, that’s when we actually have a fighting chance. God doesn’t set an impossible standard and then leave us alone to flounder. He sets the standard, and He’s there to help us reach it. We just too often forget to rely on Him for that help.
Thanks for stopping by Valerie – and for the compliment! :)
I thought mainstream media was bad back in the day when music videos became big and people started wearing less and less clothes in front of the camera. I had no idea, though, how bad things could get. As someone pointed out earlier, the internet is a game-changer when it comes to temptation. The things that society wants, the things it lusts after, are available anytime 24/7 on their phones or any other electronic device they have. The accessibility of explicit material is mindboggling.
So glad you could stop by today JoAnn! You’re right – it’s a great name! :) And the fun, flirty banter – LOVE that! I once finished a manuscript and didn’t realize until I was in editing that I never had the hero and heroine kiss. I’d gotten so caught up in their banter that I’d forgotten to ever bring them to the point of actually kissing. Talk about a funny moment! I’m pretty sure having your characters kiss is one of the top ten requirements for a romance novel. Needless to say, I went back and fixed that. On the upside, all that flirty banter I’d already put into the manuscript ended up being a fantastic buildup to the kiss. :)
Thank you for stopping by today Winnie! We live in a part of the country where we can’t pick up any local channels on our antenna, and we don’t have cable. So when I watch TV, it’s usually via an online streaming company or something like that. The point is – I don’t see commercials. When I need to travel, though, I stay in a hotel, and as we all know – they come with cable TV. Even when I’m just watching the normal mainstream channels, I’m shocked at what I see in commercials. It’s only been two years since we lost the ability to get local channels, and I can’t figure it out – either the commercials have gotten much racier in the last two years, or being away from them has made me even more sensitive to them. I suppose it’s the opposite of desensitization. Now when I have to stay in a hotel and I turn the TV on, I find myself surfing channels just to avoid the commercials…which is sad. I remember when commercials use to be truly entertaining. Now they’re just…shocking. I’m sure there are still some good ones out there, but I don’t seem to ever catch those ones.
Question 2.
I dont believe it is a matter of being “more tempted”. Rather, we live in a time where consequences have been removed. Sure, we still live with our choices eternally/internally.
However, those choices don’t have the level of shame they once had. They are often celebrated as “the right choice” for you, or the time.
It wasn’t all that long ago in the scheme of things, when you might have been forced into a marriage, or even disowned for the same choices. Sometimes for less than a bad choice.
So, no, I guess I believe that temptation hasn’t changed. It has rather been made easier to ignore the out come.
Rae
Melynda, thank you for visiting the blog today! I’ve read many Christian romance novels that completely sidestep the topic of temptation, that paint the characters as more or less “perfect saints” who wouldn’t ever do anything wrong. Unfortunately, that’s not reflective of anybody that I know. We all have faults and failings. We all make mistakes. I hope that as Christian fiction continues to grow, more and more authors will embrace the reality that Christians want to read about characters they can relate to, characters that struggle – whether it’s in the area of temptation, anger, or something else entirely – and that ultimately find redemption for those struggles in Christ. I see the genre moving in that direction, and we have some wonderful authors here at Inspy Romance who have embraced this reality. I’m so glad you took the time to share your opinion. None of us wants to read plastic-perfect characters or whitewashed situations – I couldn’t agree with you more about that!
Well said, Rae! I would say the same thought process applies to many issues beyond just sexual temptation. We’ve removed the cultural consequences for so many different aspects of life and God’s law that people generally feel free to do as they see fit regardless of what God says. I think, too, that as a society, we tend to care more about what our friends think than what God says. We can spend hours on social media asking a questing and pouring through all of our friends answers/opinions, but we rarely invest that same amount of time in searching scripture for the best advice we could get.
Thank you for stopping by today – I’m glad you did! :)
I definitely agree that although some topics have been more open today, there are still many that fear talking about them. Working with teens (even outside church), one of our struggles has been to get the parents to agree to let us talk about taboo topics–that’s where a lot of judgment and fear come from.
I think that temptation is different depending on the circumstances. And I think that some authors do a pretty good job of addressing the issues of temptation. JoAnn Durgin does an excellent job of addressing the issue In several of the Lewis Legacy books. However I’ve seen authors who have couples innocently spend the night together without being tempted. That’s unrealistic at the very least. I believe that makes it look like Christians aren’t human. As the mother of 8, 3 of which are involved in serous dating relationships, I address this subject often. Kissing is not a hobby or something to be taken lightly. Kissing is teetering on the brink of danger. All young people should make it their goal to kiss as few people as possible.
I think that there are many Christian romance novels that pretty accurately portray the temptation. Some, of course, downplay it, but most of the ones I have read show at least a little of the temptation that is involved and I appreciate that. Reading a novel with two people in it who are great at resisting the temptation or don’t acknowledge that the temptation is there just doesn’t come across as real. I don’t think that the temptation is any stronger today than in the past. You can read the Bible to know that temptation like this has been around since the beginning and I don’t think it’s changed much other than now we live in a society that often encourages you to go with what feels good instead of exhibiting restraint and waiting for more until after marriage. But the fact remains that the temptation has always been there.
I completely agree with you about the necessity to talk about topics like this with children and teenagers (on an age appropriate level, of course). This is something my husband have endeavored to do with our children. We want them to hear about things like sex from us, not the world. If we don’t talk about it and make sure they know we want them to talk to us about it, that it’s okay to talk about, then they’re going to go to whatever source they can find about it which is most often the world and it’s point of view. We hope to help them navigate these topics and temptations with open, honest talk rather than pushing the topic away and acting like it doesn’t exist.
Wow. I’m so in awe of the “mother of 8” part of your comment that I had to read it through three times to even process the rest of it. ^_^ You have a wonderfully valid point. We want our Christian fiction to be relatable – we want to be able to see ourselves in the characters. It’s not that every character we read has to have our exact same flaws…but that they need to be flawed. It’s in those flaws and in those struggles that we can most clearly see God at work in people’s lives, and when we see a character struggle and overcome with the strength of God, it gives us hope that we, too, can overcome while also pointing us to the source of our strength.
Hi Julie! I”m glad you could stop by today! Many people have commented that temptation has been around for a long time, but you’re the first one to mention the Bible. We’re studying David right now in Sunday School, so that hit home for me! Not only did he have a sexual relationship with a married woman, but he then had her husband killed. He gave in to the temptation – and then he tried to legitimize his temptation. And yet he’s in the line of Jesus. No matter how many times I have this conversation, that’s what I keep coming back to. God can redeem anyone, any sin. No matter what it is that tempts us – sexual sin or something else entirely – nothing is beyond the power of God’s saving grace. That’s what I love about Christian fiction – we get a great story, but we also get to see the big picture of that beautiful, bountiful grace. :)
I do think Christian romance accurately portrays the struggle with temptation, we are human and we do live in a fallen world. When two people are attracted to each other, it is hard to limit your physical contact as to not give room for temptation. Kissing is a very powerful pull on two people & we can often ignore those red flags and promptings telling us we need to stop. But I love when the author portrays their characters relying on the help of God either to avoid the temptation or to listen to that still small voice telling them that enough is enough!
I also do think that temptation is stronger in today’s generation. The worldly attitude is do what makes you feel good and as long as you aren’t hurting anyone it’s okay. It’s almost given us permission to sin! I look at today’s youth and see so much promiscuity and out of wedlock pregnancies. I pray for our youngsters, pray that those who are following Christ will remain strong in the face of temptations and trials & will fully rely on God to be their guide and inner voice telling them the right path to go.
We all need Christ to guide us in everyday life!
LOL, I realize I didn’t address or answer your questions at all. I suppose I was stuck on the world of the kiss. It’s now 1:45 a.m., and I need to get to bed, but I’ve enjoyed this blog, the questions posed, and the wonderful answers from our fabulous readers. Great topic. Thanks again!
Thank you for stopping by Trixi! Your mention of out-of-wedlock pregnancy got me to thinking. I know people in my grandparents’ generation who got pregnant outside of marriage, but I’m not sure it was ever general knowledge because the couple then quickly got married. I wonder sometimes if those sorts of situations were more common in past generations than we often think but that we didn’t see them as much because they were hidden away from sight. Girls who got pregnant out of wedlock (and didn’t get married) were sent away to have their babies. They weren’t allowed to stay in school. Things like that. In today’s world, though, our high schools might have daycare centers built-in so that those same girls can finish school. I see so many positives in that particular shift, but I also see downsides, too. As with anything, God’s way remains the right way, but when people – including ourselves – don’t live up to the standard God has established, we can remember that God’s way also includes grace, mercy, and redemption.
I think it’s stronger today because it’s such an acceptable thing and couples aren’t chaperoned the way they used to be.
Lots of good answers above! I think, as several have already said, that with the changing cultural mores, there’s a lot more opportunity for people to give in to temptation without feeling guilty.
Thank you for stopping by today Margaret and for sharing your thoughts on the subject!
I recently read an article on a traditional courting custom wherein the male and female would be placed into bed together with a sheet (or something) draped between them – kind of like a wall. There was a chaperone in the room at all times, but this was a custom used for couples that lived far apart and could not see each other often during the courtship process. I forget what the tradition is called, but I came across it while studying some older English customs/traditions.
(Not that what you said had anything to do with that…but it reminded me of it, and I figured I’d share!) ^_^
Heather are you talking about the Amish bundling tradition? Because that’s the first thing that came to mind when you mentioned this! :-)
I was researching Regency England at the time, so I don’t think it was the Amish custom…but the term bundling sounds familiar. Hm…I’ll need to go see if I can find the information again and make sure I have my facts straight.
I looked it up, Trixi, and it is indeed called bundling, but the article was about Regency England. If the Amish use it as well, then I imagine it’s a custom that crosses cultures and continents. I still find it fascinating, though. :)
That’s very interesting that that tradition took place in Regency England as well. That was something I didn’t know! All I knew was the Amish…thanks to many great Amish fiction books I’ve read :-) I’ll have to check out some research for England!