Susan declares she’s single at heart and will never marry…
Hello, dear readers! Today I’m going to talk about something that’s a little embarrassing to admit: I am unlucky in love.
You’d think that a romance writer would have it all figured out. And indeed, many of the authors on this blog have written about their successful, longstanding marriages. Many of our readers have been blessed the same way, as you can see if you read some of the comments we get. My hat’s off to everyone who’s made a success of marriage, because I know it isn’t always a bed of roses. Having a good relationship takes work.
I figure, though, that we might have some readers who, like me, are not married. Maybe you’ve lost a husband. Maybe you divorced one, or vice versa. Or maybe you never married at all.
Carlo made a real mess of his marriage…
I come from a long line of broken relationships. My paternal grandmother, who was born in 1900, got divorced when it was almost unheard of, and raised her six children alone. My parents divorced when I was a teenager. My sister’s on her third marriage (and in her case, the third time really is a charm, fortunately).
As for me, I’ve been married twice and divorced twice. And don’t even ask me about all the men I’ve dated! I could tell you stories…
With that history, why on earth do I write romance novels? If you have a similarly challenging relationship history, why do you read them? Shouldn’t we choose another genre? Perhaps murder mysteries?
This guy’s love life is a TOTAL disaster…
I write romance, specifically Christian romance, because I love taking characters who have challenging relationship histories and putting them together. If you read my novels, you’ll notice that almost all my heroes and heroines have some kind of failed romance behind them. Moreover, they are usually very resistant to love when it first nudges at them. And there are many obstacles to overcome before they can connect and commit and win their happily-ever-afters. So many obstacles that the only possible way to resolve them is with the help of God.
So in a weird way, I’m very qualified to write romances, because (a) I have a lot of romantic history, and (b) I know what it is to have loved and lost, and how challenging it can be to open oneself to love again.
In fact, for now, I’m focusing on my work and my pets and my teenage daughter. I’m taking to heart the apostle Paul’s advice: “To the unmarried and the widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am” (1 Corinthians 7:8) And guess what: I know all the bible verses about the virtues of staying single. My troubled heroes and heroines quote them often… right up until the time they’re swept into the perfect, God-sanctioned relationship.
Angelica has a terrible relationship history…
What about you? Has your romantic history been trouble-free, or have you faced some challenges along the way? Leave a comment by midnight on Sunday 5/15, and I will gift one random commenter with a signed copy of my June Love Inspired novel, Small-Town Nanny. And if you want to read about a really convoluted, problematic love relationship, hop on over to my website. If you sign up for my newsletter, you’ll get a free short story that starts off the Sacred Bond series of Christian romances.
Lee Tobin McClain read Gone With The Wind in the third grade and has been an incurable romantic ever since. Lee is the author of the Sacred Bond series of contemporary inspirational romances and also writes the Rescue River books (angsty, but full of fun kids and dogs) for Harlequin Love Inspired. When she not writing emotional Christian romances, she's probably driving around a carload of snarky teen girls, playing with her rescue dog and cat, or teaching aspiring writers in Seton Hill University's MFA program. She is probably not cleaning her house.
Every marriage has challenges!! The secret is to CHOOSE to keep on loving your partner no matter what!! Forgive, love and seek what Jesus sees in your partner instead of looking for all the faults!!
Hi Lee, thanks for your honest post. I love that you write romances where the couples face challenges and have to work through them in a realistic manner. I think any person/couple that is honest would have to acknowledge that the journey that is love is not always smooth.
My mum has been married twice, neither of which were great, yet I am thankful for the strength of my mum and how God has used her, and continues to use her to bless others.
Keep writing, I have enjoyed your sacred bond series…I just read too quickly and have to wait for more books to be published-ahhh patience!!
I appreciate your honesty, Lee. Every relationship we have, whether romantic or not, helps to make us the person we are today and personally, I think you’re pretty special.
It takes a lot of courage to share your story in this blog. I always wonder if all author’s love stories are as amazing as their writing. Thank you for breaking stereotypes.
My own story is not amazing (not too troubled either), but it’s mine and I figured God wantes me to go through that for a reason. I haven’t yet figured out which reason but I have to believe.
Thank you, Priscila… glad to break stereotypes! And you’re so right that God wants us to go through things for a reason and uses our troubles for good.
Aw, thank you, Jill! I love how accepting our community of romance writers is.
Thank you for your comment and for reading my books. There are two more Sacred Bond books coming out this year. I’m trying to decide whether to make the last one a novel or a novella… which do you prefer?
Wise words, Carlien. Thank you for commenting.
Thank you for sharing your story. I read Engaged to the Single Mom and loved it. Small Town Nanny looks great, especially since her name is Susan ;)
Thank you for your honesty. It is one of the trademarks of your writing. Love is a fickle thing we grasp for and yearn to attain. I love the quote: “Better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all.”
I have faced some challenges along the way. I am looking forward to reading Small-Town Nanny.Thank you for the opportunity to win.
I am very blessed to be married to the man that I believe God chose for me, of course I didn’t realize it at the time. We didn’t get married until I was almost 33 and I had a couple of relationships prior to that – one required an attorney to get involved. Anyway, as much as I wouldn’t want to relive those days, I think I needed them to realize what a gift my husband is. Don’t get me wrong, we certainly have our moments. But while he isn’t perfect – who really is after all? – he’s perfect for me.
Thank you for sharing all of what you bring to the table.
Hi Susan! My sister’s name is Susan, and I remember it was one of the most common names in her classes. Now, nobody much uses it. Glad to bring it back. Thanks for reading ENGAGED. Did you know there’s another book in between that and SMALL TOWN NANNY? It’s called HIS SECRET CHILD, and it’s about a reclusive librarian who gets stranded with a mercenary. If you check it out, let me know what you think.
I believe that quote… although sometimes less so during those unhappy days right after a breakup. :(
Thanks for commenting, Emma!
Thanks for commenting, Juliane. It’s good to remember the even those who have long and happy marriages faced their own challenges along the way… both before and during. So glad you found your perfect partner.
My second marriage lasted almost 40 years until my husband died. My maternal ancestors didn’t have very good marriages although they stayed together. I think some of our learned behaviors may cause the problems. I know I am selfish!
This is a second marriage for both me and my hubby. We determined before we got married there would be no divorce but a commitment to our marriage. We will celebrate 32 years on June 23.
Very challenging! Love your books!
I have had a few troubled relationships. I am in my second marriage. It took a very long time for me to agree to marry him. My parents were divorced when I was very young.
My parents were married for a long time until my dad died. My husband and I have been married over 40 years, but that still doesn’t mean that I do not know what heartbreak is–or what romance is and can still be no matter what the age. I love romance, but especially romantic suspense/mystery (just love the added tension). We’re all different. And I love when I see God move–in real life and in stories. God bless!
We’ve certainly had challenges, but are committed to working things out. Been married 18 years, my 1st and hubby’s 2nd marriage.
My husband and I have been married almost 35 years. My first, his second. He had a six year old daughter when we married. Caused lots of strife and difficult years. She passed away this February at age 41. She had a hard life, partly from her own decisions, but she passed away knowing Christ, which I’m thankful for.
Joan, so true! I would never assign my partners more than 50% of the blame in my failed relationships. Well, maybe 51%! Which kind of proves your point. :)
A lovely success story, Robin!
Thank you, Sheila!
It’s definitely smart to be cautious. All of my romance heroines are the same way!
Thank you for commenting, Linda. I’m sure in 40 years you have had your share of challenges.
I think that’s what it takes: true commitment. Thank you for commenting, Andrea.
Hi Gail,
Ouch, that sounds difficult. And for sure, adding step kids into the mix makes everything more complicated. What a blessing that your stepdaughter died knowing Christ.
My maternal grandmother was divorced twice before she found the right one and my parents divorced when I was a child. That really made an impression on me and my brothers. We’ve all been married almost 30 years and not without problems. All marriages have issues! Just have to keep pushing through and holding on. Thank you for sharing! You’re a new to me writer. I’m looking forward to reading your stories :)
I know that this question wasn’t directed at me, but I always prefer a novel. I’m all about details and develpment. Plus, I just love the Sacred Bond series!
My mom was divorced twice and never remarried. She stopped dating when I was very young and, unfortunately, very cynical towards dating and relationships. That, on top of not having a dad around and being the only Christian in my family while growing up, made it very difficult for me to understand what a healthy relationship looked like. I’ve been married 21years with our own share of crazy, but it is by God alone that we have survived some of the roughest waters. God’s plan for every life is so different, but His plan is PERFECT and, knowing the outcome, He is in full control. I always try to find my peace in that truth.
God bless you, Lee, for your honesty, authenticity and transparency. Also, a Lee Tobin McLain penned story is always a joy to read.
Through 25 years of marriage, my husband and I have had our challenges but thanks to the Lord we have stayed together and our love has grown stronger!
That’s so cool, Lori, that you and your brothers used your parents’ and grandparents’ marriage troubles to inspire you to do better!
Terrill, thank you for your kind words and for sharing your challenges. I do believe that sometimes God uses difficulties to draw us closer… sounds like that has happened for you. Beautiful!
Thank you for commenting, Beth. 25 years is a long time!
I met my husband after swearing off men. All my friends were marrying off and I was sick of using up all my emotional energy looking for The One. It took a little while for him to change my mind but just as well he persisted. We have been married for 21 years and it certainly can be hard work at times. Thank the Lord he puts up with me!
I appreciate your honesty, Lee, as it is a hard thing to put out there to discuss with others. May God bless you and your gorgeous daughter through it all.
I have often wondered how hard it might be for authors to write outside of their own relationship point of view. Thank you for your wonderful Bond books, my first amazon purchases. Please write full-length rather than novellas as that gives time and space for deeper character development and gives us more to read. :)
Narelle, thank you! You are so right about the emotional energy required in looking for a relationship. That’s when friends can be a huge help.
Also… funny you should say you prefer novels vs. novellas. I have been debating whether to make “The Final Bond” a novel or novella. Just today I was thinking about the story and imagining how much fun it would be to really develop the book and relationship into a novel-length form. Your words are a confirmation…now I am REALLY leaning in that direction.
That’s wonderful! I can’t wait to read the end results! :)
I had my share of both throughout my life. Before I ever married, I dated some men who weren’t good for me at all! And then my first marriage was to an abusive, manipulative person which ended with my divorcing him. My happily ever-after finally came when God gave me my second husband. When I was least looking for love (actually NOT looking for love is more accurate), He provided me with my perfect match. Even in as many years as we’ve been married, we’ve certainly had our ups and downs and it’s not always been fun & games. Tough times and trials have come, but I think it’s strengthened us and brought us closer as a couple. Like that three strand cord scripture talks about. Through God & relying on Him everyday and when tough times come, we’ve made it this long and I look forward to the rest of my life with my husband :-)
I don’t believe I’ve read any of your books YET Lee, but I would say that you do have some wisdom when it comes to love, and you write realistic situations where couples struggle based on what you shared here. That’s the kind of story I do so love, where the struggles are there, but they prevail through the Lord. It certainly helps me in my walk with Him :-) Thank you for sharing your story with us, I’m sure it’s not easy putting yourself out there like that. But I appreciate knowing that you understand the struggles we all have in relationships….and that God has used to you speak to others through your writing!
Thanks also for the book giveaway chance! Sounds like a great story :-) God bless you & your daughter as you walk with Him and teach her about the author of Love!
Lee, I applaud your honesty. Most folks wouldn’t give that much of themselves. The bottom line is relationships are hard work. A lot of folks go into marriage thinking if it doesn’t work they will just get a divorce and that shouldn’t be the way to think. That being said I divorced my first husband because he was physically and emotionally abusive. I met my 2nd husband on a blind date and we have been married 16 years. The major difference… Our marriage includes God. I read Christian fiction because it doesn’t defile the sanctity of marriage. There are not explicit scenes and foul language. I enjoy seeing how God can repair the most broken of us. Thank you for what you do.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us Lee. I have to say I was blessed to marry my high school sweetheart. But things re not easy and marriage is commitment and communication.. But God is always with us. He has seen us through so many things. The worst was my cancer and being in a coma. My husband held my hand for 2 days and I didnt even know it. My cousins husband left her after they found out their little girl would have life long medical problems. So we always need to rely on God since He is the One who will never change and we can depend on him. I would love to read your new book.
Thank you for commenting and sharing, Trixi, Joelle, and Maryann. Happy marriages now, but clearly it’s been a difficult road at times to get there.
I married young and divorced young, had two failed engagements after that before deciding I was better off alone. Now I just focus on raising my daughter on my own. I read romance books because deep down I am a hopeless romantic and it is the only romance in my life. For the hours I spend reading I get to be someone else who isn’t afraid to risk another failed relationship and is able to open their heart to new chances at love.
Being married takes a lot of hard work, even harder when it’s blended. If I had to do it all over again I would have stayed divorced. But that just my opinion. Every situation is different. I absolutely appreciate Christian romance because it makes you feel like you still have a little hope.
I know the contest is over and I’m not trying to win, but I had to comment on such a raw, honest post!!!! Thank you!!! Thank you! Thank you! :)
Lee, thanks for sharing your heart with us xox
My first marriage was an abusive one but I stuck with him. He died after 25 years of marriage. I was saved 3 months after his death and 2 years later my second husband on a Christian dating site. Now I have someone close to me to share my love of Christ with. We are both in our 50’s, so there is hope for everyone.
God Bless.