Okay, Emily…when isn’t a book just a book? Oh, absolutely every time you or I read one. Why is that? Because we, as readers, bring our life experiences with us into every book we read. This means that a story is no longer words on a page, but an experience filtered through the events in life that have shaped us.
All of this means that your experience reading a story may be different from another reader’s experience, even though it is the exact same book. Consequently, when you look at reviews, even of best-sellers, there are five-star reviews proclaiming, “This is the best book I’ve ever read! It changed my life!” And then there are the one-stars saying things like, “This book didn’t speak to me at all. I have no idea what people see in it.” How can people have such different reactions to the same story? Because of the life they bring with them into the story.
I was surprised by strong reactions some readers had to the female main character in my book The Loophole in Lilies. I lost count of how many times I heard, “Kendra is way too pushy! It drove me crazy until I understood her better.” Funny thing, I never even saw her as pushy when I wrote her character. Persistent, yes. Determined, driven, slight overkill, all yes. But pushy to the point of insensitive? Nope. That was not the vibe I ever got from her, and some other reader friends were equally shocked by the pushback on Kendra. As I spoke to several people about it, I came to the conclusion that readers who struggle to say no to pushy people or have had a very pushy person close to them in life had a hard time with Kendra. Readers who, like me, are comfortable giving a firm no with a smile to overbearing individuals didn’t even see Kendra as a problem. It taught me to try to think a little more broadly when developing main characters so that readers with various personalities won’t feel alienated.
Sometimes as readers, we have endured a traumatic or difficult event and struggle to read about something similar portrayed in fiction. After I wrote The Miracle of Mistletoe, I enlisted the help of a beta reader who had read the book before it and provided highly valuable insight. I was looking forward to her feedback on the next story, but she quickly backed out after a few chapters because the struggles of the couple whose marriage is on the rocks were too much for her after having gone through her own broken marriage. I told her it got better, but she said no thanks, it was too hard for her to get through.
This is where content warnings, also known as trigger warnings, come into play. There is a lot of debate about trigger warnings in the publishing industry. How much is too much? Some readers want a trigger warning for every possible sensitivity, while others feel this gives too much away. Some readers are much more sensitive than other readers or have experienced worse trauma than others. How much of this burden falls on the author to warn potential readers so we won’t have upset readers on our hands, saying, “This book is not what I signed up for!”?
Ultimately, for The Miracle of Mistletoe, I did add a content warning, but not for the marriage issues. The blurb makes it clear that it is a marriage reconciliation story, so marriage troubles are assumed to be included. However, one of the issues between the couple stems from child abuse that happened to the husband, and this is discussed at length. Another beta reader strongly recommended I place a content warning because she said not everyone wants to face such a heavy topic in romance. I did as she suggested. Ironically, that contentious book is my second-best seller.
Sometimes something simpler than trauma keeps us from enjoying a story. It might be that our life has been lived so differently than life portrayed in a story that we don’t know quite how to relate. Here’s an example. I was raised in an ultra-conservative Christian home where we were not allowed to listen to any music with a rock tempo. I could explain why, but that’s not relevant. The point is, I was raised to think of rock music of any kind as bad. As I grew, I had to make my own choices, and while I don’t listen to secular music, I love Christian contemporary music. K-LOVE or Air-1 is always on in our vehicles or in the house when I’m cleaning, and Phil Wickham is my go-to Pandora Radio station. BUT…I can’t make myself read a rock star romance. It makes me squeamish just to think about. Such a role was considered taboo to me for so long that it has stuck with me, and I can’t bring myself to read about a rock star, even a Christian one. There is a series by one of our Inspy Romance authors that I’ve heard amazing things about, but I haven’t read it yet because… Yep, you guessed it. It’s about a rock star. Eek!
Do you see where I’m coming from? Our life experiences come right along with us into a book, just like they do into any other event or experience. Should we let this dictate our reading habits? One of my goals this year is to read that rock star romance series—even if it makes me squirm! And also, to try to separate my personal life from fiction as much as possible. I think of the verse in 2nd Timothy, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” We don’t have to let our personal experiences, even the bad ones, limit our reading options.
The next time you feel bothered or uncomfortable while reading a book, ask yourself, what in my life is impacting my reading experience? It’s okay to give up on a book—but you can also ask God what He’d like you to learn and how you can grow as you read, even if it’s outside your comfort zone.
I’d love to know your thoughts on this topic. Do you appreciate trigger warnings, or do you view them as spoilers? How much is too much? How do you handle sensitive or uncomfortable topics as a reader?
Ausjenny says
I think there are times a trigger warning is useful. Like your book with child abuse. I read one once dealing with DV which I found very informative but I have friends who lived it and while it was helpful for them it would be too much to deal with. I have had friends struggle with children dealing with a life threatening illness as they have lived it.
For me at there have been times when I couldn’t read a book. When Mum passed away a couple of the books I tried to read dealt with someone with cancer and went into all the treatments the other was also cancer and I think it was the daughter was going to die. It was too soon and I couldn’t read them. I also read a couple where they had lost a parent and in one the little boy said I can’t remember Mom’s voice and I burst out crying as I was at that point I was forgetting her voice but I was able to read these books (Mum didn’t die of cancer it was the flu and old age).
I also struggle with books where the people get drunk (doesn’t happen a lot in CF but it does happen). I also struggle where there is bullying happening as I suffered really badly at school a lot being sexual harrassment which makes me struggle with some of these issues too.
When you mentioned about one loves a book and one doesn’t get it I think back to a movie everyone raved about so I went to see it and was left disappointed to me it didn’t end right actually it ended like it was partway through a scene. Turns out there was a sequel coming out. After this when people raved about a film I often ended up taking longer to see the movie.
Trudy says
I’m sure there are times that trigger warnings are good; however, I’ll read anything that’s CF, as I’ve not yet read a book that bothers me bad enough not to read it! The only things that make me want to put a book down are if it’s not interesting and doesn’t keep my attention. If I can’t get into the story because of how it’s written, that’ll make me stop reading. I actually had that happen with my first Jaime Jo Wright book! I really liked one time line, the other was moving slow and I’d almost decided to just read the one time line when the other time line got interesting! That was about at the halfway point of the book! I have read a couple of books that when I’ve reviewed I’ve put a warning about triggers in it, knowing that if someone went through abusive situations they might find triggers there. I don’t put it in a way that gives spoilers, though.
Milla Holt says
Thanks for your very thought-proving post, Emily.
As you know, I’m one of those who struggled with Kendra because I’m a people-pleaser who only learned relatively recently how not to allow myself to be bulldozed by more forceful personalities.
Ironically, the heroine I wrote about who gets the most flak is Kendra’s polar opposite. She’s a sweet mild-mannered woman who readers complained lets people walk all over her.
Trigger warnings can be helpful but, as we’ve both found out, it’s impossible to know what will hit a nerve with some readers!
For me, I find it uncomfortable to read about topics that are theologically controversial.
Emily Dana Botrous says
Thanks for your comment, Jenny. It’s very true that different seasons in our lives impact our reading experience. There have been times I stopped reading a book for various reasons, and I would like to go back to some of them and give another try now that I am in a different season. I’m so sorry you lost your mom. I think that would deeply impact anyone in many ways, including reading choice. And I totally hear you on the drunkenness. That’s big no-no for me, too.
Emily Dana Botrous says
Hi Trudy, thanks for your comment. Definitey different readers have much higher or lower sensitivity levels, which makes things tricky for authors. We don’t want to give away plot points to readers who won’t be bothered by it anyway, nor do we want to cause emotional distress to readers who don’t want to read about a certain topic. It’s hard!
You must have been reading a dual timeline story. I struggle with those because one always appeals to me more than the other. That is actually a subgenre I have, for the time being, set aside and have chosen not to read because it doesn’t enhance my reading experience. Maybe I should give it another try.
Emily Dana Botrous says
I confess, I had you in mind when I wrote about Kendra. But you were not alone in your initial aversion to her.
Yes, I struggle too when I find things in books that, to me, are theologically controversial, but I try to give grace since there is such varying theology across the Christian denominational spectrum. It can be tough, though!
bn100 says
like the, but has to list them, not just a generic sentence
RuthieH says
This is a really interesting take on reactions to certain books, I haven’t thought of it this way but I think you’re right, life experiences make such a difference to how we experience a story.
I think trigger warnings can be a great idea, obviously you can’t list everything but for some major issues it’s really useful. I have a hard time reading about experiences of rape and abuse, and also stories that include miscarriage and pregnancy loss, I think these are really important life events and it’s great when writers sensitivity write about them, particularly showing how the love of God can be healing in these circumstances, but I personally just can’t read about it as it’s too close, so it’s great to know when to skip a book and find something else to read.
Marilla says
I would have never considered the need for trigger warnings until I developed a mental health problem that meant I was literally triggered by any type of violence. When I was in a very bad place I needed to know that a book wouldn’t make me worse. I didn’t used to be this way, but I am now very careful with what I read because if I read something horrible, even by accident, it can haunt me for years. And no, I don’t read the news very often! I can’t have the weight of all the world’s problems on my shoulders, I leave that to God.
Emily Dana Botrous says
Yes, it’s more helpful to know what the exact trigger could be, right?
Emily Dana Botrous says
Definitely! That is the purpose of a trigger warning. It’s just hard as an author to know how much to give away. But we definitely don’t want to emotionally distress our readers.
Emily Dana Botrous says
Very good thing indeed not reading the news! Not much there to uplift the soul these days. I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this, but the good news is there ARE many uplifting Christian fiction books out that keep things light for sensitive readers if you choose carefully. My books are on the heavier side, but there are plenty that aren’t.
Ausjenny says
I almost stopped one book due to the drinking in the first chapter. It was a non Christian character but the scene was something I didn’t like or want in a book. The character does completely change but if not for reviewing I would have stopped. I know it set up the book but it made my skin crawl when reading the scene. I was really surprised not one review mentioned it and then wondered if it was just me or if people don’t want to say something incase it stops people reading. (Mum’s father was an alcoholic and they suffered more because people knew if they got him drunk they could get his money and in the depression money was tight. If not for his wife working and the oldest son they wouldn’t have much to eat at all. It seams he could also be a mean drunk with his mouth more so than physical). Mum became a Christian during ww2. Hearing the stories and also seeing first hand friends who suffered due to alcohol I don’t want to read it in CF.
It will be 11 years this year since mum passed away and she was elderly. It was really a blessing but I didn’t realise how much it would affect me. Those two book I know I will never read because even know the parts I read are still fresh in my mind. If I picked it up to read now I would probably have no problem.
Dianne says
I think it’s a sensitive topic depending on the reader. For me the author writes the book, but when I read it it’s not a book, it’s a springboard/[;atform for my imagination and experiences. Sometimes I’m utterly amazed at assumptions other readers make about characters and try and see it through their eyes for added dimensions. I personally can’t bring myself to read billionaire books, for me money isn’t the priority and service is so I don’t. Some trigger warnings for rape, violence are necessary as there is much abuse in our world and it occurs regardless of background etc. Thanks for raising the topic,
Emily Dana Botrous says
I never replied to your reply, Jenny! I’m so sorry. You are so right, I think drinking has no place in Christian fiction. I realize many Christians drink (I don’t, however), but we need to stay mindful of how easily this substance can be misused and how a recovering alcoholic or someone who has been impacted by an alcoholic would feel about seeing Christian drinking in a Christian book.
I’m sorry you’ve been without your mum so long, but I’m glad you still have sweet memories to hold onto until you see her again.
Emily Dana Botrous says
Hi Dianne, thanks so much for your comment. Definitely, a book is a springboard. I like that visual. I think we all have certain things we’d rather not read about. I’m not big on billionaires, either. So much so that when I wanted to write about someone who was filthy rich but his money wasn’t the point of the story, I refused to call him a billionaire, instead making him a multi-millionaire (which is far more realistic, too!).