Hi precious readers!
So good to be with you here today. This post is pretty difficult for me to write, but it felt necessary.
One of my best friends is walking a difficult road right now. Divorce after twenty-something years of marriage. Because she’s also a family member, I’ve had a front row seat to the magnitude of her suffering, loss and grief.
There’s a reason I write happily ever afters. Real life doesn’t always mean happy endings. Our free will is at play. I can make my characters do anything I want. For the record, I make them act with integrity, fidelity, purity, honesty and faithfulness to what God would want.
We real people aren’t fictional paper puppets though. God gave us free will. This is hard because where there is free will, there is sin and a devil salivating to sink us and our marriages in it. The drowning starts slow, with subtle lures of curiosity. The submersion happens hand-in-hand with false justification and self-deception. Pretty soon, we’re drowning in depravity and too prideful, entrenched or oblivious to ask for help.
Deceived.
It’s a terrible place to be. A horrible place to find yourself…unless you do and you depart from it. Deception is also a horrible place to see those you love blindly walking in it.
You speak truth. They won’t listen. What can you do? Pray. Worship. Root yourself in God’s word-the Truth. My dear friend, if you’re walking through the pain of abandonment, my heart goes out to you. God sees you breaking. God sees your fear and how the disillusionment disables you beyond comprehension. How you can’t seem to face the new normal but someone else’s choice left you without one.
You’re not alone. Never, for one moment.
God wants you to know He’s with you. He won’t leave you in your anguish. Nor should we leave one another alone in it.
Today in this post, I’m asking you to reach out in love to my friend. She’s so valuable and precious to me, but she’s been made for 23 years to feel worthless, toxic, a wagon-rattler who should be silenced. Her voice won’t be obliterated any longer. Not as long as I have breath. People hate me because I tell the truth. I don’t care. I will tell the truth anyway. So should you.
In light of this, writing romance has been HARD. How can I write a happy ending for people who don’t actually exist, when my dear friend, my heart, my sweet sister in the Lord sits beside me weeping over the loss of her lifetime?
What do you say to someone so broken she can barely go on living? You make phone calls to professionals on her behalf. You pray your guts out for her. You never cease to listen. you take time and careful thought to encourage. You take her to the doctor for meds. You help her get to her counselor even days she feels she can’t. You take her to a drive-through to buy her a cheeseburger just because. And because these are the things we take for granted when there’s enough in the bank and in the fridge and in our marriages and in our hearts.
What do you do when her anger boils over like a volcano in your living room? You listen. You keep quiet. You write out scriptures. You encourage her to focus on what God’s doing rather than what has been done.
I’ve been helping her all I can financially and it’s still not enough.
But Jesus is. He could make food and medicine appear on her table if He chooses. He could also speak one word and her body, heart and soul would be healed. He could put her accusers on their faces with one brilliant flash of light and truth. Yet He waits. We wonder why. We lament. It’s hard.
Often it’s a process when we want it to be pronto. God has good reason for us walking through the wretched fire of it.
How do you encourage someone who’s been abandoned?
All I know to say is, “God sees. God will bring the truth to light. God will clear your name. God will heal you. God will help you. God will provide for you. God will meet your needs. God will heal you of decades of spiritual, physical, emotional, psychological and sexual abuse. God will vindicate you. God will help you forgive. God will never leave you. God will never stop loving you. God will never abandon or forsake you. God will never break his vows or his covenant with you. God will protect you and strengthen you and meet every need you have. He will bring beauty from these ashes.”
God will, God will, God will. He just will.
The hard part? Acting right when others act wrong. Forgiving someone who has no remorse and no change in behavior, no repentance, no Godly sorrow for the sin literally killing your friend. The withholding of medical insurance and money she needs for literal survival.
Our hope: God sees the travesty. He sees the injustice. He has given me a voice through fiction and I will use it to help those whose voice has been stripped. So, forgive me friends, but this post is me, speaking up and out for her and others like her.
She desperately needs your kind words and prayers. She needs to know she’s amazing. That she’ll make it through this and that the best is yet to come. That God will rescue her.
She’s doing so much better than she believes. Of everyone in the situation, she’s acted the most Christ-like. Even above me. I admire and love her and hate that she’s hurting. I’ve battled hatred and bitterness toward those who’ve hurt her and those who’ve turned the other way and not helped her in the aftermath. She’s disabled, but God knows this. He knows it well, knows her well, is intimately acquainted with her grief and pain. The magnitude of it makes me sick and undone simply because I CAN imagine what it would be like if I were in her place. It’s horrible but I know God can restore hope and happiness to her life despite that someone else’s sin and abuse wrecked her. There is a difference in committing a sin and living a sin. God knows this. His opinion is the only one that matters. Integrity before God is the most important thing.
I believe the God of mercy will bring every dark thing to light. I believe the best of her life is yet to come if she continues to seek God first and foremost. I believe God will reconcile this situation and go after hearts that have grown dark. He will deal with the depravity and the deception. If you’ve been through something like this, or walked through it with a friend or family member, you know exactly what I mean.
As a writer of romance and happily ever afters, it’s very difficult for me to see a supposedly Christian marriage end in such devastation and loss. I’ve been trying to help her emotionally, but quite honestly, I’m not enough.
For today, for this blog post, will you write a piece of encouragement for my friend? It can be a scripture, or a prayer or anything you feel led by God to write.
Today, let’s shower my friend with love. Thanks in advance and I promise next month’s post will be less depressing and more uplifting. Thank you for allowing me this space to grieve with those who grieve, just as we rejoice with those rejoicing.
Love you all!
How do you encourage hurting friends and family members when romance goes wrong?
Your words will be warmly welcomed. I will print your responses out and surprise gift them to her on pretty paper.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking time to encourage a deeply hurting heart. For privacy’s sake, let’s call my friend something she far from feels right now:
Wonder Woman.
Dear Wonder Woman, this post is for you and those suffering alongside you. You are worth more than words. We love you.
Cheryl Wyatt
USA Today bestselling author and RN Cheryl Wyatt writes romance with virtue themed with rescue. She’s grateful to be a worshipper of Jesus, a mom, wife, orphan/troop advocate, plus wrangler of words and spoiled Yorkies. She loves readers and cherishes interaction at: https://www.facebook.com/CherylWyattAuthor. Join her newsletter via her website: www.cherylwyatt.com.
I’m so sorry to hear your family member is having such a difficult time, Cheryl. Losing the trust of a loved one is never an easy road. She’s blessed to have you in her life. My prayers are with her.
Blessings Wonder Woman. I want to give you the lyrics to a beautiful song: Just Be Held by Casting Crowns. Thank God for the promise of a life made new in Heaven, for the Hope of Jesus’ return when all will be made right. It won’t take away the darkness, pain or suffering of this life, but we do have Hope for eternity. Revelation 21:4:)
Thank God for friends like you who hold onto the one going through tremendous grief and loss. The impact of these losses goes on and on and on.
Here’s some encouragement for your friend.
God’s got you….all of you…every tear, every pain, every heartache…he’s got you and is loving you…lean into him. He is trustworthy
Don’t believe your ex’s assessment of you. You are worthy of love, fidelity, honour and a good life. If you start to question yourself about this, it is the enemy lying to you to bring you down. Rebuke him and declare over yourself Gods promises. I am loved, I am Gods daughter and deserve to be treated with respect and honour etc. I am going to live in these truths, not lies.
Let God heal you.
Give thanks every day for 5? Things. My eyes to see, my ears to hear, my tastebuds etc if you are struggling.
Remember it’s a journey not a sprint. So take care of yourself for the long journey.
Accept the help of friends. Ditch negative people. You don’t need this in your life.
Laugh even if the humour is black!
These are my best tips when life drops you on your head and kicks you in the butt!
My sweet step-son is going through the same after so many years together, just as his father before him and it breaks my heart. The anger and abuse can go both ways, it’s not gender-specific, but it’s just as harmful, soul-crushing, heart-breaking. Friends like you, family members, faith in God — these are the only thing that will tide them over to a better time. Because better times are coming.
Thank you for sharing this breath of reality, Cheryl! It was so nice meeting you at conference.
Oh, Cheryl. I am so sorry for your friend, family member, sister. She is so close to your heart. I will lift her up in prayer. God can and will move. In His time, not ours. Sometimes we have to walk through something to get where he wants us to be. God loves you, Wonder Woman. He created you. He rejoiced over your first smile your first steps. He created you just the way you are and he loves you just as you are. He knows all about you and loves you so much he died for you before you were even born. Hold onto His truth. Here’s a song by The McKamey’s: There Is Jesus
Praying for you, Cheryl. That you’ll have the words of comfort needed. I love you my friend.
Divorce can be hard, I was lucky mine was not and I got out early on. See my Mom didn’t make it out of her abusive marriage, she tried to leave and my step father but he killed her instead. So when my marriage crumbled practically before it began I ran. See I knew he would not be a good husband, but I had to try as I grew up without either of my parents. So when I made the mistake of giving in to grief and allowing myself to be swayed and getting pregnant while unmarried…I wanted my daughter to have two parents, but once I figured out he was not going to be a good father either…I ran. I could not raise my daughter and take care of him, he couldn’t be trusted with her alone and I couldn’t afford daycare and all the other bills, especially with how he spent my money. Also towards the end of my pregnancy he showed signs he could easily become physically abusive so when my daughter was 3 months old I left him and never looked back. Not to say that divorce was easy on ne spiritually, I had great guilt over that end, I believed marriage should be forever. But I had to do what was best for my daughter and safest for myself and felt God would understand and forgive me for it. Yes God wants marriage to be forever, but he would not want us to stay in a marriage that would endanger us physically, mentally or spiritually, he loves us too much for that. May God give you peace and ease your heart and spirit in this difficult time. Remember God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear and knows his plans for us to give us good things.
Wonder Woman,
Here’s a verse that meant a lot to me as I was coming out of an abusive situation as a teenager. ( I had been locked in a basement and not fed much.) God is gracious and heals physically,emotionally and spiritually.
“I would have despaired unless I believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, Be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:13,14 NASB
God bless you abundantly!
Jesus loves you!
Wonder Woman God loves you, you are precious to Him. Valuable in His sight. If you were the only person ever to sin, He would have died just for you. He does not want us unequally yoked but sometimes Satan will deceive us. I don’t know your circumstances but if you choose to look there is someone God has for you that will make all the difference.
My husband was divorced when I met him. His wife had cheated on him. Things “went south”. She’s now on her fourth husband and we’ve been married 35 years and counting.
May God abundantly bless you in your new life I pray!
Thanks for your prayers, sweet one! What a gift. Grateful also for your kind heart and words!
Thank you, Wemble, for the powerful encouragement to my pal. Bless you!
Thank you, so much, Diane! She will appreciate this. I know it will help her. Bless you for taking time to type it.
Yes, so true, Angie. My prayers go up for your step-son too. Loved meeting you at conference too. It was one of the highlights for me, getting to spend that time with you. Keep in touch. Blessings!
Thank you so much, dear friend! I appreciate all of this and know it will lift her spirits. Thank you!!!!! Your prayers mean the world to us both. Hugs!
Praying, praying, praying! For you, Cheryl, and your big loving heart. For your friend, and the pain and grief she faces as she rebuilds her shattered life. For all those posting here and for all those of us with past hurts and wounds we don’t speak of.
I still write romance despite all this because we have a God who will heal all wounds eventually, and I write of the love that heals the wounds the fallen world and us fallen humans inflict.
God is there, wherever there is hurt and pain, ready to love us.
Thank you, Cassandra, for sharing your story. I completely agree with you and believe she is better off, especially if her ex-spouse won’t change. In a way, God rescued her. She will appreciate your story and your insight. Thank you for encouraging her, and for being transparent in sharing your story. Glad you are okay now and that you made it through.
Thank you. This will mean so much to her and bring healing. Bless you!
Thank you, Gail, for the uplifting comment and success story of second chances. I know she will be encouraged to have hope. Bless you for taking time to share!
Thank you so much! I LOVED your insight on continuing to write romance. You nailed it. Thank you.
Cheryl: thank you for your beautiful love for God and for your friends. May you be blessed.
Wonder Woman: You are worthy of love, and God is faithful. May I suggest pouring worship music into your life if you aren’t already, and feeling that encouragement from Him? My prayers are with you.
Forever God is Faithful: https://youtu.be/uSM96OA39ic
Good Good Father: https://youtu.be/-_m5ZWchiZo
Or my favorite, a long mixed worship playlist, such as: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzGAYNKDyIU&list=RDfT4Rt04In4w&index=27
Thank you, sweet friend, for all of this! XOXOXOXO
Wonder Woman: My heart aches for you. Please remember you are loved, chosen and pursued by the Creator and a co-heir with Christ. You are a daughter of the Most High God and are precious in His sight. May God our Father shower you with blessings and fill you with His great peace. Colossians 1:2 TLB.
Cheryl: Please give her a hug for me and thank you for your testimony of love.
I just saw a beautiful post on Pinterest I wished I could send to you for Wonder Woman but it goes like this:
In God’s hands even the things that have broken us can be used by Him to make us whole again.
Thank you so much, Julieanne! I appreciate this and know she will too.
I love this. Thank you Gail! I recently showed her Pinterest, so perhaps we will search for the quote there next time we get together. Thanks again! It’s a beautiful sentiment.
Lamentations 3 is wonderful. Jeremiah starts out talking about how bad his life is, so much so that he’s forgotten prosperity. And in verse 18 he says, “My strength and my hope is perished from the LORD.” Then he remembers a few things and has hope (v. 21). The Lord is faithful, and merciful. His compassion doesn’t fail and is new every morning! “The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.” Vv. 31-32 continue, “For the Lord will not cast off for ever: But though he cause grief, yet will he have compassion according to the multitude of his mercies.” And then starting in v. 52, ” Mine enemies chased me sore, like a bird, without cause. They have cut off my life in the dungeon, and cast a stone upon me. Waters flowed over mine head; then I said, I am cut off. I called up they name, O LORD, out of the dungeon. Thou hast heard my voice…Thou drewest near in the day that I called upon thee: thou saidst, Fear not. O Lord, thou has pleaded the causes of my soul; thou hast redeemed my life. O LORD, thou hast seen my wrong: judge thou my cause.”
Praying for you, Wonder Woman!
Absolutely love this verse and the reminder of this story Katy. Thank you so much! She’s going to be so excited to read this. Thanks again!
I’m so sorry, I have absolutely no words! My heart and prayers go out to your sweet friend, thanks for sticking by her Cheryl. I know God is the great comforter in times like this.
If you’ll permit me, I’d love to offer a few lines from my latest novel, which readers have told me have brought them comfort when going through difficult times.
“Is it wrong to question what God does?” Hope’s words hung in the thick, humid air.
Jesse sighed. “I think God can handle it when we ask him why. Or get angry.”
“I am angry.” She swiped at a tear sliding down her cheek. “It’s all wrong, Jess. Nothing happened like it was supposed to.”
“I know.” He pressed his lips to the top of her head before looking out over the barren landscape. “I used to be sure of so many things in life.”
She lifted her head and looked at him. “And now?”
“Now I only know two things to be absolutely true: God is still on his throne. And he has not abandoned us.”
Sometimes those are the only truths we have to cling to. Praying for you, Wonder Woman, that you will find peace in these difficult days. May the God of all comfort overwhelm you with his love, mercy and presence as He walks this path alongside you.
Wonder Woman, here are two Scripture passages that have been important to me:
Micah 4:6-8 “In that day,” declares the Lord, “I will gather the lame, I will assemble the exiles and those I have brought to grief. I will make the lame a remnant, those driven away, a strong nation. The Lord will rule over them from Mount Zion from that day and forever. As for you, O watchtower of the flock, O stronghold of the Daughter of Zion, the former dominion will be restored to you; kingship will come to the Daughter of Jerusalem.”
And,Zephaniah 3: 17, 19, and 20 The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing….At that time, I will deal with all those who oppressed you; I will rescue the lame, and gather those who have been scattered. I will give them praise and honor in every land where they were put to shame. At that time, I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home. I will give you honor and praise among all the peoples of the earth when I restore your fortunes before your very eyes,” says the Lord.
Thank you, Trixi! Your honesty is refreshing.
So true Sara. Thank you for sharing the scene and the beautiful hope within.
Wow Heidi! That is so fitting. I was familiar with the second passage but not the first. I am so grateful you shared.
Wonder Woman May the Lord envelop you in his loving arms and hold you close.
Father in heaven give peace to your servant and help her in her time of need.I pray this in Jesus name.
I did not want to comment for comments sake, but feel a nudge to do so and I suppose the thing that comes to mind or I am being prompted to say is, it doesn’t matter what is said on earth about you or who says it because unless it comes from God our father it is not true. The enemy likes to find that chink in your armour and then chip away until it becomes a gaping black hole that he convinces you that you cannot climb out of it or see the light. That light is there and He, our Heavenly Father is right beside us in that darkness filling us with light with His word. When we are where you are superwoman He cries out to us from the most unlikely places so just remember to put your armour on and God will fight your battles, Trust and rest in Him. His Love is sufficient. It may not feel like that now but in the silence He speaks, in the darkness He lights our path, in our sorrow He wipes away our tears if we let Him.
He is sufficient for us, so don’t listen to people, listen to Him he will guide you out of this storm.
Although it does not seem it now but God has a plan for you and what you went through He will use. Today is a new day He asks us to take one day at a time one moment at a time. So in this moment I pray for peace and love in your life and for you to see Him and hear Him so that He can bring you through and out the other side to something greater than where you are now. He has beauty for your ashes.
Ana
Thank you, Linda! She will appreciate this.
Precious. Thank you, Ana. This will mean so much to her. I’m so very grateful for the outpouring of love, encouragement and support for WW.
I would love to have a caring friend like you to talk to whenever I wanted. I am sorry to hear that your friend is in pain. I can somewhat relate because I am currently separated and living alone. I know that God hears our prayers and has reasons for us to go through trials. Take it one day at a time and repeat to yourself, “I will survive”! All the best to you both in the coming year!
Linda, thank you so much for you kind words. Today, Wonder Woman and I are lifting you up in prayer. Praying also that God sends friends and real help your way as well as encouragement. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement! Hugs from us!!!!