Every year since my oldest was small, we’ve had a tradition of letting her go to her grandparent’s house for a week.
I’ll admit, at first, I struggled with it.
This was my BABY we were talking about. I couldn’t live without her for a WEEK. She was a little over one when we first started the tradition and have continued it for the last 15 years. My “baby” is now 16, and her sisters are 13, 11, and 7. And yes, they take all 4 at the same time every year!
My inlaws are heros, I’m just saying.
But that first year, I had this huge feeling of guilt. What if she forgot me? What if she got hurt? What if she needed me and I wasn’t there? What if she thought I didn’t love her because I sent her away?
After the first few years though of struggling with this, I realized something.
That week away from us? It was GOOD. Both for her AND for my husband and I. SHE was a super well-adjusted kiddo who knew how much we loved her, but could also easily adjust staying with family or a babysitter on date nights. She got to spend much needed time with her grandparents that otherwise, she would rarely see. It is a relationship we are so thankful now, 15 years later!
And for Scott and I, we learned to welcome our “week” break from parenthood. It is a week to rekindle a romance then tends to get buried under the weight of to-do lists, finances, kids activities, and a constant threat of interruption by children. Every couple years, we go somewhere on a small trip, just the two of us. But most years we just stay at home and enjoy spending kid-free time with each other.
I’m convinced our marriage is as amazing as it is because of that one week a year we allow ourselves to take a break from parenthood and focus on each other.
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Some may say that is selfish. But if investing time into my marriage is selfish, then I guess I am. I’d argue that neglecting your marriage and ending up in a divorce is MUCH more selfish. (Note: Please know that if you’ve gone through the heart-ache of divorce, this is not to cast judgement. Only God knows your circumstance, but I think we can all agree how difficult a journey that is for the kids involved.)
It isn’t just about taking that week a year, though. I know that isn’t an option for many parents. But we also have been pretty diligent about at least once-a-month date nights, and now that the kids are older and we don’t have to worry about the high cost of babysitting, once a week outings. They aren’t always fancy. Goodness, half the time it is breakfast at Hardees on a Saturday morning on our way to grocery shopping, or a 11pm run to Walmart where we just walk around slowly, hand in hand, enjoying being “out” with each other. Or even a fancy dessert after the kids have gone to bed and snuggling on the couch watching Netflix.
It doesn’t have to be grand, but the investment of TIME in a marriage/romance is SO worth the payoff.
What about you? If you’re married, what things do you do to make “time” together possible? If not, what are some fun ways you’ve seen couples around you invest in their relationships, or fun ways you’ve seen couples in BOOKS make time for each other?
Krista Phillips writes inspirational romance with a dash of smiles. She believes a sprinkle of laughter (and a wee bit of chocolate) makes everything a little better! She blogs regularly about life as a wife, mother, follower of Jesus, and mother of a child with a rare congenital heart defect at www.kristaphillips.com. She is represented by Sarah Freese of WordServe Literary.
Hi Krista, great reminder, thanks:) My husband and I are coming up on 15 years being married, with two boys- 7 and 9. Time alone is rare! We are blessed that both boys are in bed early each evening (love that they can now read in bed for themselves, my little bookworms!!) so it means we can have kid free evenings. Friday and Saturday evenings we try to make ours- watching something, playing a board game etc. and make an effort to spend Saturday and Sunday doing family things- biking, cleaning house together etc. nothing ‘romantic’ but sharing life together.
Blessings:)
Hi Krista! Delightful post. When my boys were small, my mom took my sons for a week each summer so as a pastor’s wife I had some down time. Now as a grandmother, I watch my grandkids ages 12, 9, 3, and 6 months four days a week, so my sons save on day care. Caring for grandkids 50 hours a week, I don’t do overnights with them. They older grandkids miss it. Making time for one’s marriage is important regardless the season of life. Now as retirees, we take back road trips, eat out and explore small museums. Friday is our day. Thanks for the reminder.
My husband and I have been married for over 38 years. Taking walks together in the evening allows us to have special, quality time. Just the two of us and nature. Yes, we pause and chat with neighbors. But the conversations we have while walking together are precious and memorable. :-)
I remember those days, when my in-laws took the kids for a week or two in summer! Bliss… for all of us, kids included. The kids liked being at their grandparents’ without each other, too, so sometimes we managed to do the swing while one kid was at camp.
Now we’re starting into the role as grandparents. We’re taking the three older girls (7, 5, 5) camping this weekend with extended family, including some of their second cousins they don’t see often. Not quite kid-free-time for the family with a baby, but that will come!
My husband and I love to go camping. We’ve been married 36 yrs this month but we had to move my mother in with us a few months ago because of her health and safety. That has limited our alone time.
We see our grandkids everyday. They live right across the street.
What you did was a fabulous thing. I so totally agree with you. My mom would take our two kids twice a year. Once at the begging of summer and once at the end of summer. They had a fabulous time with grandma and grandpa. And my husband and I had a fabulous time without them. There was romance an fun. But those times were made all the sweeter for all four of us when we were together. Our son was easy going and had no problem spending a week with grandma. Four years later when our daughter joined him on this week, she would cry like we were killing her. Oh my the guilt on my part. But I trusted my parents and that God would help me. Found out, as soon as we were out of site, she would stop crying and have a blast. She was trying to guilt me, and it worked at first. Until I knew this. She did the same with babysitters. She was the one that always had to be in control of everyone and everything. Our son just went with the flow. They are both on their own now. Richard 31 married now for two years and Heather 29 is happily on her own. Partially because of these times away from home, they are both well adjusted adults. Yours will be the same. It is so wonderful to watch them become fantastic young people. Enjoy it all. As empty nesters, our romantic time now is always and whenever we like. We loved having our kiddos at home, but because we kept building our romance and relationship throughout the years we have a foundation now and it is priceless. You will have the same. It is so worth it. Oh and I know for a fact that my parents not only enjoyed the time with their grandkids, somehow it helped keep them younger all those years.
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I’m an only and we only had one (girl) so my Mom was always delighted to have her (usually once a week overnight)! Her grandmom was very special to her
My husband and I have been married 23 years and we both boldly proclaim that’s it’s by the grace of God! We don’t ha e safe extended family for the kids to stay with but if We did we would gladly give them a week with grandparents! For so many reasons ?? we both had very close relationships with out of state grandparents that we spent summers with and both us feel strongly that it helped us, shaped us, and made us feel rich.
Our youngest biological child is 18 now but we have a 7 year old son we adopted from foster care so we are pretty much back to square one- except we have adult children that are willing to take care of him when we go for a weekend away once a year on our anniversary. We try to do this every year and have our favorite (habitual) places. Romancing each other is so important. We both came from broken families and vowed NEVER to do that to our kids no matter how much counseling that took. And it took a lot. ?? our kids all the time tell us they are so grateful we have stayed together and our married son says he plans to stay married no matter what too, and get help to do that if necessary. I’m resting up as much as possible to be a good Mimi so I can take grandkids for weekends when they have babies.
My husband and I will celebrate our 27th wedding anniversary this week and the one thing that has been a constant for us since we started dating in college was daily walks. It’s our time to connect.
My husband and I often took trips without our kids, starting with a cruise with his parents when our girls were 1 & 2.
Thanks for the reminder. I just saw another post from an author that reminded me to invest time in our marriage because friendship comes with invested time and good friendship is the basis of marriage. Definitely hard to do with children of all ages running around the house, but something I should strive to do! Late-night snack time is always a favorite time for my husband and me to connect.
Yeah for little bookworms!!!
I don’t blame you, if my inlaws had them all day I’m sure it would be a different story!! They live 8 hours away though, so their 1 week a year is their quality time with them, too!!
Yes! I love love evening walks!! We’ve started to do this too when weather permits. Good exercise and good time together!
yes, we had to skip a few years when A was a baby since she wasn’t well enough to travel, so just the older girls when, but even that was a nice break!!!!
Ah, camping!! My hubby wishes that I loved to go camping!! I’m a running water/hotel kinda girl, HAHA.
My parents had quite a few years when my grandparents lived with them, so I understand. It was a difficult time for them, for sure!
And right across the street!!! That’s fun!!
Yes!! I believe it is SO good for my kids! Absence DOES make the heart grow fonder, even in children! having a bit of a “time-out” in the midst of this crazy life is oh-so-needed for all of us!
That’s wonderful, Jackie!!
Love your words, and good for you to still take time out every year!! Our habituatl place is to the mountains since it is only a few hours away, but we’re trying to branch out to see new things when finances permit!!
yes! I love daily walks!!! It’s been so dad-blamin’ hot and humid, we haven’t had them much this summer, but hoping as fall approaches we’ll be able to start them again!!!
That’s so fun!! We don’t take trips without them often, but try to every couple years when we can! (Now, I do go on writing retreats and conferences by myself, LOL, I think my hubby gets jealous of them sometimes!! He’s a good sport about supporting my time to pursue my dream as well!!!)
Yes!! I remember when our oldest was finally old enough for us to leave the house for short periods of time, we’d go to Kroger at 11pm when all the kids were asleep and giggle like teenagers sneaking out of the house and raid the dessert section!!! LOL.
Fun post to read! We’ve been married almost 41 years, and my hubby retired last month, so we have been enjoying spending even more time together. When our children were young & we had a very limited budget, we would put the children to bed and then order a pizza. Since we couldn’t easily go out, that was our date night. Sometimes if there was someone to watch our kids, we would go for a walk, and share a coke. Later years were easier to make time to be alone together, but those precious times at the start were a blessing.
That is so true, Krista! If you want something to work, you have to invest time in it.
From the perspective of the kid, I used to love spend a week or so at my grandparents in the summer. I never thought of that week as my parents having time together, but rather as they granting us time to be with our grandparents and friends at the beach. I have great memories of that time! Going to grandma and grandpa was a time of leisure for us!
I still don’t have kids and don’t really know how we will do it, but I also think it’s important to have a time for ourselves.
Sometimes a little picnic close to home can be romantic. One year we waited until the kids were in bed and then we watched a movie together over a fancy dinner my husband cooked- steak and lobster! (It was overcooked and rubbery but it’s the thought…) and the whole night was memorable and precious.
Pretty hard to find ” us” time in our home , we have a delayed child , that we keep home with us , & tried to include him in every thing , I’m not complaining , he’s such a joy