Romance. It touches a most tender part within us. But before I continue, I wanted to alert all you romance lovers to a HUGE DISCOUNT! For a limited time, CBD is offering my debut novel for $0.79! For the same price as a chocolate candy bar. But why choose one or the other? Buy both for just over a buck and a half, then have yourself a merry, chocolatey reading time. :) You can purchase the book here.
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For it is not good that man should be alone. To the contrary, God longs for us to find our helpmate, the one most suitable for us. Some of us have found that, others are still waiting.
Still others read romance novels with a bittersweet sting as they long for the love that once was. A love they fear is gone, quenched by years of fighting, busyness, and life.
But our God is a resurrecting, life-breathing God who who can soften even the hardest hearts and rekindle even the most deadest of loves.
I’ve seen it again and again.
More than that, I’ve been there.
In the middle of one of many fights, my husband suddenly turned calm. Cold, and said, “I don’t love you anymore.”
It hit me with such force, I had no reply. Feeling physically ill, I thought, “It’s over.” For who can save a loveless marriage?
Oh, but our God is mighty to save! And He did save our marriage. More than that. He transformed it so that nineteen years later I can honestly say I am madly, passionately, deeply in love with this handsome, sweet man of mine.
He can do the same for you, and here are some things you can do–some first steps you can take–to help:
1. Decide to be the one to initiate change.
When fighting with another, our pride often rears its head. Often we want to lash out, to be heard, understood. We certainly don’t want to be the first to apologize. Why should we??? We’ve done it a hundred times. Besides, this issue is all our spouse’s fault. They caused the argument and therefore need to be the one to fix it.
This kind of thinking only leads to increased barriers. Maybe we are right. Maybe we’re justified in our anger, and yes, we can remain that way… all the way to divorce court.
Or we could swallow our pride and take that first step, then the second, then the third, trusting God to work on our behalf.
2. Determine to see good in your spouse.
When we’re angry at someone, it’s natural to zero in on all their negative qualities, so much so that we forget the good. But that doesn’t mean the good isn’t there. It just might be hidden behind self-defensiveness, hurt, and anger.
When my husband and I were going through a tough time, I began to ask God to soften my heart toward him and to help me truly see him as Christ does. An amazing thing happened–it was as if God gave me a glimpse deep into my husband’s heart. It was beautiful and marriage changing!
There are many steps we can take to heal and strengthen our marriage. I’ve provided two that I believe are foundation. Join me next month to learn of two more action steps we can take to add romance back into our homes. Now it’s your turn. For those who’ve been married for a while, what do you do to soothe things over when your relationship has become tense? How do you keep the romance alive?
But before you go, I wanted to let you know my contemporary romance, which has been nominated for best Christian fiction debut, is currently on sale for $0.99 for a limited time. Get your copy here!
Beyond I Do:
Raised by a hedonist mother who relentlessly cycles through jobs and relationships, Ainsely runs toward the predictable and safe, Which she believes she’s found in Richard, a socialite psychiatrist. But as her wedding draws near, an encounter with a battered woman and her child spark a long-forgotten dream, a hidden passion. One that threatens to change everything, including her fiance’.
Awesome post, Jennifer.
Jennifer Slattery says
Jennifer Slattery says
Great post! And this really applies to any relationship. Thanks for sharing! :)
Jennifer Slattery says
Great point, Aerykah!
JoAnn Durgin says
Really enjoyed this post, Jennifer, and I pray it will help someone who reads your powerful testimony. You’ve lived through a very tough time in your marriage, and triumphed through the grace of our great God. Blessings to you, and thank you for sharing part of your story and your insights in order to help other women.
Faith Posten (@FaithGiggles624) says
Thank you for sharing your heart! That was truly special. I’m a widow; but when I look back at my marriage, I have to say that being able to say “I’m sorry, I was wrong” is one of the most important things that any spouse can say to another. And like you pointed out, you may not be the one who was wrong; but it sure doesn’t hurt to be willing to accept the blame. Marriage is about two people giving 100% to one another; not each one seeking to have their own way. You may get your way; but end up being sorry.
By the way, I bought your e-book. And thanks again for sharing your heart. May God richly bless you and your husband.
My husband and I have been married for over 27 years. I married him the day before I graduated high school. We have our up and downs. We get through it though. Just being there for each other is enough for us.