I was talking to someone recently about how the person people see when they look at us isn’t always who we really are. Or, more specifically, it’s not all of who we are.
When that happens often enough, we can start to feel unseen – like nobody cares enough to look beyond the surface. We begin to feel invisible.
After a while, we reach the point where, when we look in the mirror, we can’t even see those unseen parts of who we are. We start to lose pieces of ourselves to an invisibility beyond our control and are left wondering if those pieces of ourselves ever truly existed to begin with.
Nobody wants to be invisible.
We want to be seen.
It’s not about getting all the credit, being out in front of the pack, or having the limelight shining directly in your eyes.
It’s about having someone look at us and see us for who we truly are. It’s about someone looking at us and seeing our heart.
We’ve probably all been there at some point or another – in that place where we feel completely unseen. Being unseen isn’t too far away from being unneeded or unwanted or unnecessary. That’s part of why it hurts us so much when we feel unseen, when we feel invisible.
This is one of the reasons that I love romance novels so much. In order for that romance to be believable, the hero and the heroine have to see each other – really see each other. A person can’t be invisible in the middle of their own love story.
Sometimes the characters in romance novels have healthy families, good friendships, and beautiful lives. There are sometimes, though, when they are broken and hurting and feel like they’ve gotten lost in the shuffle of life. That’s when being seen has the biggest impact. When a person who is used to people looking through them rather than at them is truly and profoundly seen. There’s a healing balm and a special kind of beauty and magic in that moment.
Have you ever felt invisible and then had someone come into your life who made you feel seen? Tell me about it. Or if that story doesn’t resonate with you, tell me about a book you’ve read where one of the main characters felt like nobody saw them…until that special person entered their life.
In the meantime, I hope you all feel seen today. If you don’t, remember that Christ sees you always, and His love for you is infinite.
Mary Preston says
I actually don’t mind being invisible at times.
Lilly says
More than feeling invisible during adolescence, I felt too visible and for my peers it was for the wrong reasons: to be different and not do the same as them. I couldn’t mix.
I don’t remember the title, but I read a book by Julie Klassen where the protagonist felt very simple and invisible until she married the hero out of convenience and he fell in love with his wife.
Lori Smanski says
This is a wonderful post. There have been many times I have felt invisible. But I have always had someone who saw it and made sure I came back. My mom was super good at that. My husband and children are real good at that. I am so blessed to have God in my life and family and friends who see me for who I am. God is good
Trudy says
I feel that way often, to be honest, but it doesn’t bother me, really. I know when I feel that way I can reach out to friends or to God, and things are better. I’m such an introvert, that there are times I hear my Mom’s voice in my head telling me I need to reach out and to do something, and sometimes I will. I’ll admit, there are times I don’t want to “people” so I don’t.
Alicia Haney says
I am very Blessed to be surrounded by a loving family who always make sure that I don’t feel that way. I think feeling invisible at times is just normal, but we just have to keep on with our lives and making the Best of it.
bn100 says
thoughtful post
Amy Perrault says
My husband came into my life & made me feel seen other then family.
Sylvain P says
I prefer just to be seen by family & not the outside world
Heather Gray says
Ahh…if I’m thinking the same thing as you, I can totally relate. I like to be the person in the background who’s working quietly to get things done. But even so, I want the people I care about to see me. When we feel like nobody sees us, like we’re invisible to even the people we most deeply love, we can end up feeling lonely and a little bit lost. I’m all for invisibility by choice…but I still like to know that there are people who see and know my heart and who love me for what they see.
Heather Gray says
Interesting. I don’t particularly want to be noticed for my outside. I was an awkward child and teen, a socially inept young adult, and frankly – I have a really loud laugh that I can’t seem to tone down even when I want to. So even though I’d prefer not to be seen for some of my outward characteristics, I still want someone to look at me and see who I am on the inside. I still want to be known for my heart (or by my heart) to the people I care about.
That sounds like a fun book – thanks for mentioning it!
Heather Gray says
Amen! God is so good. Time and time and time again, He has brought people into my life who not only saw my heart but who nurtured, protected, and cared for it, too. Sometimes it’s our biological (or by marriage) family that does that – and sometimes it’s the people we collect along the way and claim as family.
Heather Gray says
Ha! I hear you there. There’s only a certain amount of peopling I can handle in a given day. Sometimes I need to hide away in a quiet room somewhere and just breathe in the solitude for a few minutes before I can wade back out into the fray and put my people skills to use.
Heather Gray says
Amen! Even when we’re having a bad day – whether it’s because we feel unseen or something else entirely – we serve God. We walk in faithfulness to the God who made all and created all. We keep moving forward in our lives and doing our best for Him.
Heather Gray says
Thank you for stopping by the blog!
Heather Gray says
That’s beautiful! Our spouses should be one of the special ones who see into our heart and who truly know us. ❤️
Heather Gray says
That’s not uncommon. I don’t honestly know that many people who want everyone in their business all the time (even if I did spend part of my childhood in a small town!). That need we have inside to be seen isn’t so much about how many people, but more about who the people are. Quality over quantity, for sure! Our family and loved ones are generally the people who know us best – and who see us best. ^_^
Debra Pruss says
Yes, I have felt invisible many times. I am disabled. I cannot go out and do a lot of things. There have been a few times that some of my friends have done things that I could have been able to be a part of but they never asked or thought of me. I know that I am not invisible to the Lord. He is the most important one that I know loves and sees me. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
Trixi says
My husband is the perfect example of this :-) He seen me when I thought nobody cared (except for my mom & siblings), loved me when I thought I was unlovable and treasured me when I thought I wasn’t worth it.
25 years later he still makes me feel valued, seen, loved, cherished, and a treasure to be held close to his heart!