Not every day can be an adventure. We don’t often get to live the fairy tale Sunday through Saturday, daily getting swept off our feet by Prince Charming. Granted, we may have our own personal Prince Charming, but chances are, he’s not always charming.
Just like anyone else, he has good days and bad days, and he has those days when he’s at the end of his rope. Maybe he got chewed out for no reason at work. Maybe the kiddo’s diaper exploded on him as he was heading out the door to a business meeting. Maybe he got lousy sleep or had a terrible dream. The reality is, though, that there will be days when he’s less than charming. He will complain about what you packed in his lunch. He will tell you he’s going to put out the trash and then forget. When you ask if he needs help with anything, his response will be to snap at you about something completely unrelated to whatever he’s doing. He will grumble and grouse about why nothing is ever where it’s supposed to be even though the thingamajig he’s looking for is exactly where he last put it.
The good news is that we’re no better. We don’t get to sit on our high and mighty horse and snub our noses when our other half is being irrationally cranky or irritable. We don’t get to mention for the umpteenth time that he forgot to take out the trash or — heaven forbid — that he didn’t do it with a smile. After all, we have off days, too. We don’t get enough sleep or wake up with a crick in our neck. We have days (or weeks) when we’ve forgotten that the vacuum has an actual purpose. There are days when we plop a $5 pizza down on the table at dinnertime because we had too many things on our plate, lost track of time, or simply couldn’t get two steps into the kitchen without something else demanding our attention first.
Sometimes life is just plain ol’ normal. Homework, carpool, sick kids or grandkids, bills to pay, laundry to fold, and a million other tedious things that fill up our days. That doesn’t mean the grand adventure of romance is dead, though.
We get to live the romantic moments while they’re happening in all their romantic glory. But the normal moments of life? Those are spectacularly special opportunities to see our significant other the way he wants us to see him. We can remember the epic romance, the beautiful moments, the outpouring of love, and the grand romantic gestures, but it’s in those normal moments of life that we put the emotions of those memories into action, where we back up our big talk and big feelings with ordinary everyday perseverance and love.
Nobody can be Prince Charming all the time, but when we give our husband/boyfriend/fiancé/etc. the benefit of the doubt — when we treat him like Prince Charming even when he’s not acting the part — we give him a special gift wrapped up in sparkling glitter paper (in his favorite manly color, of course). We give him the gift of seeing the beauty in his heart even when his actions don’t quite match it. That might just be romance at its best.
Besides, when two people are walking hand-in-hand through this normal life, nothing is isolated. Our good days run into our bad days, and our highs run into our lows. For every time we’ve chosen to see the best in our significant other despite any evidence to the contrary, he has chosen to see the best in us in those exact same circumstances.
Romance is present in those glorious, fantastic, big moments in life.
It’s also there in the normal, everyday, ordinary moments, too.
Here’s to a normal life and all the opportunities for romance it brings us!
GIVEWAWAY
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Heather Gray loves coffee, God, her family, and laughter – not necessarily in that order! She writes approachable characters who, through the highs and lows of life, find a way to love God, embrace each day, and laugh out loud right along with her. And, yeah, her books almost always have someone who's a coffee addict. Some things just can't be helped. Despite their different lives and situations, Heather’s characters have something in common. They're all flawed...but loved anyway.
The normal, every day can be just fine and dandy.
I am still to find a prince charming. closest I have is Henry and he’s a cat.
Once I spent a year keeping a small journal and jotting down the different everyday “normal” moments my hubs did for me, and what it meant to me at the time. Like when he did take out the trash, lol, it fixed dinner, or filled my car up with gas…..then when the year was up and the journal full, I gave it to him with a note that said all the little moments mean the most…
Paula Marie- what a great idea, LOVE it!
Blessings:)
Hi Heather, timely post! Life gets busy and we get caught up in that, in the mundane, ordinariness of life and forget to look for, or make time for, the romance. My husband is struggling with his health- he has always been very fit and active and the last year has taken a toll on him as he struggles with his illness. I need these reminders to acknowledge and show thanks for the important, everyday things, so thank you:)
Blessings:)
Hi Heather! What an inspiring blog about our daily mundane life. The lists made me chuckle. My favorite line, that my husband says weekly when now as a retiree he vacuums: “that I’ve forgotten how to use a vacuum.” One day I just reminded him that as a pastor’s wife for 30 years with 3 kids and pets, I was proficient in vacuuming. Now we tease that I have been happily married 23 years and he says he has been happily married 23 years. Love the puzzled look on people’s faces, since we have been married 46 years. Thanks for the reminder Heather. Love is a choice, especially through sleepless nights, sick kids and pets, and those never ending mundane chores. Best wishes.
Hi Heather! Indeed an inspiring blog. I think all of us are able to relate to something you said and it’s good to know those things don’t happen just at our house, but all around the world. We have a saying here that says something like: It’s the same everywhere it just changes the address.
But what I really liked is your reminder that we must remember we are not flawless and we should choose everyday, again and again, to see the best in our significant other despite what bothers us, afterall he is the Prince Charming we have chosen to live with.
What a timely topic Heather! In 20 days we will have been married 45 years, and like Renate, I joke half of them have been good, haha.
Life does have a way of messing with our romantic views! Sometimes when I think on those vows, for richer for poorer, in sickness and health, I wonder what was I thinking, lol. I’m sure many times he has felt the same.
We have learned to let a lot of those “less than good day” issues go and give each other space. I have learned to not take everything personally.
He laughs at me some mornings when I tell him how my day is going to go, he says it’s like I’m writing my own story, I say of course, that’s the only way I get the results I want. So here’s to “writing our own story” today, we can make it happen, including those little romantic moments.
Thanks so much for your inspiring blog today. I needed this!
I loved this post!
True romance has a foundation built on loving actions when he has the flu, and he’s too gross to touch but you treat him like he’s still hot stuff. The foundation is laid in our perceptions of ourselves and him and always searching for the gold instead of digging up dirt.
If I treat my man likes he’s the best thing that ever happened pretty soon he will act like it. Not that he believes it, but he’s grateful that I do.
If, in my eyes, he’s the strongest, smartest, and best, he takes some of that out into the world and it doesn’t beat him up as much. He’s Clark Kent but he knows he’s going to come home and be Superman.
This is how marriages survive. Treating him as better than he actually is encourages him to treat me better than I actually am too. We’re both winners in that.
I was chatting with a young lady this morning (20s, I’d guess), and she was complaining about it being Monday again. I suggested (in humor, obviously) that she find a way to adapt since Monday’s not going anywhere. It’s going to outlive us all. ^_^ I think there’s a certain kind of joy that comes with embracing the mundane and finding joy in it. Like you said, it’s fine and dandy. :-)
I used to have a cat named Henry! He was black and white and full of spunk. I named him after Henry Plantagenet (or Henry II of England as he’s better known). Who’s your Henry named after?
Oh my goodness! What a brilliant idea! I’ll bet, too, that as you’re taking the time each day to document the good normals that the bad normals (like not taking out the trash) faded in comparison. What a beautiful, lovely, spectacular idea. Thank you for sharing!!
You’re so welcome – but God gets all the credit for this one! Whether it’s a message that somebody else needs to hear or something that I need to hear but am too stubborn to realize, God always finds a way to work out the perfect message. (Not that I’m ever too stubborn, of course. *cough, cough*) I’m praying for both you and your husband as you navigate these waters. Hugs!!
Ha! I love that Renate – 23 & 23. :-)
You are so, so right. Love is a choice – not just the “feeling” of love, but also the action of it. Treating one another with love, and choosing to see love in those everyday moments – it’s all part of that gift that marriage allows us to give each other.
Amen! Back before I was married, I used to say that I don’t need a perfect man – I just need the man that’s perfect for me. We’ll be celebrating 23 years later this month, and that statement is as true today as it was all those years ago. Like you said, he’s the Prince Charming I chose to live this life with, and if he can overlook some of my more glaring flaws, then I can surely overlook some of his. ^_^
I’m glad you could visit today Tracey! I LOVE the part about “writing our own story.” I take take the approach that, each day, I am going to find something to celebrate. It might be something little. It might be something big. Either way, I’m going to celebrate it. I’ve found that as I spend my day looking for that thing to celebrate, I find so much more good in the world than bad. I find more joy, happiness, peace, and – yes – love & romance. There’s a lot to be said for going into each day with a positive perspective. ^_^
You’re welcome, Lori! I’m glad you were able to stop by the blog today!
“always searching for gold instead of digging up dirt” – So beautifully said!
We talk at church a lot about sacrificial love and how important it is to marriage. I think that ties in exactly to what you’re saying here. Sometimes the thing we sacrifice is that desire to dig for the dirt when we’re in a bad mood or something has rubbed us the wrong way for the umpteenth time. Instead of giving in to that urge (that promises it’ll make us feel better even though it really won’t) to dig up dirt and sling mud, we choose to shower him with the same grace with which God has showered us. We sacrifice our desire to get a good dig in, and we’re both better off for it because you’re right – when we love him like that, he will in turn show us the same kind of love. Win-win.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting Dalyn!
Thanks for the thought-provoking post. I’ve had 51 years of mostly normal with my husband, and I’m so glad he’s put up with me that long. Life is hard, but we need each other to help us through it!
I’ll be honest – it is not my original idea, lol, I read it some where, wish I could remember where, lol!!
Anyway, he found it touching, and I still catch him looking at it now and then….
Be blessed that you have a special someone bcz a lot of us don’t have a partner in life for many reasons… Death, breath ups, abuse, still looking or just by choice. Cherish who you love and who loves you back, none of us are promised the next second of our lives.
Thanks for this reminder today. Sometimes when I’m wrapped up in a wonderfully romantic book I forget to think about the “everyday” things that make my husband so special and to be thankful for his “everyday-ness” which grounds our family.
Thanks for the thoughtful post.
I much prefer the normal and mundane things (except laundry!!). I like when things go along as expected and I have time to do the things I want to do along with what I need to do.
Great post! Thanks so much for sharing truth.
Henry is a tabby and soft as silk. I adopted him and Libby (Liberty) as they had bonded. Liberty is because I thought it was a good name for a cat that may otherwise have to be put down and I was giving her liberty. Shes Libby for short.
I had to think about it and works going with Liberty just didn’t work.
But there are a couple of reasons. During the War of Independence Patrick Henry gave a speech and one quote is “Give me Liberty or give me death”. I couldn’t call him death and Patrick Henry was to big a name.
So I thought Henry would be a good name. Henry was also Mum’s maiden name and if we did our family tree its possible we could be related to Patrick Henry as our family also left Ireland during the potato famine. If I was a boy I was going to be Michael Henry. Oh and when he’s naughty I call him Henry James which I have since learnt was dad’s fathers name. (currently his nickname is buster cos he busted out of the locked cat door.)
My Prince Charming made footprints with his bare feet on my freshly mopped floor today. ;-) But he also went to the grocery 40 minutes away. (He does all our grocery shopping.) As soon as he got home, he found out our new storm doors were in at Lowe’s and he had to make basically the same trip again. He’s not perfect but he’s mine. We generally do a good job of overlooking each other’s quirks.
Such thoughtful (and real) comments. Here’s to every day, ordinary events!
Thanks for reminding us to cherish the pleasures of actually having those days when so many people don’t.
My hubby comes in from working ten hours and I’m cooking supper and still in the midst of canning today and he jumps in to help. The little things mean so much. Thank you so much.
Fifty-one years – what a lovely testament to living life together! You’re so right. We lean on, lean into, and help each other along as we go through the good and bad life has for us.
Absolutely true, Cindi! Everybody has a different life situation, and we should never take the relationships God has blessed us with – romantic or otherwise – for granted.
Sometimes I think that by their very nature, romance books tend to be all about the grand gestures and big, sweeping romantic sagas. Realistically, though, not everyday can be filled with grand gestures. (They wouldn’t be so grand then, would they?) Like with your husband, it’s that everyday-ness that keeps us grounded in this world and all the joy it has to offer. :-)
I’m glad you could stop by, Merrillee!
I’ll do your laundry if you don’t mind cleaning my bathrooms… ^_^
I kind of like knowing what to expect from each day, so I thrive in the midst of the everyday mundane. It sounds like we’re a little bit alike in that regard. :-)
Thank you for stopping by the blog Margaret!
Thank you for sharing, Sherri! All I can say in Prince Charming’s defense is that at least they were bare feet and not muddy boots! ^_^ The double-trip to get the things y’all needed doesn’t hurt, either. :-)
Well said, Priscila! I’m reminded not just of those people who don’t have a significant other for one reason or another, but also of those whose significant other is gravely ill or incapacitated to the extent that they are no longer able to participate in life together like they once may have. Love isn’t always easy – that’s pretty much a guarantee – but it is always worth it. We have to learn to appreciate what we have, but we also have to learn to celebrate the good we’ve had even when we’re no longer able to hold onto it. Life is full of hard lessons, but we serve a God who holds us all in the palm of His hand and who can see us through all those moments – the good ones, the bad ones, the grand ones, and the everyday ones.
What a great guy! Those little, everyday things can mean so much to us! They tell us that we’re loved and appreciated, that we’re worth helping. They tell us that we’re treasured.
If someone knows what “normal” means, will you tell me?
My life is anything but normal.
I’m still waiting to get off of this merry-go-round.
You’ve got a deal! I don’t mind cleaning the bathrooms (even the toilets!), and you can do the laundry!! Actually, I have a load in the dryer now. I like doing my everyday mundane things. Some of my most relaxing time is washing dishes. I don’t have a dishwasher, so I do all of it myself. I find it rather relaxing. No pressure, you can don’t have to think.
I love the thought that Prince Charming may not always be charming. :)
Ha! I think that normal is what we make of it. Every time life turns itself upside down, I think, “Okay. Now I need to find my new normal.” ^_^
Glad you could stop by today Laurie!
I make a deal with myself when it comes to laundry. Whenever I do a load, I set the basket in the middle of whatever area of the house I’m in, and every time I walk by the basket, I have to stop and fold three things. They might be big things, they might be small things, but I just have to fold three things. It’s amazing how quickly my laundry gets folded when I do it like that. My bathroom, on the other hand….I’ve resorted to trying to bribe other people to clean it. ^_^ As for dishes, I hear you! I have a smallish dishwasher, but it doesn’t actually do a great job. I found that I was having to clean everything by hand before putting it in the dishwasher…so I kind of gave up and decided to save water by just washing everything once – by hand. But then again, I try to bribe people to put the dishes away for me because while I enjoy washing them, I don’t like putting them away afterward. (I’m a mess. What can I say?) ^_^
Heather, I’m looking forward to a “normal” life lol
Especially with the school starts next week – four kids in three schools with different schedules – yeah! one day….
My husband is not perfect, but he’s perfect for me. And he treats me like a queen. I’m always trying to point out to my daughter what to look for in a good man.
Oh my word – your life is going to be crazy! Talk about going in too many directions all at once. Remember to celebrate each day and to enjoy that normal while it lasts! ^_^
I see a meme floating around every now and then that says, “If you want to be treated like a king, start by treating her like a queen.” It looks like you guys already have that figured out! :-)
In this chaotic and busy world that we live in, normal is wonderful! And sometimes we have to create a new normal when life throws you a curve ball. And that’s good too.
Normal is good. Helps me appreciate the “special”. It is something we are working on with my kids. They want everything to be special, and then complain if it wasn’t “special enough”. We are working on gratitude this summer.
Your post is extremely timely for me too…we have no big change of seasons this year for the first time. No kids going back to school this semester, nothing really to mark the back to school part of autumn Those everyday moments are coming in quick succession with little break in the monotony…yet I love it! I love having time to note those moments and fall in love a little more every day.