I don’t know about you, but I hate conflict. If there’s a conversation that involves confrontation of any kind, you can count me out! Knowing this about myself, I really shouldn’t have gotten married, huh? Lol. My poor hubby had to practice a LOT of patience in the early years of our marriage as I learned how to speak up, listen better, and work together with him as a team player. After 21 years of marriage, however, our relationship is so much better and stronger now that we know how to handle conflict in healthier and more constructive ways. So even though conflict is not a fun thing, there is good that can come about because of it.
Conflict is also essential for any romance. It’s what a story is built around. Readers, myself included, expect there to be a problem that keeps the two leading characters apart. Whether it’s an internal conflict, such as a fear of commitment, or an external conflict, such as a forbidden relationship between an employer and an employee, a good romance will have a conflict that is both believable and insurmountable. The fun part of reading a romance is seeing how the conflict gets resolved. What sacrifices do the characters make for each other? How do they change throughout the course of the book? What lessons do they realize about God, themselves, and one another as they learn to love and be loved? As you can see, the process of working through conflict can result in a lot of good, unexpected blessings in fiction (and in real life). Without conflict, we wouldn’t have the motivation to grow.
Does that mean I like conflict more now? No way, baby! Lol. But I don’t mind incorporating it into my stories and letting my characters deal with it instead. ;)
How about you? What do you think about conflict in romance? What do you consider believable versus unbelievable conflict? How much conflict do you like to see in a CCR? Please comment below and let me know!
A chauffeur and referee by day (AKA a stay at home mom of two), Liwen Y. Ho writes inspirational and sweet romance infused with heart, humor, and a taste of home (her Asian roots).
I don’t like conflict or drama at all. Reading about it is different. Haha
I don’t like conflict or drama but I don’t really care if they have it in a story or not
There has got to be conflict if you believe what the conflict is about, I will disagree on things I don’t believe in, I will speak my peace. Now drama is a different story, I do not care for drama, I stay away from drama, now in a book it is fine, it makes the book more real , cause there is always drama in real life. Have a great weekend and stay safe.
A reasonable confit needs to be present but I don’t want too much. I see enough in real life
Hi Lucy! I totally feel the same! :) Thanks for commenting!
Hi Kendra! Good to know. Thanks for commenting!
Hi Alicia! Yes, believable conflict is important. I also like to stay away from drama in real life. Thanks for commenting!
Hi Jcp! So true! Thanks for commenting!
It depends on the conflict, to be honest! I don’t like it to be like a drama queen or king, just making stuff up or embellishing to get their way. A true conflict, like starting off on the wrong foot, or not really liking each other but having to work together, is good.
Hi Trudy! Yes, I agree, those are good examples of reasonable conflict. :) Thanks for commenting!
depends on the conflict
Hi! Yes, there are so many kinds of conflict that can be included in a story. Thanks for commenting!
I understand the not liking conflict in real life. Even if we don’t like it, it is there in every day situations and sometimes comes due to outside influences. It comes from simple things like someone reading something into a fb post that really isn’t there but then tells someone else and suddenly you are accused of doing something you didn’t (then the person accusing admits they didn’t see the post) (Yes this happened to me and it was accused before asking what I wrote) I had asked for advice to get a new device due to it not being compatible with something. It became I was being disrespectful about the other device owner.
In saying that I see that in fiction conflict often comes from misunderstanding or someone says something that causes a rift without going to the source. It festers and then you get conflict.
I do like to see some but not to the angsts that some of the historical books have due to the time and often class system. CCR doesn’t that those restraints and angsts is just frustrating to read.
(If you want conflict watch two cats fighting over the same item particularly the same lap)
There are, of course, different types of conflict. A story needs conflict to be involving.
I feel that all relationships will have some form of conflict. After all, we are all human. I like to see a normal amount of conflict in CCR stories. Otherwise, they are not believable. I know we all read to escape, but if there is no conflict, we would be reading a fantasy. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
Hi Jenny! Oh man, I’m sorry that happened to you. Online communication (or lack thereof) can be tricky.
I like your suggestion about the cats! Lol. Thanks for commenting!
Hi Mary! Yes, I do agree that conflicts draw the reader into the story. Thanks for commenting!
Hi Debra! So well said! Thanks for commenting!
I am a lot like you. My husband really doesnt like conflict either. So with both of us trying to avoid conflict in our marriage, things started to happen. We are both christians. So we sought out a trusted friend who seemed to have it all together. Guess what? yup you guessed it, he and his wife had conflict. Ok then how do we handle all of this in a godly way to keep our marriage flourishing? We had some wonderful get togethers with our friends and all four of us learned a lot. We did some bible studying and some books about the subject. My husband and I are now married 40 years and we still have conflict, but we know now what works for us when this happens and (smile) most of the time we can work through it. Our Lord is wonderful and faithful.
Hi Lori! That’s so wonderful to hear. I’ve learned that conflict doesn’t have to be a scary or negative thing necessarily, it’s just differing opinions and needs. Thank you for sharing!
Thank Liwen. Today a roundabout way God has resolved the first issue with the person accusing before finding out the facts. Its actually an answer to prayer.
The cats, Henry never use to sit on my lap much til he got sick. Hes a big boy takes up room but is so affectionate on his terms. Libby thinks she owns me and if he tries to get up when after her she growls and hisses. If she gets on after my shins feel her standing on them. they will sleep til she decides she wants more room and will start nipping him. which then will start a play fight with her the one who has to run off. She then comes back for more and wonders why he turns on her. (Like the annoying little sibling who has to push just a little too far)
I’m so glad God answered your prayer!
Your kitties sound like they have big personalities. :) So cute!