Can I confess that I’m coming to you pretty brainfried? Yep, it’s true. Since February first, I’ve written one novella — thirty thousand words — and one eighty-four-thousand word novel.
I’m tired.
I’ve been staying up until almost two AM for the last month and a half because I’ve got three kids to homeschool. A husband who’s a pastor. A home. A life.
So things have fallen by the wayside, I’m sad to say. Meals haven’t been anything to write home about. And this house needs a bit of a cleaning. The family, though? I try not to let that go, although I will really enjoy seeing my kids and husband more.
Hopefully they’ll remember me.
What does any of this have to do with love?
Well, I’m glad you asked.
The book I’m just finishing, Homestands, is about a divorced couple who gets back together. Yes, I know — I just gave the ending away. But it’s a romance novel, so that’s okay. Anyway, these two were high school sweethearts who got married right out of school. Eighteen and on their own, and he’s a baseball player who turns, rather quickly, into a baseball star.
Their marriage doesn’t last very long.
So the story is about how these two people, six years after their divorce, are reunited and come back to each other. How God works in them and changes them. How He makes the love they have at the end far better than it was before.
As I wrote this story, I was amazed at how harsh my heroine was to the hero. Over and over. Yes, she’d been hurt, but she wanted to hurt him back. I had to keep toning her down, making her change her ways. I had to make her likable.
And the hero — he chose to love her, despite how she sometimes made him mad. How she rubbed his past in his face and hurt him. He was determined to win her back. To love her. No, to love her better than he had before.
And here I am, writing this book while dinner is, umm, late again. While I’m doing laundry late in the week because I’ve been writing every spare moment. While my husband has worked from home so I could leave the house and write.
My husband has loved me.
Now, I’m not saying that I’ve been mean to him. Our marriage is a good one, thankfully. But he’s stepped in when I needed him, when it really didn’t do anything good for him. And as I lived through my characters’ growth, as I watched their love for each other bloom into something better, it struck me how true that was in my own life.
Older love is better love.
That’s what I’ve appreciated these past few months. Oh, sure, there’s nothing quite like young love. That’s its own kind of special. But when love ages and weathers storms, when that person who said “I do” to you is still there, when every aspect of those wedding vows has been tested…
That’s a pretty special, deep love.
And sometimes I forget that.
Do you?
I think that’s what I’m taking from Homestands, that a love that withstands hurts and wrongs is a love to be treasured. That a love that’s gone through pain and difficulty is a love to be celebrated. That I need to make sure I thank my husband for the steady, selfless way he loves me, not because I’m afraid I’ll lose that love, but because he deserves to be loved back. And I’m going to make sure I do that today.
Well, tomorrow. Because it’s 1:30 in the morning right now, and, yeah, he’s asleep. So…
How about you? Any thoughts to add on how love has grown in your relationship? How do you thank your man for that less flashy, very steady love?
If you’d like to read Homestands, you can pre-order the Whispers of Love box set — twelve all-new Christian romance novels for only $.99!
“Older love is better love.” This is so true, Sally. I’m guilty of ignoring my man when I’m on a deadline or trying to to keep up with social media. Lately, after experiencing some challenging times in my family where he’s been my rock, I’ve realized he deserves my time more than Facebook or Twitter.
I’m looking forward to reading Homestand. I’ve had to tone down my heroines in the past…it’s not easy is it?
I have been married nearly 38 years and our love is deeper now. I never have to carry pigs. Tom insists on doing that. After my surgeries, he leads me around and helps me bathe, etc. It’s a solid foreverness.
Yes there is a depth to love when you’ve been married several decades. I try to remember to thank my husband as he does things for me and our family. One recent quote after a very busy graduation weekend, “That’s..the..last..child..to move..home from college,” with a large sigh. He then drove three and a half hours with her back to her apartment the next week to finish cleaning it out, cheerfully. That’s commitment!
I have to admit that I do miss things about young love. The newness and excitement of it all! But I totally love what we have after over 37 years of marriage. The sweetness and depth of our love, not to mention the trust we have in each other after all these years, that has ripened with age! I try to show my thanks everyday, by being a supportive and loving wife, even when life doesn’t go as smoothly as we would like. Just being there for each other, talking through things and holding each other, makes our love for each other grow stronger!
I find it easier, as an author, to tone down an over-the-top character in a subsequent draft than to add backbone and life to one who wandered insipidly through the first draft!
There is definitely something about “old love.” Weathering the storms in our extended family the past few weeks, I’ve been reminded again of what a strong, beautiful thing we have together. And I get to enjoy “young love” in my writing and reading other books. Can’t wait to read Homestands!
Lovely post, Sally! The book sounds great. As does your husband! ;)
And LOL, I’ve got the same issues with angry heroines. A story sitting over a year waiting for yet another revision, where the main task is to tone down her anger and desire to rub his nose in past wrongs. And one I’ll be starting soon for a Christmas set, very like yours. A couple who married young straight out of school, made mistakes, divorced, made more mistakes, and now need to learn what grown up love means.
So important to make sure we tell the people in our lives how much we appreciate them. It’s far too easy to take all those small everyday sacrifices for granted.
Thank you for the reminder :)
I’ve already pre-purchased the box set and I’m looking forward to reading it, my husband showed his love for me in our wedding vows. Last year I went through a tibial plateau fracture of my right leg and right after that I had a total knee replacement on my left leg. He waited on me and took great care of me. Laundry, cleaning, cooking and taking care of our three year old grandson. Then my mother broke her ribs and he took care of her too!
I love the Homestead story. I keep smiling every time I read in this blog about a new book that will be in Whispers of Love because since I pre-ordered it already, I don’t have to decide which book to buy next, but I just have to wait for it to show up in my kindle next month.
I also like the idea that “older love is better love”– every day I feel happier to be married to my husband and every new anniversary I smile knowing we get better at this every year and I love him for being awesome. Today is the anniversary of our first date.. we had been friends for almost 2 years before he asked me out on a date and I didn’t even realize at the time that it would be just the two of us that night. I still laugh at how we started, but he still buys me flowers every year and I can’t be more thankful to God to work out our relationship the way he did.
In my case older love is comfortable. Like finishing each other’s sentences. Having lots of shared memories that make us smile.
My husband and have a good relationship and enjoy each other’s company allot. We’ve worked hard on our marriage and we have 4 boys and have our 19th anniversary coming in September. I’m thankful God has always been here for us. Jenny
jennydtipton at gmail dot com
What a great reminder to cherish love, thanks. My husband and I have been married nearly fourteen years, with two young boys, one of whom is wired in a way that means life is more of a challenge. My husband keeps me grounded and reminds me to be patient. I am blessed.
Jill, older love can also be taken for granted. :D It’s awesome that you’ve got a wonderful man too. As for heroines, I sure hope my readers like Meg. We’ll see how it goes, right? :)
Yes, Diana! It’s an awesome habit to get into to thank them right away. I’m working on teaching my kids to do that right now. It’s a little slow going. :)
Carrying pigs? Sounds like there a story there, Susan!
Lori, you said this so well! Yes, sometimes the newness and energy of young love is easy to miss, but then again there were so many other struggles in that time period. :) I wouldn’t go back.
Yes, Valerie, you’ve both needed that support these last few weeks. It’s awesome that you’ve had it.
I’m with you; I do enjoy making my characters go through those young love struggles in my book. I don’t envy them, though! :D
Finish that book, Autumn! It sounds good–and yes, a bit like mine. But I know our styles are different, so it’ll definitely be it’s own book. I like your phrase there–grown-up love. Exactly!
What a guy, Gail! Hang onto him. :)
I hope you love the whole box set; I’m looking forward to reading the others in it too.
Priscila, I love that! Happy first date anniversary! And thank you for getting the Whispers of Love set. I’m so looking forward to reading everyone else’s story too. Just a month from today!
Yes, that foundation is there, and it’s strong! :)
Happy anniversary, Jenny! Even if it is a bit early. ;) We just had our twentieth. Hard to believe it’s been that long!
Wemble, your husband sounds like a good man. Isn’t it great to have someone to carry those challenges with you? And you’re in the teenage years of marriage! Which are good years. :)
Beautiful post! I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who so encourages me and works hard to help me do the things He knows God has called me to do. And I try to return that to him. We also homeschool and my husband is a pastor as well and life can get pretty crazy, but we try to be intentional about spending a little time together alone and consistently. :) I am anxiously waiting for Whispers of Love to arrive in my Kindle app!
Julie, I didn’t know you were a pastor’s wife too! We’ve got lots in common. Glad your husband’s such a good guy!
Time sure passes us by. Congrats on your anniversary!
Older love is better love….isn’t that the truth? I’m enjoying the season in our life we’re in now, our son is about to graduate from high school & go to college (local Community one thankfully) and we have our little 2 yr old grand-girl to keep us young (and tired, lol!). We can go and do whenever we want to, the freedom from less responsibility is amazing! We have the comfortablility of long-term love, where we can sit on the sofa and not have a conversation but feel like it was the best night of our life. We can talk about anything and everything, and it always feels like it’s a new conversation. We laugh at private jokes that no one else will understand, we have a private language that only the two of us can know, we even have the same thoughts most of the time, and can finish each others conversation!
Sure new love is exciting, and I loved that season in our life too….but just like a block of cheese that sits to age, it gets deeper, and life’s trails makes us stronger….as long as we keep God in our center & turn to Him when life gets tough! As scripture says, that three cord strand :-)
And we can find things to keep that love exciting and new and the spark going….we love the playful banter we engage in sometimes. The times of being silly, the jokes we tell or the play on words (puns) we come up with. The smiles, kisses and hugs, holding hands or just the anticipation when I know my husband will be home from work.
Ah love….isn’t it wonderful?
Trixi, I love how you said it! We’re a couple years away from our oldest leaving home, but I do look forward to having more time for me and my husband. :)
Unfortunately, I am still looking for the love of my life!