What if?
What if you spent your whole life as a Christian, believing in a loving God, trusting the people who worshipped next to you? And then, one day, you didn’t?
Oh sure, it might have been building up for a while, but there was something that occurred to make that break happen.
That could have been me.
I was raised that when anything was going on at the church building, we were there. And sometimes we were there even if nothing was. Because I’m a preacher’s kid. And my parents are amazing–the best! I had a great childhood. This isn’t about that. It’s about what might have happened if I had focused only on the bad things, which sometimes seemed larger than the good.
I could have let my past turn me away from God. Having to move and leave people behind over and over again. Feeling betrayed by some of those I trusted most. Trying to meet expectations that were just a bit higher than normal–or at least it seemed that way.
Instead, I came out with a tiny faith that’s been building up over the years, but that’s another story. The story today is how I took the what if and made it into my newest novel.
No Place Like Home has quite a few bits of my real-life story interwoven with Adrian Stewart’s. She’s a preacher’s kid who has never lived anywhere longer than six years. But Adrian gave up on God when she moved out of her daddy’s house. She can’t trust anyone who calls themselves a Christian. And she definitely doesn’t want anything to do with a church building.
Writing this story was like therapy in some ways. You know how you think you’re okay with certain things and then suddenly you realize you’re not? I still have days like that. But setting down the hurts and confusion and anger into a fictional setting helped a lot. And I even learned a few things alongside my character as I went.
Don’t worry. This is a romance, too. Not just a story about Adrian’s shattered faith. You see, she meets a guy named Gray–a Christian who chooses to be used by God as they work side-by-side while she trains his company to use her software. I think you’re going to like Gray. He’s pretty fun.
But if you ever wondered if an author puts her reality into her fiction, well … sort of. I put some reality in. And I put some “might have been” in, too. And mostly, like always, I answered “what if.”
No Place Like Home releases tomorrow, and I’m giving a paperback copy away. Want a chance at it? US readers who comment will get a chance when I do the drawing on Friday, December 10th.
We’ve all taken paths where if we’d chosen a different way, our life would have turned out much differently. If you wrote a story about a “might have been” in your life, what would your story be about?
Can love secure Adrian’s wandering heart?
Roots are overrated, at least to someone like Adrian Stewart, preacher’s kid, who has never lived anywhere longer than six years. That’s why her job with MidUSLogIn is so perfect for her—lots of travel and staying nowhere long enough to have it feel like home. But when work takes her to Memphis, TN, closer to her family for the first time in years, and in the same small office as Grayson Roberts, she starts to question her job, her lack of home, and even her memories of her rocky past with the church.
Gray is intrigued by Adrian from the moment he sees her, and he’s determined to get to the bottom of why this girl who loves old movies and hums when she works won’t go to church with him. As they grow closer, he wants more, too, but how can he convince her to stay in Memphis when she doesn’t believe in home—or God? Can he use his own broken past to break through hers?
Amy R Anguish grew up a preacher's kid, and in spite of having lived in seven different states that are all south of the Mason Dixon line, she is not a football fan. Currently, she resides in Tennessee with her husband, daughter, and son, and usually a bossy cat or two. Amy has an English degree from Freed-Hardeman University that she intends to use to glorify God, and she wants her stories to show that while Christians face real struggles, it can still work out for good.
I really hope he can convince her to stay home!!
There’s a lot to be said for writing as therapy! One of the first books I wrote was just after my husband and I stopped pastoring when he burned out, I’m looking forward to reading this book, Amy.
Hi Carolyn, this retired pastor’s wife can relate. In 2001 after 30 years my husband retired from pastoring for the same reason – burned out, stress affecting his health, being on call and living in a fish bowl 24/7. Plus we were tired of moving.
Hi Amy! As a retired pastor’s wife, I can so relate to the moves and trying to shelter my 3 sons from hurtful comments. Each church had its different issue. Being a fish bowl and at parishioners beck and call 24 / 7 is tiring. Only pastors’ family understand the stress. As a retired English teacher, I understand writing therapy. Something I used to suggest to my high school students when life seemed unfair. Best wishes.
Sounds like you’re already hooked by the story! 😊
Agreed, Carolyn. I think I have ended up working past struggles out through more than one of my books. Thanks for your comment.
Thanks so much for your words of understanding. It’s hard but worth it, too, so a delicate balance has to be found.
Renate, so sad to hear about so many burn outs, but I understand, too. My family includes quite a few ministers and I have seen them go through so much.
Hi, I have not moved around much, but the couple of times I have moved is hard, I can’t imagine people that have to be moving pretty often. Have a great week and stay safe.
Thanks so much, Alicia. Yes, it can be hard, but can also make you so much stronger.
I didn’t grow up as a PK but had a solid life with awesome Christian parents. My ‘what if’ is, what if I stayed true to my faith? I turned my back on God and all I knew to be right for many years, married, one year, divorced the next then moved in with my late husband-a non believer. I was blessed to have family who stood by me, in spite of my lifestyle. I did come back to God-He was waiting with open arms! Thank goodness He never gives up on us! Naturally my kids & I will always live with the consequences of my decision but live and learn, right?
Your book sounds amazing & I would love to read it! Where Adrian has things that differ from my life it sounds like much is a mirror to me. I like that you put tidbits of you into your characters. There is a big pull I have always found when relating to the characters in a story, it makes it so much more real. Thank you!
The forgiveness and grace is an awesome thing, for sure! I am so glad you came back to him. Thanks for your sweet words!
I really don’t do “what if’s” as I think that’s a terrible place to go, since we can’t go back and change things. It doesn’t help, my opinion, for us to second guess ourselves, as that can really make us unhappy, from what I’ve seen. IF I was going to do a “what if” it would be what if I hadn’t stayed home, hadn’t been home to help Mom with Daddy, and then hadn’t been home for Mom, especially the last 9 years of her life as her caregiver. I really don’t want to go there, as I cherish my memories with both of them. I especially cherish being told by Mom (in her words): God gave you to me because He knew I was going to need you. I’ve been told by my oldest sister that if I hadn’t been home with Mom, she would have been put in a nursing home. NO, I don’t want a “what if” with that happening.
I agree “what ifs” don’t change anything and can only lead to unnecessary worry. Sounds like you were exactly where you needed to be.
I think pondering the “what if” question as Christians, on how our lives would have turned out had we not made that decision concerning our salvation, leads to a greater appreciation of Jesus’ sacrifice and work in our lives.
That’s a great way of looking at it. I know I have definitely discovered good things in my life by letting my thoughts wander that trail. :)
I can relate to the that too. I sometimes look back at my life and wonder what it would be like now if I’d made some different choices after high school. I think looking back can help us grow but I try not to get too stuck on it either since I can’t change the past.
It’s definitely a delicate balance. :) Thanks for commenting!
Sounds like a good book.
Not a PK and haven’t moved many times. and all in the same area like the last move less than a mile from the previous house. Mum adopted one Pastor and his family the kids called mum there Naracoorte Grandma. when the oldest was expecting her first child she rang to tell mum after they told their families. I was close to the family and Julie (Pastors wife) was and still is a very close friend but I saw how the church could burn the Pastor but also the wife. back then cos she was younger they didn’t let her do some of the things she could and then when she got some outside work some of the ladies complained. It seems a thankless job for many. The daughter is still active in the church but the son no longer attends, they were able to stay at one place long enough for both to do high school (about 10 years in all) but I can see how hard it is cos the kids are expected to be good but also have the reputation of being a pastors kid so likely to misbehave. It must be a lot to have to live up to for many kids. I had the issue of having a brother who was so good at everything, sport, school etc. he was one of the popular boys etc. (he is adopted) but I wasn’t good at sport or school and it was always your bother can do it so you should be able to etc always comparisons and it really puts pressure on and it added to a very low self esteem. I hated to do things in church because I knew I would be compared to my brother and I knew I wouldn’t measure up. I use to be introduced as this is (insert brothers name) sister. When someone said oh your poor thing I knew I would like them (it was a pastor who was checking our church out and understanding being named as someones sister and not by there own person can be an issue).
He is 4 years older but it really did affect me and I can see being a PK would do the same to many.
Thank you so much!
Yes. It’s never easy to be labeled before having a chance to prove who you really are.
This sounds like a fascinating read. Thank you for sharing your ❤️.
Aww. Thanks for your sweet comment.
I used to think about how my life would be different if I’d made different choices. Even to the point of thinking my life would be better. But over the years, I realize that God brought me through all I’ve been through for a purpose. I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
I too, don’t do the “what if’s” because I don’t want to regret a single moment of my life. Even the mistakes I’ve made, God has turned it for good.
Your story sounds intriguing Amy! :-)
Thanks so much, Trixie. It’s always good to look back only so far as to see how God has worked it for good.
I started going to nursing school, but did not finish. I try not to think about the what ifs. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
I bet you can see lots of great things you were able to do even without the original plan. Thanks for commenting.
My story would’ve been about God’s Grace and His Faithfulness <3
It was therapy for me too, Amy. I got to do the content edit on this book. I came at it from a different angle, I’m the preacher’s wife. Through the years, people have come to our church, gotten super involved, become part of our church family, and then ended up leaving. Sometimes because they moved, but sometimes over something petty, and sometimes because they got mad at my husband. It’s hard. All those comings and goings leave holes in the heart and it’s hard to fully embrace the next new family member. So yes, this book was therapy for me too. And besides the therapy, it’s a great story, and I love the characters. And I’m really not biased :)
No Place Like Home sounds like a great book that I look forward to reading! I love stories where a “lost” person is actively pursued to be brought “back home” into the fold.
My What If goes back to choosing what university to attend. I think about how different my life would have been had I chose to listen to the sweet advice of my Gram rather than the advise of my friends.
She wanted me to attend FHU and I chose a university up north with my friends. I met my husband that that time and was not the Christian I should have been.
I love the life God has given me and am faithfully raising my children to love Him, BUT I often think how things would be IF I had left home and gone to school down south.
Love this book Amy. You are wonderful writer.
A beautiful story!
I’m glad it wasn’t just me who benefitted from it. :)
Hooray! I hope you enjoy it.
Aww. Sounds like your story ended well. Thanks for your sweet words.
Hi, Amy! I understand writing as therapy. I gave a character some of my own past struggles and let him think about his need for forgiveness and the problem of his pride. Not sure if that actually got all the way through my own thick skull, though. :-)
My experience has included many “what if” fork-in-the-road opportunities. I see that God has worked to protect and guide me to serve in new places and to face my brokenness (which I would likely have tried to avoid otherwise).
I think the key factor in using what-if thinking is understanding who has the better knowledge about the situation. If I think “what if” with the idea that my preferred outcome really would have been better, then I run the risk of demeaning God and His wisdom. If I use “what if” thinking to face the future and weigh the alternatives and then seek God’s will, then I am on the better path.
Of course, there is also the wonderful “what if” of the imagination. What if people could fly or read minds or create portals to other worlds? Then the fun of seeing how God’s way could work itself out in these new and intriguing settings.
Well, what if I go ahead and congratulate you on a new book launch? Okay, there I’ve done it. The world is now a different place. No doubt better for the presence of “No Place Like Home”. :D
Sounds like a very good read
That’s a great way of looking at it, Lincoln. And thanks so much for your kind words.
Thank you so much!
I’m walking through a very hard place. Thanksgiving my daughter threw me out and told me I’m dead to her and not welcome at her place. I did nothing wrong.
I grew up as a Preacher’s kid. I have 3 sisters. All but one of us are still in the Christian faith. The one who isn’t has been out of it for many years. We pray she will come back. I left the church for several years, but eventually I came back. I’m very glad that I did that before my father died. My parents had many struggles in pastoring, but their faith remained strong. Your book sounds like something that I would enjoy reading.
Sounds like such a great book! I sit and talk to my 2 daughter’s a lot and I always say what if I had done this differently and They always say Mom you can’t change the past You are right where God wanted you to be and You are Our Hero!
This sounds like such a good book! Thank you for pouring yourself into your writing in such a vulnerable way!
My what-if is actually a very positive one! When I was 15, I lost both of my parents in a murder-suicide case. I had a lot of decisions to make, including who to live with for the rest of my growing-up. I chose a wonderful, loving family and the Lord has blessed me so abundantly through them. I chose to forgave my dad with endless mercy and have had my heart set free from bitterness and am now able to think back happily on all the wonderful memories I had growing up! I felt alone at the time and chose to lean on the Lord and am so glad because it drew me closer to an authentic relationship with Him, whereas I had had a superficial relationship with Him before that incident. I won’t pretend it was easy, but the Lord has blessed me abundantly and I sometimes think, “What if I had chose this other choice instead? I can’t imagine how my life would have turned out – not for the better!”
Thank you so much! It really was good for me, too.
My computer only showed me your first comment by itself. I missed the second one until just now. That’s an amazing story and can’t have been easy. I’m so glad it turned out to have a happy ending.
Sounds like you have some great daughters! :-)
I’m so sorry, Jane. Will send up a prayer for reconciliation and peace.
Wow, Sue. What a powerful story. Will send up a prayer for your sister who is still fighting against God. It’s a hard struggle, but don’t give up. I hope you enjoy my story.
A lot of things that I continually work on with the Lord. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
Faith is definitely a work in progress!